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Feldman: HE'S GOT ENOUGH MUSTACHE --
THAT'S PATTY HEARST'S OLD BOYFRIEND --
REMEMBER, WITH THE MUSTACHE?
LOOK, YOU DON'T LIKE THE EYES?
NO, I DON'T LIKE THE EYES.
SUNGLASSES.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
YOU SEE HOW IT CHANGES NOW?
I'M HIP.
AND MORE.
YOU LEFT OUT SOME OF THE CHINS, I UNDERSTAND.
WE DID THE WRAPAROUND SKIRT
BACK OVER THE OUTSIDE ARM
BECAUSE WE PEELED IT BACK TO TACK THE OUTSIDE ARM,
OR BACK PANEL, AS YOU WISH,
ALL THE WAY DOWN.
AND AS YOU REMEMBER --
DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER LAUGHTER?
ING PY ED FELDMAN.
GO BACK WITH THE 'FRO FROM 1973.
YOU KNOW, HE WEARS PLATFORM SHOES, TOO.
HE'S ONLY 3 FEET TAL.
HIM AND HIS FRIEND, ROY UNDERHILL,
WHO CAN BUILD A HOUSE WITH A ROCK.
SO NOW WE'LL PUT --
AGAIN WITH THE TACKSTRIP.
THE PENULTIMATE CARDBOARD TACKSTRIP.
OP.
I WANT THIS VERY CLOSE TO THE TOP.
WHY? BECAUSE I WANT TO HIDE ALL THIS STUFF.
AND I'M GOING TO PUT THIS ALL THE WAY UP THERE.
ALL THE WAY UP THERE.
ALL THE WAY UP THERE.
UP THERE. UP IN THERE.
OH, BOY.
IT'S A MESS. DON'T SAY IT.
IF YOU COULD SEE INTO MY BRAIN,
YOU COULD SEE HOW VERY BORED I A
BECAUSE I HAVE NO LIFE.
THAT RHYMES WITH ANOTHER WORD.
CHRISSY, BRING ME THE BIG KNIFE!
SHUT UP.
MADE YOU LAUGH.
TRAGEDY IN MY LIFE ALWAYS MAKES ME
COMEDY...TRAGEDY.
BEMUSEMENT.
SHOCK.
SOMETHING STUCK IN THE NOSE.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
HEY, HEY!
ACHOO! WHICH ONE WAS REAL?
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
NOW WE HAVE TO DROP THE WHOLE THING DOWN,
AND YOU HAVE TO LIFT...
PUT ONE HAND THERE.
PULL THIS FORWARD.
YEAH.
NOW, YEAH.
I'M JUST ENJOYING YOUR STRENGTH.
COME ON.
OKAY, OKAY.
ONE UNDER HERE.
NOT AT THE NOSTRIL.
THERE YOU GO.
BECAUSE WE NEED ONE TO HOLD IT
WHILE WE DO THE TACKSTRIPS.
GIVE TO ME --
RENDER UNTO FELDMAN THAT WHICH IS FELDMAN'S.
WHAT?
WHAT?
WE FOUND OUT THAT THIS WAS FROM FRANCE ORIGINALLY
BECAUSE WE FOUND IN IT MARCEL MARCEAU'S HAIR.
THAT'S A BON MOT.
YEAH, BON MOT.
WHICH MEANS -- A GOOD MOT.
RIGHT. DU BON MOT.
OR THE SATISFIED MO.
THERE WE ARE.
THERE WE ARE.
MOE ALWAYS GOT BEAT UP.
ALWAYS GAVE THE LICKIN'. HE ALWAYS GOT ABUSED.
BUT OCCASIONALLY...
SOMETIMES HE WAS REALLY SATISFIED.
USUALLY BEFORE A PLATE OF FOOD.
AND HE'D SAY...
HE'D SAY, "AH, THERE WE ARE."
RIGHT BEFORE THE CLAM WOULD ATTACK CURLY.
NOW I'M GOING TO PUT IN THE TACKSTRIP
D
REMEMBER THIS AS BEING THE OUTSIDE BACK.
WE HAVE CALLED IT THE OUTSIDE BACK FOR OUR OWN --
WHICH IS A LOT DIFFERENT THAN THE OUTSIDE ARM.
OH, IT'S SO DIFFERENT.
IN THAT IT'S LIKE A LITTLE BIGGER.
THERE'S A "B" IN IT.
NO, THE DIFFERENCE IS --
WELL, THE ONE HAS A TIC-TAC-TOE UNDERNEATH.
THE OTHER HAS A PICTURE OF YOU.
