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And here I am, in another country. Really far away from everybody who loves me. I don't
know what to do here. I think it's okay not to know. Someday, in the future, I will know
what I should have known that day. And, it won't matter. It won't matter, because you
don't have to know everything about life. Life's unpredictable.
If there was a guide on how to live properly, you should share it with me. You should share
it with everyone, because, knowledge... the knowledge is what keeps us... what keeps our
conscience clear.
Right now, I'm in another country, in Brasil. I don't know what to do. What should I do
tomorrow? I am tired of not being myself. Just going out playing dumm, drinking boose,
chatting with people I don't want to chat with, playing dumm games, stopping reading,
avoiding times alone with myself... what's next? If I abandoned myself so far by now,
what's next? The drugs, I forgot them. The alcohol, is still in my veins.
My beloved brother, my beloved mother, my beloved dad (the real ones): what's of your
life, dude? What's of your life, mom? What's of your life, dad? I don't know, but I wou..
But, you know, I can tell you what's going on with mine. As you read... no, as you listen
to this message, you will understand that I am going through some vortex of philosophy.
I am keen... I am eager to know how to live properly. But, even though I try so hard,
I cannot find an answer. Is there even an answer? I guess not.
Well, if someday I were to know the answer, should I share it with everybody? I don't
want to write a book just because it's fun. It takes much more energy to write it, than
just to think it. But, anyways, I should not be so selfish with the world. Let's change
the topic. I drunk so much today, I'm not feeling good. I just want to vomit, but if
I do my whole room will smell like vomit. I wonder what would be from myself in some
years.
Today, I'm 19 years old. This year is the year 2013. What's going to happen next? What's
gonna happen next, dude? Do you know? Yeah, I know. You are going to study college. Psychology
for sure. You are going to learn french, so you will be speaking five different languages.
You will be rich. As you grow old, you will get to know the world. You will have lots
of women. You will love everyone else as much as they love you. You will take care of your
health, but you will eventually crush it from time to time. And then, in the future, as
you lose your hair, as you start loving the routine, as you start getting children with
a really nice woman... You will... You will addapt to life. Finally, you will stop thinking
about what's important, beause it won't matter. In the future you'll... in the future it won't
matter at all.
But, if there's still hope in your heart, you will go for what? You would... You will
keep on searching the meaning of your existence in this world. You have about 60 years from
now, 70 if you got lucky. 80 if you are one of those people who are extremely lucky.
So you got some years from now to end your quest. What do you want to do? What do you
expect yourself to do? What does the world expects you to do? And what does everyone
want you to do? Avoid drugs. Avoid things that you don't want in your life. Focus on
what's important. And always remember: be yourself. If you want to make someone happy,
be sure that it will make you happy. Because, if you are not happy as well, no one deserves
happiness.