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AH HA HA HA!
NEXT TIME A BOOK
A TABLE FOR 8:00, WOLFGANG
I EXPECT TO BE
SEATED AT 8 O'CLOCK.
A GOOD WINE.
NOT A GREAT WINE.
BUT LOCALLY GROWN
THAT'S FOR SURE.
HA HA HA HA HA.
A PLEASANT ENOUGH BOUQUET.
ALMOST REMINDS ME OF A GOOD
SCREAM SHERRY.
HEE HEE HEE HEE!
I HOPE YOU BROUGH YOUR APPETITE, KIDDIES,
BECAUSE TONIGHT'S
TASTELESS TIDBI
IS SOMETHING I'M SURE
YOU'LL SAVOR.
IT'S A REAL
EPIGOREANDELIGH
ABOUT A NICE
YOUNG COUPLE
WHO FIND
THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS
A LITTLE HARD TO SWALLOW.
I CALL THIS ADVENTURE
IN FINEDYING
WHAT'S COOKIN'.
I DON'T KNOW,
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE WE NEED
TO EXPAND THE MENU.
WHAT ABOUT
SQUID KABOB?
THAT COULD BE INTERESTING.
I GOT IT,
I GOT IT-
SQUID ON A STICK.
YEAH.
SQUID ON A STICK-
IT'S A FINGER FOOD
AND TAKEAWAY FOOD ALL IN ONE.
OUR TROUBLES ARE OVER.
SQUID ON A STICK
WILL PUT US ON THE MAP.
HONEY, IF YOU BURY
THAT THING IN MY NECK,
YOU'LL WRECK THE BLADE.
IT'S AN EXPENSIVE CLEAVER.
THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM ANYMORE.
SQUID ON A STICK
IS AN EVEN STUPIDER IDEA
THAN OWNING A RESTAURAN THAT ONLY SERVES SQUID.
REMEMBER WHAT THEY TOLD
COLONEL SANDERS IN 1956-
"A CHICKEN RESTAURANT?
YOU MUST BE MAD.
"
IF THAT'S MADNESS,
YOU CAN COUNT ME IN.
HONEY, WE'LL BE
THE BASKIN-ROBBINS OF SEAFOOD.
I THINK
ERMA'S ONTO SOMETHING.
ERMA'S ONTO SOMETHING.
SQUID IS NICE AND ALL,
BUT MAYBE A LITTLE
DIVERSIFICATION
WOULD BE GOOD.
WHO ASKED YOU, GASTON?
YOU'RE JUST A DRIFTER.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
I KNOW THIS MUCH-
ANYBODY CAN BECOME
A DRIFTER
BY SELLING
WHAT PEOPLE DON'T WANT.
I HAVE THIS RECIPE
FOR BARBECUE-
BARBECUE, ANY IDIO CAN DO BARBECUE.
NOT MY BARBECUE.
I PAY YOU TO CLEAN UP.
JUST CLEAN UP, O.
K.
?
I PAY YOU TO CLEAN UP.
JUST CLEAN UP, O.
K.
?
HEY, PHIL.
MORNING, FRED, ERMA.
TOUGH NIGHT?
TOUGH AIN'T THE WORD.
BETWEEN THE MUGGERS
AND THE KILLERS
I'M GETTING TO GOD DAMN
OLD FOR THIS ***.
WE GO YOUR SQUID SANDWICH
COMING RIGHT UP.
NO OFFENSE, BUT I COULDN' STOMACH SQUID MCMUFFIN TODAY.
HEY, PHIL?
LET ME GUESS.
SQUID?
HA!
HEY,
I'M SORRY FOR WHA FRED SAID BEFORE.
HE'S A VISIONARY.
I RESPECT THAT.
WHAT IS A CLASSY
LADY LIKE YOU
DOING WITH
A GUY LIKE HIM?
WELL, MAYBE IT'S LIKE YOU
SAID HE'S GOT A VISION.
YOU OUGHT TO LEAVE HIM
AND COME LIVE WITH ME.
I'VE GOT VISION, TOO.
WELL, THAT'S SWEET,
BUT, UH
THANKS FOR THE OFFER.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO WALK YOU HOME?
NO.
I CAN TAKE CARE
OF MYSELF.
NO.
