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(Betty) IN 1907,
A PROFESSIONAL SWIMMER NAMED ANNETTE KELLERMAN
DARED TO WEAR A FITTED, ONE-PIECE SWIMSUIT
ON A BEACH IN BOSTON,
INSTEAD OF THE CUMBERSOME DRESS AND PANTALOON COMBINATION
THAT WAS POPULAR FOR WOMEN AT THE TIME.
SHE WAS ARRESTED FOR INDECENCY.
(handcuffs click)
♪♪♪
AS SOMEONE WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN KNOWN
TO MAKE DARING FASHION CHOICES, I SEE A LOT OF MYSELF IN HER.
SO WHAT MS. KELLERMAN DESIGNED WAS THE PRECURSOR
TO ALL MODERN SWIMSUITS.
SO NOT ONLY WOULD SHE BE A FASCINATING FEATURE SUBJECT,
BUT WE COULD DO A WHOLE ACCOMPANYING PHOTO SPREAD--
A HUNDRED YEARS OF SWIMWEAR.
AND... I GOT THE SUIT.
UNITARDS DON'T REALLY SCREAM SEXY.
MORE LIKE, UM... 1970s MAGICIAN.
THAT'S THE FIRST SMART THING YOU'VE SAID
SNAP!
I'M SORRY. WE'LL BE KEEPING THAT A SECRET.
BETTY, WRITE THE FEATURE. NO PHOTOS, PLEASE.
AND SINCE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF THE SWIMSUIT SPREAD,
EVERYONE KNOWS WE'RE SHOOTING IN THE BAHAMAS.
THAT IS ESSENTIAL EMPLOYEES ONLY.
MATT HARTLEY WILL BE DRAWING UP THE LIST.
SO STOP SENDING ME TACKY FLOWERS,
AND DO YOUR SUCKING UP TO HIM.
I AM FINE WITH TACKY FLOWERS.
OR, UH, BETTER YET, CUPCAKES. BASICALLY, I CAN BE BOUGHT.
THAT'S ALL.
THIS WILL BE MY LAST SHOOT AT "MODE."
I'VE TOLD YOU MANY TIMES BEFORE
THAT PEOPLE WILL DIE AT MY HANDS IF THINGS ARE NOT PERFECT.
AND THIS TIME, I AIN'T PLAYIN'.
SHE AIN'T PLAYIN'!
OH, THAT WAS FUN.
SCARING THE MINIONS FOR SPORT ONE LAST TIME.
IT'S NOT FOR SPORT, MARC. I'M SERIOUS.
OH, OKAY. I THOUGHT YOU JUST
MIGHT WANT TO TAKE IT EASY IN THE BAHAMAS,
WHAT, WITH THE CONNOR AND NICO FALLOUT.
FALLOUT? MY DAUGHTER BETRAYED ME, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE DIED.
ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, A BAD DAY.
DO I LOOK LIKE A GIRL?
NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO TAKE THINGS EASY.
YOU'RE ONLY AS GOOD AS YOUR LAST SHOOT.
(scoffs) THE MAGAZINE BUSINESS IS SHRINKING.
AND I AM NOT CHEAP.
UGH, ONE OF THE ONLY "C" WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
NEVER USED TO DESCRIBE YOU.
THE OTHER'S "CUDDLY."
WELL, FORTUNATELY, THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
OF "ISABELLA" IS STEPPING DOWN
OH.
AND I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY
PENELOPE GRAYBRIDGE? OH, I'VE HEARD OF HER.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL AND UNSTOPPABLE.
(inhales deeply) AND SHE'S A JUNKIE.
(sighs) WELL, TRY TO GET HER PICTURE ON ONE OF THOSE
"I LOST ME TO ***" BILLBOARDS.
THIS JOB IS MY ONLY OPTION.
I DIDN'T REALLY MEAN IT WHEN I TOLD PEOPLE TO BRIBE ME.
DIDN'T YOU, A LITTLE BIT?
WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT. BUT WITH ONE SPOT LEFT,
I THOUGHT I'D GET SOME BETTER STUFF.
HEY, THAT'S MY STAPLER.
OH! NOT ANYMORE.
I'LL TRADE YOU.
OH, MY GOD. YOU, TOO?
IT'S NOT A BRIBE.
I MEAN, YES, I WOULD LOVE TO GO TO THE BAHAMAS.
BUT I'M NOT ESSENTIAL TO THE SHOOT.
THIS IS JUST A THANK-YOU GIFT
FOR HELPING ME GET DANIEL OUT OF THE CULT.
YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND.
SO WE'RE REALLY FRIENDS?
YEAH. I THINK WE'RE FRIENDS. DON'T YOU?
YEAH, DEFINITELY. FRIENDS. GREAT.
I'VE GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK. THANKS FOR THE PAIL.
YEAH. THANKS FOR THE STAPLER.
(all) BUS DRIVER... MOVE THAT BUS!
(laughs) JUSTIN, YOU GOTTA COME IN HERE.
THEY JUST GAVE THESE PEOPLE THEIR NEW HOUSE,
AND THERE'S, LIKE, 18 PEOPLE SHAKING UNCONTROLLABLY.
HEY, BOBBY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
OH.
OH, NO, NO, NOT THIS SHOW, HILDA. UNH-UNH.
THIS MAKES ME CRY LIKE A BABY. TURN IT OFF.
YOU KNOW, CHICKS KINDA DIG IT WHEN YOU CRY, RIGHT?
