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Is it really her!?
Nolan: I SAW her! Michael: [screaming]
Michael: Who? That pretty blonde from next door?
Nolan: No, not her!
I saw the Glare Witch.
Michael: WHERE IS SHE!?
Nolan: How do we defeat the Glare Witch?
Michael: How do we defeat her? Come here, boy...
First...
Get a cup of flour...
One part
vegetable oil...
one part water...
No, never mind. That's my mom's pumpkin pie mix.
What were we talking about again?
Nolan: The Glare Witch.
Michael: WHERE IS SHE!!?
Nolan: You need to tell us how to defeat her.
Michael: [deep in thought] Defeat the Glare Witch...
I'll tell you a story about this one time...
I was this close to defeating her.
"Nolan:" Tell me!
Michael: Tell you what?
"Nolan:" The story!
Michael: Do you have ten dollars?
"Nolan:" No...
Michael: THEN I CAN'T TELL YOU THE STORY!! "Nolan:" Please?
Michael: Okay, since you asked nicely.
[Western accent] One time...
a long, long...
...long time ago...
It was about last week.
Me and the Glare Witch...
We were fighting one of the most terrible battles I've ever seen. "Nolan:" Fighting?
Michael: She had... [snap, snap]
Fingers like a bat,
Ears...
Like a Giraffe!
The scariest
things I've ever seen.
"Nolan:" Sounds kinda hot...
Michael: But she had a weak point.
And I knew...
"Nolan:" YES!? Michael: In order to defeat her, I had... to...
Nolan: HOW!?
HOW?
Glare Witch: Not so fast! [cackles] Foolish children! Did you think you could defeat me!? NO SIR!
By the way,
I didn't flash anything at the pool, did I?
Nolan: No.
No...
Glare Witch: Good.
You have one minute. Get your friends. [Cue cheesy dramatic vocals]
Nolan: [whispers] Before you go, you have to tell me the story.
Michael: [dying] You already know. This is your story now... [Michael farts in a manner that definitely wouldn't offend the dead.]
[Nolan weeps over Michael's death. ... and maybe because of more cheesy vocals.]
I gotta find my fellow witch hunters!
Alex: Dude, You guys suck! Drew: Yeah, dude. What's your problem?
Nolan: [panting] GUYS!
The Blair Witch is back!
I mean, the Glare Witch is back!
All Others: AGAIN!?
Nolan: YEAH, SHE'S BACK!
Alex: Well, that sucks.
Wait, isn't it daytime?
Drew: Yeah, she never comes out in the daytime.
Nolan: Well I saw her!
I'm not making this up!
Drew: It's not that we don't believe you, but sometimes you see things.
Nolan: I DON'T SEE ANYTHING!! I'm completely sober and sane!
Alex: I really doubt he's sober...
Drew: No, guys.
He MIGHT be sober...
...Then again, he might not be.
Alex: I mean, we need something to do today. You guys suck at Guitar Hero, and I'm tired of looking at you.
Joe: Why don't you play, then?
Drew: Nah. Let's just find this old Glare Witch.
Alex: Yeah. Childhood friends are always nice to see.
Drew: So, where is she?
Alex: Okay, let's get Michael. All we need is him, and then the Witch is pretty much meat, right?
Drew: He always knows what to do.
Nolan: MICHAEL'S
DEAD.
Drew: You're just seeing more things.
Listen...
Alex: Michael's dead?
This calls for a drink!
Joe: This DOES call for a drink!
Drew: I thought we didn't believe anything he said.
Alex: Well, we don't. It's just a good excuse to get drunk.
No offense to you, dude.
Alex: Oh, I see he set everything up. Drew: We're too old to be doing this Glare Witch thing.
Drew: It was a good movie back in 2000.
But, c'mon. We got all kinds of special effects now.
We should move on.
Alex: What are you talking about? All that stuff was real. Nolan: I can't move on. There's nothing fake about it... Glare Witch: How much are you boys paying tonight?
OMG
ZOMG!
Nolan: That's my shot. Jeez...
Drew: Okay. That was unexpected.
Drew: SHE'S REAL! Nolan: The Glare Witch! We saw her.
Nolan: Okay, how many shots have you taken?
Nolan: NONE! Drew: We must get drunk immediately.
But, that means Michael IS dead isn't he?
Nolan: To his death!
Joe: Let's get drunk to Michael!
Cheers.
[off screen gagging]
Drew: Shut up, Michael.
Austin: It's not Michael. It's ME!
[cackling] Austin, NO!
Glare Witch: You'll never see him again.
Alex: Austin, no, AUSTIN!
[gagging]
Joe: He disappeared. We definitely saw that.
Nolan: Yeah, I know.
Alex: And it was so cheesy!
Drew: Guys!
I'm wiggin' out, man!
Alex: She killed Austin!
And she's going to kill us, too!
Alex: You realize what this means, right?
Alex: We're dead meat! We're toast!
Nolan: We're dead meat on toast!
Alex: That was my line.
Nolan: We're still dead meat on toast! Alex: We are!
[whining like babies]
Drew: Gentlemen?
Drew and Nolan: Speaking of "toast"...
[clink]
Alex: A toast to Austin.
We will avenge your death and stuff.
Drew: Probably not. We're probably all going to die.
Nolan: Most likely not. We'll probably just keep drinking our lives away. Drew: A toast to OUR death. Joe: A toast to EVERYONE'S death.
All: Cheers
Joe: "Stay Thirsty, My Friends." TM
Alex and Nolan: Nice plug.
Alex: You freaking sell-out... [thump, thump]
ONE
HOUR
LATER...
[cackling]
[Yeah, the script sucks. Sue me. Go ahead, I'm dead SERIOUS. And no, don't even THINK about making a Dark Night joke. What a load. I should probably cool off and get a beer. That's what the moral of this video is, after all. Why are you even watching this????]
[even more cackling]
[even more cackling]
[Witch sings the Twilight Zone theme... because of reasons.]
Nolan: Drew, wake up.
Drew: [abruptly] Cooked Cauliflower!
Nolan: [giggling] Cooked cauliflower...
We're alive.
Drew: Yeah, all four of us.
[dramatic vocals]
[stupid dramatic vocals]
Drew: Where are the others? Nolan: Do you think... Drew: No...
Nolan: The note!
"Dear Fools,
"I hast your advice taken,
"thus I madeth
"your friends
"a midnight feast.
"