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When I started reviewing games on YouTube, I thought ìHow can I boost my channel up
early on?î, and then I realised ìAh! People like ***! Although generally I prefer talking
about games I like, Iíll do some negative videos!îÖand so I did just that! And it
worked! Those 3 ìWorst 20 Genesis Gamesî videos were quite popular!...but, hell, they
could have been better. SoÖwell, why not revisit the topic? Itís not really what I
do anymore, but seeing as the old videos are kind of buggered and Iíve got more experience
under my beltÖitís still a dig thatís worth mining, isnít it? So letís not waste any
more time. Gather your shovels, ladies and gentlemen, and get ready for the worst games
that the greatest of consoles has to offer! Itís the top 20 Worst Sega Genesis games,
redone! And it starts NOW.
We start with one of the Mega Driveís first sports games ñ World Cup Italia í90! You
can forgive old sports games a lot of the time for being rubbish ñ they might well
have been good at some point, but itís a genre all about trying to replicate somethingÖ.when
something that technically replicates a sport better comes along, a lot of the older games
become obsoleteÖonly the classics survive. World Cup Italia í90 was not, is not and
never will be a classic. In fact, it was horrendous even back thenÖyou know what this used to
be? My self-hate game ñ Iím bored, I look at my games and get cheesed off because I
canít decide what to play at all, and so I punish myself by playing this, so I could
fume at the irritating music, bemoan the stiff controls and how the game felt like you were
moving through glue, or scowl at graphics that looked like they were drawn byÖwell,
me. The matches also last an eternity, and the only way to play is by hurling up long
balls wherever you goÖI almost want to give it some credit because Iíve played it so
much, but no ñ itís awful and thatís why I played it, so I could relax and settle into
my state of irritated ennui, wondering why I wasnít playing *** Streets of Rage
2 or whatever. Itís a good way to start!
Rastan Saga II by Taito thankfully doesnít come with any psychological baggage ñ itís
just cack. Do you remember the original Rastan? ëTwas a very nice, fast-paced arcade game
ñ of all the many games that featured a Conan-esque strapping muscle-bound bear of a man front
and centre, it was amongst the best ñ and it also got a cracking port on the Master
System to boot!..the gameís sequel arrived soon after and was ported to the MD in 1990Öand
itís a shattering disappointment. The speedís the first concern ñ since the first game,
it appears as though Rastanís contracted rheumatism, arthritis, AND shinglesÖseriously,
Iíd have a more kinetic experience with a bloody 85-year old. But then when he jumps,
he goes for bloody miles and you can barely control it!...itís a royal pain. But really,
the designís just gone to pot ñ Rastanís jumping puzzles and variation is completely
gone in favour of walking right and hammering your sword button ñ usually so you can break
blocks as opposed to skewering enemiesÖnot fun. The only joy in this game comes from
the laughably bad translation jobÖgod, look at this. But in the end, you expect a HELL
of a lot better from TaitoÖhaving said all that, itís not a bad conversion of the actual
arcade game! Because that was utterly horrible too.
Next up is the 16-bit Mickey Mouse game no-one really likes to talk about ñ because after
all, most of them were very good! From Castle of Illusion on the Mega Drive to Magical Quest
on the SNES, Mickey Mouse being on the cover was usually a signifier of a good timeÖexcept
for this one. Fantasia came about in the wake of both the success of Castle of Illusion
and the re-release of the classic film in cinemas and on videoÖSega usually developed
the Mickey games themselves, but this time decided to give the reins over to European
developers InfogramesÖthe result was a shitshow. Why so awful? Well, the platforming is so
ungainly ñ itís one of those games where the jumping is very delayed, making it hard
to judge when to jumpÖand this game requires very precise platforming, making it frustrating
as hell. The collision detection is also buggered, making almost any enemy encounter potentially
deadly. And if you donít collect every musical note in a stage, you have to repeat it all
over againÖin all my time spent playing it, Iíve never got past level 1. The graphics
are admittedly ok, but theyíre also paired with awful renditions of the classical pieces
chosen for the filmÖthe whole game is hopeless, a maelstrom of cack-handed design that was
quickly swept under the carpet. Needless to say, Infogrames werenít asked back for World
of IllusionÖthank heaven for small mercies.
