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I'm in the Great Smoky Mountains
on a true mission impossible.
I'm gonna tackle
outdoor adventures that require legs,
and I don't have them.
I want to scale a 50-foot pine tree
just like the lumberjacks...
Wow. It's a little scary, actually.
...tumble head over *** in a Zorb...
[ Laughing ] The best idea ever!
...and pilot a solo cataraft through some gnarly rapids.
Whoo-hoo!
Let's just hope I haven't gotten myself in too deep.
Everyone loves adventure,
but you've never been on a ride like this.
I'm Kevin Michael Connolly.
I was born without legs.
But I've never let that get in my way.
[ Laughs ]
See, my parents treated me like any Montanan kid,
so we ditched the prosthetics,
and my dad literally pushed me off a cliff to teach me to ski.
Now I've won medals on mountains,
dropped 100-foot jumps on my monoski,
and traveled the globe, all on my hands and ***.
[ Laughs ]
I'm always finding new ways to push the limits.
Aah!
Four!
Because I am armed and ready.
Appalachia --
home to the Great Smoky Mountains
and one of the wildest,
most beautiful places in America.
With more than 500,000 acres of rugged wilderness,
this is a prime spot for me to get back to nature.
It's just amazing getting to skate in a place
that's just so green
and the hills are all this perfect pitch.
I'm on a mission to explore the majesty of the Smokies
and get into some rugged outdoor activities
that you'd think would be impossible for a legless dude.
I'm gonna roll down a hill in a sphere
that normally requires hand and foot straps.
I'm going to take on some class-4 rapids
on a raft with nothing holding me in
and no foot bar for leverage and balance.
And at a boot camp for modern-day lumberjacks,
they're going to introduce me to the world of timber sports
and teach me to do something I never thought I could do --
scale a tree.
Yeah.
The gateway to my wilderness adventure
is right here in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.
I can't wait to check it out.
As a born-and-raised Montana boy,
this place should be right up my alley.
[ Growls ]
Or maybe not.
Oh, man.
$9.99. It's a steal!
[ Laughs ]
Just one door down and I get screwed.
Pigeon Forge!
Hmm. Not quite what I expected.
Look at all the neon.
It's like a hillbilly Las Vegas.
But instead of casinos and call girls,
we've got re-creation of the Titanic,
King Kong climbing a skyscraper,
upside down hotel, world-famous cleavage.
Damn. This place is full
of quirky characters and attractions.
I'll fit right in.
I'm gonna get rolling
with one of the nuttiest activities of all --
Zorbing.
[ Chuckles ]
Zorb, generally known as globe riding,
started in New Zealand.
But here in the U.S.,
Pigeon Forge is one of the only places you can partake
in this particular brand of craziness.
My guide is Shane, also imported from New Zealand.
It looks pretty cozy in there.
It's like some sort of test apparatus for NASA.
[ Both laugh ]
We'll strap your shoulders in. Can't strap your legs in.
Well, if I'm lacking the second part,
is that gonna be a problem?
No, you'll be fine.
See, a biped is suspended at four points.
For me, without the use of foot straps,
I'm really hoping the bouncing isn't so extreme
that I dislocate a shoulder,
which I kind of need to get around on my skateboard.
[ Laughs ]
[ Grunts ]
All right. No need for the foot straps.
Nope. Don't have to worry about those.
There is definitely a feeling of helplessness.
I kind of do feel like a test animal here.
If you're gonna throw up, don't worry about it 'cause it's easy to clean.
Enjoy.
Thank you.
All right. Here goes the hamster.
I'm not so sure about this.
[ Laughs ]
Whoa. Hamsters have it way better than I imagined.
I kind of need legs right now!
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughing ] The best idea ever!
[ Laughing ]
That was brilliant!
That was incredible.
I definitely looked at the leg holes a couple times.
I was like, "I want those,"
because every time I flipped upside down,
I would just, like,
come out of the seat by a couple inches.
But oh, my God, that was amazing.
This time, I'm gonna do it with absolutely no straps
and lots of water.
And I won't have legs as a stabilization mechanism,
so I'll be putting all the pressure on my wrists.
I'd better grab my swim trunks.
One of the perks from not having legs --
It's the ability to change very quickly.
So, with a quick kick of the butt, your pants are gone.
Grab another thing that looks suspiciously like a purse
or a Rastafarian hat,
throw it on, you're good to go.
Take that, Standards and Practices.
You can slow down and look. There ain't nothing there.
Well, there is, but I am magician with hiding.
Zip her up.
Whoa! This is like being
in the world's coolest washing machine.
