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- Ok 5, 4, 3...
- You can't start the countdown at 5 !
- Why ?
- Because 5 it's too abrupt, too sudden
- It's too abrudden
- Start the countdown at 5, it makes think of the 5th channel when it had to close its doors
And we don't want to start a pestacle closing our doors
- And if they already did it "5, 4, 3, 2, 1", it's probably patented, there is copyright !
- Oh you're pain "Les Robins"
- Ok 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, top generic
- "Les Robins des Bois" present
- "The Cloak and Daggers"
- A serie with cloaks, and swords too
- Directed by Jean-Jacques Amsellem
- Starring Maurice Barthélemy
- Marina Foïs
- Elise...
- Pierre François Martin-Laval (and not Pef)
- Jean-Paul Rouve
- Pascal Vincent
- And the role of minstrel played by...
- Me !
- Thank you my friends.
- At the harpsichord, Huguett Hole.
- 3, 4
- Oye, Oye, nice fellow...
- Please listen to the story of "Pulpipi" the clown
- Yes ! It's me !
-Yea, ok, awesome. I said :" Please listen to"...
- Sorry. 3, 4
- Please listen to the story of the clown "Pulpipi" who was accused
of looking at the *** of the queen in front of her servant.
- Yes ! It's us !
- So I guess everybody understood who his the queen and who is the servant
- You're not going to interrupt me every time I say a name ?
-Maybe, I don't know...
- Pulpipi is accused by the king...
- Yes, it's me !
- Oh come on, you're boring...
- No, I'm not boring because I'm the king !
- So you are going to play ALL the episode like this ?
- I'm afraid...
- Ok, *** off !
- I can't ! Because I'm unbreakable !
- But if you want, I can leave...
- *** !!!
- Ahhh, where ? Yuck !
- Huguette ?
- 3, 4
- So, in this year of grace Kelly,
the case of the clown Pulpipi is run by the Grand Inquisitor,
the cardinal Claudia.
- See Dominique, I won't stop you for ***...
I don't care if you introduce me...
I'd prefer to let you do your crapy monologue.
- 3, 4.
- Oye, after these 45min of introductions,
let's go directly to the story, a spicy story...
- Ok, will nobody introduce me ?
Everybody has their own little introduction but not me...
I mean, damn ! We are a group of actors !
- So let's grouping together ! *** !!!
- It's cool, it starts well, but at the same time...
I want it to end.
- Silence !
-But nobody says anything
- No, I say silence because there is silence,
If there would be noise, I'd say : "Noise".
-The episode has been starting for 1min, you're already tiring me.
- Silence.
I oficially open the case of the clown Pulpipi.
- Sir king, you lodge complaint against Pulpipi
suspected to have seen the *** of the queen using sorcery.
- Yes, and I also lodge a complaint against X.
- What is that ?
- It's a pornographic complaint.
- Majesty, go to the witness box.
- Are you crazy ? You can't do that, it's bad !
-Ok, you shut up.
Well, majesty the queen, Pulpipi was last night in your room
tell us the facts.
- So it was last night, at about 11:30 of the evening..morning
when suddenly...
Very nice flashback. For the first episode
the "Robin des Bois" show high level
with special effects of more than 3,50F.
Look how nice it is. It's nice, poetic and magnificient.
- Dame Pacholle, comb my hair.
- Dame Pacholle, don't comb my hair.
And you Pulpipi, dance.
- No, stop ! Dance quietly.
- Oh, majesty
What do you do to be so beautiful ?
- I don't know. You, how do you do to be so ugly ?
- You exaggerate, I think I'm beautiful too.
- Yeah ? Have you ever looked in the glass ?
- Yes, for every dessert... (pun)
- No, not in an ice-cream, have you ever looked in the mirror ?
- Ok, look at you !
Don't you see a kind of big potatoe with two big cheeks ?
- Ah yea...
But you know if you peel the small potatoe
you can find a crispy chip.
Yea, or a big bowl of mashed potatoes !
- Stop !
Ok, majesty now you show me your ***.
- No !
- Does "no" means you agree ?
- No, otherwise I'd have said "yes"...
- You said "yes" : show me your *** !
- No ! I said no, it's no.
- Ok, so I put a spell on you. Get up !
Your head is turning, turning...
[he sings]
- Stop !
Ok so your head is turning, turning...
Your eyes are turning, turning...
Your nose is turning, turning...
Your *** is turning, turning...
And on my signal you're going to show me your ***
-Nooo, no...
I said "on my signal"...
I didn't say "signal"...
Ok !
- "Signal" !
- Wow !
Such a tundra !
There's even a horse running !
- Ok now you forget everything and you faint.
- Ok, faint now.
- Pulpipi !
- Yes !
- Come here.
- Say "signal".
- No, thanks ma'am...
- And that's how I showed by accident my ***
and I regreted.
- Thank you, majesty the queen
for this eroticising testimony
Yea, it moved something in my pants, what about you ?
- I don't know, I don't have pants
- Well !