HEY, DON'T CALL GIRLS CHICKS. YOU HEAR ME?
ALL RIGHT. I'M GONNA GO DO MY HOMEWORK.
SO WHY DID YOU DRIVE JUSTIN HOME?
AH, HIGH SCHOOL CAN BE ROUGH, YOU KNOW?
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE NOBODY BOTHERS THE KID.
NOT ON MY WATCH.
(laughs) SEE? TRY TO ACT ALL TOUGH GUY,
BUT I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN THERE'S A BIG SOFTY UNDER THERE.
OOH.
BICEP.
IT'S NOT SO SOFT.
(chuckles)
(laughs)
ALL RIGHT. I GOT MY WATER. I'M GONNA GO.
OKAY.
OKAY.
COME BACK IF YOU GET... THIRSTY AGAIN.
(sighs)
HEY! I LEFT SOMETHING OUT OF YOUR GIFT.
IT'S ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE COLORS.
WAIT. WHERE'S BETTY'S STAPLER?
OKAY, YOU CAN USE THAT BIKINI BUT NOT THAT MODEL.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAME IN AT THE PERFECT TIME.
I'M JUST FINISHING MY LIST FOR THE BAHAMAS,
BUT--
(gasps) OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD. A PROMOTION! THANK YOU.
(gasps) OKAY, BUT...
I HAVE TO ASK YOU, IS THIS JUST A WORK THING?
'CAUSE YOU'RE KINDA BIG ON THE MIXED SIGNALS.
I KNOW. I'M SORRY.
LOOK, I HAVE A GREAT TIME WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER.
BUT SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO THINK ABOUT YOU AND ME
WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARE AROUND.
SO IT MIGHT BE NICE TO GET TOGETHER AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE.
(whispers) I TOTALLY AGREE.
(normal voice) WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BETTY, RIGHT?
(clicks mouse)
(clicking mouse)
(thinking) AMANDA? AMANDA?! AMANDA?
AMANDA'S GOING TO THE BAHAMAS?
HMM.
I WONDER WHAT SHE'S GONNA DO THERE.
I GUESS SHE COULD NOT ANSWER THE PHONES AT ATLANTIS
AS WELL AS SHE DOESN'T ANSWER THEM HERE.
DID YOU NOT NOTICE HOW I HUNCHED MY SHOULDERS
AND AVERTED MY GAZE UPWARD WHEN YOU APPROACHED?
LEARN HOW TO RECOGNIZE SOCIAL CUES.
(elevator bell dings)
HEY.
HEY.
JUST GETTING COFFEE. CO-WORKER COFFEE,
NOT "I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU" COFFEE.
SUBTLE.
OKAY. THAT WAS WEIRD.
IS SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM?
HERE'S ANOTHER SOCIAL CUE.
THAT MEANS, "I'M NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU."
MARC, YOU KNOW SOMETHING.
AND YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST TELL ME,
OR I'LL JUST CHASE YOU OUT OF THE ELEVATOR
(sighs) OKAY, FINE.
BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE STURDY LEGS
AND I'M IN HEELS TODAY.
I WILL TELL YOU ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY.
AMANDA HAS WANTED TO TAP MATT FOR A WHILE NOW.
AND THEY WENT ON A DATE RECENTLY.
AND THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA HOOK UP IN THE BAHAMAS.
HEY, LOOK AT THAT. I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING.
(chuckles)
♪♪♪
YOU KNOW, AMANDA AND I WERE ROOMMATES.
ISN'T THERE, LIKE, A GIRL CODE THAT SAYS
YOU CAN'T GO AFTER YOUR EX-ROOMMATE'S EX-BOYFRIEND?
SHE HAS NOT INHALED SINCE YOU LEFT.
AND MATT--IT'S SO OBVIOUS THAT HE KEPT ME OFF THE LIST
BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT SLEEPING WITH HER.
I'VE HEARD THE WORD "SLEEP" BEFORE.
I AM OVER MATT.
WELL, YOU KNOW, IF I WAS YOU,
I WOULD GET MYSELF TO THE BAHAMAS,
GRAB A FISTFUL OF THAT ***'S HAIR
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE BAHAMAS.
THAT WAY, I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP
SHOVED IN MY FACE.
I WISH ME AND ARCHIE COULD GO TO THE BAHAMAS.
A LITTLE ISLAND VACATION--
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE COULD USE
TO... GET THE JUICES FLOWIN'.
I CAN GET YOU THE "MODE" RATE IF YOU WANT. YOU'D LOVE IT.
(gasps)
OH, MY GOD. YOU HAVE TO GO.
I LOVE HER.
SHE GOES UNDER THE NAME SIDNEY LUMPKIN,
AND I NEED YOU TO GET THIS SIGNED FOR ME.
YEAH.
AW.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
AWW.
MY PHOTOSHOPPED LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN MY REAL ONE.
SO CUTE. I'M NOT GOING TO THE BAHAMAS.
IS IT JUST MY IMAGINATION
OR IS EVERYONE AROUND ME POINTING AND WHISPERING?
OH, DON'T WORRY.
THEY'LL STOP ONCE IT GROWS BACK OUT.
I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE CULT, BUT THANKS.
SORRY.
I SHOULD PROBABLY JUST LAY LOW
OH, COME ON, DANIEL. WHO CARES?
YOU'RE ABOUT TO GO TO THE BAHAMAS.
GIVEN EVERYTHING YOU'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH,
I THINK YOU SHOULD DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE.
GET OUT THERE. TRY AND BE YOUR OLD SELF AGAIN.