NO, THE OU
ONLY HAS ONE METAL TACKSTRIP.
DEUX.
YOU DO LIKE -- HEY!
YEAH.
YOU WANT TO TUCK AND *** AT THE SAME TIME?
I OFTEN DO.
YEAH?
MY CASE COMES UP TUESDAY.
TUG.
TUG AND PATTY.
I'M EYEING IT UP. THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
HE'S THE SUPERVISOR.
I'M EYEING DOWN.
I SHOULD BE SMOKIG A CIGARETTE,
BUT I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.
HEY, YOU KNOW,
YOU GOT BLOOD ON YOUR HAND THERE.
THE RED COLOR IS COMING OUT.
I'M GOING TO PUT A BULLET IN YOU IN A MINUTE.
I'M GOING TO HIT YOU WITH AN EGG.
GO AHEAD, KEEP POINTING.
WATCH...
I'LL COME AROUND THIS SIDE
SO MY FANS CAN SEE ME SWEAT HEAD ON.
OH, NOW IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
NOW IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
NOW I JUST NEED THE STAPLE GUN.
WHAT ABOUT UP HER?
WHAT?
OH, THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL BEVEL.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
BYZANTINE ARCH BEVEL BLOCK.
LOOK -- BLOOD!
AND THEN I'LL JUST PUT A ROW OF STAPLES
UNDERNEATH HERE.
THERE YOU GO.
*** THAT UP LIKE THAT.
IT'S ALMOST A SHOW.
NOW, ALL THAT'S NEEDED IS A CAMBRIC --
Staff: OR A DUSTCOVER.
THEY'RE SO EXCITED.
AND NOW FOR THOSE OF YOU
WHO CAN'T GET ENOUGH
NO, WHO NEED WOOD --
WE ARE GOING TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING THAT WE DID
WHILE WE WERE OUTSIDE IN THE LOVELY SUN.
ROAD TRIP.
WE'RE OUT OF THE SHOP!
OUT OF THAT HOT, STINKING SHOP
INTO THE HOT, STINKING SUN!
LOOK WHAT'S BEHIND US.
WE GOT SOME DOORS HERE.
NICE DOORS.
THEY'RE VERY NICE DOORS.
I DID THESE DOORS ABOUT NINE YEARS AGO.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO STRIP THEM
AND REFINISH THEM,
BUT WE ARE GOING TO RECOAT THEM,
USING THE SAME KIND OF VARNISH
THAT I PUT ON THOSE NINE YEARS AGO.
YOU GOT PAID THEN. NOT THIS TIME.
NOW I HAVE A TV SHOW.
LOOK AT HIM UP THERE.
HE'S CLEANING ALL THE DUST OUT OF THE CORNERS.
AND IT'S FUN, TOO.
HE'S USING AN OLD PAINTBRUSH.
YOU DON'T PUT THAT IN THE VARNISH CAN AFTERWARDS.
YOU WANT TO GET AS MUCH DUST AS YOU CAN
OFF OF THE SURFACE.
OH, THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR THIS SIDE.
NOW YOU WANT TO ROUGHEN UP THE SURFACE.
SO GIVE IT A GOOD SANDING.
YOU'LL ENSURE THAT THE VARNISH
IS GOING TO STICK
BY DOING THIS SANDING
AND GIVING THE SURFACE A TOOTH.
NEXT!
OKAY, NEXT YOU WANT TO WASH
WITH SOME PAINT THINNER, PAPER TOWEL.
THIS WILL GET ALL THE DIRT AND DUST OFF.
ALSO REMOVE THE SANDING DUST.
SEE THAT? SEE THE PRETTY COLOR COME UP?
THAT'S WHAT THE NEW VARNISH
IS GOING TO MAKE THE DOORS LOOK LIKE.
NOW DOWN HERE YOU GOT ANOTHER PROBLEM.
WE'VE RUN INTO A STICKER FROM THE ALARM COMPANY
THAT'S ON THE DOOR.
THIS WILL PEEL OFF VERY EASILY.
NOT LIKE SOME STICKERS.
WHAT THAT MEANS --
THIS COMPANY MADE A LOT OF MONEY
BECAUSE THEY WERE ABLE TO MAKE GOOD STICKERS
FOR THEMSELVES.
RIGHT.
NOW IT WILL SURPRISE THE BURGLARS
WHEN THEY COME IN.
YOU DON'T WANT TO WARN THEM.
THERE'S GOING TO BE A RESIDUE,
A STICKY RESIDUE,
WHICH WILL COME OFF EASILY WITH THE PAINT THINNER.