Stormlord is the first game here that didnít feature in the original list, but it probably
deserves it. Hell, quite a few games by Razor Soft deserve to be on here ñ they tried to
find a niche in the early days of the Mega Drive by producing ìadultî video games ñ
in other words, sex and violence! Even before that became a trendÖtrouble was, they were
all terrible ñ thereís a good reason why Razorsoft appear on this list no less than
three timesÖanyway, Stormlordís first up. This isnít all that violent, but thereís
certainly sex ñ lots of damn near naked women about. Not that this changes anything about
the game ñ a very bad platformer-***-puzzle game, another one where you have to collect
crap in order to finish a levelÖthe big problem here though is that you usually have to do
a level in a very exact way, otherwise you have to restart. And thereís several cases
where you can screw up and not be able to die, meaning youíd have to reset the damn
game ñ you can honestly do this without even knowing it. Just atrocious designÖitís no
surprise that the game started out life as a mediocre Euro 8-bit game, originally made
for the C64 and Spectrum ñ that sort of *** doesnít transfer well to the Mega Drive.
Stormlord is an ugly, terrible game that only ever got cheap notoriety thanks to the promise
of badly drawn *** ñ an embarrassment thatís right down at the bottom of the barrel.
The first time I made the list, Ultraman was pretty high ñ it made the top 3, in fact.
Since thenÖIíve made peace with it a little ñ thereís plenty worse fighting games around.
Itís still quite awful though ñ itís probably better known on the SNES, and this Mega Drive
version never left Japan, but itís still the same gameÖsome things like the animation
and the general throwing around of big monsters isnít so bad ñ it does sort of feel like
a big cheesy 60ís monster battle. The trouble with the game mostly comes when you have to
end a fight ñ when you knock an enemyís bar down to zero, they donít die. To kill
them, you have to charge up your weapons to full power and use the Specium BeamÖdoing
this can take quite a long time, and you only ever get a very short window to hit it in
ñ if you miss, or if itís blocked, or if the enemyís health isnít at zero ñ and
it does recharge ñ youíll have to spend a good 2 minutes charging the beam over againÖand
needless to say, the enemy doesnít have to do this in order to kill you. This one terrible
idea utterly kills the game, and makes it miserable to play ñ who wants to spend an
eternity pointlessly beating up on a near-dead enemy, just waiting for a beam to charge?
Not me.
More pointless violence! More ugly graphics! More utter ***! I canít believe I forgot
Time Killers the first time throughÖthereís a lot of terrible beat-ëem-ups on the Mega
Drive of course, but I somehow overlooked this oneÖitís just plain grotesque. Obviously
itís a game that came out in the wake of Mortal Kombat ñ suddenly violence is all
the rage! Canít have a game unless thereís pints of blood leaking out everywhere so we
can upset Joe Lieberman! Damn near all mid-90ís game marketing was based around trying to
trigger the Streisand EffectÖand hereís one that didnít work. Nobody gave even the
slightest solitary *** about time killers, least of all Joe Lieberman. I mean, how could
you? Look at the bloody thing! These are some of the worst graphics I have ever seen, and
they move at what feels like 0.03 milliframes per second. Seriously, Iíve seen better playing
beat-ëem-ups on freaking Newgrounds. For all the many times the games industry has
done something embarrassing in the ensuing years, Iíd still put this one up as one of
the worstÖif you had a hand in making it, you should never ever be able to live it down.
I doubt anyone responsible includes it on their C.V, in any caseÖholy ***, what a
calamity.
You think Capcom only recently started making utterly stupid decisions? Think again. Why,
one of the stupidest things they ever did was to take a truly stunning, epic Arcade
and console game ñ one of the greatest games ever made, the almighty Strider ñ and let
U.S. Gold and Tiertex make a sequel. Guys who came off as incompetent at best, and flat-out
devious at worst. They came up with Strider II, a disaster that had virtually nothing
in common with the classic original, and came damn close to killing off Strider completely.
