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Now I know these sort of indie rom-com hipster flicks and that's
totally what this is trying to be, by the way. Let's not kid ourselves.
Note the cliche voice-over. These kinda films usually kick off with some sort of
unique opening.
Like paper cutouts set to an Arcade Fire song or something but
I'm just not feeling it.
Would you mind if we just jumped right into it?
Thanks I appreciate it. See that gentleman right there?
That's me. Gary Willis, a 29 year old film blogger.
And this spry young thing about to jump over the couch...
is David.
My lover of five years.
Project Runway's on.
David annoys the hell out of me.
and it's not just his taste in television
It's his taste in everything. For example...
So for tonight, I rented a classic: Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Oh. I kind of liked the second one better.
"Oh, Docta Jones! Docta Jones!"
You see?
And god help me if I try and argue with him.
Idina Menzel, thank you for being here, and you can catch Idina Menzel...
Ugh, I love her. (vocal riff)
Come on, Sutton Foster can do everything she can and more.
Why do you always have to shoot down my opinions?
You see? He shuts down. No concept of the art of healthy discourse.
Anyway. So I met up with my friend Carol.
Whiny, ***, clingy? That's not just David, honey. That's all men.
You're right. What can I say? When you're right, you're right.
Yeah, well, what can you do, you know?
What can you do? I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm switching to women.
take a seller
martini Swiss tilts p.m.
us
sup bro
fine *** in a visit
yes
go
show up there thank you notes ***
tryin the American it's finished
since
you
station Ste
its Oaks home on which even alive during the Clinton administration
I see what's going on
a long it's been since my back
gets some single love with you and I we
split up us snacks
it's totally cool man so it's it's it's 0
its tired and David
systems its yes gotti
every time its
she us
PC some steam you need to justify
predict what you
so I thought it was funny
problems
its
this lasts
France
spot on please size and I'm like
us Cincy cake
some oh my god it hurts GT staff I cannot I cannot sup
as a V a
sir CT I'm no
more free
caps
yeah
son
but that's nice is
of you get
up
I was doing a photoshoot week
to I year model
it's about Project Runway
K
that's a dealbreaker
and that's you know
actually I have just like is too much
chauffeurs
good me let's say we hit it off
she was gorgeous she was clever in this has been a temple do money situation
Ono this girl knew her said
you know i pod you during wouldn't have to find a million who's down
yet still wasn't cool twenty years ago bro it's not going to be now
okay not the best example
but it's a movie reference I'll take it
33
cuts
630 manner
yeah I'm regular write a paper
to this day I still don't know I'm ride
regardless
I was crazy about names throws agree to another day
and another day
and finally detected bottom
cell
good answer of I N
thank you I S
stable any dates the *** week
romp an hour and a half a formula
tedium enormous the one saving grace is always
dramatically so
huddled missed you
so
Charles I didn't even tell you gates to simple
average everything like me
because you know sheeting have the axe
girls we still offer
a slim attack I mean
help reduce I tell you we in the same taste have a parent me that includes
gooden's
a mobile phone
to compose by my principles
might issue
now I don't they have some straight guys in the audience
serve Rico judging me I saw clarified
it's on the accent nothing about my taste in men made me realize
have to fess up but my secret to Cape might as well be now
thinking off at a convenient time for the rain a star openly admit they love
each other
simply sale means so
yeah when just
unless hmm now it's what about my ex
what kinda movies something out but
don't something that I was gonna touch how hairstyle
me Point Marina going to look like a triple shakes it get my last text was a
man
and thing for me month
top the whole not suggesting we do
I can just every day
we've be so
my sudden change if for lack of a better word
I'd she's Kasey Kahne and
and some tiny you years
which the women it's not a bad idea
maybe I should switch over to you what are your thoughts on a sex change
cheating
room at 11 easier than expected
let's agree she's just an honor to be too stupid
the comedic height difference and from their relationship grew
except there was one thing
yes
yes
its sense
seats
speedy
yeah
its sense
its speeches
you yeah
you
today
today
diseases
do me too
so sorry about
AHA my defense
haven't seen one of those things spaces this just
I have to be no
