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How to Fake Your Way through a Cocktail Party. Be our fair lady, Eliza Doolittle, as we show
you how easy it is to act more cultured and sophisticated than you really are. You will
need Art show Books Foreign phrases and faux british accent. Step 1. Use the arts section
of your local newspaper to find an exhibit or gallery opening to attend. If the chat
turns to art, you’ll be prepared to ask if anyone managed to catch the blah blah showing
last weekend. If you’re too busy to see an exhibit, just read some reviews online.
Step 2. Select a half dozen recently released, critically acclaimed books (no, Oprah’s
latest selection doesn’t count) and hit the bookstore to read the jackets. Flip through
the books until you find a couple of great lines you can later quote, remarking on their
“profundity.” Step 3. Find a frock at the toniest secondhand shop in your city.
If anyone admires it, say, “This? Oh, my goodness, Posh/J. Lo/Beyoncé gave it to me
when she tired of it; I suspect it no longer fit her.” Step 4. Once at the party, ask
for a classic drink, like a Manhattan, to distinguish yourself from the chardonnay sheep.
Step 5. Declare the drink “jejune/tentative/chaotic,” then enjoy the looks of partygoers as they
struggle to decide if you like it or not. You can also apply these words to any artwork,
artist, or art genre you’re asked to give your opinion on. Step 6. Pepper your speech
with foreign phrases like “Quelle surprise!” (“What a surprise!); “C’est parfait!”
(“It’s perfect!”); and “Bien sur!” (“Of course!”). Step 7. Make yourself
sound like part of the upper class by assuming a pseudo-British accent (think Madonna). Pronounce
vitamins, “vit-amins”; again, “A-gain”; and can’t, “cahnt.” Sprinkle British
words into your conversation, like, “I”ll ring you on your mobile,” and “Pardon
me, whilst I use the loo.” Step 8. Drop the names of famous people (“Bono is so
tiny in person”) and exotic locales (“For the best caviar, you really must go to the
Caspian”). Notice you haven’t actually said you know Bono or have been to the Caspian.
Speak softly. This forces people to lean in close to catch what you’re saying, and gives
the impression to outsiders that you’re so fascinating that no one dares miss a word.
Step 9. Leave the party when you’ve just successfully told a joke or had a group mesmerized
by one of your stories. Hint that you have another even more fabulous engagement to attend.
Did you know Jay Leno was the top choice of men asked which celebrity they’d like to
invite to a party.