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Holy crap, guys. It's Eurovision week. I haven't started planning a party!
It's okay, while I may not have any plans for the semifinal or the final just yet, I do have a scavenger
hunt slash drinking game for all of you to use at home. Semifinals, Finals, re-watch
parties, I don't care how you use them just get pissed. So here's a list of things that you should
spot and either, at your discretion, drink or not drink at. The use of the lampons in
various performances. The "doth mother know you weareth her drapes" dress. We get it,
you're pregnant but like honestly a little bit of shape. Every time the Croatians sing
Mizerija. The beige revolution coming from Russia. The immense storybook realness coming
from Ukraine. Every time Andrius does his eyebrow dance. Finish your drink if you can
accurately or succinctly justify why the Montenegrins are wearing spaceman outfits. Drink when you
spot the egg that Verka Serduchka laid. Drink every time you spot the lifting device that
can only take commands in Romanian. Drink when you spot the Junior Flatleys. Drink if
you can pinpoint exactly what colour knickers Despina Olympiou is wearing. Drink when you
spot the Junior Eurovision entry that somehow snuck into the proper Eurovision Song Contest.
I don't know how they did it. Drink when you spot the best use of sequins in the competition.
Drink when you spot the most beautiful Greek man in the competition. Hey Ilias, how you
doing? Alternatively, drink when you spot the most beautiful woman in the competition,
at your discretion. If you're dating someone this might not be a good one to do. Finish
your drink if Esma screws up the performance deliberately. Or accidentally, I don't care,
if she screws up, finish your drink. Drink when you spot Farid Mammadov's bout with bisexuality.
The only reason I like that song anymore. I love men! I love women! Aaah, inner adoration
of men. It's beautiful! Finnish Katy Perry! Drink when she does the kiss. We get it, gay
marriage, but like, in rehearsals? Make it a surprise! Drink when you spot the most annoying
man in Bulgaria... and his stupid feather *** I don't know what that is. Drink every
time you imagine Seth Rollins in your head instead of Gor Sujan. Drink when you spot
the most uninterested man in the entire history of Eurovision. Seriously. He does not want
to be there. Drink if you spot a backing singer from a past contest coming back and backing
singing again. There's a specific song, with a very specific backing singer who's been
in it five times consecutively and this will be her sixth appearance at Eurovision. If
you spot her, take a drink! Drink when you spot the 95 year old ***. And when Cezar
is just Cezar... Drink! And of course, we've also got the basic drinking game fundamental
Eurovision drinking game drinking game drinks. Drink for key changes, drink for costume changes,
drink for wind machines, drink for pyro at your discretion there may be a lot of pyro
so you might wanna be more specific. Drink every time the chhh. Drink when they use cultural
instruments, drink when the camera wraps around the contestant. Drink when you don't know
where the country is on a map. Alternatively, drink when you don't know the capital of the
country. You'll learn the answers very quickly but you'll probably be drunk. Drink when you
spot the Danish Christmas Mosque, the Eiffel Tower, the Icelandic sunset, and if you spot
an old contestant giving out the points for their country, but they have to have actually
been to Eurovision so like Melfest contestants do not count. And of course, drink every time
you see a Swedish attention seeker! I'm looking at you, Carola. If you wear those shorts again
I swear to Christ. Oh my God! We are gonna have so much fun this week. I am so excited.
I am probably just gonna be in my room in front of my laptop screaming along to all
the entries it'll be brilliant. I will have my Soviet voting bloc solidarity cap on and
obviously the beautiful eurotrash getup because sequins! You always need sequins! And I hope
you guys have an amazing time all Eurovision week. Vote for Greece! And France. And Israel.
And Italy. Ahhh. Warm Guinness, I'm telling you. Basically, if you're not drunk then I
haven't done my job.