BUT WAIT. YOU USED TO BE PRETTY JUDGMENTAL OF MY OLD SELF.
OH, COME ON.
PEOPLE WERE CALLING YOU "MAN ***" WAY BEFORE ME.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
BEING A LITTLE MAN SLUTTY MIGHT BE THERAPEUTIC.
(sighs)
I FEEL STUPIDLY OLD-FASHIONED,
BUT I JUST CAN'T DO THE COLLARS THE WAY YOU DO.
(chuckles)
THANK YOU. NOW GET ME MY BEER, WOMAN.
(laughs)
YOU ARE GONNA MORE THAN THANK ME IN A SECOND.
I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
OKAY. NOW? I MEAN, I-I JUST SHOWERED, BUT, UH, YEAH. HEY.
(laughs) NO, NOT THAT. HERE!
ATLANTIS? PARADISE ISLAND?
YES! BETTY CAN GET US A DISCOUNT.
JUSTIN IS GONE WITH FRIENDS FOR THE WEEKEND.
SO I FIGURED IT WOULD BE A GOOD WAY FOR US TO,
OH, HILDA, I CAN'T.
I HAVE A STRATEGIZING MEETING UPSTATE THIS WEEKEND.
AND IT MIGHT LOOK BAD TO VOTERS, TOO, YOU KNOW,
TAKING A VACATION IN THIS ECONOMY?
IT'S NOT A VACATION. IT'S TWO DAYS.
OH, COME ON. YOU KNOW I WOULD GO IF I COULD.
BUT AT LEAST NOW, YOU WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH
ALL MY WEIRD GERM ISSUES,
LIKE NOT BEING ABLE TO TOUCH A HOTEL BEDSPREAD, RIGHT?
(chuckles) RIGHT?
YEAH, OKAY. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU LATER, ALL RIGHT?
(door opens and closes)
(clicks tongue) OH.
OH, HEY, MATT.
WHICH HEELS GO BETTER WITH MY BIKINI--
THESE OR THESE?
I LIKE THOSE.
OH. (chuckles)
(chuckles) YOU'RE NOT GONNA WEAR THAT ON THE PLANE,
ARE YOU?
YOU'RE RIGHT. I'LL FREEZE.
HI. DO YOU HAVE MY MESSAGES?
THAT'S GREAT.
(Matt and Amanda speaking indistinctly)
(speaks indistinctly)
BE SURE TO PACK THE PORTFOLIOS IN MY CARRY-ON.
I WANT US TO WORK ON THE FLIGHT.
(under breath) WOULDN'T WANT ANY DOWNTIME.
AND DO NOT PACK YOUR BATHING SUIT.
GOD FORBID.
WHAT IS UP WITH THE MUTTERING?
(normal voice) IT'S NOT FAIR, WILLIE.
EVERYONE ELSE IS GONNA BE THERE HAVING FUN EXCEPT FOR US.
AND WHAT'S THE POINT? WE DON'T EVEN HAVE JOBS TO COME BACK TO.
MARC, I WILL GET THAT POSITION AT "ISABELLA,"
AND AS USUAL, YOU WILL BE MY ASSISTANT.
THINK POSITIVE.
I AM. I AM POSITIVE I NEED A VACATION.
OH, I MEANT TO MUTTER THAT.
(objects rustling)
CONGRATULATIONS, BETTY. YOU'RE GOING ON A TRIP.
AND THIS TIME, YOU WON'T BE HIDDEN IN A WHEEL.
YOU'RE WORKING FOR ME IN THE BAHAMAS.
MUTTERY, YOU JUST GOT A VACATION.
OH, UM, ACTUALLY, I-I DON'T THINK I CAN--
LEAVE WITH TOMORROW'S GROUP.
OOH! (laughs)
I CAN SEE MYSELF IN YOUR GLASSES.
(clears throat)
(Amanda laughs)
YEAH.
(calypso music playing)
WOW. THIS PLACE IS BEAUTIFUL.
CAN I JUST TAKE A SECOND TO DRINK THIS IN?
(music continues)
I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU'RE NOT WASTING TIME
DRINKING IN YOUR SURROUNDINGS.
WELL, THE FIRST PHOTO SHOOT STARTS IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.
IF ANYONE TELLS YOU THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED "ISLAND TIME,"
DROWN THEM IN THEIR DAIQUIRI AND POKE THEIR EYES OUT
GOT IT.
I ALSO NEED YOU TO FIND A WRANGLER FOR THE MODELS.
THEY NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION.
I'M ON IT.
(Amanda laughs)
I'M SENSING A PERSONAL LIFE HERE.
STOP IT IMMEDIATELY.
I NEED YOUR GIANT HEAD IN THE GAME.
(music continues)
(exhales)
I'VE BEEN HERE FOR FIVE MINUTES,
AND I'VE ALREADY SEEN MATT AND AMANDA ALL OVER EACH OTHER.
(Hilda) Well, then don't.
Matt and Amanda are the ones who have explaining to do.
I SAY PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE AND MAKE THEM CONFESS TO YOU.
I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY.
THANK YOU.
(gasps)
HOLD ON.
EXCUSE ME.
SHH. PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING, 'CAUSE NOBODY KNOWS I'M HERE.
(whispering) I GOT IT.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU. (laughs)
(normal voice) OH, MY GOD! I JUST RAN INTO SHAKIRA.
Shakira! I'm jealous.
(telephone beeps)
AY-YI-YI.
