The Boys from Syracuse by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart - Dialogue and Script

Dear Old Syracuse VERSE This is a terrible city. The people are cattle and swine. There isn't a girl I'd call pretty Or a friend that I'd call mine. And the only decent place on earth Is the town that gave me birth. REFRAIN 1 You can keep your Athens, You can keep your Rome, I'm a hometown fellow And I pine for home, I wanna go back, go back To dear old Syracuse. Though I've worn out sandals And my funds are low, There's a light that's burning in the patio, I wanna go back, go back To dear old Syracuse. It is no metropolis, It has no big Acropolis, And yet there is a quorum Of cuties in the forum. Though the boys wear tunics that are out of style They will always greet me with a friendly smile. I wanna go back, go back To dear old Syracuse. REFRAIN 2 Both the Nile and Danube Are a silly bore. I've a hometown river That assaults my door. I wanna go back, go back To dear old Syracuse. When a man is lonely It is good to know There's a red light burning in the patio. I wanna go back, go back To dear old Syracuse. Wives don't want divorces there, The men are strong as horses there, And should a man philander, The goose forgives the gander. When the search for love becomes a mania, You can take the night boat to Albania. I wanna go back, go back To dear old Syracuse. I had twins [Throughout the song the Policeman interprets the sounds representing the words of the Duke and the Merchant, Aegean, who are inside the courthouse. The Duke 's mouth moves and we hear a bass clarinet, followed by the translation  by the Policeman. When Aegean speaks, we hear an E-flat clarinet, followed by the Policeman 's translation ] CROWD: Hurrah! Hurroo! There'll be an execution. It serves him right. The law makes retribution. There's going to be a killing. Hurrah! Hurroo! CITIZEN: It serves him right. Hurrah! Hurroo! What did he do? POLICEMAN: He came from Syracuse. CROWD: No! No! No! POLICEMAN: Yes! Yes! Yes! So let him plead, For what's the use? The sap's from Syracuse! CROWD: The sap' s from Syracuse! POLICEMAN: Sh! Listen! [Aegean (E-flat clarinet) pleads ] [Duke (bass clarinet) answers ] Yes-he dies! CROWD: Good! That's one down! [Duke] POLICEMAN: He dies tomorrow at sundown. Our rigid laws of Ephesus Most rightfully refuse A visa to any citizen Of uncivilized Syracuse. If any one of us would dare to go To that barbaric city. He'd get the ax the same as he-- That's why he gets no pity. CROWD:  Give him the ax, the ax, the ax- Give him the ax, the ax- [Duke ] POLICEMAN: Unless he can pay a thousand marks, Or borrow it from the local sharks. [Duke] Why did you come here? [Aegean] I had twins. CROWD:  He had twins. That's nothing much agin him. He had twins. POLICEMAN:  I never thought he had it in him. CROWD:  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. [Duke] POLICEMAN: Is that why you came here? [The Policeman now translates Aegean's story for him,  each line coming first from Aegean 's E-flat clarinet  and then sang by the Policeman ] I had twins who looked alike, Couldn't tell one from the other. They had two slaves who looked alike, Couldn't tell one from his brother. But on one unlucky day . We went sailing on the sea. This was an unlucky blunder, For our ship was torn asunder Just like that! Just like that! Just Like That! See? One young twin went down with me, One went swimming with his mother. We were parted by the sea, . Man and wife and slave and brother. Now my one remaining brave boy Went a-searching with his slave boy . Having lost my son And wife, too- I will gladly give my life, too- Just like that! Just like that! Just Like That! See? I have searched the isles of Greece From my home to far-off Samos. Didn't know your local laws. I am just an lgnoramus. I am sinless! I am twinless! I am wifeless! I am lifeless! I Am Glad To Die! He had twins, For them he'd give his life. He had twins, To say nothing of his wife. CROWD: Hurrah! Hurroo! There'll be an execution. It serves him right. The law makes retribution. There's going to be a killing. Hurrah! Hurroo! What did he do? He came from Syracuse. