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>> RYAN: Alrighty, welcome back, Internet people. My name's Ryan. We are playing Shadow
Man for the PC.
We're going around collecting dark souls in various places.
Um... not the least of which is the Playrooms,
which I was at before and they were awful.
But there's a giant evil man. I suppose he's more of a monster than a man. I don't know.
He's in a really big cage. You'll see him in just a second. There he is. Look at him.
Hobbling about, looking all...
like, oh god. He makes awful noises. Oh dear.
Oh, I don't like this. I don't like this one bit.
But it's in this room...
Or, no, it wasn't this one. It was the other one.
[gunfire]
I'll just take care of you, Mr. Bluh. OK. Bye, guys there.
No, it was in this room.
Oh, hello. What are you doing in here all by yourself?
I bet he was ***.
So it was here... There is a tunnel I guess.
Oh, I don't like this music. It's awful.
Can't see... Oh, and does this just lead right to the chamber? Yes, it does.
OK... OK, OK, OK, OK! Oh god! Oh no! Oh god, I don't know how to fight you! Oh dear!
Oh, those are weapons of some kind! Please don't kill me, please don't kill me! I'm just
Shadow Man! Oh god, you're very large! You're very large and very frightening looking! I'm
just going to... move around a lot. Oh, I'm stuck! Oh no! Run! Oh! Now I'm facing the
wrong direction. This is not turning out very well for me at all.
Oh, I'm glad you aren't very quick. You're pretty quick, but you're not that quick.
Oh, homing missiles.
Oh, you're right there! You didn't follow me like I expected you to.
Oh no! Oh, did I beat you? Are you dead?
You're dead!
>> SHADOW MAN: The dark souls... are mine. >> RYAN: And there's a dark soul.
Oh, that was...
That was harrowing.
Oh... Video game, I'm not impressed. 9 out of 10? There's more? What did I miss?
We'll just...
shoot some things in there.
At least he had a nice, padded cage to be...
kept in.
How do I get out of here?
Can I get out of here? Or am I trapped in here forever? I hope I'm not trapped in here
forever.
Oh, so is that what happens when they make stuff with dark souls?
I'm stuck. Come on, Shadow Man. You can do...
No, you can't. OK.
But is that what happens when they try and make evil monsters? Because if so that's just
terrible. No wonder I'm trying to stop this evil from occuring.
Oh. [gunshot] [laughter]
I like how they retextured that... I like what happened when I shot that. That was wonderful.
See what I mean about how these bluh guys are completely useless?
Look at that. I don't even think they hit me. That's just awful.
>> SHADOW MAN: The dark souls... are mine.
>> RYAN: And I think that's the Cageways.
Yes, it is. 10 out of 10. So, let's see. What's next?
We're, uh... Sorry, the... Just open that in case I ever have to come back here. I don't
think I ever will.
But... I'm getting off topic. What's next? I think that might be it, actually. I can't...
conceive of any other places where I may have to go back with the walk on fire.
Let's open some of those doors.
I have level eight now. I can open all sorts of new doors, I think.
Let's see what can be seen.
OK, so...
I wonder what's down... Is it just me or was there a door I haven't opened yet down here?
I could be just completely wrong but let me have a quick look.
Yeah, this door... This door right here. I haven't opened this one yet.
Where does this...? Where does this one lead?
>> SHADOW MAN: I am the Lord of Deadside!
>> RYAN: I have nothing clever or satirical to say about you yelling "I am the Lord of
Oh, that just leads there. Well, that's really boring.
Um, no. That can't be all that's in that room. Um...
Perhaps it is.
Yeah, looks like it is. Just kind of a cheap little shortcut.
Oh wait! Woop. A-ha! I can collect you now.
The two thingies. Oh, three thingies. Look at that.
See, the Cageways were holding out on me. This place knows what I like.
Only two in that one room... Not impressed at all.
Asylum people: You should keep more of these things around. You never know when Shadow
Man might be wandering by.