I'M FREEZING TO DEATH, PAPI.
PLEASE, IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU'D LET ME BE WARM.
(gasps)
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO!
NO, NO. (whimpers)
(knock on door)
BOBBY?
HEY, THIS--THIS WAS ON THE FLOOR OF MY CAR.
WHATEVER. COME IN. I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.
THE *** BROKE OFF.
I TRIED TO TURN IT UP 'CAUSE IT'S LIKE ALASKA IN HERE,
WHOA.
LOOK AT THIS. LOOK, LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
UGH! THIS IS THE WORST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE.
I SHOULD BE IN THE BAHAMAS RIGHT NOW.
BUT, NO, MY BOYFRIEND HAS TO, LIKE, STRATEGIZE OR SOMETHING.
AND MISS YOU IN A BIKINI? THAT'S... THAT'S A BAD CALL.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO?
YOU KIDDING ME? I'VE DONE THIS A MILLION TIMES.
ALL RIGHT. YOU JUST GOTTA TURN THIS LITTLE THING--OW!
OW! DAMN! OOH! AAH! WHY'D YOU TURN THAT UP SO HIGH?
(Kardinal Offishall's "Numba 1 (The Tide Is High)"
featuring Keri Hilson playing)
♪ EVERYBODY, LIGHT IT UP, GO, RIHANNA ♪
♪ LIGHT IT UP, TO KARDINAL ♪
♪ LIGHT IT UP ♪
♪ THE TIDE IS HIGH, BUT I'M HOLDING ON ♪
♪ HEY! ♪
OOH, A BIKINI. HOW FRESH.
WE'LL SET THE FASHION WORLD ON FIRE WITH THIS.
UGH. AND THIS ONE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT WANTS TO BE.
IT'S THE ANNE HECHE OF SWIMWEAR.
GET RID OF ALL OF THEM. I WANT NEW OPTIONS.
HAS ONE THING GONE RIGHT TODAY?
WE FOUND A WRANGLER FOR THE MODELS.
AND THEY'RE TERRIFIED OF HER.
(whistles)
THE LOCALS SAY SHE CAUGHT A SHARK WITH HER BARE HANDS.
(Suzuki) BREAKING NEWS! FASHION ALERT!
OOH! OOH!
HOVER OVER THE SHOULDER OF THE PHOTOGRAPHER.
HIS CONFIDENCE IS BUGGING ME.
(woman) THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
IT IS WITH HUMBLE GRATITUDE THAT I ANNOUNCE
MY NEW POSITION
AS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF "ISABELLA" MAGAZINE.
PENELOPE GRAYBRIDGE.
AND I COULDN'T HAVE DONE ANY OF IT
WITHOUT MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER AND MY HUSBAND.
HOW COULD A GIRL GET SO LUCKY?
HEY!
(gasps) BETTY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WILHELMINA ASKED ME TO COME. YOU SEEM ALARMED TO SEE ME.
NO, I DON'T.
OH, HEY.
ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE I'M GIVING YOU THE CHANCE
TO BE UPFRONT ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT
YOU MIGHT BE DATING A CERTAIN GUY
THAT WE BOTH KNOW.
(gasps)
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MATT, RIGHT?
(gasps)
AMANDA.
AMANDA, COME ON. LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THIS.
(calypso music playing)
(groans) THIS IS THE ONLY EMPTY STOOL.
I KNOW WE'RE NOT EXACTLY FRIENDS,
SO WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK. HI. DRINK.
♪♪♪
IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK
FOR A LITTLE MEANINGLESS VACATION SEX?
BUT LITTLE KNOWN FACT--
THERE ARE NO GAY PEOPLE IN THE BAHAMAS.
I HAVE SCOURED THE GYM, THE SPA, THE PRIVATE BEACH.
NOT A WAXED CHEST
OR A CONDESCENDING ATTITUDE TO BE FOUND.
WHAT ABOUT THOSE TWO GUYS RIGHT THERE?
TOTALLY GAY.
EUROPEAN. ROOKIE MISTAKE.
THIS IS THE WORST GAYCATION EVER.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
DO YOU ADD THE WORD "GAY" TO ANY REGULAR WORD
GAYBE. GAYBE NOT.
(laughs)
(laughs) WELL, IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION,
I'M KINDA TRYING TO MEET SOMEONE, TOO,
BUT APPARENTLY, I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW.
WELL, THIS IS YOUR LUCKY GAY.
(laughs) OKAY. I'LL STOP THAT NOW.
(clears throat) BUT SERIOUSLY, I CAN HELP YOU.
GIRLS LOVE IT WHEN A STRAIGHTY IS DOWN WITH THE PINK TEAM.
WHO--WHO DO YOU HAVE YOUR EYE ON?
(lowered voice) THIS GIRL OVER HERE.
EXCUSE ME, PRETTY LADY.
MY STRAIGHT FRIEND HERE IS TRYING TO SET ME UP WITH GUYS.
HOW'S THAT GOING?
UH... NOT SO WELL.
I COULD USE YOUR HELP.
OKAY. WHAT ABOUT THOSE TWO?
THEY'RE EUROPEAN.
NO.
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS GAIN'T EASY.
(laughs)
DANIEL.
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
(Betty) AMANDA, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME THAT YOU WERE DATING MATT?
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WOULD GET ALL VULNERABLE
AND PUSH YOUR GLASSES UP YOUR NOSE
WELL, YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.
WELL, WHAT IF I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM, TOO?
BECAUSE I WAS DATING HIM FIRST.