Funny thing is, like Stormlord, this was originally a game for old European computers like the
Spectrum that somehow ended up making it all the way to the Mega Drive, presumably because
the original was such a big seller. Itís reflected in the horribly simplistic and repetitive
design, the random enemy spawning, and the woeful optimisation ñ the game runs with
all the grace and beauty of a clogged-up drainpipe. It was a rubbish game on the Spectrum, a rubbish
game on the C64, a rubbish game on the Amiga, and ñ guess what? ñ it was an utterly freaking
abominable game on the Mega Drive. One of the worst sequels ever, ever made.
The most hyped game of the whole 16-bit era - a fighting game that would not only change
videogames, but the entire world. The books would have to be rewritten, with ìRISE OF
THE ROBOTSî printed in 200-point font on every page ñ everything else would be a mere
footnote. Rise of the Robots was more than just the first game built for the new millennium,
it was a year zero event ñ a hydrogen bomb that would turn everything else into glass.
The hype built for over a year, until it got out of controlÖand then finally, in December
1994, the bomb was dropped. The universe seemed to take a sharp intake of breath...everyone
waited to hear the shouts, to see if anyone else was still alive. And finally, those shouts
cameÖîItís a pile of *** ***!î
Rise of the Robots was a truly epic, calamitous flop ñ the Mega Drive version of the game
is just one of many abominations released for every platform going ñ theyíd have got
the game on the bloody Virtual Boy if theyíd ever had the chance. It promised so much that
it couldnít deliver ñ a full, rocking Brian May soundtrack that consisted of about five
seconds of awful-quality FM droning. Full, interactive 3D backgrounds that were actually
static images with fighters crudely stuck onto them. A fighting engine that was so damn
smart it could be beaten with the use of a freaking jumpkick. The whole thing was just
a colossal waste of time ñ all the bison dollars spent on the marketing were poured
into a ***, fundamentally broken fighting gameÖfools and their money, eh? Donít you
just love them?
Ugh. Thatís just about all I have to say, franklyÖoh well, I guess I ought to put something
down. X-Perts is a spin-off game from Segaís lilí fighting series that never quite made
it ñ Eternal Champions. You play as the Japanese assassin, Shadow Yamoto, as well as two otherÖum,
people who exist. Youíre all a part of a special crack super secret team of elite beating
agents who travel the world searching for fellow badly-digitised sprites they can beat
up on. Alpha Protocol, this is notÖwhat it is is an awful beat-ëem-up ñ a game with
about 2 different enemy sprites, no music, repetitive backgrounds, and dull objectives
that took so damn long to do that youíd be praying for death after about 5 minutes of
play. And it was one of the last games released for the system to bootÖtalk about a sour
note to end things on. X-Perts feels like a 16-bit dudeís idea of bringing the 32-bit
experience to a machine like the MD, but his judgementís slightly clouded because the
only PS1 game heís ever played is Bubsy 3D. The only good part about it is that when the
big muscle-y male character operates a computer, he looks like heís doing a bit of Joystick
waggling. This is the only joy you will ever get of X-Perts. Ever. Savour the moment, and
then throw the sorry cartridge straight into a woodchipper.
One of the Mega Driveís most famous bad games, I guess. Dark Castle was close to five years
old by the time it came to the Mega Drive, having started out life as a game for the
Apple Macintosh, amongst other computers ñ it also came out for the Amiga and the C64.
HereÖwell, things werenít awful. You used a mouse and keyboard for control, the voice
samples were pretty clear, there wasnít any terrible musicÖitís not a bad game for 1986.
But here on the MD, in 1991? Things are different. For a start, the computer versions used a
mouse to aim ñ the MD uses the joypad, which makes aiming a horrendously slow process ñ
good luck killing anything at all. The controls are basically like a poor manís Prince of
Persia, without any of that gameís accuracy, and the sound? Ew, godÖtons of digitised
voices, all given the Mega Drive treatment ñ distorted to hell and difficult to listen
to. Hereís the thing ñ there are amusing elements in Dark Castle. Yes, your peasant
ìheroî is ludicrously weak ñ if he jumps onto stairs, he falls and breaks his neck,
and all he can do is chuck rocks at enemiesÖthat is, when heís not dizzy. Itís like if Roger
Wilco had got into platforming instead of puzzlingÖthis is obviously all intentional,
and it would have worked in a better gameÖbut alas, this port of Dark Castle is just totally
broken. Any other version of the game is better than this hopeless MD effort, which is kinda
saying a lot.
