Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
OH, HI.
OH, IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU HERE.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M AT? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE?
GUYS."
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? WHY YOU WATCHING?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE WATCHING?
YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO REPAIR GRANDMA'S OLD IRONING BOARD?
THAT'S THE BOY WHO CAN DO IT, YOU KNOW THE KID
WITH THE, YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS THERE...
THIS IS AL LEW -- YOU DIDN'T KNOW MY NAME?
THIS IS AL LEWIS, "GRANDPA MUNSTER."
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME FEEL BAD. OH, NO WAY.
LLY DO.
YOU KNOW WHY? 'CAUSE I LOVE THE GUYS.
I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT -- THEY'RE NOT GERMAN CABINETMAKERS,
LET'S NOT GO OVERBOARD, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BUT THEY'RE NICE FELLAS.
AND LISTEN, IT'S BETTER THAT WHAT, THEY SHOULD BE HOMELESS?
THEY SHOULD BE WALKING THE STREETS WITH A PAPER DIXIE CUP?
GIVE THEM A JOB.
I LOVE THIS SHOW, REALLY, AND I WANT YOU TO KEEP WATCHING
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WATCH YOU WATCHING THE SHOW.
[ BUZZ, BUZZ ]
HI, MY NAME IS ED FELDMAN.
AND I'M JOE L'ERARIO.
AND TODAY WE'RE GOING TO BE DOING THIS OAK BOOKCASE.
BUT FIRST, WE'VE GOT TO TAKE THE HARDWARE OFF, RIGHT?
WE THOUGHT THAT UP ON THE SPOT. CAN YOU TELL?
'CAUSE THEY SAID,
"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR THE BEGINNING?"
WE SAID, "THAT'S IT."
AND I'M GOING TO BE TAKING OFF THE HINGES.
NORM ALWAYS PICKS UP THE RIGHT SCREWDRIVER
THE FIRST TIME.
THIS IS FROM ATLANTIC CITY HIGH SCHOOL.
THIS ONE IS RIGHT OUT.
I GOT TO TAKE THIS OFF HERE.
AND THIS IS A PLUS.
SEE, THERE'S TWO KINDS OF SCREWDRIVERS --
A PLUS AND A MINUS.
VERY TECHNICAL.
THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE.
THIS IS HOW WE PAD.
SOMEBODY PUT GUM ALL OVER A NAIL.
N.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO IN HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU CHEW GUM AND YOU PUT IT ON THINGS.
I'M GOING TO PUT THIS HERE TO PROTECT THE WOOD,
USE THE VISE-GRIPS, GET THE VISE-GRIPS DOWN ON THERE,
LOCK IT SHUT, AND THEN SEE THIS THERE -- UGHHH!
LIKE YOU COULD HAVE DAMAGED THAT TOP ANY MORE.
OH, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT NAIL
THEY GOT IN THERE.
LOOK, I HAD A PERFECT EXTRACTION.
NOW IT OPENS.
NOTHING GETS MORE ABUSE THAN ANYTHING IN A HIGH SCHOOL.
OW!
EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY.
YOU HIT ME RIGHT IN MY BIG BATTERY PACK.
COULD YOU MOVE THAT OVER THERE?
CAN I TELL YOU, JUST AS A SIDELIGHT,
HERE'S HOW TO TAKE OFF HINGES --
YOU TAKE OFF EVERY ONE EXCEPT THE TOP SCREW
AND YOU TAKE THAT ONE OFF LAST.
THIS SHOW IS FULL OF FACTS LIKE THAT.
SO ARE YOU.
NOW, GET OUT OF HERE
AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT SCENE TO COME UP.
LOOK AT THIS, PUTTING THIS ORANGE REMOVER ON
AND THIS FINISH IS COMING RIGHT OFF.
AND FOR YOU PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN US
DO THIS MANY, MANY, MANY TIMES BEFORE,
DON'T TUNE OUT, BECAUSE THIS IS DIFFERENT.
WHY IS THIS DIFFERENT?
WELL, WE'VE DECIDED TO USE THE ORANGE STRIPPER
WHILE WE BOTH REALLY HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BAD.
