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I've never gotten into real-time strategy games.
It's hard enough responding to a turn-based scenario,
but adding a real-time element? How is that fun!?
I have a hard enough time coping with real life in real time.
Like, if I had a pause button,
I could've come up with an actual good excuse why I couldn't go to dinner.
Or cope better with the fact that Zaboo sent Fawkes the restaurant info,
and he actually showed up!
I was speechless. I had nothing! My resources were totally maxed.
Let's face it, I got Zerg'd.
This does not nauseate me at all.
I am so glad that I was able to cancel my...
"emergency anarchist's club meeting" downtown.
Thank you, muffin face! You really didn't have to do it. Really.
Fawkes, meet my mom!
Enchanted.
You know, with Bruiser dating Bladezz' mom,
the mothers of the Knights of Good have become epic items.
You should all get together, and do a swimsuit calendar.
My mother's dead!
Employing her as Miss September would simply be inappropriate.
So, Sujan, tell me about your new life. Tell me all about it.
- I game, then I game some more. - Oh, wonderful!
And then I moved out of Codex's place, on a quest to become a man!
Your father would be so proud, Sujan.
Well, then Codex threw me over for a total ***-faced stunt guy,
and then I started dating this hardcore bisexual FPS gamer chick.
She took my V-card. And then she started dating this paraplegic goth girl.
And now I'm staying at Vork's,
in a toddler bed underneath a bunch of pigeons...
- Squab. - Squab... Trying to understand women!
It was worth the trip just to hear that.
Just to clarify, you're paying for the entire bill?
Yes! For the fiftieth time, yes.
Happy birthday to me!
Ladies, start drafting your press releases on how you knew me when.
Codex is filming a Cheesybeard's commercial tomorrow, starring... moi.
I'm going to have to film a sex tape after this to capitalize on my fame.
Now I have to go bleach my brain.
- Tell him about our company, Tink! - Bladezz? Pass.
We wanted to make money off of gaming
and we thought of a niche no one was serving, tees for pregnant gamers.
- Say hello to... "PREGGamers"! - PreGAMErs.
- PREGGamers! - PreGAMErs!!
- PREGGamers...? - Let's work on that name later.
We even have a bunch of slogans already. "Noob on board," "Mini-boss"...
"Don't frag my baby." That one was Tink's.
Women of all ages will want one.
All ages? Get me one for Dena!
Her middle school teachers are going to FLIP. Where are you selling them?
We haven't worked out the worky icky parts yet.
Oh I can't wait to design the logo! Some 8 bit baby with a machine gun.
[Door knocking] Oh dudes, my acting coach is here!
We need to run some facial expressions in the mirror tonight.
This time we're doing number 6, "Nick Cage Puzzled."
Terrible. I can't believe I'm missing my bocce ball tournament for this.
Tink, we need more t-shirt models!
Ooh, text Codex and tell her to get the unprotected nasty on tonight!
Tink, what the eff?!
The pork tenderloin, do they freeze well or do I need to vacuum seal them?
- I don't know. - Then I'll only have seven of them.
Well... it is my birthday, so... I do have one small request.
I knew there was a catch.
I've been going to these meetings at AA...
- Mom, when did you start drinking?! - I haven't been drinking!
But Codependants Anonymous is full of very whiny people.
So, as a step in my process, I have to go through
each one of the things that I did, and apologize for them.
Well that's very interesting.
I really appreciate that Mom. Hey, a toast!
To new beginnings! Starting with...
To begin with...
I took you to modeling class, remember? I forced you to go to it,
though your runway walk was quite jaunty, I must say.
I apologize for that.
Oh, we're learning all sorts of exciting things about you today, aren't we!
- And then at your briss... - Excuse me...
- Isn't a briss a Jewish tradition? - Yeah, we're Hinjews. So, anyway...
We had it when he was ten years old, and invited his entire modeling class!
- I apologize for that. - No, you know what, it's fine...
You are a market researcher's wet dream! PLEASE continue.
Dude, inappro! OK?
Yeah, yeah, sweet-face... That is quite enough of you.
I'm sorry, honey bunny. Am I making everyone upset?
I'm not upset.
Really? How's the construction of your Guild Hall coming?
The Axis just bought ours. Deluxe.
SASSAFRAS!!!!
- Honey, come help me in the kitchen. - What?
Whatever, come on!
Excuse us.
Mel Gibson scared!
John Malkovitch happy, go go!
My eyelids can't actually twitch!
Robert Pattinson ecstasy!
PATHETIC! You call yourself an actor!?
[Bladezz whines]
And I am so sorry...
I made you practice all that opera singing at the mall food court.
Apology accepted for everything!
Please, don't cut my meat, c'mon, I can do this...
Why would you not want your meat cut into amenable bite-sized portions?
Thank you. I'm still in shock!
That the Axis of Anarchy have already purchased their Guild Hall!
Are you purchasing real estate, Mr. Vork? Because that is my specialty.
I've been buying and selling in-game products
but the profit margins are too thin!
Why not make your fortunes in the commodities market?
The game doesn't have anything like that.
- Can you create one? - Well I don't...
Wait a second... You may be of value to me. I'm shocked!
[Codex] What are you doing here?!
I shouldn't have to be dealing with anyone but Pretend You!
That was the deal!
I've never had the experience of being a boyfriend before,
so I thought this would be a good no-screams opportunity.
I thought you only did stuff with a girl once, remember!?
Ahh but tonight, I am role-playing myself!
That is such BS! Admit it! This is a second date! You like me.
I...
Is there a fainting couch in the ladies room?
A what?
Since I'm role-playing myself, if you were to role-play yourself,
then it would be the first time for Role Playing Us to do it on a fainting couch.
OK. Thanks for playing along but...
as of tomorrow, I am telling the guild that we are officially broken up.
You're breaking off the fake relationship, with the Pretend Me?
Hmm. This is indeed a meta-meta-moment.
I guess. It was barely fun while it didn't last.
[Romantic music playing]
It's just a little reminder of what you're passing up.
Was there a breeze in here...?