The third and final new game in the top 20!...and itís licensed. I never bothered to cover
Wolverine when I did the big A-ZÖI know exactly why ñ I knew how pissed off it would make
me. This is a game where itís not just frustrating to jump on platforms, or to kill enemies ñ
though believe me, both those things will burn your *** too ñ itís frustrating to
even do anything at all. Even walking will annoy you! Adamantium Rage is almost promising
at first ñ you might think of it as like the MDís other X-Men games, all of which
are goodÖbut no. Where does it fail? Controls, perhaps? Hoo, boyÖWolverine here appears
to have about 20 moves, and theyíve all been assigned to the controller at random. I press
a down-focused combo? Wolverine attacks up. Press a button? Goes flying across the screen.
The directions of the attacks donít match the actions on the D-Pad, which about says
it all ñ itís one of the most broken games Iíve ever come across. And every time I play
it, I find myself nursing a headache after about 30 seconds, wondering what on earth
the people behind this were playing at. Still, at least thereís always games like Clone
Wars to ease the painÖother licenses werenít ever so lucky.
HeyÖwanna see some ***? I gots some for you right here! This is Divine Sealing ñ
the one and only shoot-ëem-up on this list. I could have picked others, but truthfully
Divine Sealing is so far ahead of the pack that it stands on its ownÖwhy? THIS is why.
Freaking hentai. Your every success is greeted by big, badly-drawn cartoon plug sockets!
And they sure arenít afraid to get their flapjacks outÖlook, weíve all got our own
kinks, okay? Itís just that thisÖyeeah. Me no get ñ in fact, it makes me throw up
in my mouth a little. Anyway, Iíve shown you what you all wanted to see - let me move
onto something more comfortable. *** aside, the gameís also here because holy Christ
is it terrible. The *** is only the second worst sight in the game ñ the first is that
*** waterÖitís just wrong. It glows in the dark. Itíd probably cause an epileptic
fit. Makes the game virtually unplayableÖmy eyes truly are hurting right now. So yesÖthatís
Divine Sealing. A shameful game ñ as soon as I play it, I want to die...having said
all of that, the gameís title music? Stupidly awesome. A gem covered in 40-year old fat
smelly nerd-***.
Razorsoft are back again, with another very mature adult title for adults and certainly
not for kids. Technocop, originally an Amiga game, is a game where you protect and serve
the people by shooting them in the chest. That is, after youíve drived to your location!...you
might want to put on your glasses for this, seeing as the displayís like a postage stamp.
And you have to press up to accelerate, which is sort of like strapping the pedal to your
steering wheel. Good idea! But finally, youíre there! And hoo-boy, youíll wish you werenít.
The game play is wretched ñ every enemy hits you because you always have to take your gun
out and then shoot instead of justÖI dunno, having it out and ready like any sane cop
would. Sonny Bonds would not be impressed. All you have to do is find the perp, shoot
them in the chest, and then the whole process repeatsÖand donít forget to shoot any children
you spot running around in the chest as well! Seriously, this gameÖit disgusts me. A terrible
game, and a needlessly sick piece of codeÖyou may say ìwell, what about Mortal Kombat?î ñ craft went into that. And so
did heart. Literally, in fact. This, on the other hand? Itís just cheap and gross, and
it makes me feel unclean.
Some games fell down the top 20, and others, like a damn fine cake, rose majestically.
Hereís one of the latterÖtruth is, youíll probably only know Nightmare Circus if you
had the Sega Channel ñ it was a late-period game that ended up cancelled after completion,
and was only ever physically released in Brazil ñ other than that, the game only ever appeared
on Segaís nascent games on-demand serviceÖit was, amazingly, deemed too *** for full release.
Even in 1995, when games like X-Perts were A-OK! You play as a sort of Brandon Lee-esque
Native American dude who knows Kung-Fu, and you go through various levels in a demonic
funfair trying toÖum, do things. I seriously have no idea how you even play the damn thing
ñ I just struggle with the botched-up controls until I inevitably die. Gasp! As you wonder
why your characterís suddenly decided to do push-ups in the middle of a run. Fret!
