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Dear Old Syracuse
VERSE
This is a terrible city.
The people are cattle and swine.
There isn't a girl I'd call pretty
Or a friend that I'd call mine.
And the only decent place on earth
Is the town that gave me birth.
REFRAIN 1
You can keep your Athens,
You can keep your Rome,
I'm a hometown fellow
And I pine for home,
I wanna go back, go back
To dear old Syracuse.
Though I've worn out sandals
And my funds are low,
There's a light that's burning in the patio,
I wanna go back, go back
To dear old Syracuse.
It is no metropolis,
It has no big Acropolis,
And yet there is a quorum
Of cuties in the forum.
Though the boys wear tunics that are out of style
They will always greet me with a friendly smile.
I wanna go back, go back
To dear old Syracuse.
REFRAIN 2
Both the Nile and Danube
Are a silly bore.
I've a hometown river
That assaults my door.
I wanna go back, go back
To dear old Syracuse.
When a man is lonely
It is good to know
There's a red light burning in the patio.
I wanna go back, go back
To dear old Syracuse.
Wives don't want divorces there,
The men are strong as horses there,
And should a man philander,
The goose forgives the gander.
When the search for love becomes a mania,
You can take the night boat to Albania.
I wanna go back, go back
To dear old Syracuse.
I had twins
[Throughout the song the Policeman interprets the sounds
representing the words of the Duke and the Merchant,
Aegean, who are inside the courthouse. The Duke 's mouth
moves and we hear a bass clarinet, followed by the translation
by the Policeman. When Aegean speaks, we hear an
E-flat clarinet, followed by the Policeman 's translation ]
CROWD: Hurrah! Hurroo!
There'll be an execution.
It serves him right.
The law makes retribution.
There's going to be a killing.
Hurrah! Hurroo!
CITIZEN: It serves him right.
Hurrah! Hurroo!
What did he do?
POLICEMAN: He came from Syracuse.
CROWD: No! No! No!
POLICEMAN: Yes! Yes! Yes!
So let him plead,
For what's the use?
The sap's from Syracuse!
CROWD: The sap' s from Syracuse!
POLICEMAN: Sh! Listen!
[Aegean (E-flat clarinet) pleads ]
[Duke (bass clarinet) answers ]
Yes-he dies!
CROWD: Good! That's one down!
[Duke]
POLICEMAN: He dies tomorrow at sundown.
Our rigid laws of Ephesus
Most rightfully refuse
A visa to any citizen
Of uncivilized Syracuse.
If any one of us would dare to go
To that barbaric city.
He'd get the ax the same as he--
That's why he gets no pity.
CROWD:
Give him the ax, the ax, the ax-
Give him the ax, the ax-
[Duke ]
POLICEMAN: Unless he can pay a thousand marks,
Or borrow it from the local sharks.
[Duke]
Why did you come here?
[Aegean]
I had twins.
CROWD:
He had twins.
That's nothing much agin him.
He had twins.
POLICEMAN:
I never thought he had it in him.
CROWD:
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
[Duke]
POLICEMAN: Is that why you came here?
[The Policeman now translates Aegean's story for him,
each line coming first from Aegean 's E-flat clarinet
and then sang by the Policeman ]
I had twins who looked alike,
Couldn't tell one from the other.
They had two slaves who looked alike,
Couldn't tell one from his brother.
But on one unlucky day .
We went sailing on the sea.
This was an unlucky blunder,
For our ship was torn asunder
Just like that!
Just like that!
Just
Like
That!
See?
One young twin went down with me,
One went swimming with his mother.
We were parted by the sea, .
Man and wife and slave and brother.
Now my one remaining brave boy
Went a-searching with his slave boy .
Having lost my son
And wife, too-
I will gladly give my life, too-
Just like that!
Just like that!
Just
Like
That!
See?
I have searched the isles of Greece
From my home to far-off Samos.
Didn't know your local laws.
I am just an lgnoramus.
I am sinless!
I am twinless!
I am wifeless!
I am lifeless!
I
Am
Glad
To
Die!
He had twins,
For them he'd give his life.
He had twins,
To say nothing of his wife.
CROWD: Hurrah! Hurroo!
There'll be an execution.
It serves him right.
The law makes retribution.
There's going to be a killing.
Hurrah! Hurroo!
What did he do?
He came from Syracuse.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
What can you do with a man?
