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Do we really have to do this ourselves? What happened to filing gnomes?
They're on strike! Fairy Godmother can't afford them with these magic cutbacks.
Still? But this is hard and boring.
Travis: I know. These magic cutbacks are really killing us. I hear we're already renting out the parking garage to that lesbian bar next door.
Klondikes is a lesbian bar?
Travis: I hear we are this close to losing masseuse Mondays.
Shari: We can't! I love Sven.
Well we need to start cutting back on the magic we do for day to day life to save up for what really matters.
Free *** and perks.
Exactly.
Yvette! You wanted see me?
I don't want to see you, I have to. You have wish returns
Re-what?
Wish returns. Cheap skates of the cheapest...skate; people who don't want their wish anymore.
I don't understand.
So somebody made a wish, you granted it, and they don't like the fate that they got, so they want it reversed.
What do I do?
De-magicify these. In order to help you, I have recruited the top wish refunder...
[ Sings a Song She's Literally Making Up on the Spot ]
Uh, Wendy's the expert?
Wendy: Oh yeah. Yvette: Oh, yeah. Wendy, whatever. She's had the most refunds.
Yeah, I hold the record for most semi-satisfied customers.
Oh...great.
My recommendation is go ahead and just refund them; don't ask questions, just refund them. Do not make contact with the wisher.
Don't try to figure out what went wrong, don't engage them because they might break you and you don't want that.
If you try to please everybody, you'll get kicked in the ***.
Let's get started partner.
Pew pew, pew pew pew! Awww you got me. I leave my farm to my ma.
If you really think about it, you wouldn't even be the Dalai Lama if it weren't for me.
Are you absolutely sure? Alright then.
Hey, got your weekly fan-mail.
Than you, Theorode dear just put it anywhere
Something wrong?
I've been granting wishes for 2,000 years. And in 2,000 years I haven't asked for anything in return, not once.
Not that i would mind you. I grant wishes becasue it's the right thing to do. But when I actually need a leg up...
People get scared when their heroes are in trouble.
It makes them think about the things bigger than themselves. Makes them feel vulnerable.
I'm sure someone will be willing to help us.
You're a good boy Theodore. Thank you.
Alright, then. Murdoch, Rupert.
May I please have some coffee?
Shari-ni genie bo-bini- you get the point. What are you doing?
I'm trying to make coffee without using magic so we don't lose any more of our perks.
You don't know how to make coffee without magic?
Shari: Well do you?
[ Nervous Laughing ] Yeah...I...yeah.
You want to hit that and...Two of those. Turn this...up. Um...Uh...
You know- it's -- it's simple.
Jojo: Aren't there coffee beans?
Shari: Yeah, get the beans!
Isn't coffee like, hot?
Get the matches!
Hannah: I wonder which wishes came back. I mean, what kind of person returns a wish?
Wendy: Jags, dillweeds, buttfaces...
But I don't understand. I mean, I gave them what they wanted, right?
Hannah, people don't know what they want.
Last week, this lady wanted to know what her cat did when she was at work.
How was I supposed to know that the cat was addicted to online ***?
Uhh, right. Don't you have dandelion wishes to grant?
That's alright, they told me I was ruining everything over there anyway...
I wonder why they didn't want this one.
Don’t think about it, just return it!
Hannah: I gotta know!
Wendy: What's your deal?!
Your wish review forms. Have them to me by tomorrow morning.
No problem.
You know, Travis, if you keep using magic for stupid stuff like paperwork
Fairy Godmother's going to de-activate our magic satellite cable TV and we're not going to be able to watch
Extreme Makeover: Castle Edition and rip on those idiots who still get moats.
Who still wants a moat?!
I don't know- it's stupid.
Alright. Pen and paper it is.
I can do this.
Add fairy dust in pounds used in the past summer solstice to line 13-D of page 12.
You know what? I think I'm just gonna chill here while you do that.
The whole time.
Keep working Travis. Shhh.
Hannah: Well, yes, but if you'd actually waited you would've seen it was a blessing.