As kicks and punches appear to magically go straight through enemies without killing them.
Swear! As you realise how much of a spiritual low youíve hit by playing this awful crap
for the Internet. To be honest, few of you will have ever played this gameÖconsider
it a rite of passage, a sign that youíve truly been around. I played Nightmare Circus,
what have YOU ever done?...yeah. Well, whatever it takes to cope.
Another awful beatíem-up. Woo-hoo! Ka-Ge-Ki was an old arcade game that somehow found
its way onto the Mega DriveÖthe original wasnít much good either, but it did at least
feel a bit more like a rumble ñ multiple enemies to take on and that sort of thing.
It also has a big, thoroughly Japanese art-style thatís perhaps a bit of an acquired taste
ñ I donít like it much myself, but I could see the appealÖanyway, the Mega Drive game
has been somewhat simplified. You only fight one enemy at a time. And all you have to do
is punch them repeatedly while holding the direction away from them ñ this is how you
win. You do this for every single enemy in the game ñ get the timing right and you wonít
even so much as take a hit. And every time they go down, it takes a minute for them to
get back up. Every bloody timeÖin short, Ka-Ge-Ki is one of the slowest, dumbest and
most wearying experiences Iíve ever endured on the Mega Drive, and playing it is damn
near enough to send me into a boredom-induced coma.
Weíve had quite a few computer ports on the list so far, havenít we? Not that there werenít
good ones, but wellÖthere were more than a few titles like this. Although letís not
mince words ñ this game was already terrible before it ever got to the Mega Drive. Sword
of Sodan is proof that bigger doesnít always equal better ñ you get these absolutely massive,
detailed sprites, and all they do is shuffle around like geriatric zombies, aimlessly waving
weapons aboutÖitís a trite, meaningless existence. You play as either one of the ancestors
of Jonathan and Jennifer Hart, and you solve the mystery of what happens when you stab
a guard repeatedly in the crotch. Thatís all there is to the game, really ñ a minute
in and youíve basically seen everything. Thereís plenty of grunts and groans and quite
a bit of blood, and thatís allÖthereís also quite a lot of birdsong, which weirdly
is exactly like what youíd hear in one of EAís PGA Tour Golf games. If only there was
more crossover than thisÖCraig Stadler would have whooped all these guys to *** in a second.
Wouldnít you Craig?
Iíll just shut up for a minute so you can watch the intro. ThatísÖjust stunning. A
beautiful job, Micronet ñ truly. Itís plain to see that a great deal of very talented
artists worked *** that introduction, and it really gets you pumped up for the game.
Thereís just one tiny problemÖwhat in the Christ did you do with the game? This makes
Rise of the Robots look like Street Fighter II! The jumpingís uncontrollable! Every time
I get knocked down, I canít get up for a minute and then I canít even attack! Every
damn fight just seems to last 1000 years, and thatís when Iím getting thrashed! What
on earth happened here? Heavy Novaís intro just delivers so much, and then after that
you end up here, with a fighting game that simply doesnít make any sense. It tries to
almost be a strategic fighter ñ certain moves need to be charged up before you can do them,
so you have to pick them carefullyÖbut itís horribly executed. Once you take too much
of a beating, it gets to a point where you canít even punch anymore ñ thereís nothing
you can do to stem the tide. Certainly leaves your robot looking quite hopeless, thatís
for sureÖthe ideas werenít horrible, howeverÖwell, the final result says it all. But weíll always
have that superb intro.
Thereís a serious issue with burnout going on here. Truth be told, Iím only doing this
because YouTube buggered up the original videos ñ after Iíd finished them, I was content
to let them sit and never have to play most of these games here againÖbut well, here
we are. If you notice me being more caustic than usual, then thatís your reason! Especially
when I have to play something like Last Action Hero again. The game based on the film within
a film within a film where someone gets killed with an ice cream cone to the headÖalas,
nothing like that happens in this game.