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! What can you do with a man? LUCE:  Listen to your lady who speaks. This affair has run its course. I'll reside in Athens six weeks While I get me a divorce. DROMIO:  Listen to your lover who asks Why this battle has begun. LUCE:  He has long neglected some tasks That a husband should have done. He eats me out of house and home But doesn't like my cooking. That's nothing new with a man. What can you do with a man? He likes to use my brush and comb And yet he' s funny-looking. Home's like a zoo with a man. What can you do with a man? Some men wear half pajamas. I took a chance. I bought the guy pajamas- He wears the pants. By day he's like a five-year-old; At night he's ninety-seven. What can you do with a man like that? DROMIO:  When you get mad, don't count to ten, Go on and count a million. Don't be a shrew with a man. That's what you do with a man. You need a regiment of men- I'm only one civilian. Wait for your cue with a man. That's what you do with a man. Marriage is such a blessing, So I have found. I've got a thousand blessings, Each weighs a pound. I'm only four foot ten right now, I once was five foot seven. That's what you did to a man like that! LUCE:  I wear my nicest negligee And find him reading Plato. Nothing is new with a man. What can you do with a man? I shook the tree of life one day And got a cold Potato. I'm in a stew with a man. What can you do with a man? Where is his sense of duty, Where is his taste? Acres and acres of beauty Going to waste! He walks me in the woods at night To find a four-leaf clover. What can you do with a man like that? Falling In Love With Love I weave with brightly colored strings to keep my mind off other things; So, ladies, let your fingers dance and keep your hands out of romance. Lovely witches let the stitches keep your fingers under control. Cut the tread but leave the whole heart whole. Marry maids can sew and sleep; wives can only sew and weep! Falling in love with love is falling for make believe. Falling in love with love is playing the fool; Caring too much in such a juvenile fancy. Learning to trust is just for children in school. I fell in love with love one night when the moon was full I was unwise with eyes unable to see. I fell in love with love, With love everlasting, But love fell out with me. This Can't be Love In Verona my late cousin Romeo Was three time as stupid as my Dronio for he fell in love and then he died of it poor half-wit! This can't be love because I feel so well no sob. No sorrow ,no sight This can't be love I get no dizzy spells My head is not in the skies My heart does not stand still just here It beats this is too sweet to be love This can't be love because I fell so well but still I love to look in your eyes Though your cousin love my cousin Juliet loved her with a passion much more truly yet some poor playwright wrote their drama just for fun, It won't run! This can't be love because I feel so well no sob. No sorrow ,no sight This can't be love I get no dizzy spells My head is not in the skies My heart does not stand still just here It beats this is too sweet to be love This can't be love because I fell so well but still I love to look in your eyes LADIES OF THE EVENING LADIES:  Poor little daughters of the moon When the sun is dawning What is as sour as a day in June For the ladies of the evening In the morning? Lost is the music of the night For the daily clamor. Noses are red and cheeks are white. Where the hell's our glamour? Where the hell's our glamour! POLICE:  We let the burglars take their *** To the shop for pawning. All that we ever aim to catch Is the ladies of the evening in the morning. All night they bring rich men to grief Till they have no cash left. Cops can't afford the good roast beef Bot we have the hash left. ALL:  A plnm becomes a prune. A joke becomes a pun, And daughrers of the moon Must stray beneath the sun. Let them earn an honest drachma While the moral girls are yawning. A policeman's lost Is ladies of the evening In the morning. So start the day The Police Department way Wirh the ladies of the evening In the morning. HE AND SHE VERSE SHE: I was I, You were you, And now we're only we. We are one Who were two, Or we had better be. HE: "I now pronounce you man and wife" Are magic words like "Open Sesame.'' SHE: But though they made you mine for life, They also made you think much less o' me. HE: It only shows how little you know of it. SHE: I know a pair who made quite a go of it. REFRAIN 1 SHE: He was a man who was very fond of , women. She was a girl who was very fond of men. She had a taste for both corpulent and slim men. He wouldn't look at a lady under ten. She went abroad just to find a man to marry. He went