I CAN TAKE CARE
OF MYSELF.
BESIDES, FRED'S
GOING TO BE HOME SOON.
BYE.
MR.
CHUMLEY.
HI.
FEEL FREE TO REMIND ME
IF I'M WRONG,
BUT LAST WEEK,
DID WE OR DID WE NO
HAVE A CONVERSATION
IN WHICH YOU AGREED
YOU WOULD DELIVER
INTO MY HANDS YESTERDAY
THE THREE MONTHS' BACK REN THAT YOU OWE ME?
YES, SIR, WE DID SAY
SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES.
AND WHAT DAY IS TODAY?
IS TODAY, YESTERDAY?
NO.
TODAY IS TODAY.
AND DO YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW
TODAY IS TODAY?
BECAUSE IF TODAY
WERE YESTERDAY.
I'D HAVE A CHECK
IN MY HANDS.
MR.
CHUMLEY BUSINESS
IS PICKING UP.
IF YOU COULD FIND IT IN YOUR
HEART TO GIVE ME MORE TIME.
CAN I GET YOU
SOMETHING TO EAT?
NO!
THE ONLY THING I WAN FROM YOU IS MY MONEY.
THE ONLY THING I WAN FROM YOU IS MY MONEY.
I COULD
WRITE A CHECK-
BUT YOU AIN'T GOT IT.
NO, SIR.
I'M GOING TO BE BACK TOMORROW
WITH AN EVICTION NOTICE
AND A NEW SET OF LOCKS.
ONE OTHER TINY LITTLE THING-
YOU'RE ONE LOUSY COOK.
YOU FAT SON OF A ***!
YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
DON'T YOU GO.
OH!
OH, MY GOD, MR.
CHUMLEY,
I'M SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
OH!
OH!
MR.
CHUMLEY?
MR.
CHUMLEY,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
YOU'RE CRAZY!
I'M CALLING THE COPS!
PLEASE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
MR.
CHUMLEY!
HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVE.
HI.
BOY, YOU'RE SURE
IN A GOOD MOOD.
ARE YOU WEARING PERFUME?
WELL, I WAS WALKING HOME
AND ALL OF SUDDEN I FELT SEXY.
WELL, I WAS WALKING HOME
AND ALL OF SUDDEN I FELT SEXY.
YOU'RE HOME LATE.
WHAT KEPT YOU?
WHAT KEPT YOU?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
MR.
CHUMLEY STOPPED BY
TODAY AFTER YOU LEFT.
MR.
CHUMLEY STOPPED BY
TODAY AFTER YOU LEFT.
OH, NO!
NO.
IT'S NOT AS BAD
AS YOU THINK.
REALLY, NOW LISTEN
TO ME.
YOU STILL HAVE
A LITTLE ROOM LEF
ON ONE OF YOUR
CREDIT CARDS, RIGHT?
RIGHT? SO
WE TAKE SOME OF THAT MONEY
AND WE BUY A WHOLE
TON OF PORK.
IT'S THE OTHER WHITE MEAT.
OH, SHUT UP!
FRED!
YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT KEEPING
US OFF THE STREET NOT IN DEBT.
I'VE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING I HAVE
AND NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT.
WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE UP.
LOOK, IF YOU WERE
TO SAY RIGHT NOW
THAT YOU NEVER WANTED
TO SEE ME AGAIN,
I'D UNDERSTAND.
ALL I CAN SAY IS
I'M SORRY.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GE RID OF ME THAT EASILY.
I MARRIED YOU FOR RICHER
OR FOR POORER.
I MARRIED YOU FOR RICHER
OR FOR POORER.
BESIDES, YOU OWE ME
A *** LOAD OF MONEY.
I THINK I'M
GOING TO CRY.
I'LL MAKE US SOME COFFEE.
THERE'S NO POIN IN DOING THAT, GASTON.
WE'RE BEING EVICTED.
FRED 'N' ERMA'S
IS HISTORY.
THIS IS TERRIBLE.
HEY, PHIL.
WHAT A NIGHT.
I'M SO DAMN HUNGRY,
I COULD ACTUALLY EA A SQUID SANDWICH.
WE'RE ONLY
SERVING COFFEE TODAY.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANY EGGS
OR SOMETHING?