LOOK, WHEN I PUT MY STRIPPER ON HERE --
IT'S COMING RIGHT OFF.
LOOK AT THAT HOLE I'M MAKING IN THE FINISH.
NOW, WHAT THIS HAD ON IT WAS ORIGINALLY A SHELLAC,
AND IT'S PROBABLY GOT AN OLD VARNISH OVER TOP OF IT.
AND OVER TOP OF IT A LOT OF GREASE FROM TEENAGERS
OUT OF ATLANTIC CITY HIGH -- WHAT THE HECK IS THIS, GUM?
I SAW THAT. IT'S GOT TO BE PULLED OFF.
OH, NOT BY ME, BABY.
IT'S SOME KIND OF PLASTER THING.
YEAH, THIS WAS TAKEN OUT FROM ATLANTIC CITY HIGH SCHOOL
OR AS WE CALL IT AROUND HERE, 'LANIC CITY HIGH SCHOOL.
WHICH IS RIGHT ACROSS FROM "THE KNIFE AND FORK,"
WHAT THEY USED IN "ATLANTIC CITY"
WITH BURT LANCASTER AND SUSAN SARANDON.
AND WE GO THERE ALL THE TIME.
E,
FAMOUS, RICH GUY ANYTIME --
YOU CAN COME ON OUR SHOW.
YEAH, YOU'RE CLOSER TO MY AGE ANYWAY.
IT LOOKS LIK OF THE MOON
I THINK SHE'S PRETTY MUCH FINISHED
WITH THAT GUY WITH THE TALENT, RIGHT?
A MOMENT OF SILENCE, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN,
FOR BURT LANCASTER.
SEE, IF YOU BREATHE REAL HEAVY WITH ONE OF THESE ON
YOU CAN FOG UP YOUR GLASSES LIKE --
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
HERE'S A-DA PIZZA PIE YOU ORDERED.
HEY, NO MEATBALLS!
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE ALL THIS REMOVER OFF NOW
WITH THE CHIPS.
AND IT'S ALL GOING TO COME OFF REAL EASY
BECAUSE THERE IS HARDLY ANY FINISH ON THERE AT ALL.
ALL OF IT'S BEEN WORN OUT
BY THE GREASY HANDS OF ADOLESCENTS.
AND IT'S SO MUCH PRETTIER, THE WOOD,
IN ITS NATURAL STATE.
IT'S GOT A NICE, PRETTY COLOR ON IT
'CAUSE WHAT WAS ON TOP OF IT
WAS POLYURETHANE, WHICH HAD TURNED AN UCKY, ICKY GREEN.
YEAH, THEY PROBABLY REDID THIS
'CAUSE THIS IS FROM LIKE 1910, THESE BOOKCASES,
AND THEY PROBABLY URETHANED THEM
IN THE '60s OR SOMETHING.
NOW, CHECK OUT
LOOK AT THAT OLD STUFF.
THIS IS MORE IN KEEPING WITH THE ACTUAL COLOR
OF WHAT THE WOOD WAS.
D FINISH
'CAUSE IT'S SO EASY TO WORK WITH.
MOST OLD WOOD,
THIS IS THE COLOR IT'S GOING TO BE.
AND WE STILL HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM REALLY BADLY.
YOU KNOW ICKY GREENE? THAT'S SHECKY GREENE'S COUSIN.
WE'RE WASHING DOWN WITH A FINAL WASH OF NAPHTHA --
HEY, SLOW DOWN, BOY, SLOW DOWN.
WE USED LACQUER THINNER AND ALCOHOL,
GOT OFF THE RESIDUE,
AND THE PLANER CHIPS -- YOU SAW THAT.
AND NOW WE'RE DOING THE FINAL WASH WITH NAPHTHA
TO MAKE SURE ALL THAT RESIDUE IS GONE.
AND IF YOU THINK NOTHING IS COMING OFF HERE,
JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THAT. IT IS GETTING DARK.
HOWEVER, WE HAVE LITERALLY UNCOVERED ANOTHER PROBLEM
THAT WE DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD WHEN THE DARK FINISH WAS ON.
WE'VE GOT A TON OF GRAFFITI HERE
THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT,
ESPECIALLY THIS ONE THAT SAYS, "FREE TUPAC SHAKUR."
