Ridiculist - Don't call 911 for this

>>> TIME NOW FOR "THE RIDICULIST." HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED. LAST NIGHT THE CABLE WENT OUT IN FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT. IT'S SOMETHING THAT WE DEAL WITH FROM TIME TO TIME. WHAT DID SOME PEOPLE DO IN FAIRFIELD? NATURALLY THEY CALLED THE POLICE. THAT'S RIGHT. NOT ONLY DID SEVERAL PEOPLE CALL THE POLICE DEPARTMENT'S NONEMERGENCY LINE AND I THINK EVEN NONEMERGENCY IS AN OVER STATEMENT FOR A CABLE OUTAGE BUT ONE PERSON CALLED 911. >> 911. >> HI, I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON. WE HAVE NO TV. >> MA'AM, 911 IS FOR A LIFE-THREATENING EMERGENCY. >> I KNOW THAT. I KNOW THAT. >> IS THIS A LIFE-THREATENING EMERGENCY? >> NO, WE'RE JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON? >> I SUGGEST THAT YOU CALL CABLEVISION OR WHOEVER YOUR PROVIDER IS. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. >> UNBELIEVABLE. APPARENTLY THERE WERE COMMENTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA THAT LINED UP WITH THIS. I THINK THIS WAS ALL ABOUT MY FAVORITE PROGRAM "BREAKING BAD." IT'S THE FINAL SEASON. LAST NIGHT WAS THE SECOND EPISODE OF THE FINAL SEASON AND ALL OF YOU FANS COULD NOT HANDLE MISSING OUT ON YOUR FIX. I GET THAT. I LOVE "BREAKING BAD" BUT SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, YOU HAVE TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOUR CABLE GOES OUT? GIVE ME A BREAK. YOU PROBABLY TWEETED ABOUT IT, TOO. OKAY. FINE. THAT WAS MY TWEET. ACTUALLY. IT'S FINE. I'M A BIG "BREAKING BAD" FAN. I MIGHT HAVE EVEN CONSIDERED CALLING 911 FOR A SPLIT SECOND IF MY CABLE WENT OUT LAST NIGHT OR AT LEAST I WOULD HAVE INT VITED MYSELF OVER TO BLITZER HOUSE TO WATCH ON HIS TV. AS "RIDICULIST" KNOWS, THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THAT PEOPLE CALLED 911 FOR LESS THAN URGENT REASONS. >> I THINK WE'RE DYING. >> HOW MUCH DID YOU GUYS HAVE? >> I DON'T KNOW. WE THINK WE'RE DYING. TIME IS GOING BY REALLY, REALLY SLOW. >> IN CASE YOU REALIZED, THAT GUY WAS REALLY *** AND I'M GUESSING THAT GUY IS STILL WAITING FOR THE RED WINGS TO SCORE. BUT IT'S NOT EVEN SPORTS OR SPECIAL BROWNIES THAT PROMPT PEOPLE TO CALL 911. NOTHING GETS PEOPLE FIRED UP QUITE LIKE A FOOD FIGHT. >> WHAT DO YOU NEED THE POLICE DEPARTMENT FOR? >> WELL I'M EATING AT THIS RESTAURANT ALL YOU CAN EAT FISH. >> UH-HUH. >> I JUST ASKED FOR SOME MORE FISH. THEY GAVE ME FOUR PIECES. AND THEY REFUSED TO GIVE ME ANY MORE FISH. AND IT'S RIGHT OUT ON THE SIGN IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING, ALL YOU CAN EAT FISH FRY. >> I ASSUME YOUR CABLE IS BACK ON NOW AND I WOULD APPRECIATE YOU NOT WANTING TO MISS "BREAKING BAD," I UNDERSTAND