WITH THE SAME PAINT THINNER
WE'VE BEEN CLEANING EVERYTHING ELSE WITH.
SEE, THESE DOORS AREN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR BOTH OF US TO WORK AT THE SAME TIME.
IT REMOVES IT,
BUT YOU WANT TO SAND THIS PANEL.
THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO, REALLY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO CRAZY WITH THE SANDING
BECAUSE THE VARNISH IS STILL GOOD ON HERE.
THEY HAVE AGENTS IN THEM THAT ARE UV BLOCKERS.
THEY BLOCK THE SUN'S RAYS.
AND THEY REMAIN -- IT ALLOWS THE DOOR,
OR THE FINISH TO REMAIN PLIABLE.
SO IN THE WINTER AND THE SUMMER
WHEN THE DOOR CONTRACTS AND EXPANDS,
THE VARNISH MOVES WITH IT.
THAT'S WHY MARINE VARNISHES ARE GREAT.
HE UNDERSTANDS THAT. I DON'T.
SOMETHING ABOUT SUNGLASSES, I KNOW.
NOW WE'LL WASH THE REST OF THE DOOR OFF.
REMEMBER, THE SANDING IS JUST A LIGHT SANDING.
YOU'RE NOT TAKING ANYTHING OFF.
YOU'RE JUST PREPARING THE SURFACE,
MAKING IT A LITTLE ITCHY
FOR THE SCRATCHINESS OF THE VARNISH.
BECAUSE THE REST OF THE DOOR
HAS ALL BEEN SANDED,
ALL WE GOT TO DO IS WAIT FOR THIS TO DRY
AND THEN WE'LL BE READY TO RECOAT.
ABOUT DRYING TIMES - 24 HOURS TO BE SAFE.
CERTAINLY, IF YOU DO IT ONE DAY
AND IT'S NOT TOO HUMID,
IT WILL DRY BY THE NEXT DAY.
A LOT OF PEOPLE,
THEY'RE REALLY AFRAID
BECAUSE THEY THINK THERE'S SOME TRICK TO IT,
OR YOU GOT TO BE NEAT, OR IT'S HARD, OR IT RUNS.
JUST GET THE VARNISH ON,
AND THEN GO BACK AND THEN NEATEN IT UP
JUST BY PULLING OR PULLING THE VARNISH AWAY.
HE'S PANNING DOWN
THE BEAUTIFUL
W
THE LOVELINESS OF THE DOORS
AND THE LOVELINESS OF US.
THIS DIDN'T TAKE US LONG --
AN HOUR --
AN HOUR AND A HALF.
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TAKE GOOD CARE
OF EXTERIOR DOORS LIKE THIS,
YOU SHOULD DO THIS ONCE A YEAR.
A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK
THAT IF YOU PUT A LOT OF COATS OF VARNISH ON,
THAT'S GOING TO PROTECT THE DOOR EVEN MORE.
IT JUST MAKES IT MORE SUSCEPTIBLE TO DAMAGE.
IF THE DOORS ARE NEW, SAY,
TWO COATS SHOULD BE ENOUGH.
ONE CUT COAT -- 50/50 -- PAINT THINNER/VARNISH --
AND THEN A FULL-STRENGTH COAT
SHOULD BE MORE THAN ENOUGH.
BESIDES, IT GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO DO
UNTIL YOU DIE.
THE CLEANUP ON YOUR CLOTHES AND EVERYTHING,
THE PAINT THINNER --
DON'T GET IT ON YOUR CLOTHES.
WEAR OLD CLOTHES.
YOU WEAR NEW CLOTHES,
YOU'LL MAKE THEM OLD IN A SECOND.
WE'RE BACK.
AND IT'S FINISHED.
WE DID A LOT OF UPHOLSTERY...
AND A LITTLE BIT OF WOOD OUTSIDE.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO NEED YOUR WOOD.
AND WE CHANGED CLOTHES TWICE.
MM-HMM.
SO HERE'S THE "BEFORE"...
...CHAISE.
AND THE "AFTER."
[ SCREAMING ]
NO, THAT'S NOT THE REAL "AFTER."
WE FOOLED YOU.
THERE'S THE REAL "AFTER."
LOOK, I'M MAKING A TREE.
OH, IT'S GREAT.
THAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST NIGHT,
BUT YOU KNOW --
I'M ED FELDMAN.
AND WHO ARE YOU?
I'M JOE L'ERARIO.
ALWAYS...
Together: BE NICE TO YOUR FURNITURE.
-- CAPTIONS BY VITAC -- BURBANK, PITTSBURGH, WASHINGTON
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND THE LEARNING CHANNEL