So, does that mean that the god Loa...
basically operates on money?
Because, well, I understand that the thingies aren't money per se but they are...
OK, that one's nine and that one's eight. How many do I have? I've got eight. so I can
open two new doors.
That's not the right button at all.
I understand that the thingies aren't money but I mean they're gifts. They're things.
realistically, it's...
it's pretty much just like money, right?
I don't know. It just seems really- Oh, a new area.
I just seems really cheesy to me, like...
"I'll love you if you bring me some things! I don't know what they are, but...
if you bring them to me..."
I don't really want to go down here. I don't think my brain's ready for a monologue right
now.
Eh, but I suppose my brain's already mush anyways, so let's see what can be seen.
Come on, monologue. Come on.
Drinking game: Count how many words in the Shadow Man monologues that you don't understand
because, you know, nobody uses them...
except for people that write thesauruses. Thesauri.
>> SHADOW MAN: [I feel as though my] powers are almost at their peak. The souls within
me burn with a dreadful fire that threatens to consume me. I must exercise the utmost
care from here on in or find myself succumbing to Asylum's dark allure.
>> RYAN: I like that one. That one was kind of...
kind of powerful like...
"Man, I'm *** awesome!
I better not be too awesome that I join the bad guys because the bad guys are pretty awesome
but I'm awesomer."
Hello.
What are you doing just hanging about back here?
OK. Oh, that was a barrel.
Got to shoot the barrels. They might have thingies.
They never do around here because these Asylum people, they just- Oh, look. That's open sky.
I totally thought this was... I totally thought this was closed off because it's so dark.
Yeah, like I was saying... Those asylum people. Jesus. They nave no idea what to put in their
pots.
It's always health and skulls, health and skulls... Well, realistically it should be
thingies, thingies and more thingies. Thingies forever!
I can go all sorts of distance.
See? Look at that. Health?
Health and health.
That's not thingies and thingies.
I will collect the health even though I don't need it.
There was nothing else down there, was there? Oh, I suppose you guys will point it out if
there was.
Time to enter a deep, dark tunnel.
Oh, hello.
What are you guys doing all the way down there?
[laughs] Oh! Internet people, did you hear that noise just now?
The noise as if you were being sniped?
As if these bullets were going faster than, you know...
two metres an hour?
That just sort of goes forever.
I guess I won't be going down there any time soon.
Oh, it's creepy.
I just saw this wall texture in the Cageways.
Hey, how's it going?
[gunfire]
This walk on fire definitely makes traversing this area much easier than I think it would
have been had I not had the walk on fire.
OK, so there's more three dimensional platforming, which I will deftly ignore...
and instead go this way.
Haven't got much time left in this video. We better use it wisely...
by opening this up?
Which one's the key? I don't even remember.
Oh, I already have it in my hand.
Seriously... I haven't used a weapon since the last time I used the key? That was a really
long time ago.
Oh, is it just me or are the... Oh, I remember that.
I remember that door from before. That led me to a Retractor.
But this is not... This is considerably less interesting than a Retractor chamber.
Is that one open as well?
Doesn't look like it. Oh, it is.
Is this one the Retractor chamber?
Nope, it is most definitely not a Retra- Oh ***. Oh god, there's a bunch of you.
[gunfire]
You guys aren't bluhing. Why aren't you bluhing? Are you like the more powerful version?
Because, really... You guys are just sort of exactly as useless as the ones that bluh.
Not to rain on your parade or anything but you should really look into a change of...
Change of occupation.
You should be these guys. Get some hooks. Flail around randomly.
Hello.
Oh, a dark soul... guarded by one of these guys.
>> SHADOW MAN: The dark souls... are mine.
>> RYAN: Actually, you know what, Internet people? Before I progress any further I think
I'm going to have to make that a video. We're running out of time.
So, we'll see you again in the... I don't even know where we are. We're in the "Lava
Ducts." So we'll see you again in the Lava Ducts, Internet people. Thanks for watching.