ISN'T HE THAT INDIAN GUY
THAT WRITES THOSE BOOKS ABOUT SELF-REALIZATION?
NO, NO, NO, THAT'S DEEPAK CHOPRA.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
THE OTHER GUY'S NAME IS TUPAC SHAKUR.
I THOUGHT DEEPAK CHOPRA WAS THE RAPPER GUY.
NO, NO, NO, HE WROTE THE BEST-SELLING BOOKS.
I GET THEM CONFUSED.
HE'S MAKING SOME MONEY NOW TOO, YOU CAN TELL,
'CAUSE HE'S A LITTLE CHUBBY AROUND THE WAISTLINE --
TOO MUCH CURRY.
RIGHT AFTER WE TAKE A BREAK FOR THIS NEXT FUND DRIVE --
OH, WAIT A MINUTE, WE'RE NOT ON --
YOU'RE ALL CONFUSED TODAY, AREN'T YOU?
WHAT, WE'RE NOT ON PBS? OH, I FORGOT.
I'M A BRADSHAW MAN, THE GUY WITH THE MOBILES.
OH, HE'S GREAT.
WE WERE GOING TO DO "BRADSHAW ON FURNITURE."
HERE IS THE ADULT CHAIR. THESE ARE THE OWNERS' CHAIRS.
THE CHAIR IS FOR MOTHER AND FATHER.
THE DOG IS NOT ALLOWED TO GO ON THE CHAIR.
SEE, HE'S BEEN MAKING SOME EXTRA MONEY TOO.
HE'S WRAPPED TOO TIGHT.
FIRST SEASON OF HIM HE HAD LIKE A SWEATER ON.
NOW.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE HIS SON.
GIFT CERTIFICATES FOR EVERYONE.
HE REMINDS ME OF WARD CLEAVER TOO MUCH.
LOOK AT THIS. LOT OF MARKS IN HERE.
SEE THESE LITTLE MARKS? IT'S FROM THE DOOR OPENING UP.
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE THESE HINGES THAT WERE HOLDING THE DOOR UP,
THEY WERE LEANING,
BECAUSE THIS IS THE WRONG PIN.
ER THERE,
SO THERE'S PLAY IN THE HINGES.
THE WEIGHT OF THE DOOR WAS PULLING DOWN,
WHEN YOU OPEN IT, IT CREATES THESE MARKS.
YOU CAN LEAVE THEM THAT WAY AND SAY,
"I THINK IT LOOKS LIKE CHARACTER,"
D THEM
IT'S GOING AWAY.
ED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, HAVING A HOAGIE OVER THERE?
NO, I'M MAKING A GADEMPS.
[ HUMS "TARANTELLA" ]
HEY, YOU KNOW, VINEGAR IS GOOD
FOR CLEANING LOTS OF THINGS, BRASS AND PARTS OF YOU EVEN.
BUT TODAY I'M GOING TO BE MAKING A LOVELY STEW.
G SUCH.
HELLO, THERE.
OH, OVER THERE? ARE YOU SURE? OKAY.
--
YOU DON'T WANT NO YUPPIE VINEGAR,
NO APRICOT BALSAMIC --
NO APPLE CIDER.
NO WOLVERINE-FLAVORED VINEGAR.
ALL YOU DO IS YOU MAKE YOUR VINEGAR HOT
AND YOU PUT IN ANYTHING BRASS.
AND IT O
AND YOU TAKE A BRUSH AND YOU JUST START --
AND THE OLD "TARNEESH" IS COMING OFF.
LOOK AT THAT.
"BOY WITH LOTS OF BRASS,"
MY FAVORITE MAYNARD FERGUSON ALBUM.
IT'S GOT TO COOK SOME MORE,
AND, BOY, IT SMELLS SO PUNGENT.
I WANT TO POUR THIS ALL OVER MY SHUMAI.
HOW'S IT WORKING?
WELL, I THINK IT NEEDS TO COOK A LITTLE MORE,
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD MAKE IT REALLY SHINY
IF YOU LEAVE IT IN A LONG TIME
BUT I THINK I JUST WANT IT A LITTLE TARNISHED.
