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Jon: Remember- microwaves are serious business.
Riley: Please, don't try this at home.
Jory: Once, I burnt my tongue on a Hot Pocket!
Jon and Riley: (wincing) Ooh!
*theme song plays*
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Hello, and welcome to "Is it a Good Idea to..." (gets muffled by duct tape) ..."Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.
"...Duct Tape This?" I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain. And on today's episode, we'll be duct-taping... Actually, we'll be microwaving duct tape!
Jon: Can we still duct tape Jory?
Riley: Oh, yeah, absolutely, silver!
Riley: Alright, well, he's out of the picture now. I'm just gonna take care of this! So, we're gonna take these three things right here into The Penelope, into THE Penelope!
Riley: Wait- oh, no! How'd he escape!
*Jory tries to say something*
Riley: Alright, put 'em in there, and, uh, yeah! Oh, no! He's back! Oh, God!
*Jory gives muffled, struggling sounds of anger; Riley laughs*
Jory: Ow-how-how! Okay, we'll just put this in there. How long are we putting that in there for?
Jon: I say we put it in there for 4 1/2 minutes. Sounds good! Let's go get it!
Jory: Let's do this!
*sound of unraveling tape*
Riley: Wow, we really should have cleaned her!
Jory: No, there's nothing really you can do.
Riley: No?
Jory: It's on the inside of the plastic, before the screen.
Riley: Oh!
Jon: We've cleaned her as much as we can. There's just nothing you can do besides just retiring early and getting a new microwave, but...
Riley: Well, sadly, microwaves aren't [beep]in' free in this world, so stop your ***', alright?!
Jon: Penelope...
Jory: This is actually an important note- some people are saying, "Why didn't you bring back Margaret II? She didn't actually die."
Jory: But she was actually just getting SO dirty that it was hard to see inside of her.
Jon: Penelope is on track to become one of our longest-lasting!
Riley: Yeah, I mean...
Jon: But I don't think she's going to make it through the end of the season, so...
Riley: No?!
Jory: And we're not gonna bring her back. Her contract runs out and she's dirty! I don't really want her! (whispers) Don't let HER know that!
Jory: By the way...
Riley: Her replacement?
Jory: ...if you don't know this out there, there's a difference between "duck tape" and "duct tape."
Jon: (excitedly) YES!
Jory: It's not "duck tape." It's "duct tape." But it's Duck BRAND. So, you usually get Duck-brand duct tape.
Jon: Yes, OR Gorilla tape, which is quite similar.
Jory: Gorilla tape is SO much better!
Jon: It's quite similar.
Riley: Did Jory just get excited over TAPE?
Jory: I LOVE tape!
Riley: (intriguedly) Yeah? Ooh!
Riley: (still intriguedly, at Penelope's "end" beep) Ooh!
Jory: Oh, it's done?
Jon: What?!
Riley: Second experiment?
Jon: (in silly voice) How many times has THAT happened this season?
Riley: Twice?
Jon: (still in silly voice) Not that much!
Jon: Alright, release the duct tape!
Jon: (to Jory) How'd they withstand? Turn the fan on.
Riley: Ooh! Oh, that smells like a burp! I mean, nothin' really hap-...
Jory: Where WE'RE going, we won't need fans!
Jon: Is it really malleable now?
Riley: Yeah, kinda.
Jory: It's probably extra sticky.
Jon: (chuckles) It still [beep]in' works!
Riley: Well, I mean, it IS very durable, you have to give it that.
Jory: I'm gonna go ahead and say it's stickier!
Jory: So, you may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave duct tape?
Riley: (over-emphasizing "T" in "duct") DUCT!
Jory: I said "duct tape"! It's a silent "T." It's like "Colbert."
Riley: (purposely saying "T" in "Colbert") Dude, Stephen Colbert!
Jory: I'm gonna go ahead and say "good idea."
Riley: Yeah?
Jory: Because on a cold day like today, working with cold tape is just no fun. It's getting warmer! This is GOOD!
Riley: Imagine if it starts to combust, just catches on fire!
Jory: This is a GOOD idea! And I feel like it's stickier, too.
Jory: Either way, it didn't lose its sticking capabilities.
Riley: That wouldn't make any sense, 'cause, then, glue loses its effect in heat?!
Jory: [Beep] you!
Riley: You're wrong!
*both Jory and Riley laugh*
Riley: Anyways, that's all the time we have for...
Jory and Riley: ..."Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain.
Jory: Good idea! Oh, God!
Riley: Sticky idea! Oh, shoot it over me!
Jory: (laughing) What?!
*Riley laughs*
Jory: Just don't put it in there for too long, because I think this started to brown.
*end credits play*
Riley: Yup!
Jory: You can't see [beep]!
Riley: Can't see [beep]! [Beep]!
Jory: It could have, it could have just turned into an intelligent being! We would have no idea!
Jory: It's, like, "Help me, please! I just learned the English language in two seconds. Let me out, please!"
*Click on episode #78 to see Lacey turn "pink, happy bubble gum into brown, stinky, kind-of-like-the-[beep]s bubble gum"!*