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You know we couldn't make ourselves happy with our data.
How could we ever make anybody other happy
and satisfy their data if we can't even do it with ourselves?
And yet that's what we feel, what we commit to when we enter an intimate relationship
is we feel we need to comply perfectly
to the other person’s expectations of us,
and we feel of course that they should satisfy our wishes and needs and expectations,
and so it is just doomed to fail. Really it is.
There might be the occasional relationship where the match between the data-sets is so close
you could say, that it goes quite well. And I feel that our relationship was like that.
We didn't have a terrible relationship before being introduced to open intelligence,
but there were many areas that, especially being two psychologists
we had a lot to talk about, and sex is just one of those things
where, I can only speak for myself,
but where there are so many thoughts going on: “Is it the right day? Is it not the right day?”
And then you wake up in the morning and you really: “Hmmm, great day.”
But then you're: “Hmmm, now okay, got to go to work.”
And then, “What will the other person think? And is it the right day? What do I need to do?”
And there's all this stuff going on.
Then you maybe have the occasional great experience or maybe many great experiences,
but it's the investment of all the thinking
and all the hope and fear going on around it, if you just compare that
to the few moments of possible bliss and all the possible disappointment
and then all those things, before, during and after, all the thoughts:
“Is it right?”, “Is it not right?” And, so just allow yourself some time to bring that all to rest.
You're in the Empowerments, I think, right? So just take this time
even if you're not in the Empowerments, to get to know everything about yourself—completely
including your *** desire, including your body.
You're strong and capable enough to get to know yourself,
and just see how you feel about yourself
when you feel everything deeply, get to know all your thoughts.
I love that in the talk yesterday, that it's not about trying to conform
to an idea of what open intelligence looks like but really encountering all our daily activity
all our thinking, all our emoting, all our sensing and then maintain open intelligence
fiercely and directly, while everything is going on. That is a very big difference to trying
to comply to a certain set of instructions like: no more sex or no more bliss or no more that or....
to just allow, and of course that starts,
and I loved how you shared that and many people have that question—men and women,
like: “Will I ever have sex again? Because when I rest deeply with the desire
then it just resolves.” And what? Then you'll know.
You know, sex isn't anything different than anything else,
you didn't think about whether you wiggle your toes now or not,
you didn't need to make a decision for that. And then when you rest
you don't: “Well, do I wiggle or not wiggle?" And you'll just wiggle them or don't.
You know, that's not the point. It's the same with sex,
you just either wiggle or you don't,
but that becomes irrelevant in a way,
but what you definitely get is complete stability within.
Complete stability within, so that if you then do decide to go ahead,
there is complete enjoyment. And if you decide to just not go ahead, there is complete enjoyment,
so you're free, you're truly free. Not only free as an idea, but you're really free to make a choice.
And that choice of being of benefit
doesn't mean to sit down and think: well, is it? because I mean how would it be of benefit
or not to have sex? I mean, what conclusion could you come to?
Or is it of benefit or not to have a walk?
It's not a cognitive process all the time.
We spontaneously align with the beneficial intent of nature
in which everything happens spontaneously,
and by aligning with that impulse to be of benefit
that pervades all of intelligence, the singularity that is this cosmos,
this intelligence that continually reconfigures itself to an incredible display.
I mean, look at everything, how beautiful everything is.
Look at how beautiful you are. Look at how beautiful your partner is.
And when we see all of those things
that we didn't like and that we thought we need to change
that they're actually the glow and shine of natural perfection,
an intimate relationship is the perfect place to discover that.
I would say that for me that was the last place where I really had this 100% commitment.
It's like coming home after a long day of work and then you think: “Ah! Finally I can be myself!”
But then to truly be oneself means that we... and truly be honest,
you'll get to that in the Empowerments, doesn't mean to then display all our data,
but it means to really enact our beneficial potency
in the relationship that is closest to us, that we feel is most important,
and where we then feel we have the right to be what we think is to be normal again.
But normal really means to not be a victim of our data,
and sex is really just a small fraction of that.