I THINK YOU COULD USE THE PRESSURE COOKER TOO.
OH, YOU'
THERE YOU GO, STIR IT AROUND IN THERE AND IT'LL BE FINE.
I AM TRAPPED IN "HOW TO." CHAINED.
NOT EVEN HOUDINI COULD GET OUT OF THIS SHOW.
LOOK, I'M CHAINED
AND I'M GOING TO SHELLAC THE INSIDE OF THE PIECE.
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT WE'RE USING TO SEAL OUR WOOD.
ONCE AGAIN, MIXED FIVE TO ONE.
IT IS CA
A SPITCOAT.
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU FAMOUS PEOPLE, YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I'M DOING THE DRAWER FRONTS.
I NEED THIS FOR LATER.
WAIT A MINUTE, IS THAT MY DOG CHAINED UP OUTSIDE?
THE NEW DOG YOU JUST BOUGHT? WHAT KIND OF DOG IS THAT?
"GO-DEN" RETRIEVER.
NOW, YOU MAY SEE IN HERE, THE SHELLAC,
IT'S NICE AND CLEAN, I JUST APPLIED NEW,
OVER HERE, IT'S ALL "MO-DY."
WE HAVE TO HURRY
'CAUSE I GOT TO WATCH MY FAVORITE SOAP OPERA.
WHICH ONE IS THAT?
"THE BO-D AND THE BEAUTIFUL."
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE
WRITE US EVERY DAY AND SAY,
"YOU KNOW, WE WATCH YOUR SHOW,
"BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."
AND JUST SO YOU KNOW THAT WHEN WE WRITE THIS STUFF --
AND SOME OF IT WE ACTUALLY DO WRITE --
WHEN WE DO WRITE OUR STUFF,
WE THINK ABOUT IT AND WE SAY,
"YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY WILL GET THIS, LET'S CUT IT OUT."
LOOK, HERE'S THE PIECE THAT I RESURFACED
AND I'M GOING TO PUT SOME SHELLAC OVER THAT
AND SEE WHAT IT CAME OUT TO LOOK LIKE.
NICE AND CLEAN, ALMOST TOO CLEAN.
SO FILTHY IT UP A LITTLE.
SEE THE EDGE HERE, THE EDGE IS THE AGED WOOD
AND THOUGH I GOT ALL OF THE CARVINGS OUT OF THERE,
IT'S STILL A LITTLE LIGHTER,
BUT, I DON'T CARE, IT'S MINE.
IT'S GOING TO BE YOURS?
THERE'S GOING TO BE SO MUCH STUFF ALL OVER THIS,
I'M TELLING YOU.
ARE YOU GOING TO PUT ALL YOUR CASTILES
AND EVERYTHING IN HERE?
I'LL HAVE VHS TAPES UP HERE.
AND ONE OF MY FAVORITE ONES WILL GO RIGHT HERE.
WHICH ONE?
"IN CO-D BLOOD."
ROBERT BLAKE -- WHERE IS ROBERT BLAKE?
I WISH HE WOULD COME ON OUR SHOW.
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE SHOWING SOME OF THE OLD "BARETTAS."
I LOVED THOSE SHOWS,
ESPECIALLY THE ONES WITH ROOSTER IN THEM.
IF I COULD JUST WATCH ALL THE "STARSKY AND HUTCH,"
EXCEPT CUT OUT EVERYTHING BUT HUGGY BEAR, I'D BE FINE.
NOW, "STARSKY AND HUTCH" I NEVER WATCHED.
I HATED IT EXCEPT FOR ANTONIO FARGAS.
ANYTHING WITH ANTONIO FARGAS IS FINE.
I LIKED WATCHING "CANNON,"
BECAUSE ANY TIME YOU COULD SEE A FAT GUY
RUNNING UP A HILL, IT'S A KILLER.
WRITE US IN, FOLKS, WHAT'S FUNNIER,
WILLIAM CONRAD RUNNING AFTER A CROOK OR BUDDY EBSEN?
I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT!
G
AT THE TOP OF THAT HILL? A GLASS OF MILK.
RUN LIKE BUDDY EBSEN.