Pulpipi ! Come here at the witness box
- If I can allow myself, there was easier...
- No ! It's not easier !
- Pulpipi, tell us the original version of the story.
- No, no
Tell us the french version of the facts.
- It was yesterday, we had to be in the nighty.
It doesn't mean anything, I admit !
I'll repeat :
It was yetserday at 5am
during the evening
I was in the queen's room, when suddenly...
Waw, second flashback effect
which doesn't surprise me because I know them all
when they have a good idea, they use it for months,
years of centuries. In my opinion, it won't be the last.
- Dame Pacholle, comb my hair
- Dame Pacholle, don't comb my hair
And you, do you prefer to dance or see my *** ?
- To dance.
- Ok but I'll still show you my ***.
- Aah! Black Forest shower !
I refuse to see your monarchical ***.
- Say "signal".
- Nooo, no !
This was in the queen's flashback !
Now we are in MY flashback
- Yea, he is right...
- Wtf are you doing here ?
- We wanted to see the flashback.
- Nooo, just get out !
And YOU !
YOU !
Who are you, tell me !
- But, it's a pillow...
- So get out, Pill.
- Sorry, I mingled everything
I'm sorry, to apologize, I'll show you my ***.
- No thanks ma'am...
- And that's how the queen showed me her ***
in spite of myself
- No, Sir, listen to me
this version is only lies.
- [weird accent] ***, ***, ***...
You are back, Pomponette !
- Excuse me, what are you doing ?
- Shht ! I'm interpreting.
And the poor Pompom...
- Are you done interpreting ?
- No, I set emotion...
- And the poor Pompom
- Are you still setting emotion ?
- No, that's a blank.
- It's funny, when you have blanks or you set emotion
it's equally boring.
- And the poor Pompom...
- Ah yea, it's boring !
- It's really boring !
- You understand nothing to Pagnol !
You don't understand Marseille, you parisians !
- Look, the card game in "Marius" :
"You break my heart"
- Stop, stop ! Silence !
- Pulpipi ! To have ...
Pulpipi I don't like when you talk like me.
Pulpipi, to have seen the great *** of the queen...
I condemn you..
- How do you know the queen has a great *** ?
- Because I've seen it...
- How come you've seen it ?
- No, I didn't say "because I've seen it"
I said " it's a biscuit" (french pun)
Cause I was a bit hungry.
So, Pulpipi, to have seen the queen's biscuit
I condemn you to kiss Dame Pacholle on the lips !
- It's not a sentence !
- Err, yes, still...
- And if I refuse to kiss her cause I'd die
do I have any other option ?
- Yes, of course.
- If I may, there was easier...
You are here...
Yes, it's easier !
- Well, if you don't want to kiss her on the lips
You have to kiss cardinal Claudia with the tongue !
- Are you mad ? It's you !
- Ah yea, weird, it picked me.
- The carinal is gay from the mouth
- Not at all, it's a trick !
It's for him to kiss Dame Pacholle
- Waw, smart trick !
Pulpipi, you have the choice...
- Ah gross ! He put the tongue inside !
Disgusting, disinfect me !
Ether, quick !
- There is only bleach...
- You're crazy, it's real one !
- Yes but now you can do "Columbo" !
- Ah yea, you're right.
"My wife often tells me..."
Ok, let's go back.
Pulpipi !
For kissing cardinal Claudia with the tongue
I condemn you to torture. Damn you, let's torture him !
- You can not torture this man !!!
Noo !!!
- Who are you, you who act so badly ?
- I'm a traveller !
And I come from the new woorld !
- I meant, in real life...
-Ah, my name is Benoit Delormes.
I'd like to play with you, I'm new in the neighbourhood.
- Which street ?
- Rue des Orteaux.
Ah, too bad.
We don't play with boys from this street.
- Why ?
- Because they have lice.
-Huge lice which make your head itch.
- Yea, lice.
- *** off, lousy.
- *** off.
- In my street, we might have lice, but not smelly *** !
- Wait, why don't we torture the new guy instead of me, to bully him ?
- Let's go to the torture room !
That's how the new guy went to the torture room.
In this room there wasn't any turtle.
No, in this room : we torture.
It's nice this music, but also it's crap. Stop it.
- Let's go to the torture room !
- It's ok, we are in the torture room.
- It's ok, here we are !
- Stop.
So, the new guy
- Yes, I'm here.
- No, Pacholle, you're not the new guy.
- Who am I ?
- Nadia Comaneci
The new guy, for accusing us of having smelly ***
You're condemned to check by yourself if you are right.
Fellow, put your pants down.
- No, we don't have pants !
Well, we can put our underwear down ?
- Yes, on 3 we put our underwear down.
1, 2, 3.
- Are the king, the queen, the servant, the cardinal and Pulpipi
going to make to the new guy smell their *** ?
You'll know that, watching the next episode of : "The cloak and..."
"The cloack and magic ?"
Damn, I knew that !
"The cloak and..." ... "The sword !"
"The cloak and the sword !"