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I imagine most of you, just like me�
� have spent some time meditating in one form or another.
And if so, you�ve probably been told at some point to just �observe whatever is
arising.�
And you�ve probably done just that. Maybe it�s hunger�
Your legs are aching�
Or perhaps you�re feeling some arousal. But you�ve probably noticed that whoever
is doing that observing has their own views on what�s going on. Such as�
�How much longer do I need to sit here?� Or�
�I�m a lousy meditator� or perhaps�
�Wait a minute, just be with what is.�
This presentation is about the interplay between these two sets of voices in your head. It
asks �Who is the observer?� and �Who or what is being observed?� �What is the
relationship between them?� And �Why does it all matter?�
And we�re going to look at these questions from some different perspectives. I�ll be
sharing with you a little bit of my own experience. We�ll be taking a look at the biological
evolution of the �I� and the �self� and how that can inform our spiritual understanding.
And I�ll be offering a viewpoint on how we can learn to live with our split consciousness
in love and harmony.
For me, this has been the result of a ten year journey from when I was the CEO of a
high-flying public internet company�
Through a spiritual path of meditation, yoga and qigong infused with Buddhism and Taoism�
Paralleled with a conceptual journey through evolutionary psychology, human history, cognitive
science and neuroscience.
And it�s a journey that has taken me to a place of Love and Harmony, which is part
of what I want to share today. But first I need to ask you all a favor, which is�
To temporarily suspend your own definitions of �I� and �self� for right now. I
expect that each of you have your own sense of what you mean by �I� and �self�
based on whatever model of consciousness you are utilizing.
There�s the Freudian model of Id, Ego and Superego.
Then there�s the Vedic Atman which is the Eternal Self.
Then, of course, Buddhism sets us on a path to find no self�
And meanwhile some of us try to transcend our selves.
Instead, this presentation will propose no definitions of �I� and �self.� Rather,
I�ll focus on the attributes and dynamics of our human consciousness, and I�ll offer
a model derived from evolution, neuroscience and our lived experience. So we�ll begin
with the evolutionary journey of life, going back billions of years ago�
� to when the world was populated with just single celled organisms, like this bacterium.
The amazing thing is that even this bacterium has a sense of self.
It can sense the environment, so if you put a little sugar in the water where that bacterium
is swimming�
� it immediately turns around and swims towards that sugar. That bacterium knows what
it likes.
And studying that bacterium can help us to understand what are the truly essential elements
of a self. A self needs a membrane that separates the internal from the external. It�s aware
of the environment. It absorbs energy and matter and organizes it for nutrition.
A self is composed of self-organized processes that arise spontaneously. It makes value judgments.
It demonstrates intentionality. It chooses what to do. And every single living organism
that�s evolved on this earth in the last four billion years has had a sense of self.
From a starfish�
� to a slug�
� to a frog�
� a tree�
� a tiger�
� and a chimpanzee. They all have a sense of self.
And as soon as she�s born, a human has a sense of self, too.
But a human has something that no other mammal has. A part of the brain called the prefrontal
cortex that�s far more developed in humans than any other animal.
It�s the prefrontal cortex, or pfc, that mediates those parts of our cognition that
are uniquely human, such as symbolic thought, conceptualizing, planning and creating abstractions.
It�s also what controls our physiological drives and imposes meaning on things. And
there�s something else that the pfc enables us to do, which we�ll look into right now.
Here�s a little girl in the grass, wondering �If I tell her my secret, what will she
think of me?�
She�s aware that the other girl has a separate mind, just like she does. That�s a crucial
human attribute mediated by the pfc that cognitive scientists call �theory of mind.�
And meanwhile, that other girl is looking back at her, thinking �I should be taking
better care of my little sister.�
She�s applied that same faculty to her own identity and recognized that she has a self
with a story attached to it, just like her sister.
How does this all happen? Well, it helps to spend a moment on that incredible network
of neurons in the brain which, intimately connected with the physiology of our entire
body, forms the substrate of our consciousness. The brain is a dynamically networked system,
where each millisecond, the dominant synaptic network is constantly shifting.
From moment to moment, no two networks of firing neurons in the brain and nervous system
are ever exactly the same, and yet they maintain a robust stability, allowing you to keep a
continuous sense of who you are. That�s what neuroscientists sometimes refer to as
a �dynamic equilibrium.�
We can think of an animal�s sense of self as a dynamic equilibrium of swirling experience
within the entire nervous system of the organism.
Now imagine, with the activity of our pfc, as we begin to grow up, this dynamic equilibrium
bifurcating into two different arrays of swirling experience, intimately connected but also
separate. This is how the �I� forms separately from the �self.�
As the leading neuroscientist Gerald Edelman puts it, it�s only with the flowering of
higher-order consciousness and linguistic capabilities made possible by the pfc that
a �self arises that is nameable to itself.�
And that�s what is required for advanced forms of self-consciousness and consciousness
of consciousness. We can understand the �I� as the emergent aggregation of all the narratives
I tell my self.
I am a teacher.
I am wondering what they think about me.
I am a mother.
I am hoping to succeed in my life.
I am a wife.
I am going to get old and die someday.
And that is the beginning of the relationship between I and my self.
In the words of the brilliant cognitive linguist George Lakoff, we �conceptualize ourselves
into two distinct entities that can be at war, locked in a struggle for control��
It�s something rooted deep in our unconscious conceptual systems, so much so that it takes
considerable effort and insight to see how it functions.� And that�s what we�re
going to work on right now.