WE MAY HAVE
A COUPLE LEFT.
WE MAY HAVE
A COUPLE LEFT.
AND STEAKS?
STEAK AND EGGS
SOUNDS GREAT.
UH,
I DIDN'T WAN TO SAY ANYTHING.
I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY NOT TO.
YOU KNOW THAT BARBECUE IDEA
I WAS TALKING ABOUT?
WELL, I TOOK THE INITIATIVE
AND SPOKE WITH THIS SUPPLIER
WHO GAVE ME A GOOD DEAL.
I HOPE YOU'RE NO ANGRY WITH ME.
I AIN'T ANGRY,
I'M STARVED.
GRILL THAT BABY.
I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, OFFICER.
IT'S SPECIALLY CURED.
IT'S AN OLD FAMILY RECIPE.
GOD, THAT SMELLS GOOD.
EVEN THE COFFEE
TASTES BETTER.
HEY, FRED?
YOUR LANDLORD'S
NAMED CHUMLEY, RIGHT?
UH-HUH.
WHY?
WE FOUND HIS CAR
AND HIS EMPTY WALLET.
WHAT HAPPENED?
DON'T KNOW.
LOOKED LIKE
A HELL OF A STRUGGLE,
THOUGH-
BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE.
BLOOD? IS HE DEAD?
DON'T KNOW.
THERE WAS NO BODY.
WE ONLY KNOW
HE NEVER MADE IT HOME.
JUDGING FROM THE CAR,
IF HE'S WALKING AROUND,
IT'S A MIRACLE.
DON'T OVERCOOK THAT, ERMA.
I LIKE IT RARE.
WHATEVER'S COOKING
ON THAT GRILL
SMELLS INCREDIBLE.
THROW ONE ON FOR ME.
MAKE THAT TWO.
LADIES
HERE YOU GO.
GASTON, CAN I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU, PLEASE?
THAT'S MR.
CHUMLEY'S
HANDKERCHIEF.
WHERE DID YOU GET IT?
HE GAVE IT TO ME.
YOU'RE LYING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
I DO YOU A FAVOR,
AND YOU CALL ME
A LIAR.
THERE'S YOUR STEAK.
HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
MMM.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT MR.
CHUMLEY.
THIS CITY'S
TURNING INTO A SEWER.
I'LL TELL YOU,
MAKES EARLY RETIREMEN LOOK BETTER AND BETTER.
IF ONLY I COULD FIND
SOMETHING ELSE TO DO
WITH MYSELF.
MMM.
THROW ONE
ON FOR ME.
HEY, GASTON
IS THIS ALL THE STEAK
THERE IS?
NO.
THERE'S MORE
IN THE FREEZER.
COULD YOU BRING SOME
OUT FRONT?
SURE THING.
SURE THING.
I'M SORRY, GASTON.
I DON'T MEAN TO ACCUSE YOU
OF ANYTHING.
IT'S O.
K.
, MAN.
I UNDERSTAND.
HEY, GASTON,
WE GOT PEOPLE WAITING.
FRED, WILL YOU HOLD
THIS DOOR OPEN?
YEAH.
SURE.
YOU KILLED MR.
CHUMLEY!
GEE, FRED, YOU
MAKE IT SOUND SO UGLY.
YOU KILLED MR.
CHUMLEY!
YES.
O.
K.
, I KILLED HIM.
JUS HOLD THAT DOOR OPEN.
GASTON, FRED,
WHERE ARE YOU?
WE'VE GOT CUSTOMERS!
HE'LL BE RIGHT OU THERE, ERMA.
FRED, GET A GRIP.
IT'S A DOG EAT DOG
WORLD OUT THERE.
AND WE'RE ALL JUST DIFFEREN FLAVORS OF ALPO.
HEY, DON'T KEEP THE DOOR
OPEN LONG HE'LL SPOIL.
OH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RECIPE
IS, BUT THAT BRILLIANT.
OH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RECIPE
IS, BUT THAT BRILLIANT.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
WE MUST HAVE MADE
$1,500 TODAY.
OH, WOW.
SO THIS IS WHA THE RESTAURAN BUSINESS IS LIKE.
WHAT'S WRONG?
WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT'S JUST
WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT'S JUST
YOU DON'T LIKE
MAKING MONEY?