LUCE:
Listen to your lady who speaks.
This affair has run its course.
I'll reside in Athens six weeks
While I get me a divorce.
DROMIO:
Listen to your lover who asks
Why this battle has begun.
LUCE:
He has long neglected some tasks
That a husband should have done.
He eats me out of house and home
But doesn't like my cooking.
That's nothing new with a man.
What can you do with a man?
He likes to use my brush and comb
And yet he' s funny-looking.
Home's like a zoo with a man.
What can you do with a man?
Some men wear half pajamas.
I took a chance.
I bought the guy pajamas-
He wears the pants.
By day he's like a five-year-old;
At night he's ninety-seven.
What can you do with a man like that?
DROMIO:
When you get mad, don't count to ten,
Go on and count a million.
Don't be a shrew with a man.
That's what you do with a man.
You need a regiment of men-
I'm only one civilian.
Wait for your cue with a man.
That's what you do with a man.
Marriage is such a blessing,
So I have found.
I've got a thousand blessings,
Each weighs a pound.
I'm only four foot ten right now,
I once was five foot seven.
That's what you did to a man like that!
LUCE:
I wear my nicest negligee
And find him reading Plato.
Nothing is new with a man.
What can you do with a man?
I shook the tree of life one day
And got a cold Potato.
I'm in a stew with a man.
What can you do with a man?
Where is his sense of duty,
Where is his taste?
Acres and acres of beauty
Going to waste!
He walks me in the woods at night
To find a four-leaf clover.
What can you do with a man like that?
Falling In Love With Love
I weave with brightly colored strings
to keep my mind off other things;
So, ladies, let your fingers dance
and keep your hands out of romance.
Lovely witches
let the stitches
keep your fingers under control.
Cut the tread but leave
the whole heart whole.
Marry maids can sew and sleep;
wives can only sew and weep!
Falling in love with love is falling for make believe.
Falling in love with love is playing the fool;
Caring too much in such a juvenile fancy.
Learning to trust is just for children in school.
I fell in love with love one night when the moon was full
I was unwise with eyes unable to see.
I fell in love with love, With love everlasting,
But love fell out with me.
This Can't be Love
In Verona my late cousin Romeo
Was three time as stupid as my Dronio
for he fell in love
and then he died of it
poor half-wit!
This can't be love because I feel so well
no sob. No sorrow ,no sight
This can't be love I get no dizzy spells
My head is not in the skies
My heart does not stand still
just here It beats
this is too sweet to be love
This can't be love because I fell so well
but still I love to look in your eyes
Though your cousin love my cousin Juliet
loved her with a passion much more truly yet
some poor playwright
wrote their drama just for fun,
It won't run!
This can't be love because I feel so well
no sob. No sorrow ,no sight
This can't be love I get no dizzy spells
My head is not in the skies
My heart does not stand still
just here It beats
this is too sweet to be love
This can't be love because I fell so well
but still I love to look in your eyes
LADIES OF THE EVENING
LADIES:
Poor little daughters of the moon
When the sun is dawning
What is as sour as a day in June
For the ladies of the evening
In the morning?
Lost is the music of the night
For the daily clamor.
Noses are red and cheeks are white.
Where the hell's our glamour?
Where the hell's our glamour!
POLICE:
We let the burglars take their ***
To the shop for pawning.
All that we ever aim to catch
Is the ladies of the evening in the morning.
All night they bring rich men to grief
Till they have no cash left.
Cops can't afford the good roast beef
Bot we have the hash left.
ALL:
A plnm becomes a prune.
A joke becomes a pun,
And daughrers of the moon
Must stray beneath the sun.
Let them earn an honest drachma
While the moral girls are yawning.
A policeman's lost
Is ladies of the evening
In the morning.
So start the day
The Police Department way
Wirh the ladies of the evening
In the morning.
HE AND SHE
VERSE
SHE: I was I,
You were you,
And now we're only we.
We are one
Who were two,
Or we had better be.
HE: "I now pronounce you man and wife"
Are magic words like "Open Sesame.''
SHE: But though they made you mine for life,
They also made you think much less o' me.
HE: It only shows how little you know of it.
SHE: I know a pair who made quite a go of it.
REFRAIN 1
SHE: He was a man who was very fond of , women.
She was a girl who was very fond of men.
She had a taste for both corpulent and slim men.
He wouldn't look at a lady under ten.