First off, just look at ArnieÖis he ill? Or is the game actually from the future and
showing what he looks like now in 1993? And look at the lazy design, where entire assets
are repeated every couple of screens without a care. Or notice how Arnie never actually
fires a gun ñ the worldís biggest action hero, famed for butchering extras by the score,
apparently didnít want to be seen shooting anyone in his freaking games. Listen to how
even the doors cry out in anguish when you break them down. Look at how every screen
is a dull fight between the same enemies over and over again. See how if youíre unfortunate
enough to get past this first level, the following driving section is virtually unplayable. Hear
how the music was obviously composed by a group of chipmunks bashing at a Casio. Think
on all that youíve just witnessed, and take it with you ñ for this is one of the worst
licensed games of them all. The mind cannot truly fathom a creation this grotesque unless
they feel it for themselvesÖbut I urge you to never, ever repeat our mistake.
WELCOME. TO THE FIGHT PALACE. Yes, this is the game I got my avatar from. The man you
just saw is called Mondu, and heís the main star of Slaughter Sport ñ a game also known
as Tongue of the Fatman in other places, as well as Monduís Fight Palace when it was
originally released on the C64Öyep, itís another game by Razor Soft! Anyway, Mondu
is the Fat Lord of the Fight Palaces, and heís brought you here for some entertainment!
More precisely, his. Youíre going to fight other denizens and put on a good show. Itís
even rumoured that Mondu himself takes the stage against those who do exceptionally wellÖit
all sounds like the plot to a terrible B-Movie, doesnít it? Even more so than something like,
I dunno, Pit-Fighter ñ this would be the REAL bottom scraper. Think about it in 80ís
action terms ñ Pit-Fighter, at a push, would probably star Jean-Claude Van Damme. Slaughter
Sport, on the other handÖjeez. Michael Dudikoff, if you were lucky.
The annoying thing about Slaughter Sport is that had the game even being remotely, even
the slightest bit competent, it would have probably been fun ñ the mere promise of fighting
a man who talks through his gargantuan stomach would be enough to see you throughÖbut itís
not. It beggars belief ñ despite all the terrible beat-ëem-ups and fighting games
weíve seen in the list already, this is easily the worst and the most unplayable. You canít
even back away from an opponent like you would in a normal fighter ñ if you do, you turn
your back on them and get pounded on. In all my time playing this crap, I have honestly
never won a single fight ñ thereís nothing I can do! The only way to really play the
game is just to mash the buttons and hope for the best, honestly. Nothing about it makes
sense. Even the fact that it isnít #1 doesnít make sense, because I can barely imagine anything
thatís worse than thisÖhowever, there IS something worse.
Awesome Possum. Yes, itís still #1. There are perhaps games that control worse, or that
look worse, or simply are worse ñ I wonít deny any of that. Awesome Possum is simply
#1 because I hate him. Even when paired against other Sonic rip-offs, he outstrips any of
them ñ Bubsy the Bobcat is honestly nothing compared to the Possum. Everything about the
Possum is awful ñ the ëtude emanating from his stupid slab of a face, that typical ìisnít
this so silly?î grin, but more than anything elseÖthereís the speaking. Every single
thing he does is accompanied by something annoying. JustÖhear it for yourselves. Do
you understand? No? How about some more then? Had enough yet?...ok.
And all of this is in service of some warped environmental message that just feels tacked
on ñ something else that could sell the game and nothing more. Itís kind of amusing if
you get one of the environmental questions wrong ñ the animal court gasps as if youíve
just kicked a seal to death in front of them ñ butÖthis is all ***, isnít it? Like
this game even gives the slightest crap about the environment ñ all it merely wants to
do is hector without teaching anybody anything. As someone whoÖwell, actually does care ñ
thatís more annoying than anything. Frankly, all the plastic wasted on making this game
means it did more harm than good.
And yes, it runs like a dog to boot ñ itís so juddery, slow and uncontrollableÖit has
all the trappings of a terrible platform game, believe me ñ If I say that another game has
awful controls, Iím going to cut off my hands. But thereís something else about the Possum
that makes me hate him and put him above everything elseÖheís just got that edge. Iím a calm,
loving flower-child kind of guy, and as soon as I see the Possum I want to throttle the
*** out of existence. Heís more effective than the Two Minutes Hate in 1984. And thatís
why heís #1! Congratulations!
Ugh. No more to be said ñ the videoís over. Thanks for watching, have a good one and all
that. Bye!