HE'S FUNNY.
YOU KNOW HE WAS SUPPOSED TO ORIGINALLY BE THE SCARECROW.
[ BUZZER SOUNDS ]
AND HE'S THINKING ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME.
I THINK I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF MILK.
BUDDY EBSEN --
HE CAN'T KICK TOO SOON TO SUIT ME.
oarning ChannF
THE SHELLAC
THE SHELLAC ED.
IT'S A NICE-LOOKING PIECE.ITS
ALL WE GOT TO DO IS PUT THE HARDWARE BACK ON.
I HEAR SOMET" DON'T YOU HEAR THAT INUTE,N,
LE
[ UPBEAT JAZZ PLAYS ]
HEY, I BET YOU DON'T KNOW WHERMINNEAPOLIS ST. PAUL.TI,
THAT?
T?
IF WE PUT YOU ON TOP THERE
AND THEN YOU'RE SCREAMING AND HOLLERING --
KILL.
KILL.
NO, WE'RE AT 24th AND 6tTHE BIGGE,
PROBABLY IN THIS HERE NATION.
YOU SHOULD SEE ALL TH
ERYT
.
.
SO, YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW US AROUND
AND WE'LL SEE WHAT WE CAN FIND.
LOOK, SOFA?
SOFA?
HOW DOES IT MAKE IT TO NEW YORK?
DOES IT HAVE ITS OWN CAR? IT.S
I DON'T KNOW THESE THINGS. IT JUST MADE IT HERE.
THIS IS REAL OLD.
THE UMIS?
IS?
YOU CAN SEE THE JOINT THERE.
THIS IS THE TENON, THIS IS MORTISE.
THE TENO
ON IT, BOB'S YOUR UNCLE.
AW.
NAPOLEON COULDN'T HAVE DONTHAT'S AN "AHH STICK."
THAT'S AN "AHH STICK."
DON'T YOU TOUCH ME WITH
CA
LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL DECO SCONCE.
ECO.
WAIT, LET'S SEE, THIS WOULD LOOK GOOD RIGHT UP HERE.
THANK YO
I JUST NEE SET.
SE.
SEE I TOLD YOU WE THIS STUFF IN THIS CENTURY.
T
LIKE A RANSOM NOTE, "YES, THE WE STOLE HIM ON THIS DAY."
WITH IT.
WITH IT.
ISN'T THIS PRETTY? ZEBRA WOOD.
ZEBRA WOOD.
THIS IS MAHOGANY HERE
THIS IS MAHOGANYE
BUT THE OUTSIDE OF THE CARCASS IS ZEBRA WOOD.
I'D SAY '39 TO '46, SOMEWHERE IN THERE.
NOW T.
SO, YOU GOT TO OPEN THERTHE DRAWER,HERE, SEE?
THE DRAWER,
TAKE THE PULL OUT A LITTLE, CLOSE IT,
TTLE,
AND THEN YOU CAN LEAN ON IT.
THEY SCREWED IT UP JUST A LITTLE BIT,
JUST A LITTLE BIT,
BUT IT'S OKAY, WE DON'T MIND.
IT'S MASSIVE AND IT'S GOT THAT SKYSCRAPER EFFECT
THAT WAS POPULAR IN THE '20s AND '30s.
RIGHT, AND YOU'VE GOT YO
YOUR SIDEBOARD AND THAT'S IT.
AND WHAT'S BIG NFTER THE '50sFROM HERMAN MILLER.
F-
-
HEY, IT'S A BEANBAG.
AND IT'S SO COMFORTABLE, A NICE BEANBAG.
WHOA. TRASH DAY AROUND HERE.
HE'S GOT THE SHOES OFF.,
I BOUGHT ONE THING, A LITTLE SHARPENING STONE IN A BOX.
AND I LOWELL, I'M JOE L'ERARIO.
I'M ED FELDMAN.
]
WE'VE CALLED GRANDPA,
HS
OH, I LOVE IT.
AND I'M ITIONER.
SO, WE ASKED IF HE WOULD DO A LITTLE TALK WITH US.
H.
HING.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT.
TO YOU -- ZERO POPULATION.T.
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND THE LEARNING CHANNEL