NOT FOR PRETTY GIRLS.
AND YOU ONLY GOT INTERESTED IN HIM AGAIN
NO, THAT IS NOT TRUE.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT MATT,
BUT IT'S HARD TO DO WHEN SOMEONE ELSE
(gasps)
SAID IT.
I'LL RACE YOU FOR HIM.
UM... BUT I'M-- I'M FULLY CLOTHED.
WE'RE NOT CHILDREN.
THEN I GUESS I WIN.
NU-UNH.
YA-HUH.
♪♪♪
(buzzes)
(lights beep, bell dings)
OH, GOD. AAH!
AAH!
(both screaming)
AAH!
(both screaming)
AAH!
WHOO! YES!
WHOO-HOO! IN YOUR FACE!
I WIN!
OH, COME ON, AMANDA. DON'T BE LIKE THAT.
YOU'LL FIND ANOTHER MILLIONAIRE TO DATE IN FIVE MINUTES.
IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU THINK THIS IS FOR ME?
BETTY, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU
THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE REAL FEELINGS FOR MATT?
NO...
BECAUSE YOU'RE ONLY THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT.
AND WHAT IS THAT? ONE MINUTE, YOU WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND,
AND THE NEXT MINUTE, YOU WANT HIM BACK?
WHAT ABOUT WHAT MATT WANTS?
HE INVITED ME.
(Matt) BETTY?
BETTY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UM...
HELPING WILHELMINA,
WHICH I SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK TO.
BUT, UH...
THIS IS GOOD.
I'M FINE WITH IT.
(water splashing)
SO ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE,
AND NO ONE CAN FIND WILHELMINA TO DEAL WITH IT.
WHICH SHOULD WORRY ME,
BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY WILHELMINA SLATER
WOULD DISAPPEAR FROM A SHOOT
IS AT THE HANDS OF bin LADEN OR ANNA WINTOUR.
OKAY, MARC. I CAN DEAL WITH IT. I JUST HAD MY HEART CRUSHED.
BUT I CAN PUSH THAT ASIDE
THAT'D BE GREAT.
(Barry White's "Never, Never Gonna Give You Up" playing)
♪ AHH ♪
♪ OH, BABY ♪
♪ OH, BABY ♪
♪ KEEP ON ♪
♪ MY BABY ♪
♪ KEEP ON DOING IT ♪
♪ OH, OH, OH ♪
♪ RIGHT ON DOING IT ♪
♪ YOU GOT IT TOGETHER, KEEP ON DOING IT ♪
♪ I'M NEVER, NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP ♪
MM.
♪ STOP THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ GIRL, I JUST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU ♪
I HATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT I RATHER ENJOYED THAT.
YOU LET ME THINK YOU DIED.
YOU BELIEVED THAT? OH, I'M SO SORRY.
(sighs) I'M OVER IT.
♪ FOREVER AND EVER, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
MM.
♪ I'LL SEE YOU THROUGH IT ♪
♪ I'M NEVER, NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP ♪
♪ I'M NEVER, EVER GONNA STOP ♪
♪ STOP THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ GIRL, I JUST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU ♪
♪ I'M NEVER, EVER GONNA QUIT ♪
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE.
AND I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ATE A CHEESEBURGER.
NEVER REPEAT THAT TO ANYONE OR YOU DIE.
(laughs)
I'M SO SORRY I PUT YOU THROUGH ALL THAT.
I'M HERE WITH YOU NOW. SO... LET THE MENDING BEGIN.
SO HOW SOON CAN WE GET AWAY?
WHAT'LL WE DO IN THE MEANTIME?
I WAS THINKING WE COULD SPEND THE AFTERNOON
HAVING HOT, SECRET SEX.
AGAIN?
OH, MY.
(chuckles) YOU ARE BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER.
THAT NEVER USUALLY HAPPENS TO ME.
IT'S OKAY.
UH, MY WIFE DIED RECENTLY, SO...
YEAH, YOU MENTIONED THAT.
(exhales deeply)
(metal clanks)
(steam sizzles)
MAN, IT'S LIKE AFRICA HOT IN HERE.
WILL YOU DO SOMETHING ALREADY?
YEAH, GIVE ME TWO MORE SECS, PLEASE?
YOU SAID THAT A HALF-HOUR AGO.
YEAH, YOU'RE KIND OF A ***
THAT'S PART OF MY CHARM.
DO ME A FAVOR, ALL RIGHT?
TAKE YOUR CHARM AND GO GET ME
A PAIR OF NEEDLE-NOSE PLIERS, PLEASE.
I GOT YOU A PAIR OF NEEDLE-NOSE PLIERS.
I ALSO GOT YOU A HAMMER, A POTATO PEELER
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT THESE THINGS
ARE A LITTLE CONFUSING, OKAY?
THEY MAKE IT THIS WAY SO THAT YOU GOTTA CALL
(laughs) YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE A TERRIBLE RADIATOR REPAIRMAN
AND A TERRIBLE LIAR.
I TOLD YOU.
JUSTIN LEFT A "PLAYBILL" IN MY CAR, OKAY?
JUSTIN WOULD SOONER LEAVE ME IN A DITCH
THAN LEAVE A "PLAYBILL" ANYWHERE.
I CAME TO SEE YOU.
BOBBY...
I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP.
YEAH, ARE YOU HAPPY?
WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT?
SEE, I'VE KNOWN YOU FOREVER.
I KNOW WHAT YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE
WHEN YOU'RE HAPPY TO BE WITH SOMEONE.
