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People in this country don't talk about death
If I would talk about it, sometimes people go
"Oh, be optimistic", you know, "don't talk that way. You're gonna be fine!"
And you really need to look at it, and this is the perfect way to do it
Annie's Psilocybin Therapy
Specifically with the cancer study,
we're administering psilocybin as a treatment for serious mental suffering
Certainly, individuals with advanced cancer often have significant levels of existential anxiety
I had lost my faith because of anxiety. I was just terrified
I was so anxious that it was hard to think about anything else
I was being irritable with my husband, Richard, when I was so anxious
And that was a very bad thing
She was irritable and we were both stressed out
and that's saying it was her fault
The dynamic of the interaction between us often led to quarreling
We talked about my intention
and my intention was to learn to control my anxiety so I could enjoy the rest of my life,
because I was not enjoying my life. At all
I'm there with the subject for the entire six hours
We take a standard hospital room, and my research coordinator
fixes it up with wall hanging and fabrics of weed,
really create a nice setting where patients are kind of cocooned
There were wall hangings and they brought orchids
I was thrilled with that!
And then I had one of my tankas, my favorite tanka right in the foot of my bed
And I advise them to go as deeply as possible into the experience
As soon as it started working I knew I had nothing to be afraid of
Because it connected me with the universe
It was very gentle, and there were people right there if I got upset
everything looked absolutely beautiful
I didn't see things that weren't there
With my eyes covered I saw patterns and visions and sort of faces and things
I thought about being involved with people I loved and about things I would do with them
things I would help them
I had an amazing spiritual experience so it reconnected me to the universe
I was lying on this hospital bed
and it felt like the bed had turned into a circle of hands that were holding me up
And I was being supported
They put an Ave Maria and for some reason
that made me cry about what effect my death would have on my granddaughter
and they all came over and they just put they're hands on top of my hands
they didn't say anything, but they we're just there. And it was very comforting
Every hour we check in, see how they're doing
I had to get up and go to the bathroom and when I was washing my hands I looked into the mirror
I used to have very long, curly hair. And people thought I was so much younger than I was...
now I looked my age, at least. So I went back into the room
and talked about that and we sort of came to the conclusion that
well, yes, I looked older but with age comes wisdom and maturity and I felt ok with it
When we came back
it was like someone had put on a light bulb inside Annie's head
She was literally glowing
Also for a cancer study we're looking at the impact of our treatment
on they're overall quality of life
After that session Richard and I went to Hawaii and we had a lovely time
You know, it wasn't weighing on my mind. I started chemo again and it went ok
I mean like anybody else Annie has good days and bad days
Some days, you know, you're in pain, you're noxious, whatever it is, form the treatment
It's not easy
and I really do believe that the psilocybin has continued to boil up her spirit
I wanted to spent more time with the people that were important in my life
And my relationship with my mother improved
because I finally told her
She was very antidrug, and I played a radio show I was on for her
and we have gotten so much closer since I opened up that part of my life to her
I don't look ahead us far, this summer I ordered plants for the spring, to put in my garden
but I... I'm much more focused on this moment, right now
What we did probably would have taken me years of therapy
and I would recommend psilocybin treatment
for anyone with a terminal or potentially terminal illness
It's incredibly helpful, it's more helpful than any other treatment I've ever had
subtitles: eduardo schenberg for www.plantandoconsciencia.org
Psilocybin Molecule
"Annie's Psilocybin Therapy" is part of the Medical Research on Psychedelics Documentary Archive Project
for more information contact: rdauber@igc.org www.doc-jukebox.com