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Recently I was in Leukerbad and had a problem
and as you can guess I went to
Hallo Ludwig!
You again!
Have you got a problem?
It's a long story
Yesterday I did some sports and really loved it.
I'm a muscle machine, in top shape!
My anticyclical training routine has done wonders for my biceps!
Only my personal trainer, Freddy,
isn't happy with the results.
Have you put on weight?
What?! Is that what I get for paying him 120 francs an hour?
OK, then, I'll take my training up a level
497, 502...
Ultra-filtered protein shake, rich in glutamine
with rapid absorption. Based on home-made sausage!
Incidentally, did you know that a home-made sausage is a meal in itself?
Fascinating! Mmm, these taste so good!
But Julian, you really have put on the pounds!
But it can't be because of these, I've only had one or two...
Would you like a home-made sausage?
Would you like a sausage?
Would you like some sausages?
Home-made sausage?
Would you like some home-made sausages?
You're getting cheeks like a hamster's!
When he said that, I knew I needed to do something more intensive
like a triathlon, for example.
Start off with a spot of jogging
Nice and gentle at first, on the flat
then a little steeper
and a bit steeper still
That was simple enough -
great, fantastic!
Quick switch onto two wheels
Fabian Carbonara, yellow jersey
leaving my nimble tracks on this forest trail
But dude - what else do you do in a triathlon?
Of course - climbing!
At one with the rocks, free solo baby!
The sky's the limit as I storm the summits fearlessly!
But now I've gone too high
What was it the doctor told me?
OK, I can see what the problem is
You suffer from vertigo
so you need to stay on the ground.
No, no, no! Julian, I've got to get down, I'm starting to panic!
Phew - luckily I wasn't as high up as I thought.
But hang on, what else do you do in a triathlon?
I'd better call Freddy
Hallo Julian!
Freddy, you have to speak up, it's incredibly loud here!
Freddy's father is a triple Swiss triathlon champion
He wants to poke fun at us lowlanders, as usual
But seriously, I ask, what disciplines are there in a triathlon?
He says: inline skating
Easy!
Squash
Done!
Beach volleyball
Been there, done that!
Tennis
Sorted!
Then he checks with his father
What else is there in a triathlon?
Cycling
He says mini-golf
Done!
And then, just as they are playing my favourite march, I suddenly remember the third discipline
Of course! Number three - swimming!
Into my trunks, on the starting block, goggles in place
Arms up!
I repeat, arms up!
Only then I realised I had lost all feeling in my arms
And now I'm here and can't move my arms any more
With sore muscles, three things help:
First, a spell in a Valais sauna
Second, a Valais platter of meat and cheese, to stimulate blood flow
Third, roll 200 metres down a slope
Don't try to copy this at home
because it only ever works here in Leukerbad
Ludwig knows what's what