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Where did you come from? The Enterprise, duh. I beamed in.
You beamed in? Yeah. I thought you were a movie buff. Star
Trek? Transporters? I beamed in. Yeah, I'm familiar with the terminology. I'm
also familiar with the fact that Star Trek is science fiction, and therefore not real.
So how did you get here? Dude. Star Trek is real. Alright? You take
that back you (censored). Whoa! Dude! I forgot how much of a Trekkie
you are. It's Trekker, alright? You know we like to
be referred to as Trekkers. You know, I don't have to take this. I can go back to the Enterprise.
Calm down, alright? You came here to talk to me about something, so what was it?
I saw Star Trek Into Darkness. I thought you might want to talk about it.
Yeah. Did you see it?
Yeah, I thought it was f*cking awesome. What did you think?
Well, it has some pros and it has some cons. Yeah? Usually you only find the cons.
Well, it's Star Trek, so, I gotta give it pro points just for being Star Trek in the
first place, even though it's not the real Star Trek. Also, this is the second Star Trek
movie in a row that's given us a hot chick in her underwear. I don't know what's up with
that, but it's awesome! So, that's another pro.
I'm still waiting to find out what the con is.
Well, the villain. I didn't like the villain at all.
What?! Come on! Benedict Cumberbatch? Man, he was the best thing about this movie! He
was awesome. I thought he was terrible.
Oh, come on. I thought he was terrible.
I mean, Star Trek villains are supposed to be these big, awesome, famous actors. Like
Ricardo Montalban, or Christopher Lloyd, or that guy from Sound of Music. But this time
all we get is British Sherlock Holmes. Dude. Sherlock Holmes is always British. Always.
Not when it's Robert Downy Junior. Not when it's Lucy Liu!
How can you be aware enough culturally to know that all of those people are in Sherlock
Holmes adaptations, but not know that Sherlock Holmes is British? Or that Lucy Liu is playing
f*cking Watson?! How can you be that dumb? All I'm saying is that I would have preferred
another actor. I thought he was awesome. He was the best
thing about the film. Even people who hate this movie are gonna rave about him. Him and
Kirk, you know? Locked in mortal combat. What's not to like?
Well, I mean, to start with, it's the Kirk and Spock show, this movie. I mean—
Yeah, it was awesome. I like Scotty, Uhura, Chekov, Bones. I miss
those guys. All of those people are in this movie.
I didn't see them. Well, you have a reputation for not looking
hard enough. No, I have a reputation for paying too much
attention. Sometimes it does make me miss some details. So if you say they were in it,
I'm willing to take your word for it. I appreciate that.
I'm still surprised you liked it as much as you did.
You shouldn't be. This movie's awesome, dude! It is action packed!
Your pants are action-packed. Well now how am I even supposed to be offended
by that. I mean, like, what scenario can you think of where that would be anything but
a compliment? If you add "pants" onto an insult, it makes
it more insulting, even if it's a compliment. Whatever, dude. This movie's awesome. It's
got action, romance, bromance, space. Everything I want in my Star Trek.
1: Whatever. It's got action, romance, friendship, drama, space... everything I want in my Star
Trek. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It is not your
Star Trek. It is not anyone's Star Trek. It's everybody's Star Trek.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take ownership of it.
If this movie's so awesome, then why isn't it, like, headlining the Cannes Film Festival
this week? Cannes.
What? It's Cannes. Not Cannes.
No, I'm pretty sure it's Cannes. Or Cannes. Or maybe Can-ness. But definitely not Cannes.
Right, because you're the authority on how to pronounce French words.
You know what, dude? I could call the Enterprise at any time I want and have them beam you
to freaking Mars, or out in the middle of space.
Why don't you do that? Or, better yet, I could use this phaser Captain
Pike gave me and shoot you. That is not a phaser.
It's set to kill. That is a set of hair clippers.
No, this is a phaser that's made to look like a set of clippers. Big difference. This thing
will kill you. Let's see it.
Oh sh*t.