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Why are you stretching?
Just warming up.
Last dinner party, Millie made us
play full-contact charades.
Right, I should
have worn pants.
I can tell you one thing,
I'm not playing
"shots and ladders" again.
Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.
I was parking the car.
You texted that you were parking
the car 30 minutes ago.
"Parking the car"
is a euphemism.
Oh, my God.
Was he parking a car or not? I'm
confused.
You know, it's like when
you and I "fold the towels.
"
But you never
Oooohhh
Where is she?
Maybe I'll fake
a headache after dinner.
I'm going to fake
an allergic reaction.
No, no.
Nobody is
backing out of anything.
Millie's been planning this
dinner party for weeks.
It's important to her.
Hey, guys.
What's goin' on?
Your dinner party?
That you've been planning
for weeks.
That's important to you.
Is that tonight?
We could come back
another time.
What? No! I've got this.
I mean, you guys could have
given me a bit more notice
Is there anything
we can do to help?
You sit tight, sister.
I hope nobody's
allergic to gummies
because dinner is served.
Wow.
You really
went all out.
Is that caramel sauce
on my perogie?
Oh, that's called
"a pizzanada,"
and I find that the sweet
really brings out the salty.
Oh, you are
a naughty girl
Could you not sext
at the table?
You guys all set?
I am so glad we finally
got a chance to do this.
See you!
What? You're leaving?
Well, Betty on the third floor
is having a dinner party.
But, you're wearing
pyjama pants!
I think it might be
a slumber party.
Lock up when you leave.
Oh, you're a saucy one
Yes, you are.
I don't feel good.
Me neither.
And I don't even remember
drinking last night,
so I must've drank a lot.
We didn't drink.
It was all that sugar
and processed garbage.
I'm just glad
we don't eat like that.
Me too.
You want a Danish?
You didn't hear a word I said.
Two danishes coming up.
I don't want one.
I know.
Sorry I'm late.
Is Millie here yet?
No.
Hah!
I'm not as late as she is.
That's something
to be proud of.
Is that her?
UhNo.
Definitely not.
Are those are the same clothes
you were wearing last night?
Minus the boxers.
I don't know what the hell
happened to those.
And you're sexting again.
I prefer to call it
"phonocating.
"
Well, it's starting
to affect your work.
You're late,
you're underwearless
On my furniture.
I have to go.
Small emergency.
And now you're leaving?
A colleague needs my input.
Wait, you just can't
Hey, Millie.
Great dinner party.
Good for you.
What's he talking about?
Your dinner party.
Oh, that is gonna be
so awesome!
You're coming, right?
Um, so where is the outline
for your new book?
I knew I forgot something!
Well, go home and get it.
No, I forgot to write it.
Taylor!
Is that you?
Heeeeey you!
How are you?
I'm just fine.
Wow, it's been so long
since I've seen you.
It has.
So long.
Well, you look great.
You look amazing, as per ushe.
Listen, I have an extra hour.
Why don't we grab a coffee
and catch up.
Better still,
my apartment's nearby.
We could go there
and "catch up" our brains out.
Um, you don't know who I am,
do you?
You hit on your cousin?
It's creepy, right?
Yes, it's creepy.
Extremely creepy.
I mean, if she was my second
or third cousin, no problem.
No.
Still very,
very disturbing.
Wow.
I come here
for some professional help
and all I get is a big,
round face full of judgement.
Oh, you came here for help?
I thought you were just
coming in here to brag.
What is going on
with you lately?
You're distracted? You're
Millie?
Whoa.
Sorry.
I kind of zoned out there
for a sec.
Give me a minute
and I'll reboot.
Okay! There we go! Whoo!
That fairy dust
has got some kick.
What is wrong with you?
It's pretty obvious,
it's her diet.
Anna! What are you
doing here?
You want to race?
You can't keep eating
like this.
You need vegetables
and whole grains and greens.
This is green.
I think you should go
on a cleanse with me.
That is a fantastic idea.
Flush out your system.
Detoxify.
I don't know.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
We'll all do it!
Yeah!
Wait.
What?
I have a couple of
tally counters here.