And the way this played out for myself was
that I did definitely had to have the greatest commitment
in the relationship with Kathy,
because there just have been so many ideas
of why I am in an intimate relationship
and if you don't make your point in an argument
then it means that you'll have a weaker position for the rest of the...
and then it always...
you know, if you have an arrangement that you will share doing the dishes
or, you know, these little silly things in daily life
and then it's the day where the other should do the dishes and they aren't done,
now, you would actually have time the other person completely has no time,
but then: “Hm, I could do the dishes but then it means I always do the dishes,
because it's her day, her dishwashing day.” And you know, just let all of that rest
in your power of great benefit and see that really the purpose of a relationship
is to bring service and love and care to the relationship.
Not in a way where... and at least for me as a man, that was one of my pet points of view
my big points of view is I had to be the knight,
the dark knight on the dark horse and the savior and...
So not that kind of disempowering, codependent type of service, but just the complete flow of love
where you actually also know that the other person is empowered and they don't need you to be happy,
where it's not like a trade of: "I'll do this and then I'll be loved more
or then they'll need me or they'll see how important I am in their life"
and all of those kinds of things. All of those thoughts probably come up, if they have come up before,
but we don't have to make our decisions based on them.
I think the whole idea of learning needs to be looked at in a completely different way
that subsumes the old way of learning.
You know, that word subsuming, it took me a while to get used to that,
for those of you who maybe aren't native speakers or aren't mathematicians
and know that from set theory, it means that you don't put something old away:
it's included and contained in the new way of doing things, it's subsumed,
in a more comprehensive order of intelligence. So of course you'll read a book; at least for now,
our way as humans with those kinds of senses we currently have, until we have chips all over,
you know, if you just think of this whole room would have been filled with a computer
that could add one plus one equals two, a few decades ago.
Today you have these tiny devices, like in your watch or in cellphones,
that if it wasn't for the display they could be the size of a watch,
but it would be very impractical. But the processing power is so unfathomably high,
compared to the one plus one computer in the forties,
that it's very obvious how we're going.
But for now, our mode of entering data into our own search engine
is mostly by reading and by using our other senses,
so of course, that's included: you'll read a book and you'll talk to your students.
But then, what is the underlying idea of intelligence? What is a human mind?
If you believe that your mind is a closed system,
and that you need to feed it intelligence, and you need to feed it knowledge
that is basically incomprehensible, then you'll have a very difficult time learning.
But then if you look at your own experience when you relax deeply,
you know in any moment how to respond. Now, you could call that: without learning.
You know, you're in an interaction with somebody, you don't need to learn anything about them;
you don't need to learn anything about how to be,
you just respond naturally, spontaneously, openly: always according to time, place and circumstance.
So already there you can see, you don't need to learn that,
you'll know moment-by-moment- by-moment on how to be.
And the same is true for all knowledge;
it's just that we have singled out some of that knowledge as being special knowledge,
but of course all the knowledge is already there. Where would it come from?
Like gravity was there before somebody discovered: "Wow, that there must be a force behind that,
because every time I drop it, the same thing happens." So they described it as gravity.
But that doesn't mean that in all the centuries,
millennia, and billions of years before, gravity didn't exist.
So all knowledge is already present, we just learn to access it and to make it usable.
But when the underlying mechanism of intelligence is clarified,
then the learning just goes through the roof.
And I can only share in my own experience, learning new things that I had no idea about,
it is a completely different experience.
I remember one thing, when I started doing the website,
we had a virus-attack to the website, I did not know what a virus was,
well, I heard about it, but I didn't know what it was, and somebody sent me a link
and said, “You need to check this page, there is a virus on there.” I'm: "What?"
So I thought: “All right.” And I opened my html-editor, and then I looked at the page,
I looked at a couple of other pages: it was just gibberish, lots of numbers and symbols
and a little bit of text, but then it was obvious:
“Ah yeah, this must be the virus; the malware.” And it was.
So, if you focus on all the tension in your head when you try to solve a problem,
then it's a very tight space, and usually we just hop from one old solution that we've had to another.
But by just relaxing the mind completely, then it is this vast expanse
that is always clear and stable.
We basically plug into the master frame, you know,
the data-base that already includes and contains all knowledge,
rather than insisting of needing to transfer knowledge into our little hard-drive,
it's just a continuous flow, so the log-in and password
are always short moments of open intelligence:
you can crack any code with that log-in and password,
and I'm sure you've seen that already, just for yourself.
And then to develop a training program,
we'll definitely have completely different universities,
where learning happens in a very different way than we do today,
and where the students are much more empowered than they are today, in terms of contributing.
And just the entire system is based on a wrong idea about what humans are
what the role is that we all carry, within that.