I think I should meet your parents
food yet I'm back in baby she want to meet my parents
an idea I was in full support of
you don't have to do this you don't want
I do G
that we don't have to do this if I don't home
house go to the people like I do keep this something
of about them you're overreacting
Korea
you don't seem to get to keep these people are obnoxious sociopath
you're walking into the den
the mother peace plan
up
ok
lovely house you have
seles with the bookshelves in the tiny its
very ins night thank you
cell gary said your mom
spiegel time about three months them
and you to know each other we're dating
them you
outside but Dad Becky go outside
on yeah it's just
is this a cry for attention
is that what this is yeah
yeah fool experiment don't you think this
like coming out of the closet no typically
well actually in processed she
to see some vilified
wall
well a bus
to you okay with all this expresso have friend
you know Coast Charles the same Americans so what happened UNDP broke up
yeah
and this is a more than just the
Gary want I'm yessir mom
your kitchen
Justin
what was that about
you ask you the same thing one with Dave
he was and money
that's it was annoying
you break it off if the five years because
was annoying you know get its was bad
K whining emotions the communists
it was too much and I could
really much Gary
your mother is the most knowing woman
I have ever met that I don't see woods
just skin your mother is the most
knowing moment ever know cheap balance a checkbook
save our life she's constantly putting something
in a safe place and then promptly forgetting with the safe places
she's been using a computer for at least five years
and she still hasn't figured out how to get down to the next line Microsoft Word
the worst and I'm
worst is the crap on the stairs every day
your mother makes a pilot stuff got the second floor the house
and every day she places it
on the stairs not at the top of the stairs
not at the bottom of the stairs not even next to the stairs
right in the middle up the stairs I work a long day
I come home late many nights
I don't see how it is that you mother
can not get this stuff up to the top stairs
she's already halfway there she certainly hasn't worked day
Sony only thing that I can continue
is that there is some Star Trek style
impenetrable force field that prevents us from going to the stop the stairs
because every day yes crap on those stairs
much trumpets no I'm sure
key just its I'm sure
just morning month ***
for you only
you know we know
my notice rap steers every day
because I care enough
to notice I love your mother
so deeply so much and I noticed
all those things notice
when it nose crinkles and she less same
knows on the stairs no
their guys who get divorced over things that annoy them
I just can't understand that because
if you take enough time to notice this stuff
so that it bugs the hell are you in
lucky unlucky
and I love somebody as much
is deeply is your mother I'm lucky
that I get noticed the crap my steers
everyday Gary if you
that with would you give them
ago
jeanne was vice below
he
old welcome on you know what I had to do
up
you want oh my god you
you cry
which watching the way we were home
one government should stop
women in make figure
with David
quiet back fun lives
I know I screwed up it's not happen at this
out Oprah sick of those harm
share
fine whenever let him have
well as known if you guys you this I've been really just go on to explain
everything we just watched on camera
so I guess we can just sit
in weight poison American
fast-forward through all this sweet yeah let's do that
oh yes Wade alright little bit for
their Shorai a here
David you know that our
I sometimes it boggles my mind he
with it's a really big sales as firms
telling sorry what I'm trying to say is
I love you
us
I love you more than I have in a month well
you of
honestly
right
you we'll talk about
saying I just you take
owns a crap on my saves
I want up stairs
like property owners
*** doesn't about the phone while this
especially the
my
as you can guess Dave and I pass things
I'm back in
thanks for great
home
well
for the most part
the bus to let some growing to do but that's what love is
going again
that's K well I
actually have no idea what happened to me make me a better person
yes it does well there you have it
apparently I'm a bad person though where just
anyway thanks for sticking around you hope you enjoy the film
we hope the learned a little something well he does
die couldn't care less I just hope we can film festivals
well Mon sign we wish you all the best
may you always have love in your lives
and may you always crap on newsstands
him
ok
half
ok
hike you laugh
of
ok
thing