We'll use them
to track your *** thoughts.
Why do you have one?
I'll be the control group
of the experiment.
The norm, if you will.
You're going to be the norm?
Maybe if we were in a monastery.
I'll have you know
the sheets stay plenty warm
over at Chez Dirko.
Anyway, just
give that a click
any time you have
a *** thought
and we'll be able to gauge--
No.
You're supposed to click it
when you have a *** thought.
You said "gauge"
Shotgun-front seat
Front seat-back seat
Back seat-drive-in
Drive in
Vicki Palmer.
Don't judge me.
Okay, so no sugar, corn,
dairy, meat
No meat!
No corn!
You know what,
I'm out.
Oh, I'm not doing it
if Joyce isn't.
Fine.
I'll do it.
Great!
To 10 days--
of good health.
To a meatless, boozeless hell.
To being single,
drinking doubles
and seeing triple.
Oh, God.
That's disgusting.
With a hint of gross.
Stan! Breakfast!
I had this weird dream
where my cousin
was chasing me.
What's cookin'?
Millet porridge.
Mm, sounds interesting.
What am I having?
We are both having this.
Oh, good.
That's what I was hoping.
Is there any coffee?
I can't have coffee.
There's hot lemon water.
Well, it's just,
you know,
I'm not on the cleanse,
so I thought maybe I could
You could what?
Sit there and drink coffee
in front of my face?
I could turn my back,
can't I, or
That is good millet, honey.
Oh, no, please.
Conduct your precious business
in front of the doorway
'cause it's really,
really helpful.
I am so sorry.
It's just,
I'm not myself this morn--ow!
Why is this chair
where it always is?
Who did this?
Two glasses of water down.
Six more to go.
Do you know what I ate
for breakfast this morning?
Quinoa!
I tried to look it up
to see what it was,
but I couldn't spell it.
I can't do this.
That's just the toxins talking.
Well, the toxins are telling me
to haul my *** to Tubby Burger.
We're all suffering here.
Do you know how hard it is
for me to drink this much water
without putting
any scotch in it?
And I'm getting a headache
from coffee withdrawal.
I'm getting a headache
from your stupid voices.
We're just
trying to help you.
You don't have to be
such an angry cow.
Oh, you'd better
check your watch, Anna,
because it is go-time!
Okay, why don't
the three of us
just get out of here
for a little while, huh?
Sorry I tried
to fight you, Anna.
That's okay.
Besides, I would have taken you
to school.
Okay, let's see how we made out
with the clicker.
Oh! Hang on.
You said "made out.
"
That's not so bad.
Actually, I rolled it over.
You thought about sex
How many times did you?
Four.
I thought about four
while I was brusngng my teeth
this morning.
Well, I have a lot on my mind.
There's chores
Why am I defending myself
to you?
You're the one with the problem.
And four's not a problem?
Look, let's not
get off topic here.
I think you might need to see
a professional sex
No!
I've never been to a pro
in my life.
Sex therapist,
you dirty-minded
How'd you know it was dirty?
Hello? 1046.
Five.
Everything on this menu
is served raw!
That can't be legal.
I could get salmonzilla.
Oh, don't worry.
It's perfectly healthy.
Right, Anna?
My face is hot.
But my body's cold.
Hey, how about nachos?
Falafel chips
with bean sprouts and lentils
are not nachos.
That's something that you put
at the bottom of
your hamster cage--
if you hate
your hamster.
Ladies.
Would you care for a glass
of fresh-squeezed
beet-celery juice?
Is there caffeine in it?
Absolutely not.
Well, then shove it up your
What is wrong with you people!
Food is meant to be cooked
and seasoned
and packaged
for our convenience!
Not just
ripped out of the ground
and thrown on a plate!
What are we, savages?
We'll need a few more minutes.
So Millie takes
one bite of her flax roll
and spits it across the room
into some woman's soup.
Yeah, you girls and your diets.
It's not a diet.
It's a cleanse.
So, nothing
on TV, I guess.
I thought
The Amazing Race was on.
It's a rerun.
