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I�ve heard �Gaiden� translated a bunch of different ways. �Tangent� is certainly
a new one, though. I won�t deny, it most definitely applies, especially considering
that this game�s got about as much to do with Guilty Gear as� well. I downed an entire
burrito after that ellipsis and couldn�t come up with a more abstract derivation than
this run-and-jump platformer, spun off from Guilty Gear 2: Overture, itself a rather inexplicable
real-time-strategy spinoff from one of the most storied of fighting game franchises.
I suppose it�d be like taking something like Mario, then taking a spinoff like the
Mario & Luigi series, then giving Fawful his own game. (Which I would be all kinds of down
with.) Not to say great games can�t arise from such strange origins; they just rarely
carry the name of their lineage so prominently. Honestly, the only thing that�s Guilty Gear
about Pro Jumper! Guilty Gear Tangent!? is that your rival, named �Rival,� appears
to have stolen Sol Badguy�s hair.
So Chimaki, that strange stuffed-toy thing from Guilty Gear 2: Overture, has as of late
been suffering from a range of maladies, including but not limited to backaches, lumbar tension,
joint stiffness, and cold-like symptoms. Fortunately, just as he enters the throes of moderate inconvenience,
a flyer flies through his window (fittingly enough) touting a hot spring that claims to
cure EXACTLY what ails him! Now that�s deus ex advertising if I�ve ever seen it. So
Chimaki dons his� no, actually, he remains naked, clad in but a fig leaf and a moustache�
lemme try that again. So Chimaki grabs his handy towel, proving his status as a hoopy
frood, and heads off to trek through the six bathhouses that comprise Pro Jumper�s quest.
(Anyone having flashbacks to Persona 4 yet?) Anyway. This Sol-Badguy-Haired rival, in a
bout of seemingly arbitrary antagonism, has animated a number of common bath items like
soap and buckets to try to stop our distressingly exposed protagonist. Fortunately, he�s got�
um� a towel. And jumping. And occasionally SOAP.
Awright, so there�s not really much to Pro Jumper aside from rather difficult platforming,
owing largely to the kinda slippery nature of the controls. (Admittedly, running in a
bathhouse is a really dumb idea anyway, so perhaps it�s a bit more accurate and what
the hell am I saying?) Each stage also features just shy of a hundred apples to collect, which
can provide you with extra lives in the next stage� so long as you can get through this
one. This game is tough, no doubt about it, but for the frustration it brings at least
it looks decent. Each sprite is animated in extensive detail, and the whole presentation
is done with a lot of care by Aksys, the folks who get Arc System Works� drift. Heck, I
had three good laughs just reading the manual. So don�t pick up Pro Jumper! Guilty Gear
Tangent!? thinking you�re going to get some fighting game substance on your DS that isn�t
Dust Strikers (because who would want that). Do pick it up, though, for literally any other
reason. Maybe you just like apples. Buy it for the appels. That works.