GASTON,
YOU'RE A GENIUS.
HOW'D A GUY LIKE YOU
EVER END UP
ON THE STREETS?
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS-
A RUN OF BAD LUCK.
I'M GETTING
SOME STEAKS
OUT OF THE FREEZER.
NO, NO.
UM, I'LL DO IT.
WHY DON'T YOU
PUT THE CHAIRS
ON THE TABLE?
YOU AND ME GOT TO TALK.
YEAH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGH WE GOT TO TALK.
THIS HAS GOT TO
STOP.
I'M GOING
TO CALL THE COPS.
AND WHAT WILL YOU SAY,
FRED?
I KILLED YOUR LANDLORD
BECAUSE YOU
OWED HIM MONEY?
THERE'S NOT MUCH MOTIVE
IN THAT.
BESIDES, YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO CUT HIM LAST NIGHT.
THERE WERE WITNESSES-
THOSE GUYS THAT LIVE
ON THE STREET.
I WASN'T EVEN THE ONE
THAT COOKED HIM.
YOUR WIFE DID THAT.
SO, YOU'RE GOING TO
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
AREN'T YOU PARTNER?
AREN'T YOU PARTNER?
PARTNER?
THAT SOUNDS FAIR TO ME.
I SUPPLY THE MEAT.
ALL YOU DO IS COOK I
HOWEVER MANY WAYS
YOU WANT.
I'VE GO A LITTLE SURPRISE.
I'VE GO A LITTLE SURPRISE.
I'VE BEEN SAVING THIS
FOR THE DAY WE HAD
SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE.
I'D ALMOST GIVEN UP.
I'LL PUT IT ON SOME ICE.
NO! UH, NO.
MMM, HONEY,
UM, I'M REALLY TIRED.
WE'VE BEEN HERE ALL DAY.
WHY DON'T WE GO OU AND CELEBRATE, O.
K.
?
FRED, WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
MAYBE HE HAD A VISION.
MAYBE HE HAD A VISION.
FRED, *** SWARTSBURG,
JUST ORDERED SECONDS.
HE'S THE RESTAURANT CRITIC
FOR THE DAILY BUGLE.
DO YOU KNOW WHA THAT MEANS?
IT MEANS WE'RE A HIT.
IT MEANS HE LOVES US.
REALLY.
YOU SEE, FRED, IT'S
YOUR DREAM COME TRUE.
WE ARE ALL
GOING TO BE
FILTHY RICH.
YEAH, I GUESS WE ARE.
YEAH, I GUESS WE ARE.
MMM.
HEY, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S NOT BAD.
HEY, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S NOT BAD.
MMM.
THAT IS ACTUALLY
DAMN GOOD.
MMM! YES! YES!
WE ARE GOING TO BE RICH!
HERE YOU GO,
RARE AND JUICY
LIKE YOU ORDERED.
THANK YOU.
PHIL, HOW YOU DOING?
THE USUAL?
MY WIFE WANTS TO KNOW
WHY I NEVER EAT AT HOME.
IF SHE COOKED LIKE YOU GUYS,
I'D NEVER LEAVE.
IF SHE COOKED LIKE YOU GUYS,
I'D NEVER LEAVE.
HEY, WE GOT A BREAK
ON YOUR LANDLORD.
THERE WAS THIS METAL
IN THE BLOOD SAMPLE
WE TOOK-
A VERY UNUSUAL ALLOY.
IT CAME FROM A KNIFE BRAND
NOT MADE ANYMORE.
WE'RE CHECKING
THE COMPANY'S RECORDS,
SEE WHO BOUGHT IT.
WE'LL I.
D.
THE KILLER
ANY DAY NOW.
WE'LL I.
D.
THE KILLER
ANY DAY NOW.
$7,857.
WE'D BETTER START THINKING
ABOUT EXPANDING.
I'VE GOT TO GO
TELL FRED.
ALMOST $8,000.
HA HA HA!
THAT IS OUR BEST DAY YET.
HA HA HA!
THAT IS OUR BEST DAY YET.
WHAT'S EATING YOU?
DON'T SAY THAT,
YOU HEAR ME?
DON'T SAY THAT!
I DON'T GET YOU.
I
I DON'T GET YOU.
I
I'M GOING HOME.
I'M GOING HOME.
