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So I guess one of the things that I learned in the last couple years is what the most
important things to me are.
And leading up to my 22nd birthday this year, I thought about how this was my one year anniversary
of being cancer free and I wanted to share my reflection of that with my friends and family.
And I just thought it might be worth sharing and if anyone could get any benefit out of
it or feel good from it, then I would like to do that.
So this is my letter which was written on March 29th, 2012.
Dear Friends,
One year ago today, March 29th, 2011, I entered into my oncologist's office expecting nothing, but hoping for something.
The previous day I had had a PET scan, one which I relied on to reveal the updated state
of my disease which was diagnosed from the CT scan just two and a half months earlier
to be stage IV melanoma.
This was my second reoccurrence of melanoma and the most serious. So the last time I had
checked, I had tumors under my chin, in my neck, in my lung, and in my spine.
Seven tumors total.
While after an interrogation from my doctor about my alternative natural treatments and
diet from CHIPSA hospital in Mexico, and a subsequent period of silence and disbelief,
my doctor declared me free of cancer.
I couldn't stop crying. An incredible weight was lifted from my chest and shoulders.
I felt free. I was so incredibly happy.
It was a moment I'll never forget and I was lucky to have my mom, sister, and grandmother
there to share it with me.
That evening when I saw my dad, our emotions could not have been greater in contrast to
the time I saw him after receiving my stage IV diagnosis when we both thought that I would die.
Going back to how I felt when I had first learned that I had N stage melanoma with seven
tumors and after having surgeries, finishing radiation treatments just a few weeks earlier,
and not qualifying for the most promising clinical trials my doctor hoped I would be
eligible to take part in, that was unbearable.
But this news that the nightmare was over was incredible.
Not many can relate to this situation getting stage IV cancer and then seeing the day when
it goes completely away.
This is something I struggle with sometimes because it 's not fair to all the cancer patients
who die from the disease, or to their family and friends.
For some patients, the alternative therapies that saved my life don't work. For others,
they don't know the therapies exist or that they work, and for the rest I can't comment
because I don't know.
Over the last year or so, I have lost many friends and acquaintances to cancer. For each
person my heart has broken and I wonder why I survived while they didn't.
At times I feel guilty just for being in existence because I'm the lucky one. There is so many
missing out on life, and there is always someone I know suffering from the loss of a loved one.
Although this hurts, I find comfort in knowing that God has a plan and we all have important roles.
I'm not sure of what I am meant to do in my life, but I hope I can have a positive influence
on the people I meet, and I hope that by sharing my story with others, it will lead some people
to healing.
I believe that nutrition has an enormously underestimated influence on the prevention
and treatment of many diseases.
After all, my diet change was one of the most, if not the most essential components to my
alternative cancer treatments and success.
Reflecting on the last 365 days, it has been a year of ups and downs for me, but mostly ups.
After my first clean scan last March, I made a bunch of fun weekend trips to visit my team
mates at BU for the remainder of the semester. I went with some of those teammates for an
unforgettable weekend trip to Las Vegas. I took a summer class in Boston.
I had my second clean PET scan in July. I returned to BU for my senior year. I returned
to diving, both practicing and competing.
I went to New Orleans for my sister's bachelorette party. I went to my sister's beautiful and
magical wedding. I spent a very special Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family.
I completed my first semester back at school. I had another perfect PET scan result in December.
I spent New Years Eve with a group of wonderful, fun, and caring people.
I have returned for another semester at BU. My team won the America East swimming and
diving championships at the last meet of my diving career.
I met and became close friends with many wonderful and inspiring people. I built upon existing
friendships, and I became close with God.
This past year, I gained some wisdom and learned a few lessons. I identified what is most important
to me, which is having strong relationships with the people I love and care about because
life is meaningless if you have no one to share it with.
A year ago, I was worried that I would forget too quickly that the fact I am alive is amazing
and everything else is a bonus, but I think I have done a pretty good job of keeping everything
in perspective.
I try to use my time wisely, whether it is spent building relationships, focusing on
my health, doing school work, relaxing, etc.
I used to dwell on negative things, but now I am getting better at ignoring negative feelings
that might make me feel depressed, and instead focusing on how I can be positive and thinking
about what I have to be thankful for.
I appreciate things on a deeper level and try not to take anything for granted, especially
a day of good health.
I have learned to go outside of my comfort zone and take meaningful risks, seizing opportunities.
But none of this would have been possible without you, the readers of this letter, especially
you, Mom and Dad.
Whether great or small, but probably great, you have each made a contribution to my health,
happiness, and spirit, and I am incredibly grateful.
I am in debt to you all and the only way I know right now how to honor you and those
who have passed away is to graciously accept your kind, thoughtful help, and live as full
of a life as I can.
With an open heart, I thank you so much.
Sincerely, Bailey