I THINK ABOUT THAT FACE ALL THE TIME.
MAYBE I'M OUT OF LINE, BUT I'M NOT SEEING THAT FACE
THESE DAYS.
NOW YOU TELL ME I'M WRONG, I'LL WALK OUT THE DOOR.
YOU'RE WRONG.
OKAY.
WELL, THEN, LOOK, YOU SHOULD CALL SOMEBODY
THAT KNOWS HOW TO FIX THIS, ALL RIGHT?
FINE.
YEAH.
(door opens)
(door closes)
(indistinct conversations)
WILHELMINA.
HELLO.
(sighs)
OW! OH! OH.
NEXT TIME AT LEAST BUY ME A DRINK FIRST.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. UH, WOW.
I FORGOT THAT THIS WAS A TOPLESS POOL.
OH. IS THIS A TOPLESS POOL?
UH, ANYWAY, UH, UH, SOME UPDATES--
THE MODEL WRANGLER PASSED OUT IN THE DOLPHIN KEY.
APPARENTLY HER METHOD OF KEEPING THE GIRLS SOBER
WAS TO DOWN THEIR DRINKS HERSELF.
ALSO THE NEW SWIMWEAR IS HERE FOR YOUR APPROVAL.
C-CAN I GET YOU A ROBE OR SOMETHING?
(laughs)
BETTY, BETTY, BETTY.
OH, TAKE THE STICK OUT.
EVERYTHING WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF.
UM... HOW?
TONIGHT YOU CAN WATCH THE MODELS AT CAIN.
AND TOMORROW WE'LL WING IT WITH THE SWIMWEAR.
"WING IT"?
OH, IT'S ISLAND TIME, BETTY.
JUMP ON BOARD, MAN. (laughs)
NOW SCAT.
(inhales deeply)
(exhales deeply)
(sighs)
HERE YOU GO.
THIS IS AMAZING.
WHEN DID YOU DO ALL THIS?
OH, I, UM, SET IT UP BEFORE WE LEFT.
MM.
WELL, I AM ON BOARD...
AND ON THE PILL.
THAT WAS A JOKE.
(chuckles) TO...
(clears throat)
OUR FIRST REAL DATE.
BRING IT.
YOU OKAY?
UM...
NO.
LOOK AT ME.
I'M HOT.
I'M ACTUALLY HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME
NOT RIPPING MY OWN CLOTHES OFF,
BUT YOU'RE... NOT KISSING ME
LIKE SOMEONE WHO FEELS THE SAME WAY.
AMANDA, I WOULD LOVE TO RIP YOUR CLOTHES OFF.
OH, THANK YOU.
BUT I HAVE TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
DO YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR BETTY?
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING
BETTY HAS MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR,
SHE JUST SEES ME AS A FRIEND.
YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION.
OKAY, BETTY'S NOT IN THE BAHAMAS FOR WORK.
SHE'S IN THE BAHAMAS FOR YOU.
NO. NO, SHE'S NOT.
SHE STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU.
AND IF YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER,
THEN NOW WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD TIME TO TELL HER.
(Marc) HOW DID THINGS GO WITH SUSANNAH?
UH, GREAT. I MEAN, WOW. NOT TO TALK OUT OF SCHOOL,
BUT WE DID THINGS I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN IN MOVIES.
EASY THERE, TIGER.
ANYTIME A GUY OVERCOMPENSATES THAT MUCH,
IT USUALLY MEANS THE OTHER PERSON WASN'T INTO IT.
OH, NO. SHE WAS... SHE WAS INTO IT.
OH. OH. YOU COULDN'T GET THE ROOSTER TO CROW.
(exhales deeply) OH, MARC. THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME.
GOT IT.
OKAY.
WOW.
WELL, LOOK, MAYBE THE PROBLEM IS,
YOU'RE TRYING TO BE WHO YOU WERE BEFORE.
AND YOU'VE CHANGED SINCE MOLLY.
♪♪♪
WHEN THAT HAPPENS, YOU KNOW, IT'S...
HARD TO GO BACK.
YOU'RE REALLY SMART.
(laughs)
NO, WILHELMINA IS REALLY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU WORKING WITH HER.
THANK YOU.
WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL HER THAT SOMETIME? (laughs)
(laughs) OH, NO. I'M NOT SURE.
I THINK THAT GUY OVER THERE MIGHT BE PLAYING FOR YOUR TEAM.
(gasps) OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE TOTALLY RIGHT.
GOOD JOB.
REFILL.
I'VE SEEN MY FUTURE,
AND IT'S NEEDLEPOINT AND DOUBLE-A BATTERIES IN BULK.
OKAY, CONSOLE HER BECAUSE MATT DOESN'T LOVE HER.
AND YOU CONSOLE HIM BECAUSE HIS ***'S NOT WORKING.
(singsong voice) BYE.
OH, MY GOD, DANIEL.
WAIT, DANIEL. WHAT HAPPENED?
WHEN WE WERE DATING, YOU COULD GET TURNED ON ANYWHERE.
REMEMBER THE SHAPIROS' BRIS?
I KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I WAS SAYING. I...
LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT MATT.
I KNOW YOU REALLY CARED ABOUT HIM.
(groans) YEAH.
(sighs) PRETTY STUPID.
NO, ANY GUY WHO DOESN'T SEE HOW GREAT YOU ARE IS AN IDIOT.
(chuckles)
YOU DIDN'T SEE IT.
