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-Why are you naked? - Why are you here?
-Stop shouting. -What are...
-What are you? -This is my house.
-Well, this is my room. -Not until tonight.
Well, I arrived early. Will you stop...
-Oh, I am naked. -Yes, you are.
You're naked.
Yes. So don't move.
This is not my fault.
-You're still naked. -So are you.
Yes, but I can't move unless I drop these sheets.
Do you want me to drop these sheets?
No.
Well... yeah, but...
-Get out. -Okay.
Hi.
Oh, hi. I'm... I was doing my morning...
You're Simon, right?
-Yeah. -Hi. I'm Anna.
Hi, I'm Si-...
-Hi. -I'm your new roommate.
-Yeah.
Sorry?
I mean... Sorry.
I arrived early because they told me I had class today.
I'll be home tonight. Maybe we can talk...
...and get to know each other a little better?
Yeah. Sure.
No... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I won't do it...
I didn't mean to do it...
I'm... I won't do it again. I'm sorry. Please.
Please. I'll do anything for you. I'll...
I'll do anything. I'll give you everything.
I'll give you my wife.
My son. My only son.
Take my only... please.
Just spare me.
No... No.
Please. It's a misunderstanding.
It wasn't me. No. It was someone else.
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was me. But...
I... I won't do it again.
-Naked? -Like the day she was born.
In your house?
Yeah, but she didn't know I was there.
-And this girl is beautiful? -Oh, yes.
-You'll never be that lucky. -I know.
-Hot Bobby might be, though. -I know.
You just lack cojones, Simon.
You come here in the class, you brag about this girl, in your house, naked...
...and you didn't do anything. What are you, a pollo?
-Pollo? -Are you a man... or a mouse?
I'm a man.
-Will you hold her? -Yes.
-Will you please her? -Yes.
-Make sweet love to her? -Yes.
Or I could, um...
...get her a cup of coffee? -I'd like that.
-Hi. -Stop it.
Hi. You look nice. I like you.
Let's all have a drink tonight.
-Does he talk? -Hot Bobby? Only when he needs to.
Why do you call him Hot Bobby?
Because he is.
Welcome... to your first year at university.
You were supposed to be greeted by professor Norton, but...
...he can't attend, so you're stuck with me.
My name is Tony Vincenzo. I am a senior.
I have been where you are.
I have worked hard, and you will work hard.
You will work hard, or you will fail.
We are not easy. We demand your dedication.
We demand excellence. We demand...
Who are you?
-I'm Simon. -You're late.
-Was I? -It's been three minutes.
-I went to get coffee. -Oh, you went to get coffee?
Yeah, I thought we had a little bit more time.
Oh, you thought you had a little bit more time. Sit down.
You, Simon, are my new friend.
You know what I do with my friends?
I keep them close...
...so I can stab them with a fork when they betray me.
I'll be teaching you this semester...
...and I expect you all to do your very best. Now...
...let's open the books on page six.
What's with that guy?
That... is Señor ***.
You all right, Simon?
This day must end.
Simon. I guess that coffee's not working. See me after class.
Drinks sound like a good idea.
No, thank you.
Bobby, were you flirting with the waitress?
Yeah.
-You are shameless. Shameless. -Yeah.
So, Anna. Do you have a boyfriend?
What's it to you?
I'm not asking for myself, I'm asking for Simon.
He fancies you.
So does Hot Bobby, by the way.
But he's easily distracted.
Well, I don't anymore, no.
Hey guys, what's up?
We were just asking Anna what she looks for in a man.
Is it self-deprecating wit and the willingness to stay with you...
...for the rest of your life?
No.
Is it boyish charm and a strong sense of fashion?
No.
No.
What then?
-Money. -But I haven't got any money.
For the beers. I haven't got any money for the beers.
That's okay, I'll get them.
I owe you one for the scare I gave you this morning anyway.
Him again? Why's he looking so shifty?
Señor ***. He's probably here to see McSeamus.
McSeamus?
Everyone knows he does all his business from this pub.
Top floor.
Yeah, tell me about it.
No, seriously, tell me about it. I don't know who he is.
Some say he's a businessman. I say he's a criminal.
Criminal?
You know, he breaks the law. Habitually.
Rumor has it, he is part Irish, part Scottish.
Which parts?
No one knows.
This is for Hot Bobby. It's the waitress's phone number...
...and cup size.
Well, I'm off. Simon, are you coming?
No, I... I have to do something, first.
Okay, well... See you guys tomorrow.
So where are you going?
Upstairs.
Saw you downstairs.
You gonna be late for class again tomorrow?