Lakoff points out that this split is so embedded in all of us that we readily talk about our
selves as if we�re two different people without even thinking about it. Consider these
sentences: �I let my self go in the dance.� Or perhaps �I found my self in dancing.�
We often talk about the I and the self in a struggle with each other. �I need to pull
my self together.� �I torture my self.� �I�m disappointed in my self.� But I
can also get along well with my self.
I can feel proud of my self, at peace with my self. I can love my self and even be at
one with my self. So let�s look a little deeper into how this all works.
Well, I continually receive inputs from my self, such as sensations, emotions, feelings,
drives, instincts and thoughts.
And then, I�m continually responding to my self with narratives, goals and intentions;
values, judgments and inhibitions.
But I am also powerfully affected by other forces from outside my self, something we
might call an ego, which I tend to think of as an acronym for Externally Generated Order.
These external forces affect my narrative of who I should be, and can take the form
of religious values�
� social values�
� parental values�
� economic values�
� and cultural values.
Together, these have the effect of driving the �I� further and further away from
the self�
� so the relationship between �I� and my self gets to be more distant and tenuous.
� leading to the states we all know so well, where I am disappointed in my self, I�m
*** my self, and I set unrealistic expectations for my self. In fact, we can think of that
Buddhist term dukkha, or suffering, as a measure of the distance between the I and the self.
So it turns out that managing the relationship between I and my self is the key to harmonious
living. Taking inputs from the self with curiosity, trust and acceptance�
� and giving back to the self kindness, intention and love.
But wait a minute, when we start talking about managing the relationship between the I and
the self, who is it that�s doing the managing? I�ve spent a long time exploring this question,
and I can share with you my own personal insights. I came to realize that within me, and potentially
within every one of us, is another dynamic equilibrium of consciousness, one that I have
come to call�
The Wise One Who Always Watches. And for me, this is roughly what that wise one looks like.
The Wise One Who Always Watches can influence the tone and the essence of the relationship
between I and my self. And he goes by different names in different spiritual traditions.
You can think of him as Buddha Nature.
As the Guru Within.
As the Taoist sage.
And maybe, as the soul. For me, that Wise One helped me on a path towards love for my
self that I�m going to share with you now.
It�s a path that begins with recognizing the gap between I and my self.
And deciding to reduce that gap, which I can do either by changing the expectations I hold
for my self�
� or, changing my self to match my expectations.
Deciding which it should be requires some careful discernment. How many of my expectations
for my self are created by values of the EGO that aren�t necessarily beneficial for me
as an integrated organism?
I need to carefully process these values along with what I receive from my own self�
� and out of these develop Intention.
It�s setting Intention that is really the beginning of a spiritual path.
And it�s very important at this stage to recognize the difference between setting Intention
and setting goals for your self.
When I have a goal orientation, I will inevitably maintain the distance between I and my self.
I�ll keep asking �Am I there yet? Why not?� �Why don�t I make more progress?�
�I can�t wait until I�m no longer�� whatever it is in your case.
Here are some examples of what I mean by goals. To find a loving relationship. To overcome
my inner conflicts. To achieve enlightenment. All admirable goals, but all�
� focused on a Destination.
Now here are some examples of what I mean by Intentions. To be more in touch with my
body. To calm down my inner conflicts. To feel more at peace with my self.
These establish a sense of Direction.
When you have Goals with a Destination, it causes you to focus on what you want to be,
to reject what you already are, and to pay attention to your future target.
It takes you on a journey of ambition.
When you have Intentions with a sense of Direction, it causes you to nurture what is already in
you, to embrace what you love in your self, and to be present with where you are now.
That leads you on a journey of discovery.
So Intention is a journey with direction but no ultimate destination.
And with Intention, I can treat my self with kindness.
With Intention, I can trust the path that I am on.
With Intention, I�m able to enjoy the view my journey offers me�
� and recognize my self as the very best it can possibly be at each moment in time.
Remember before that I had the choice between changing the expectations I hold for my self,
or changing my self to match my expectations? Well, on my journey of intention, a new alternative
arises�
� to recognize that, deep down, I already am the person I really want to be.
So that I�
� and the Wise One Who Watches�
� can truly become one�
� with my self.
A journey that begins with intention can continue with kindness and sustain with trust, so that
ultimately�
� you can fill with love. Now sometimes, you�ll hear people tell you that you should
spend less time on your self and more time learning to love others. But here�s what�s
so amazing�
Loving your self is what allows you to love all beings. That statement is not just true
spiritually, it�s also true in terms of neuroscience. Because when you love your self�
� your body increases production of dopamine and oxytocin.
This hormonal wash influences your response to others�
� so that instead of responding with irritation and anger�
� your mind-body naturally responds with compassion and kindness. In this diagram,
that purple represents the flow of dopamine from its production deep within the brain
stem all the way to flooding the prefrontal cortex with love.
That�s why, when you learn to love your self, that love becomes available to all beings,
and when you love your self unconditionally, that love just overflows to all other beings.
But, as we all know, life is not one fixed state of affairs. There are times when you
are one with your self�
� and times when you are not.
And perhaps what non-dual awareness is really about is being present with all the flows
that arise from moment to moment between each of these different states of consciousness.
So we can think of life as a continuous dance between the I and the self�
� set to the music of the world.
As long as you are alive, the dance will always go on�
It�s your choice to conduct that dance with rigidity and harshness�
� or with kindness and joy.
For anyone interested, I�m writing a book incorporating some of these themes called
Liology: Towards an Integration of Science and Meaning. You can check on my work at jeremylent.com,
or email me for more information. Thank you.