YEAH, BUT WE ALL KNOW... I'M AN IDIOT.
VERY TRUE.
(La Roux's "Fascination" playing)
♪♪♪
♪ IT'S BEEN ♪
♪ SEVEN HOURS LONG ♪
HEY, GIRLS. HOW WE DOING? HAVING FUN?
YEAH. HIGH FIVE.
NO FIVE? OKAY.
GULA, NO DRINKIN'.
SORRY, GIRLS. WILHELMINA'S RULES.
BUT I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE HUNGRY, SO MAYBE I'LL...
(whispers) SNEAK YOU SOME SHRIMP LATER, OKAY?
(normal voice) COME ON, LET'S DANCE. LET'S DANCE.
IT'LL BE FUN, RIGHT? WHOO-HOO! LIKE THE PARTY GIRLS.
YEAH. LOOK AT US.
SEE? THIS IS FUN.
JUST A BUNCH OF ATTRACTIVE, SINGLE LADIES...
DANCING, NOT DRINKING.
OOH. HEY.
OH, YEAH, ACTUALLY, I'M WITH THEM.
UM, I'M THEIR CHAPERONE!
WHOO! HEY, BABE.
SORRY.
♪ ...OF COLLECTING ALL THE STRAYS ♪
♪ THE ONES THAT GET AWAY ♪
MATT...
♪ OLD FASCINATIONS WE CRAVE ♪
WAIT.
WHAT ABOUT AMANDA?
SHE'S THE ONE WHO SENT ME.
♪ OLD FASCINATION, IT'S FEEDING MY... ♪
♪ AND I HAVEN'T GOT THE PATIENCE ♪
♪ OLD FASCINATION ♪
♪ IS FEEDING MY FRUSTRATIONS ♪
(V.V. Brown's "Shark In the Water" playing)
(laughs)
OKAY, OKAY.
YOU MADE YOUR POINT.
(laughs)
I CAN'T BELIEVE I MET A GAY GUY IN THE BAHAMAS.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM ANYWAY?
OH, YOU'RE FUNNY. YOU KNOW I DO LIGHTING FOR "MODE."
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M COMING BACK FROM THE BAHAMAS
WITH A BOYFRIEND.
♪ THAT KIND OF FEELING ♪
HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU CAME AFTER ME LAST NIGHT.
I'M GLAD YOU WERE
JUST SITTING IN YOUR CAR WAITING FOR ME.
DON'T YOU KNOW BY NOW? I'LL ALWAYS WAIT FOR YOU.
♪ ...MY MOUTH ♪
♪ AND WORDS COME OUT ♪
♪ WORDS COME OUT LIKE ♪
♪ BABY, THERE'S A SHARK IN THE WATER ♪
♪ I CAUGHT THEM... ♪
I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF ORDERING BREAKFAST
BEFORE YOU HEAD OFF TO THE SHOOT.
OH, I LIKE MY NEW LIFE--
WAKING UP WITH YOU, EATING FOOD.
AS SOON AS THE SHOOT GETS GOING,
YOU SLIP AWAY, MEET ME IN THE CABANA,
AND THEN ROBERT WILL GET US TO THE BOAT.
OH.
(knock on door)
THAT'S ROOM SERVICE.
(humming)
SO...
THAT HAPPENED.
(blows air) YEAH.
KINDA CRAZY.
YEAH. (chuckles)
BUT... GOOD, RIGHT?
(telephone rings)
(cell phone rings)
HELLO.
(knocking on door)
(cell phone rings)
THE MODELS ARE GONE.
I MEAN NO ONE CAN FIND THEM,
AND NO ONE CAN FIND WILLIE EITHER,
AND EVERYONE'S COMING TO ME BECAUSE THEY ASSUME
UGH. I'M SORRY. I KNOW THAT'S DRIVING YOU CRAZY.
NO, IT'S OKAY. I--OH, HI, MATT.
I TRIED TO HAVE AN ANONYMOUS FLING IN THE BAHAMAS,
AND I ENDED UP WITH SOMEONE FROM "MODE."
TROY? HE'S ALWAYS LIKED YOU.
THAT WAS GULA. THE MODELS ARE FINE,
BUT SOME OF THEM GOT ON A BOAT WITH SOME GUYS,
WHAT? GULA--SHE'S OUR COVER MODEL.
WELL, I'VE GOT NOWHERE TO BE.
(Marc) SO I WILL BE HERE TO HELP YOU SOLVE THIS.
OH, COME ON.
SO FOR THE COVER,
WE WOULD BE SHOOTING YOU IN A BIKINI ON COVE BEACH,
BUT THIS ISN'T JUST ANY COVER.
THIS IS OUR FEARLESS ISSUE.
I DON'T KNOW.
EVERY MAGAZINE HAS A BIKINI SHOT ON THE COVER.
I MEAN... THAT DOESN'T SOUND VERY FEARLESS TO ME.
WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT, YEAH.
HERE'S ANOTHER WAY WE COULD GO.
REALLY?
I'M TELLING YOU, I WEAR LESS THAN THIS ON A SKI SLOPE.
WOW. YOU LOOK AMAZING.
HIPS DON'T LIE.
DON'T DO THAT.
SORRY. OKAY, LET'S GO.
(Lil Wayne) ♪ ON THREE ♪
(Shakira) ♪ YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT, YOU CAN MAKE IT YOURS ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THE WORLD ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THE WORLD ♪
♪ GIVE IT UP TO ME ♪
(camera shutter clicks)
(Shakira) I'M HAPPY.