PAL, YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
YOU HEARD
WHAT PHIL SAID.
WE'VE HAD IT!
MAYBE WE'LL PUT PHIL
ON THE MENU.
HE'S A COP,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME?
I'LL CLEAN UP.
NO! I GOT TO THINK.
SUIT YOURSELF.
THERE'S GOT TO BE
A WAY OUT OF THIS.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
I DIDN'T MEAN
TO FRIGHTEN YOU.
CAN I COME IN
FOR A MINUTE?
WHY?
I'M WORRIED ABOUT FRED.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT FRED.
WELL, THAT MAKES
TWO OF US.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S WRONG.
I DO.
HE'S FEELING GUILTY.
ERMA
I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO TELL YOU THIS.
IT'S FRED.
HE'S BEEN KILLING PEOPLE.
WHAT?
IT'S TOO HORRIBLE.
THIS WHOLE
SECRET RECIPE THING,
IT'S FRED'S IDEA.
IT'S NOT MINE.
ARE
ARE YOU TELLING ME
THAT WE'VE BEEN-
THAT'S WHY HE STAYS LATE
AT THE RESTAURANT.
I SAW HIM WHEN HE KILLED
MR.
CHUMLEY.
I PROMISED
TO KEEP HIS SECRET,
BUT I'M SCARED FOR HIM.
HE KNOWS THE COPS
ARE ONTO HIM.
HE SAID HE'D KILL HIMSELF.
HE TOOK YOUR GUN.
OH, NO.
OH, MY GOD!
I'LL GO BACK
TO TRY AND STOP HIM.
YOU CALL FARLEY
AND TELL HIM TO HURRY THERE.
ERMA,
IT'S GOING TO BE O.
K.
ERMA,
IT'S GOING TO BE O.
K.
FRED? YOU HERE?
BACK HERE, GASTON.
AAH!
AAH!
AS USUAL,
WE'LL DO THINGS MY WAY.
I SAY YOU'RE GOING TO BLOW
YOUR FREAKING BRAINS OUT.
***-SUICIDE
PLAYS MUCH BETTER-
THE DISTRAUGHT COUPLE,
THE COPS CLOSING IN.
THEY WERE ARGUING, OFFICER,
WHEN I GOT HERE.
IT WAS HORRIBLE.
SHE PICKED UP A CLEAVER,
AND HE FIRED.
GOD!
YOU SAID THAT FRED
WAS GOING TO KILL
HIMSELF USING MY GUN.
FRED KNOWS I NEVER
PUT BULLETS IN MY GUN.
NOPE, NEVER.
I WON'T LET HER.
THANKS FOR THE CALL.
NOW, WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO
WITH HIM?
I DON'T KNOW.
HE HAS A BIG MOUTH.
I SAY HE DIES.
OFFICER!
OFFICER! OFFICER!
THANK GOD YOU MADE IT.
HERE ARE THE KILLERS.
THEY KILLED CHUMLEY,
AND WHO KNOWS
WHO ELSE?
YEAH, YEAH,
WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
ARREST THEM!
I COULD,
BUT, YOU SEE
I'VE DEVELOPED THIS TASTE.
WHAT?
AND THIS WOULD SOLVE
MY EARLY RETIREMEN PROBLEM-
SOMETHING TO DO
WITH MYSELF.
FARLEY'S FLAME-BROILED
SOUND O.
K.
TO YOU GUYS?
SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD
TO ME, PHIL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
ERMA?
I THINK IT SOUNDS
DOWNRIGH MOUTH-WATERING,
FRED.
THEN FIRE IT UP.
I'M STARVING.
IT'S ALREADY HOT.
NO! NO! NO! NO!
I SUPPOSE IT'S A LITTLE TOO LATE
FOR GASTON TO SAVE FACE.
TALK ABOU AFLESHIN THE PAN!
TALK ABOU AFLESHIN THE PAN!
I GUESS THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOUBUTCHERMONEY
WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS.
WHEN YOUBUTCHERMONEY
WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS.
AS FOR ME, KIDDIES,
I SAY IT'S TIME FOR TAPS.
MMM.
TILL NEXT TIME,
RESTAURATEURIN PEACE.
TILL NEXT TIME,
RESTAURATEURIN PEACE.