[ Laughing ]
That was awesome!
The baby's ready to crown.
[ Imitating baby crying ]
That was way too accurate.
Ridiculously fun as that was,
my Smokies adventure is about to get even more precarious
as I tempt my fate trying to balance atop a cataraft
and ultimately scale a towering pine tree.
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.
The real beauty of this place is 20 minutes away,
where the Great Smoky Mountains
begin their 800-mile stretch into the wilderness.
I'm here to take on a bunch of activities
that you'd think you'd need feet to do,
all on the way to my ultimate goal
of scaling a tree.
Right.
So, my next adventure is on terrain
that's a little more familiar to me -- white water.
I grew up floating rivers with my family back in Montana.
In fact, the first time someone put oars in my hands,
I think I was about 6 years old.
So I've always felt at home on a river.
But here in Appalachia,
I don't want to white-water raft
the way everyone else does.
I want to take this up a notch
and pilot this badass boat called a cataraft solo.
I'll be two feet above the water
in a captain's seat with no straps.
'Cause if I flip while I'm buckled in,
I'm gonna drown.
I also won't have the use of the foot bar for leverage,
which will make it hard for me to balance
and control the oars at the same time.
Hey, Kevin. How are you?
Grant O'Dell and the guides at USA Raft
are gonna show me how to row Tennessee style.
I like the duct-taped handle.
Yeah, that adds the redneck touch here.
I got to ask, is the preferred nomenclature "redneck,"
"hillbilly," or "highlander"?
Nowadays, you've got to be politically correct.
I am an Appalachian-American.
[ Laughs ]
Glad I didn't open with any Jeff Foxworthy jokes.
Grant tells me that I'll be facing
some serious class-3 and 4 rapids
during our five-mile trip today.
Now, rivers are rated on a scale of 1 through 5.
Class 3's, you have boulders, you have wave trains,
start to have small hydraulics.
Then you get to class 4, it's significant.
The chances of flipping,
chances of you being injured are a lot higher.
And I was just concerned about staying on the raft.
Without feet to brace against the frame,
the water pressure on the oars
could easily pull me right out of the seat.
You want to get enough in
where you're effectively moving the boat.
But we don't want you to be pulled out of the seat
and violently ejected.
Aaah!
[ Laughing ] Did you say "violently ejected"?
That's a possibility.
All right.
Slide that on for me.
You know we had you sign that waiver for a reason.
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
I've become accustomed
to signing my life away at this point.
Anything else to worry about?
You know we've got the snakes.
Snakes? Awesome.
Now, here's my problem with snakes.
When they strike,
the strike pattern's about your knees.
It's about my face,
so I don't really want to take a diamondback to the face.
That would be a downer.
Deadly poisonous snakes aside,
I'm ready to test my rafting prowess.
Besides, it's hot out here.
Maybe there is an upside to flipping.
Whoo!
MAN: Yeah!
Oh, it's like being back home. It's lovely.
It's been a while since I've been behind an oar frame.
I feel out of shape.
One of the few things
that'll make a legless guy who walks on his arms feel weak.
Weak or not,
I've only been in pretty calm water so far.
But I can feel my nerves rattle
thinking about the upcoming class-4 rapids.
All right, Kevin,
our next one's your class 4 of the day.
It's called The Lost Guide.
The Lost Guide?
Lost Guide.
Sounds like fun.
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Oh.
That was a bouncy little ride.
That one wasn't too bad,
and I'm definitely hitting my stride with this cataraft.
But Grant warned me that the next alley of rapids
are the biggest class 4's on the river.
Uh-oh. I'm getting a bad feeling.
Whoa! That got a bit hairy.
Luckily my strong arms were able to fight the heavy current
and grab on to Grant's boat.
CONNOLLY: When I was underwater,
I had no idea what was up or down.
I was just kind of panicking
and getting thrown around in the hydraulics.
And, you know, it took me a second to realize,
like, the life jacket's gonna take care of it.
Just cool it and relax.
And thankfully all in one piece, or a half piece,
depending on how you work the fractions.
But survived it.
Seeing the Smoky Mountains from the river was awesome.
But I need to have my guns rested and ready
if I'm gonna tackle
some traditional logging sports without legs
and hopefully conquer my ultimate challenge
to figure out how to get to the top of a tree.
Now that I've rafted down the Pigeon River,
it's time to get to higher ground
here in the Smoky Mountains -- literally.
And the man who wants to help me do that
is lumberjack Rob Scheer.
Nice to meet you.
My pleasure.
Wow. That's impressive.
