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Lizzie: So last night I was invited to dinner at Ms de Bourgh’s house.
Actually, it's more like a compound.
A lot of space for one woman and her little asthmatic dog.
Lydia could sock slide in that place forever.
But one good thing did come out of it. My name is Lizzie Bennet, and I made a new buddy.
"A New Buddy" Written by Jay Bushman
So, as you heard in my last video, I met Darcy’s friend and associate, Fitz.
And long story super short,
we’re lunching. I haven’t told him about these videos yet because…
ah, I guess that would make things sorta complicated.
Fitz: Lizzie B! I hope you’re ready for the best Ethiopian food…oh, sorry!
Didn’t mean to interrupt.
Lizzie: No, that's okay.
Fitz: Does Collins have you doing another one of the…uh... better living
“This is how you eat a sandwich” videos?
Lizzie: Um,
ah, no, this is
a personal video. For me. Fitz: Ooh, like a vlog?
What do you talk about?
And more importantly, can I be on it?
Lizzie: Aaah,
mmm okay…
uh... under
one condition.
You can’t watch any of the
earlier videos,
at least not while I’m here.
And do not tell Darcy.
Fitz: Okay, that’s two conditions.
Lizzie: I just…I…ah… say some not so nice things about him.
Fitz: Oh really…?
Lizzie: Seriously, you can't.
Fitz: Okay, I won't.
Lizzie: Thank you.
I know he’s your friend.
Fitz: He is my friend, and that's why I completely get it.
The guy doesn't always make a good first impression, and he’s got the social skills of an agoraphobic lobster.
Lizzie: Haha you do know him well! Fitz: I am a genius.
Also, I am ready for my close up.
Lizzie: Oh… I don’t
move the camera.
Ever.
Fitz: Well than I'll just lean in like so.
Lizzie: Okay,
not weird.
Um... I was just telling the internet
about last night. Does Ms. de Bourgh always bring that dog to the dinner table?
Fitz: Yes! Listen, Anniekins can’t do much on her own, other than maybe wheeze and scratch herself bloody.
Lizzie: Gross. Fitz: What about when we were talking about the um...
remember, the thing we uh…
Lizzie: No no no, wait, wait! That’s not how we do things here.
Fitz: How do we do things here?
Lizzie-- Lizzie. Writing a business plan isn’t that different
than a grad paper.
You build a case, trying to convince--
Lizzie: What are you two talking about over there?
Fitz: We’re talking about writing.
Lizzie: What sort of writing?
Fitz: Well Lizzie’s going to have some
big papers for grad school, and I'm telling her about business plans.
That’s exactly what I said. How do you, how do you remember these things?
Lizzie: I forget nothing. It’s important to have a clear, concise plan.
My first business plan was to become someone who builds
and invests. Isn’t that right Anniekins? Yes.
Fitz: That impression was uncanny.
Lizzie: Okay, fine, well now it’s your turn. Fitz: For what?
Lizzie: Think you can be Darcy?
Fitz: Can I be Darcy?!
Lizzie: How is your sister Georgiana getting on?
Fitz: Quite well. She's now nationally ranked in tennis.
Lizzie: Oh splendid, splendid. It was so unfortunate when she gave up swimming.
Fitz: Oh, it's for the best.
She wished to focus her accomplishments.
Lizzie: Mmmm, such a, such a work ethic. Elizabeth, you should take note!
You girls are much too prone to time wasting.
Fitz: My sister certainly doesn't engage in time-wasting activities.
Lizzie: I think you had more fun with that than I did.
Fitz: Well what is life if you can’t have a little fun?
Am I right Lizzie B?
You know what? You should meet Gigi.
Lizzie: Why, so I can feel inferior to her
practically perfect accomplishments?
Fitz: No, because she’s a cool kid, and I think you two will like each other!
Lizzie: Cause I get along with her big brother so well.
Fitz: Okay, we need to talk about this for a second.
How was he when you first met him?
Lizzie: Are you sure you wanna hear this?
It’s not pretty. Okay.
I first met Darcy at a wedding.
During the reception, while everyone was being social and having a great time,
he spent the entire night
lurking in the corner on his phone, fake texting.
Fitz: Okay, come on, he talked to somebody!
Lizzie: Well he talked to me.
Fitz: Oh, how’d that go?
Lizzie: Not…far.
Fitz: Okay, in his defense I will say that he didn't know anyone
aside from his group.
Lizzie: And a wedding reception is a really difficult place to meet people.
Fitz: Touché, Lizzie B, touché.
But please tell me that he at least danced with someone?
Lizzie: He did. Fitz: Mmmm yes he did!
And he might not have the sickest game,
but I can tell you right now that girl
is remembering his smooth moves. She’s glossing over it right now.
Lizzie: She...she remembers.
Fitz: Yeah that’s my boy. That is my boy.
Okay listen I gotta return this message, so meet me down in ten
because it is time for tacos!
Lizzie: But I thought we were having Ethiopian?
Fitz: We are having Ethiopian!
But. I couldn’t think
of a dish…
that started with a “t”
so, you know, I wanted to alliterate.
Lizzie: Tibs? Fitz: Tibs! Mmm.
Lizzie: Fitz, ladies and gentlemen.
And now for some tibs!
Transcribed by Liz Wiltshire, edited by Taylor Brogan