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My name is Ben, and I served in the Gulf War in the United
States Army with the 82nd Airborne as a Tank Unit.
It's not like a Hollywood picture.
People are getting hurt there, you're seeing real blood.
Now you're going, oh, God, I hope I don't get hit.
You're praying that you don't get hit.
You have to be brave for your other troops, because you've
got to back each other up.
But when you see somebody fall down and get hurt by getting
shot, that's when it all comes real.
I still think about it from time to time, too.
I was still going through problems.
I was seeing doctors in the military.
I fell off a tank and I fractured my back, but
I made it out OK.
I came out in one piece, but my mind didn't
come out in one piece.
I was on light duty because of my injuries, and then I had to
retire in '98.
When I got out of the Service, I came home and it
didn't seem the same.
Because once you live a military life and then go back
home and try to come back to civilian
world, it was different.
I was having nightmares, I couldn't sleep.
I was up at night, all night, pacing back and forth.
Any noise, any backfire or anything, I was jumpy.
If I went out, I was always looking around.
I was really nervous and still scared to
be out in the street.
My family is the one who took me.
They said, there's something wrong with you, and you need
to see a doctor.
And it took them a couple of weeks to get me there, because
I kept on saying, there's nothing wrong with me.
I guess I got worse, because my family
couldn't take it no more.
I went to a regular doctor appointment.
I hear on the speaker my name being called.
I'm like, why is my name being called?
When I go to the room, there are two doctors there.
They said until you're ready to go, we're
not releasing you.
From there on, I was going to groups--
in the ward going to groups.
I was ready after the fourth week, because
they let me go home.
But within two weeks later, I ended up going back in there
myself, I couldn't take it.
I was feeling guilt, and then I wanted to hurt myself.
And at that time, I came back out after two months.
I stayed with my sister, which she lives up in the country
area, which is more peaceful and quiet.
So the doctor felt that would be better for me to go away
for a little while-- go up to enjoy a
little country quietness.
Because he felt that when I first got out, because of the
noise and stuff, that was [? part ?]
[? of my ?] trigger.
I was constantly going to doctors like every two weeks
until they stabilized me.
They also put me in a group with other guys who have PTSD.
So we all tell each other our stories, we all get along, we
all understand each other.
And I have my counselor and I have my doctor, which
constantly look after me.
If you're afraid to talk to your
Lieutenant, go to the Chaplains.
Because the Chaplin will guide you the right way.
The Chaplains in the military, they keep everything to
themselves.
They'll guide you the right way for help.
But I tell them when you get out, don't
keep it built inside.
You got to go seek help.
You can't stay home, like I say, in the bunker.
You got to get out of that bunker, you got to seek help,
you got to put that foot forward and try to keep going.
And the VA does that for you.
It took me awhile, and I got a lot of help.
And I'm getting better and better every day.
It worked for me, it probably can work for you.
Just give it a try.