That's a definitely a lumberjack handshake.
Rob's a three-time world-champion speed climber,
the first man to win the title Ironjack,
and the owner of Lumberjack Feud,
the preeminent timber feud sports show
in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.
If anyone can help me scale 50 feet up a tree,
it's Rob and his pro jack team.
I don't have the legs,
but I feel like I got enough strength
that hopefully will make up for the deficit.
Yeah. I got to tell you, it's been thrilling for our guys
to try to figure this sport out for you, Kevin,
because we think, "Wow, what would it be like?"
By the time they're through,
I'm hoping they can make a lumberjack out of me.
Today, though, I'm starting at the very bottom.
You're a buckwheater
'cause that's the lowest guy in the camp.
I was literally the lowest man in camp.
Maybe you'll move up a notch to whistlepunk.
Ooh. That sounds much more hip.
Rob explains that timber sports
are broken up into disciplines.
First up, the axe throw.
I immediately feel like the most evil dwarf in the world.
So, here's my primary concern.
Without a foot back or forward and both my hands engaged,
it's gonna be something more like this.
And that's no bueno.
Right.
Yeah.
So, why don't you try throwing it while sitting on this?
This might better replicate what it's like
to have a platform about as small as I do.
Legs up.
Legs up.
It's scary, right? It's not a pleasant experience!
[ Laughs ]
That's awesome.
All right. Can you do this one-handed?
Absolutely.
These guys don't know it,
but this isn't my first time throwing an axe.
All right. I have a wager, then.
If I hit this bull's-eye,
you got to buy first round tonight.
That's a deal.
[ Laughs ]
That's a bull's-eye.
See if there's red on the other side.
It must feel weird to be beaten for the first time
by a guy shorter than you.
Ooh! Does he need ice for that burn?
Yes!
Now for log rolling.
This may be where Zack gets even.
You ***.
[ Laughter ]
But I'll get my revenge.
1, 2, 3.
And match in. Oh! Nice!
[ Laughter ]
That was thinking like a lumberjack.
My goal wasn't to play honest. It was to get him wet.
Next up, the single bucksaw, a.k.a., the misery whip.
I have a feeling I'm about to find out why.
I mean, without an anchor point, there's just no way.
Ugh! Yeah, I mean, I'm pushing myself further off the log
every time I try and push into that.
See, without legs, I have no leverage,
so it's bondage time.
Talk about forced manual labor.
I'm literally being drilled into the floor.
This is, like, painful.
The misery whip combined with the misery straps
does not a good day make.
All right. Ready?
[ Grunts ]
Breathe and drive! Come on!
Come on! Yeah!
All right.
Go to hell, misery whip.
[ Laughter ]
Congratulations.
Thank you.
And I guess that may promote you up
to a whistlepunk from buckwheater.
All right. Well, at least there's that, right?
Now it's time for the world's first legless whistlepunk
to move up to the main event -- the speed climb.
This will be the test run
for me climbing a real tree tomorrow.
I'm glad we, again, have a short representative.
You're like the closest I have to me in this whole arena,
so I'm, like, rooting for you.
This is the discipline
that's like the bull riding in the rodeo.
It's got all the danger, got all the mystique.
It's like the big thing.
Typically, a lumberjack climbs
using spikes on the inside of each foot
to jam into the tree.
That rope is really just holding him into the tree.
It's not pulling him up.
For me, it's gonna be the opposite.
We have that advantage -- those of us who have legs --
of being able to climb
about 3 feet in every transitional move.
So, I mean, I'm gonna have to make
double, if not more, the number of moves
to get up to the same height as you guys.
[ Laughing ] I don't know if I'm gonna be able to replicate that.
But Rob thinks he has the solution.
He and the guys have built a custom rig for me.
I am so pumped to see
what kind of robo apparatus they've come up with.
All right, Kevin. Now, here's the rig, all right?
Hmm. It's one of the arena seats.
Not quite what I was picturing.
I love the simplicity of their design,
but another part of me is wondering,
Can this contraption even work?"
The key was to create the lumbar support
and then to create a point that you could lock into the tree,
so...
It's a pretty well-sharpened crotch.
[ Both laugh ]
The whole idea is we had to create enough sharpness
to penetrate and then, of course,
enough carrying capacity so it didn't slip out.
All right.
Can't ignore the irony here.
A legless guy strapped to a legless banquet chair.
[ Sighs ] All right.
Practice run number one. Here we go.
That's it.
I can't get it in.
Yeah. [Bleep]
It's, like, pushing me --
It's actually pushing me back away from the tree.