-I'm here to see McSeamus. -What for?
That's really none of your business.
Sure it is.
-Where is he? -He's out. What's the message?
I'll wait.
That's a lousy message.
I said: I'll wait.
Get up.
-It's a free pub. -It's an Irish pub, nothing's free.
Why are you here?
I'm here to make him an offer he can't refuse.
Can't refuse?
I can refuse anything.
If you offer me a pint of Guinness, I'll refuse it.
I really like Guinness, but I will if it'll prove my point.
Do you have Guinness?
No...
Well then, I must know...
What's your offer? Rainbows flying out of your ***...
...until you *** out a pot of gold?
I want to work for you.
Work for me?
Everybody wants to work for me.
I'll do it for minimum wage.
Minimum wage? What do I look like?
A fecking post office?
No... No, you look like a man.
With a mustache.
I am a man with a mustache.
I'm also up to my neck in arseholes.
Tony's an arsehole.
But he's committed, and flexible with his time.
Now, what do you have to offer?
I'm really good with the English language.
In my line of work, I don't need language.
Who is this guy?
Simon's in my class.
So, you get taught by Tony.
Ready for an after school special?
Let me see...
I want you...
...to pick up a package.
Meet me again tomorrow...
...and we'll see if you're still up for minimum wage.
-McSeamus. -He annoys you, Tony.
And that's enough for me.
Right, I'll be back again tomorrow.
Top o' the evenin' to ya.
See you in class.
Want a drink?
-So what do you think about Simon? -He's nice.
Nice schmice. A little love won't kill you.
I'm not really looking for anything like that right now.
-Where is Simon, anyway? -Sleeping?
Maybe. I didn't hear him come home. Must've been late.
Don't you think he was acting strange?
He told me he ran into your room naked.
He did.
-He told me you were naked. -I was.
In bed.
What's your point?
My point is that this is how fairy tales begin.
Or end.
Ramez. I think I know where Simon is.
I run this house. I run it, you know, I bring in all the money, and stuff...
And then... she's like 'no', and then she kicked me out...
...actually, that wasn't really smart of me, but hey...
...doesn't really matter. I mean, I can still get the college fund for...
...Mary Jane. In ways...
Well, listen... how about you just take this, okay?
But, look, this is just because your wife left you, all right?
Now, I can't keep giving this stuff away.
No man, I... Yeah, okay.
-Hey, thanks man. -That's okay, I hope it works out.
-Say hi to the kids. -I will. I will, man.
This guy's so nice, I love him, man.
-What are you doing? -Working.
-This is not working. -It's minimum wage.
-You can't sell drugs. -Why not?
Because it's illegal. And immoral.
Why don't you try sellings newspapers or coffee?
Because they don't want me in those places.
I don't speak Dutch well enough.
Well, you could be using this time to learn Dutch...
Simon... is this about Anna?
You heard her, right? She said she wants a guy with money.
They all say that. But in the end, they'll settle for someone who is nice.
Yeah, but I don't want her to settle. I want her to want me.
And you think this helps?
I mean...
-I do look pretty tough. -You're dealing drugs.
-Yes, but in the name of love. -You idiot.
If Anna finds out, she is going to kill you.
-You can't work for McSeamus. -No, you just don't quit McSeamus, okay?
-He quits you. -Que?
Who have you been talking to?
-Tony. -Señor ***?
You work for Señor ***? I will slap you.
Look, it's not as easy as you think, okay?
These junkies, they're all... They're all so nice. Look...
That woman over there has three kids, and a dog to feed.
And I just... I keep giving the drugs away, okay? It's hard.
Let's go home.
I'll buy you a beer.
Hey, I was doing pretty well, I thought...
You were very tough. I thought you were gangsta.
Okay. Next class, chapter seven.
Don't forget to hand in your essays...
Tomorrow. In my pigeonhole.
I'll be right out.
Anna. What can I do for you?
About the essay... I was wondering how many sources we could use.
As much as you'd like. I could help you with some of them?
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
How about tonight? Oh sorry, I forgot.
You'll be busy working for McSeamus.
What are you...
Simon is going to quit. And you're going to help him.
-What makes you think that? -Because otherwise...
This...
...is what the police will be drawing on the ground...
...after they've found your body.
I like Simon. I don't like you. Help him.
And by the way...
I expect a good grade on that essay. I worked *** it.
***.
What was that about?
I convinced our teacher to give me a good grade.
How?
Physically.
Man, she's really intense.
I wouldn't touch a teacher over essays.
Except, maybe... professor Morrison.
-Jenny. -Jenny, yeah...
Bobby, you sly hound.
Come on, guys.