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- Good morning doctor Stewrn. I've added some new plants.
- Yeah.
- Doctor Stewrn
- Doctor Stewrn. it's doctor Gardenschworz. We met at the conference last week.
- I'm newly licensed and I was wondering if you might give me some insight to the how you handle your own patient-doctor relationships
- Yes, well I'm very busy.
- Oh, of cause. I just thought I could drop on your expertise.
- All on due time. Hm? Good day.
- Oh.
- Am I dating often? Yeah...
lately Iíve been out with a different girl every night on the week.
But the thing is: I can't seem to form a connection with any of them...
- You feel disconnected from them?
- Exactly!
- Why do you think that is?
- Because look at me: I'm a fat disgusting pig.
- I'm just glad if I ** effective weight-loss technique.
- You mean vomiting? - Yes.
- Say more about that.
- All right, ordinarily I'd be attracted to such a beautiful woman, but
in that * * dress? Uh.. No thank you.
- Would you be attracted to her if she wore a different color?
- Ah... depends on a color.
- Depends on a color? Interesting...
- Why do you think that is?
- Isn't it obvious? Soap removes the bacteria from other things.
But what removes the bacteria from the soap? I'll tell you: nothing!
- And that's why you wash the soap? And theÖ - The soap that washes the soap. - ...washes the soap.
- But there's still nothing to wash that soap, is there? No! I don't think so.
- And how does that make you feel?
- Terrible. I can't even look at them. They're awful. Just freaky and awful.
- So you're frightened by the turtle.
- This seems to cause you a great deal of distress.
- No, not really. I mean, she's a sweet and gentle person.
- Who occasionally throws china at my head?
- She does this several times a week.
- Exactly. See. It's very little.
- You say little.
- Little or big, round or porky, pany lines or thong, no matter the butt, I got to grab it.
- So it's just getting arrested that you don't like.
- There's the rub.
- That must be difficult for you.
- You damn right that's difficult for me. So last night I'm about to make love to this fine woman.
- And then she goes and blows out the damn candle. I'm telling you doc, it was pitch black.
- Was your fear of the dark any less acute this time?
- I damned near crapped my pants man!
- You know, i go running for the light that was coming from underneath the door and busted my head up on the stereo.
- You seem frustrated.
- Look doc, there has been a lot of sessions. Is this therapy thing gonna work?
- All on due time.
- You've been saying this over for the last 2 years.
- Doctor Stern.
- Doctor Stern, this is Doctor Williams.
- Doctor Williams. Results of my CAT scan, yes?
- Well I can't possibly come in this week to discuss it, I'm swamped.
- Well if there is something you need to tell me, perhaps you should tell me now. We're both doctors.
- I am sorry, I have 6 weeks till what?
- I've been seeing a few girls.
- Take last week: Tuesday I was with Melissa,
- Wednesday I was with Sindy,
- Thursday now there's Joana.
- I'm just not falling in love with any of them.
- I donít know. Maybe I need to date new girls.
- Oh, shut up.
- I'm sorry. Did I s*** you told me ...
- You can date every girl in this city. It still won't make you *** any bigger.
- What a hell that supposed to mean?
- You're obsessive. When, you know, why not.. you have to compensate for the personality of yours somehow, right?
- You've never had a meaning for relationship. You chase after women half your age, in a desperate attempt to compensate for your low self-esteem. - And to counter out your deep rooter desire to lay your mother,
which, let's face it,
- If you ever actually did, would probably leave her as unsatisfied as your rather so called *.. ???̇ *** quest*.
- No, no. There's more! There's so much more...
- You know, it's no big deal. It's just that, you know, I have dreams about having sex with dudes. You know, they're just dreams, right?
- That's right; they're just dreams... oh, just a second. Hello, yeah, yeah. It's homosexuality and it's for you.
- Binge, purge, binge, purge... You get any skinnier and I'm gonna throw up.
- So now with 3 night lights, that covers me if I have to go up, so you...
- The lights are out!! Jh my god!
- Better.
- No
- That's ok, that's ok, that's ok. You're doing great. Look at you. You're a rock.
- Right back at her? - Right back at her.
- How was that? Doesn't that feel good?
- No
- 13, 14, 15... time.
- Want to go for 20?
- Next category: Icons: Liza, Babs, Liz Taylor. - Hold on, just wait a second. Hold on. Go back to tweezing.
- And that's why someday apes really could take over the world. You know what I mean?
- Say more about that.
- You've said some means things to me. - Well, if you want to discuss it some more... - No,
no more discussing.
- Thank you. You were right.
And, I'm seeing a woman now. One woman.
- You've said I'll figure things out in due time. You were right. You're a good man.
- Oh.. and, the plant. I'm sorry, you know, I've a little bit freaked...
- Not to worry.
- Thanks doc.
- I'm down to one night light.
- Today I ate a whole chicken breast.
- She's been really nice lately.
- I saw four in that cartoon. You know, the ninjas. And that was ok.
- Thank you
- Thank you
- Thank you man
- Thank you
- Thank you
- Thank you(???)
- Doctor Stern. Oh, doctor, I was hoping to hear from you again. Mind if I put you on the speaker?
- Well, I thought I'd try again, because I was hoping you might pass on what you've learned about the best way to handle patients.
- I mean whenever it'd be convenient to you.
- Doctor Stern?
- Eh, doctor Stern?
- How is right now?