You did wish to get married within a year and it's not every day someone gets to marry a real life Mediterranean pirate.
Hello? Hello?
Come on Hannah! Let me help you. I'm great at his stuff.
Didn't you actually give somebody lupus with a wish once?
I thought that was a werewolf thing!
Yeah, I think I'm ok by myself.
Come on! Like Yvette said, you just grip it and rip it like a band-aid!
Hannah: I can't! I don't rip band-aids. I dampen them with a sponge and a peel 'em back until they fall off.
Gross.
Ok you can help, but just keep the helping to a minimum.
You got it, boss! Now how does this thing work?
Jojo: I think...I think we actually did it!
Jojo: Oh my God what IS that!?
Shari: It's stinging the back of my eyes!
...Jo?
Jojo: I'm here.
[ Quiet Sobbing ]
Enter larger of itemized wish deductions from line 28 or substation deductions shown to the right.
Wait, my right or it's right?
I'm in way over my head here.
Alright so this wisher wanted to be a senator but doesn't want it anymore because it's too much responsibility.
So who do you have for that one?
Wendy: Frankie, Age 10!
You know, Wendy, I don't think this is going to work out between us.
Oh come on Hannah banana! Just give me one more chance!
Wendy, you haven't helped me fix or return one wish!
That's what YOU think, okay. But, I've been taking all the copies of returns and putting them in the automatic filer!
Oh my God.
It automatically files! And it goes BZZZZZZTTTT!
[ Shredder Grinding Up Paper ]
Filed! It's filed. Hahaha! Technology!
There you two are! You guys gotta help me!
I gotta multiply the wish counter-grants with the sub-total of form 17-90. There is no form 17-90! I've looked everywhere!
I'm a fairy, damnit! I fairy! A mythical being! I've seen kings fall and empires crumble. I can bend the very fabric of time and space
to the whims of queens or pre-pubescent girls and I cant find form 17-90!
Where is it? I hate it. I hate it! I hate it!!!
Oh, here it is.
Hey, could one of you mix me a cup of coffee?
[ Loud Sobbing ]
Hannah: Yvette! I need new copies of those wish return forms.
Hannah. No can do.
What?
What, did you lose the forms?
Well, not exactly. I mean, yes, but also no!
I said...No....Can...Do.
You can't do anything? But you're the wish operator.
Yes, wish operator, wish OPERATOR. I'm not a copy machine. although I could clone Wendy if you wanted me to.
No thanks!
Yes! May I please speak to Emperor Nydina, is that correct?
Oh. Since when?
I'm so sorry....my condolences.
Teddy: Hey!
Sorry to pack on the predicament, but we got a letter back from the Lincoln Memorial Society.
And I guess they're okay with letting the penny go since they already have the $5 bill...and the Lincoln memorial...
...and the Lincoln memorial hospital. And Daniel Day Lewis' face. It's a no.
Damn. I really thought they'd go for it.
Me too. But why don't we just put someone else on the penny? I hear Clinton's on board!
No, he's shooting for the dime.
We got to face it, we're running out of presidents.
President?
Presidents!
Hannah: Wendy?
Oh, hey boss! Yeah...I'm just trying to put these back together.
I can't believe you went through all of these to tape them back together.
Yeah, I know I messed everything up and I know you just want to give people what they want.
I'm not very good...at the wish-granting thing.
Well you know what that means, right?
It just means you're good at something else. Or maybe, you just need a little practice.
Want to help me with the rest of these wish-returns?
Really, you mean it!?
Unfortunately, Wendy, yes. Yes I do.
Yeah!
I'm never going to get my wings!
Wendy: Aww, cheer up buttercup!
Would you please tell those secret service agents to use some manners!
Teddy, wait where are you going?
I'm never going to be as special as everybody else!
[ Jojo Laughing Manically ]
[ Shari Laughing and Crying All At Once ]
Travis: Someone in this office, is a spy!
And YOU are a suspect!
I swear I didn't think she'd call the cops!
They're using cookies for evil! Those sons of ***!
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