So
Suppose it's too early
to go to bed
Stan, I have
a splitting headache
and it's all I can do
to keep this green stuff
from shooting
out of my stomach
like a scene from The Exorcist.
Hey, I think
The Amazing Race is on.
I would carry
this ring in a box
and I would tell women
that I was going to propose
to my girlfriend,
but she dumped me
before I could.
Nice!
It's clever.
I would have
never thought of that.
Why don't we move along?
Would you like to share?
Hmm? No.
I'm fine.
I'm just here to support.
Everything's good with me.
Sure, if you consider
thinking about sex
four times a day normal.
Only four times?
Really?
Okay, okay, let's just--
you know--
my wife is on a cleanse,
so she's maybe not as keen to
None of your business.
Have you tried giving her
a foot massage?
Maybe paint her toenails.
I haven't--
Does she have nice feet?
Describe her feet.
How about some lingerie?
Yeah.
Put some of that on.
We're getting into
dangerous territory here.
I will not think about food.
Do not think about food
Do not look at that guy
Do not look at that guy
It's Chocotown's
grand opening!
Care for
a free sample?
Stay away from me, hellspawn!
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Watch where you're--
Whoa are those sprinkles?
Yeah.
Oh, you smell nice
Yeah
Come here.
No.
I said, come here.
Hey, Joyce,
do you have an aspirin?
This headache is getting worse.
What's in your mouth?
Mm.
I smell pastrami
It's corned beef.
I know you're
disappointed,
but I just can't
Oh, my God, it's so bread-y.
Have you tried
a squirrel costume?
Women dig that.
I don't think
they do.
I have a swing
I could lend you.
What is wrong with you people?
Look, I'm just here
to support my friend--
who is starting to look
pretty normal right about now.
So let's just forget about
me and my wife.
Stan! I need you right now!
All right!
That's not his wife.
All right!
I must have chased
that poor ***
around four blocks
before I realized
he wasn't really ice cream.
Okay, so what can I do to help?
I need a pep talk stat!
Before I snap and kill
some other food-related mascot.
Is that pepperoni
on your breath?
Spit some in my mouth!
Gross! No!
Come on, come on, look.
There's no reason
you can't do this.
I mean, who once
threw their hip out
just to beat a bunch
of 4-year-olds at hula hoop?
I did.
Who once chewed
the same piece of gum
for eight weeks in a row
just to prove a point?
I did.
And who successfully
postponed a condo development
for over a year
by making up
a fake endangered species?
Me again!
There's nothing you can't do
if you put your mind to it.
Now get out of here and start
Cleansing!
Okay!
Why were you
in a sex addicts meeting?
It's a long story.
Okay!
When did you start
cheating on the cleanse?
Let's see.
Daaaay
One.
Unbelievable.
Ditch the halo, sister.
You wolfed down
my hoagie so fast,
you almost ate your own hand.
I know.
I feel so bad.
I'm ordering another one.
Good afternoon, ladies!
Isn't it a beautiful day?
Millie!
You look surprisingly upbeat.
Thanks to Stan's pep talk,
I've got my second wind.
And here is your outline
per request.
Nice work.
Thank you.
Millie, Joyce and I just--
Just wanted to let you know
how well we think
you're doing on the cleanse.
Thanks to
my two cleanse buddies
whose strength got me through
my darkest hours.
Yeah, well, we do what we can.
What do you say that I take my two
favourite gals out for lunch?
I thought maybe we'd try
that uncooked place again.
Oh, I just ate.
But Joyce was just saying
how hungry she is.
Hot pockets! Let's go.
I'll meet you in the lobby.
I'm just gonna grab
some more water before we go.
Gotta get my eight glasses in!
Hello, my little muffin.
What're you eating?
I thought you were on
some kind of a cleanse.
I was.
But now I'm not
because I'm a dirty,
rotten cheater.
Oh, so you're not feeling
head-achey and barfy anymore?
Nope.
Just full of self-loathing.
Well, maybe I can help.
I could give you a foot rub?
I don't deserve one.
I could paint your toenails.
Why?
I'm not sure exactly.
Let me just rub your feet.
No.
Wait.
What are you doing?
