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DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: Welcome, welcome to Olive U,
Where we give all of us to make a better you.
Welcome, welcome to Olive U,
Where we give all of us to make a better you.
This is your future, your glorious future
Bright with neon lights, bright with neon lights
This is your foundation,
Your rock solid foundation.
This is your bill,
Your pittance of a cost,
For the glorious value of Olive U is seal embossed,
Stamped on a paper,
And believe me, trust me,
That it suffices,
The stamp is really, really, really, really, really, really quite priceless.
Now, now, don't be alarmed,
No need for sticker shock,
At Olive U, your life is charmed,
We have ways of starting your clock
We have ways of starting your clock
To your future,
Your glorious future,
Your rock solid foundation,
Even without lucre.
I want you to meet
I want you to meet
Our banker relation
BANKER: Hello, hello young friend,
My friend, you're cute as a button,
Ain't you a peach, young friend,
Cute as a button, cute as a button.
We'll bend some rules
And get this through,
Cute as a button, button, button
We'll expedite for you.
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: We have ways to start
You over,
Rock your glorious, glorious
Future,
A solid foundation,
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: We have ways to start
BANKER: We'll bend
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: You over,
BANKER: Some rules and get this through,
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: Rock your glorious, glorious
BANKER: Button, button
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: Future,
BANKER: Cute as a button,
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: A solid foundation, BANKER: Weíll expedite for you,
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: We have ways to start
BANKER: We'll bend
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: You over
BANKER: Some rules, and get this through
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: Rock your glorious, glorious
BANKER: Button, button
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: Future,
BANKER: Cute as a button
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: A solid foundation BANKER: We'll expedite for you
BOTH: A solid foundation!
BANKER: Welcome, welcome
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: Welcome, welcome
BOTH: Welcome, welcome to Olive U!
BANKER: What a peach of a kid!
What really cute kid,
She'll get places in life,
She'll go really far,
She'll be big in politics, or maybe a movie star
I've got friends in Washington, Washington, Washington.
I've got friends in Washington; they're into marvelous things.
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: You've got friends in Washington, Washington, Washington.
You've got friends in Washington; they're into marvelous things.
BANKER: They take a molehill of money,
Turn it into mountains of honey,
And listen as cash registers sing.
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: Iíve got friends in New York, New York, New York.
Iíve got friends in New York; they're doing fantastic stuff.
BANKER: You've got friends in New York, New York, New York.
You've got friends in New York; they're into fantastic stuff.
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: They light up their farts,
Then call it art,
And pulling in money by the truck.
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: What a wonderful time,
BANKER: What a wonderful place,
BOTH: This world we live in,
This amazing race.
We've got friends; they've taken us so far,
They're doing great things; they've broken the stars.
Such a glorious place,
Such glorious times,
This world we live in,
Making dollars from dimes,
This world we live in,
Making dollars from dimes.
LANDLORD/REALTOR: Before you ask,
Before you ask, first and last,
First and last.
Before you ask,
If this is the pad,
If this is the pad, you think you want,
You think you want,
I'm going to have to see,
I'm going to have to see
Some cash up front.
Well, I'm...
Sorry I didn't see that you are just as savvy as me.
Real estate is the investment place to be,
Here in the twenty-first century.
With prices going ever up and up,
There's no stopping this price inflation,
Just buy a house on spec,
Flip it then fill your cup,
You've turned a profit from a wreck!
I'm sorry I didn't see that you are just as savvy as me.
Real estate is the investment place to be,
Here in the twenty-first century.
LANDLORD/REALTOR: I want you to meet,
I want you to meet,
Our banker relation...
BANKER: Hello, hello, you cutie pie you,
You seem like somebody I've seen!
Somebody I've seen, maybe on the screen,
A face like yours, I'd never forget.
I'll remember what you've been in, I'm guessing I'll get it,
Cutie pie you,
I'll stick my finger on it,
I'll stick my finger in, then pull out a plum, from this foggy noggin of mine,
You cutie pie you,
And remember what it is that I've seen you in.
LANDLORD/REALTOR: Buy your house, fix up
Your lawn, go ahead and bake
Your money pie, then sell it and be gone to the next little honey pot,
Your next little money plot.
Cuz that's what I do, it's worked like sin.
BANKER: Cutie pie you, LANDLORD/REALTOR: Buy your house, fix up
BANKER: I'll stick my finger on it, LANDLORD/REALTOR: Your lawn, go ahead and bake,
BANKER: I'll stick my finger in LANDLORD/REALTOR: Your money pie,
BANKER: Then pull out a plum, from this LANDLORD/REALTOR: And be gone to the next little honey pot
BANKER: Foggy noggin of mine you cutie pie you LANDLORD/REALTOR: Your next little money plot.
BANKER: And remember what it is that I've seen you in. LANDLORD/REALTOR: Cuz thatís what I do, itís worked like sin.
BANKER: Cutie pie you, LANDLORD/REALTOR: Buy your house, fix up
BANKER: Iíll stick my finger on it, LANDLORD/REALTOR: Your lawn, go ahead and bake,
BANKER: Iíll stick my finger in LANDLORD/REALTOR: Your money pie,
BANKER: Then pull out a plum, from this LANDLORD/REALTOR: And be gone to the next little honey pot
BANKER: Foggy noggin of mine you cutie pie you LANDLORD/REALTOR: Your next little money plot.
BANKER: And remember what it is that I've seen you in. LANDLORD/REALTOR: Cuz that's what I do, itís worked like sin.
BANKER: Lookie here it's my mortgage broker friend,
He'll guide you to the bank, with money to lend.
The one that will give such fantastic rates,
For a season or two,
And then,
Well...
It's up to the Fates...
Now as a matter of mere formality,
In securing this collaterality,
The law requires us to obtain
With each monthly recurrence of the mortgage bill,
This little pill.
So state your income dear, on this line...
BANKER: ...here DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER and LANDLORD/REALTOR: So state your income dear on this line here.
BANKER: Oh I see, you're well off indeed, as befits, a star of stage and screen.
ALL THREE: Now just sign on line P, and initial page three...
Now just sign on line Q, and initial page two...
Now just initial line R, and sign on page four...
Now just initial line Z, and sign page seventy-three.
LANDLORD/REALTOR: Now my dear, for the closing fees, just the final matter
Before we turn over the keys...
What's this? What's this?
This will never do. This paper's no good, it will never do.
DEAN/MORTGAGE BROKER: A loan? A student loan?
You can't chase bad money after good
Can't turn diamonds into stone, nor turn gold into wood...
BANKER: Now now, now now, you didn't bamboozle us
Didn't bamboozle stick it to us up the ol' wazoozle, did you?
FINANCIER: Come now, need we quarrel
When oh so much sorrel can be had with this one good deed?
And carts of cash get trundled, when still more deeds get bundled.
So come friends, be at peace in greed.
Collateralized debt obligations are the backbone of nations,
Youíll find no nobler patriotic duties than buying mortgage backed securities,
In a world that scorns anything goes
Nothing says America like CDO's.
Credit swap derivatives propel a man's initiative, take him to greater peaks that he never knew,
And a hedge fund always knows where commercial paper flows,
Why worry when, why worry when, there's more business to brew?
(Spoken) Back in your grandfather's day, Uncle Sam would say
Buy war bonds to pay this nation's debt.
But men, now time has come when your country needs your funds
To take more lucrative bets...
ALL FOUR: Why worry when, why worry when
There is more business to brew?