EVERYTHING'S GOOD?
THAT'S GOOD.
NOW TELL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING. OH!
(laughs)
OKAY.
HI, WILHELMINA.
UM, SO I HAD TO MAKE A COUPLE OF CHANGES,
BUT I ASSURE YOU, THERE WERE GOOD REASONS.
IT'S NOT TERRIBLE.
REALLY?
THANK YOU.
SO IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...
(sighs)
YOU'RE LOOKIN' GOOD, SHAKIRA.
HIPS DON'T LIE.
OH, NO. SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT.
NICE JOB GETTING HER, BY THE WAY.
YEAH, WELL, SHE REALLY LIKED THAT WHOLE STORY
ABOUT ANNETTE KELLERMAN CAUSING THE SCANDAL
(chuckles)
I HAVE NO IDEA. (laughs)
(sirens wailing)
(wailing continues)
EVERYONE, STAY SEATED.
(wailing continues)
(men shouting indistinctly)
MOVE IN!
THIS IS THE FBI. COME OUT OF THE CABANA WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
(men shouting indistinctly)
WE'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE NOW.
IT'S TOO LATE. SOMEONE TIPPED OFF THE FBI.
THEY SWARMED THE BOAT.
WELL, THEN STRAP ON A SCUBA TANK.
WILLIE, STOP. WE ONLY HAVE A FEW MINUTES.
BUT--
I CAN'T.
(banging)
YOU HAVE TO.
HE'S IN THERE!
(man) THIS IS THE FBI. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
(man) COME ON OUT. EXIT THE BUILDING.
(man) Suspect is in custody. We're coming out.
(gasps)
(gasps)
(gasps) HE'S ALIVE.
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU TRAPPED ME!
YOU'RE DESPICABLE.
OH!
CUTE, RIGHT?
YEAH.
AND I HAVE ONE MORE SURPRISE FOR YOU.
(singsong voice) SOMETHING EXTRA SPECIAL.
(gasps) NO.
IS THIS...
THE BENDY STRAW THAT SHAKIRA ACTUALLY USED
AAH!
(door opens)
(gasps) OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE BACK!
TELL ME EVERYTHING, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO MAKE SOMETHING UP.
I WILL, BUT FIRST YOU HAVE A SURPRISE IN THERE.
I MADE A BIG MISTAKE.
ARCHIE.
WE SHOULD'VE GONE TO THE BAHAMAS.
I GET SO STUPID SOMETIMES WITH MY PRIORITIES.
ANYWAY...
LOOK, I KNOW ONE LITTLE DINNER IS NOT GONNA MAKE UP FOR IT,
BUT I, UM, I HOPE WE GET ANOTHER CHANCE TO GO SOMEDAY.
MM.
HEY, AMANDA.
UH, I JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN,
YOU KNOW, MAKE SURE WE'RE COOL.
TOTALLY.
GOOD.
OKAY, THIS IS REALLY WEIRD.
YOU'RE ASKING ME ABOUT MY FEELINGS,
AND I HAVEN'T HAD ONE CLINGY IMPULSE SINCE WE DID IT.
SO WE WERE THERE FOR EACH OTHER,
AND NOW WE'RE GOOD.
YEAH. I GUESS WE ACTUALLY DID THIS RIGHT.
HMM.
YOW!
"MODE" MAGAZINE. HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
THE BAHAMAS PROOFS JUST CAME IN,
AND NOT THAT YOU CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS,
BUT THE ENTIRE STAFF IS BUZZING ABOUT HOW GREAT THEY ARE.
OH, CHAMPAGNE.
I THOUGHT THAT YOU'D BE MORE...
HEARTBROKEN? (sighs) CONNOR IS ALIVE.
THAT IS REASON ENOUGH FOR ME.
AND SINCE EVERYONE THINKS I GOT HIM ARRESTED,
I CAN WRITE MY OWN TICKET AT "MODE,"
WHICH MEANS YOU STILL HAVE YOUR JOB.
AND YOU GOT YOUR BOY SHORTS IN A *** FOR NOTHING.
OH. WELL...
THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU.
I'VE ACCEPTED A JOB FROM DANIEL...
AS HIS ASSISTANT.
(scoffs) SO QUIT.
THING IS, I DON'T WANT TO.
I KNOW IT'S NOT A JOB AS AN EDITOR, BUT...
SOMEHOW I THINK...
DANIEL WILL ACTUALLY TRY TO MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR ME.
HEY.
HEY.
I MADE US SOME LUNCHES.
UM, TURKEY SANDWICHES,
BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE
FOR US TO STAY IN.
(chuckles)
WHAT?
IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, IT SOUNDS LIKE
THE "WE SLEPT TOGETHER, LET'S TALK" LUNCH.
I'M JUST SCARED, MATT.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH... A LOT.
AND... WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT?
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN.
I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU EITHER.
LOOK...
THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
BUT I DO KNOW I WANT TO FIND OUT.
YEAH.
ME, TOO.
GOOD.
MAYBE THAT'S ALL WE NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW.
(Shakira) ♪ WE CAN'T ALWAYS WIN ♪
ARE THOSE THE PROOFS FROM THE SHOOT?
OH, YEAH. I WAS GONNA CALL YOU ABOUT THEM.
THEY LOOK AMAZING.
YAY.
♪ ...IF THEY FIT ME ♪
♪ AND I WON'T CRY, I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE GONNA QUIT ME ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M A GYPSY ♪
(Betty and Matt speak indistinctly)