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I was born extremely timid and shy;
I was terrified to speak to people.
I had a fear that if I began to speak to people,
and they found out what I was like as a person,
they wouldn't like me anymore. So when I was with people,
I would just agree with whatever they said.
I never had a backbone to have my own opinion or my own thoughts.
That really began to be a plague, because if I was with one friend,
I would say one thing, and another friend another,
and then I'd be worried that if they came together, what would I do or say?
It brought on a whole lot of worry and fear.
I knew I was saying things that I didn't really personally feel,
but I was so afraid that if I didn't agree with this person,
they wouldn't want to be my friend anymore.
Over time, I remember I got this longing in my heart to be free.
That verse came to me, where it's written about God,
that "I have fearfully and wonderfully made you".
It came so living to me that God has made me who I am,
and He wants to use me to be a blessing
and a help to those around me.
If I'm not being myself,
then how can I be that blessing and that help?
So I really began to work with myself,
I really took up a fight in that area.
I learned to just go out and speak with people.
I learned to be myself; to be who I am.
It was amazing, the burden that lifted off me.
Now I can sit in a crowd and if I find something funny, I can laugh about it,
I don't have to look first to see if anybody else is laughing.
Or if someone asks me, "What do you think of this?"
I'm free to say what I really think of it,
instead of first thinking, "Well what are they going to think about me;
will they like me; should I say this, should I say that?"
It brings such a release and such a happiness to life,
and I'm so thankful for that,
because it's really a plague to be bound by the fear of man;
you just confine yourself to this little ball
and it causes so much worry and unrest in yourself.
Now I am who I am,
and I experience that life's so full of joy.
I'm a fun-loving person,
so it's so good just to be able to be free to be who I am.
Of course I have many wonderful friends;
I've found out that people love to be with someone who is herself.
In that I believe that God is able to use me to be a blessing where He can,
and I'm so thankful that I've experienced and tasted freedom
in that area to the degree I have!