abroad just to find himself a wife. She didn't want any Tom or *** or Harry. He sought a mate who'd he true to him for life. She fell in love with the angle of his eyehrow. He fell in love with the dimple on her knee. And when they wed, He went around with other women And she went with other men. And that is he and she! REFRAIN 2 HE: He alwavs said, "I wonld like to have a daughter." She always said, "I wonld like to have a son." She took to kids like a dackling takes to water. He always thought having habies would be fun. He told her this on the very day he met her. She said, "The wish is the father to the sport." He bought a house, in the nursery he set her. She helped the stork make his annual report. He won renown as the father of a sqnadron. She won awards for her prolificacy. And just because, And just because they loved their children They got married after all. And that is he and she! REFRAIN 3 HE: She was so pure as the snow before it's driven. SHE: He never smoked and he never touched a drop. HE: When she said "Boo" she would ask to be forgiven. SHE: When he would swim he would always wear the top, HE: She wore no rouge though she had a bad complexion. SHE: He always prayed evry time he went to bed. HE: She was so kind that she hated vivisection, SHE: He loved his ma and he swore he' d never wed, HE: She was so chaste that it made her very nervous, SHE: He loved to go to the vicarage for tea. BOTH: And when they died, And when they died and went to Heaven All the angels moved to Hell. And that is he and she! Come with me Come with me  Where the food is free  Where the landlord never comes near you  Be a guest in a house of rest  Where the best of fellows can cheer you.  There's your own little room  So cool, not too much light  Where you're one man for whom  No wife waits up at night  When day enda  You have lots of friends  Who will guard you well while you slumber  Safe from battle and stife  Safe from the wind and gale  Come with me to jail  You'll never have to fetch the milk  Or walk the dog at early dawn  There's no -"Get up- you're late for work!"  While you rest in the pearly dawn  You're never bored by politics  You're privileged to miss a row  Of tragedies by Sophocles  And diatribes by Cicero  Your brother's wife will never come  On sunday noon to bring to you  Her little son who plays the lute,  Her little girl to sing to you  You can commit you little "sin"  And relatives won't yel "Fie!"  You needn't take the annual trip  To the oracle at Delphi  You snore and swear and strech and yawn  In this, your strictly male house  The only way that sinners go to Heaven  Is in the jailhouse!  Sing For Your Supper VERSE Hawks and crows do lots of things, but the canary only sings. She is a courtesan on wings- So I've heard. Eagles and storks are twice as strong. All the canary knows is song. But the canary gets along- Guilded bird!  REFRAIN Sing for your supper, And you'll get breakfast. Songbirds always eat If their song is sweet to hear. Sing for your luncheon, And you'll get dinner. Dine with wine of choice, If romance is in your voice. I heard from a wise canary Trilling makes a fellow willing, So, little swallow, swallow now. Now is the time to Sing for your supper, And you'll get breakfast. Songbirds are not dumb, They don't buy a crumb Of bread, It's said. So sing and you'll be fed. Oh, Digenes! There was an old zany who lived in a tub; He had so many fleabites He didn't know where to rub. He kept looking for ana honest man Said "I'm gonna find him if I can" If i could meet Diogenes today, This is what i'd say: Rub-a-dub-dub Oh, Digenes! Find a man who's honest! Oh, Digenes! Wrap him up for me Oh, Digenes! Find a man who's stolid-solid Hook that fish if he's in the sea Hunt him! Trail him! Catch him! Nail him! If he is free Have tou got your stick? Have tou got your lantern? Can you do the trick And produce him, please! Catch that fellow! Ring that bell, Oh, Diogenes Who Are You? VERSE Look into the pupils of my eyes and you will see what a pretty picture luck has send to me! Now my life's beginning as I bathe in your reflection Thank you luck for guiding me into the right direction! REFRAIN Who are you To give this world of mine a light and brighter shine? I wonder who are you to make a vacant room a place where flowers bloom. And tell me who am I that when I think of your face I dance into space so happy and grateful, too. If that's what you can do I wonder who are you?