That tickles.
Geez.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I just--you know,
I was just trying to
get a mood going.
I am not in the mood
to get a mood going.
Partly because I'm a cheater
and partly because
I ate a hoagie
and a tub of ice cream today.
Okay.
No, that's fine.
That's
I'll just maybe
I'll go for a walk.
What's that?
Oh, it's
It's just a pedometer.
I wanted to thank you and Anna
for dragging me
into this cleanse
and being so patient with me.
Yeah, yeah well
Can I get more water, please!
It completely changed my life.
Well, goody for you.
Colours are brighter,
the air is fresher,
and I'm more patient
when I tie my shoes
You feel like twirling
around on a mountaintop
while singing
at the top of your lungs?
Taylor!
How did you know?
I, too, am feeling the
euphoric high of self-denial.
I'm off the sex!
I went to a meeting
and I'm a changed man!
Really?
One meeting and you're cured?
Smells are sharper.
Touches are tinglier.
Feel this glass.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Joyce, you want in
on this?
Where the hell is that waiter?
I'm drying up over here!
I just had the most incredible
lunch at Farragamos.
Best lasagna in town.
Oh! I forgot.
You're both still on a cleanse.
That's lasagna?
Look what
I've started.
I'll see you both later.
But you both look so great!
Oh, Taylor!
Oh, no.
That's fine.
I'll get rid of this
so we're not tempted, okay?
You're a good friend.
Stan, I just wanted to
come by and thank you again.
I'm a sex-free man
and I'm loving it.
Well congratulations.
Uh-oh.
I recognize that sound.
Come on, let me see it.
Well, I've been trying
to set a mood with Anna,
but nothing seems to be working.
I don't know,
maybe I was wrong.
Maybe you're the one
with the normal,
healthy kind of a drive,
and I'm the one
with the problem.
Don't say that.
You have helped me so much.
Now, the old Taylor
would try to make you
feel better
by dragging you
out to the peelers
and getting you drunk,
but now my mind is clear,
I'm focused
And didn't I have a lasagna?
Mm!
That is so good!
That's why you called me
down here?
To watch you eat
Taylor's lasagna?
You bet.
Revenge for eating my hoagie.
You know
there's seven cheeses in this?
Give me some right now.
Hey! That's not sanitary.
Mm! That's so good!
Ahem!
Millie.
I was just on my way over
to share a recipe that I found--
a luscious hemp-seed tofu Pesto,
but I can see that
that's not necessary.
We are weak
and spineless beings.
She is.
I just really like meat.
Can you forgive us?
No.
Even if we give you
the rest of the lasagna?
No! I can't!
This cleanse is about
more than just health.
It's about strength,
about willpower,
and, by everything
that is pure and holy,
I will see this through
to the end.
- Good for you!
- That's awesome!
Are you with me?
Not on your life.
Anna, I need to talk to you
about Stan.
His tally count
is through the roof.
I don't know what that means.
He's feeling neglected.
In the laundry department.
His sheets need fluffing.
The fabric needs softening?
The towels need folding?
That's the one.
Ay, que boba soy.
That's why he wanted
to paint my toes.
But why are you telling me this?
Because Stan helped me
to realize
that there's
no such thing as normal,
whether
you're "parking the car,"
or "folding the laundry,"
or pushing a squirrel
on a swing.
I don't know that last one.
Let Stan show you.
You give him hell, Anna!
Well, hello.
Hey, honey.
Look, I know
you've been feeling bad
so I made a healthy--
or we could eat later.
Aaand that's it!
Congratulations.
Your cleanse
is officially over.
I did it!
I really did it!
So, what would you
like to do now?
Oh
Get back here!
I just want one of your coupons!
One day, Missy Grumpaloo
woke up feeling terrible.
She had a tummy ache
and a headache and a toothache
all at the same time.
Momma Grumpaloo told Missy
she was eating
too many colourful candies
and too many salty snacks.
For the next few days,
Missy was given nothing
but healthy green vegetables
and bright juicy fruits.
The new diet made her head
and tummy feel better,
but it made her foot
really sore
and everyone else
a little frightened.