She went abroad just to find a man to marry.
He went abroad just to find himself a wife.
She didn't want any Tom or *** or Harry.
He sought a mate who'd he true to him for life.
She fell in love with the angle of his eyehrow.
He fell in love with the dimple on her knee.
And when they wed,
He went around with other women
And she went with other men.
And that is he and she!
REFRAIN 2
HE: He alwavs said, "I wonld like to have a daughter."
She always said, "I wonld like to have a son."
She took to kids like a dackling takes to water.
He always thought having habies would be fun.
He told her this on the very day he met her.
She said, "The wish is the father to the sport."
He bought a house, in the nursery he set her.
She helped the stork make his annual report.
He won renown as the father of a sqnadron.
She won awards for her prolificacy.
And just because,
And just because they loved their children
They got married after all.
And that is he and she!
REFRAIN 3
HE: She was so pure as the snow before it's driven.
SHE: He never smoked and he never touched a drop.
HE: When she said "Boo" she would ask to be forgiven.
SHE: When he would swim he would always wear the top,
HE: She wore no rouge though she had a bad complexion.
SHE: He always prayed evry time he went to bed.
HE: She was so kind that she hated vivisection,
SHE: He loved his ma and he swore he' d never wed,
HE: She was so chaste that it made her very nervous,
SHE: He loved to go to the vicarage for tea.
BOTH: And when they died,
And when they died and went to Heaven
All the angels moved to Hell.
And that is he and she!
Come with me
Come with me
Where the food is free
Where the landlord never comes near you
Be a guest in a house of rest
Where the best of fellows can cheer you.
There's your own little room
So cool, not too much light
Where you're one man for whom
No wife waits up at night
When day enda
You have lots of friends
Who will guard you well while you slumber
Safe from battle and stife
Safe from the wind and gale
Come with me to jail
You'll never have to fetch the milk
Or walk the dog at early dawn
There's no -"Get up- you're late for work!"
While you rest in the pearly dawn
You're never bored by politics
You're privileged to miss a row
Of tragedies by Sophocles
And diatribes by Cicero
Your brother's wife will never come
On sunday noon to bring to you
Her little son who plays the lute,
Her little girl to sing to you
You can commit you little "sin"
And relatives won't yel "Fie!"
You needn't take the annual trip
To the oracle at Delphi
You snore and swear and strech and yawn
In this, your strictly male house
The only way that sinners go to Heaven
Is in the jailhouse!
Sing For Your Supper
VERSE
Hawks and crows do lots of things,
but the canary only sings.
She is a courtesan on wings-
So I've heard.
Eagles and storks are twice as strong.
All the canary knows is song.
But the canary gets along-
Guilded bird!
REFRAIN
Sing for your supper,
And you'll get breakfast.
Songbirds always eat
If their song is sweet to hear.
Sing for your luncheon,
And you'll get dinner.
Dine with wine of choice,
If romance is in your voice.
I heard from a wise canary
Trilling makes a fellow willing,
So, little swallow, swallow now.
Now is the time to
Sing for your supper,
And you'll get breakfast.
Songbirds are not dumb,
They don't buy a crumb
Of bread,
It's said.
So sing and you'll be fed.
Oh, Digenes!
There was an old zany who lived in a tub;
He had so many fleabites
He didn't know where to rub.
He kept looking for ana honest man
Said "I'm gonna find him if I can"
If i could meet Diogenes today,
This is what i'd say:
Rub-a-dub-dub
Oh, Digenes!
Find a man who's honest!
Oh, Digenes!
Wrap him up for me
Oh, Digenes!
Find a man who's stolid-solid
Hook that fish if he's in the sea
Hunt him! Trail him!
Catch him! Nail him!
If he is free
Have tou got your stick?
Have tou got your lantern?
Can you do the trick
And produce him, please!
Catch that fellow!
Ring that bell,
Oh, Diogenes
Who Are You?
VERSE
Look into the pupils of my eyes and you will see
what a pretty picture luck has send to me!
Now my life's beginning as I bathe in your reflection
Thank you luck for guiding me
into the right direction!
REFRAIN
Who are you
To give this world of mine
a light and brighter shine?
I wonder who are you
to make a vacant room
a place where flowers bloom.
And tell me who am I
that when I think of your face
I dance into space
so happy and grateful, too.
If that's what you can do
I wonder who are you?