It might look like I'm being hoisted by the rope
attached to the back of the chair,
but trust me, I'm not getting any help.
It's only a safety line,
akin to what real lumberjacks have used.
There's no way I can physically push this into there.
Everything in my life has been one big experiment,
you know, whether it's skiing, ice climbing,
or trying to get up a tree as a whistlepunk.
A lot's riding on this,
so it's gonna be pretty embarrassing
if this whole thing is a bust.
Even if Rob and the guys fix the rig,
that chair isn't gonna lift itself.
It's gonna be up to me and my worn-out arms
to get to the top of that tree tomorrow
and hopefully not plummet 50 feet to the ground.
After tackling various mountain sports
typically reserved for folks with legs,
I'm about to take on my biggest challenge --
climbing a 50-foot tree.
And yesterday's test run has me concerned.
Yeah. See what I'm talking about?
My life is like one giant experiment.
The lumberjacks understand biomechanics,
but I understand me,
so it's gonna take a meeting of the minds
to get this rig to work.
We had such a tilt on this that really what was happening
every time you even went to the tree,
it was doing that.
Exactly.
So now we've got it so the spike is hitting properly
because we've got it suspended at four points.
So, you're gonna be
just naturally wanting to swing into it anyway.
See, these spikes are imitating legs.
And by locking them into the tree,
my arms are free to move the rope.
This new, four-point safety harness
won't be hoisting me up.
I'm not getting any help there.
But it should reduce
the amount of energy I have to exert with my arms
and hopefully keep me upright,
provided I can get a hang of that climbing rope.
The amount of energy it took to get that thing thrown up
and to really only be able to pull myself up
3 to 4 inches,
I mean, I was burning through energy so fast.
Now it's just a short ride out into the forest.
My journey to the Great Smoky Mountains
has come down to this moment.
It's all up to me and my beat-up arms.
Hey, good job.
You just hopped right up this trail.
You're quite the hiker.
Wow. Quite the view.
And I know it'll be even better from above
if I could just keep my nerves in check and make the climb.
Wow. It's a little scary, actually,
to see the chair all rigged up finally.
We're not in a little, nice, controlled environment anymore.
We got bark. The thing's crooked as all hell.
[ Sighs ]
You climb that tree,
you'll no longer be a whistlepunk.
You're gonna be jack.
It was always a more manly name than Kevin, anyway.
All right.
Let the strapping commence. There's no turning back now.
I think that's all we can do at this point,
and the rest is gonna be up to you.
Sounds good.
Let's just pause for a minute to remind you
that I'm attempting to climb this tree in a banquet chair.
So, not helping my fear of heights.
Okay. Here we go.
This must be how the pharaohs felt.
Now it's time to go to work, I guess.
All right.
Looking good. And there you go.
Good transition on the arms.
Yeah. Breathe, man.
Aah! Aah!
Good!
Real fast. That's the key.
Yeah.
And breathe.
Big breath.
Recharge those muscles with oxygen.
There it is.
[ Groans ]
Good one! Good! Good!
Yeah. It makes it a little harder pulling up, too,
because you're dragging your crampons
against the tree the whole way.
You're working 10 times harder than we do,
without question.
[ Grunting ]
Yeah, you're cutting railroad tracks into the tree
as you're going up.
But lookit. You're doing great.
My arms are freakin' killing me,
but thankfully I'm a stubborn Irishman,
so onward we go.
Aah!
Oh, that was a great one. One more and you're there.
[ Grunts ]
That's it, Kevin. You've topped out.
Oh, we are topped out.
[ Laughs ]
All right. Way to go, Kevin.
Look at that.
Whoo!
You're a lumberjack.
Nice. Thank you.
You're no longer a whistlepunk.
Ya-ho!
Ya-ho!
I had a lot of doubts.
I mean, yesterday when I was trying to do it,
it was just flat-out impossible.
So, to be able to top out and get up here is --
It's really cool, you know?
Exceeded my own expectations by a long shot, so...
This is, without question,
the best view of the Smokies you're ever gonna get.
The majestic scenery combined with the fact
that we actually got this rig to work
totally makes all the effort worth it.
I did it.
[ Laughs ]
The Smokies are all about the unexpected
and its down-to-earth people who think outside the box.
This is the perfect place for me.
Now just one thing left to do --
enjoy the spoils of victory with some southern moonshine.
Cheers. To the top of the tree.
To the top of the tree.
ALL: Ya-ho!
-- Captions by VITAC --
Closed Captions provided by Scripps Networks, LLC.
I might still be a little bit of a buckwheater.