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You are at the movies with someone
That someone, is the one you like, the one you love, that person you somehow care about.
The film is not important anymore, he´s there, he´s with you. And he´s there because he wants to.
And you feel fine because you are giving love a second chance.
You are giving yourself another chance to trust someone, another chance to share.
Suddenly, he receives a text message to his phone; He reads it.
You turn and see the cellphone screen, you turn by instinct.
You turn for whatever feeling you have.
And he...he takes the cellphone away from your view.
Perhaps for privacy or convenience.
The situation here is: Who is he talking to?
Is he dating someone else?
You're sitting in a restaurant
That song that reminds you of him starts playing
Mine is Piano Man by Billy Joel.
You start feeling that rush to make a call.
And...when you are about to dial...
you suddenly remember he died a week ago.
You're driving, it's still dark, you take a look through the car mirror.
and you realize there´s a white car right behind you.
You make a turn, driving through your regular route but you realize the car does the turn too
You change lanes and the white car behind you changes too
Are you being followed? Are they doing anything to you?
[Sighs]
Cold sweat and adrenaline start running through your body again, that familiar feeling...
your whole body is tense. You turn compulsively and the white car is still right behind you
behind you
You lower the speed almost stopping
then, you realize that the white keeps going without stopping.
you finally relax...
you finally feel calm...nothing happened, you are save.
[Win]
[Music plays]
I don´t remember very well
it´s ... quite blurry.
I remember I was sitting in a brown chair
and that he was sitting right next to me.
It was a moment of true happiness.
His friends were sitting around the table
we were playing cards and having a drink.
some smoked marihuana
I was happy.
The air smelled like ...
like...humidity, like depression, the air smelled like problems
And there he was, sitting there next to me, taking my hand and making me feel
save.
He was wearing...
he was wearing shorts
and ... flip-flops, with a tattoo on his left foot.
I cant remember what I was wearing.
The night went on and...
he asked me to stay and sleep over, I said yes.
At some point do not know why or how
I took his phone when he was not around
and I checked his messages.
Something told me I had to see something.
And there were many numbers without name or contact.
I opened those messages...
It was a conversation he had with someone who didnt answer
He told him that ...He missed her
That he could not stop thinking about her
That he was with me just to make her jelous
He told her that he loved her
The person I was in love with was telling someone else he loved her.
Good morning messages, good night messages.
Asking how she was after an earthquake
dedicating songs I had dedicated to him.
At that moment...
I didnt know what to do.
My world stopped
and I was right there watching the phone, not knowing what to do.
I felt cold.
Cold that ran through all of my body but specially on my fingertips.
I was wondering...What are you going to do? What are you going to do?
I didnt even...
I didnt even have the strength to leave the cell from where I took it.
I went to the bathroom, washed my face,
and felt how the tears mingled with water.
and... I convinced myself that maybe there was a logical explanation for...
For... all of this, that maybe
I was exaggerating the situation.
I convinced myself for another six months.
Even though I knew that ...
He was never going to love me.
But I think it was better to be like that, It was better than not to be with him.
On that day I had lunch with my mom and two sisters
when we were driving back home
I began to cry.
I didnt even know where that came from
but I felt very sad
I got home, I sat at the computer and started chatting with my
friends.
I was happy listening to music.
Suddenly my phone rang
and... I answered
It was my uncle
My dad´s brother
and he said "Hey, look I'm upset about giving you this news
And I´m sure you will feel much hate and courage against me
but your father died a few hours ago. "
there ...
there.
I remember that I asked him what to do and then hung up.
My father died!
I screamed, I think.
I have erased that part of my life from my mind.
But I think I got up and started walking everywhere, not knowing where
to go or where I was going.
I grabbed my beds blanket with all my strength
as If I had to grab on to something or otherwise fall into a hole.
Then, I remember that I was in the shower, and the water fell on my head
and I was alive,
but at the same time I wasn´t.
I had...
memories in my mind.
They say that when a people die, they remember all their life in a
minute.
I wasn´t dying, but my life memories were going trough my mind in just one minute.
Because somehow, a life was getting to an end
The most important person in my life was gone and my life would never again be the same.
I got out, I remember I did not know what to wear,
I wore collar for the black blouse I was wearing.
I cant remember who of the four of us drove to the funeral.
We got there.
And it was full of people
and I remember that I got very angry
because I
I didnt want anyone to be there.
I wanted to be alone with my dad
I wanted to spend
the last moments with him alone.
And I remember that this people laughed
and talked nonsense,
smiling
and I hated them,
I wanted to kill them.
I remember I called Alice, my friend,
because I thought she was the only person who would understand.
While she got there, I started to get closer to the box
and thought I´ve never seen a corpse.
I thought I had to say goodbye
so they opened the lid
and that was not my dad.
That was a different colored thing
without a smile, without light
That was not my dad.
It was Friday the thirteenth, I was leaving work.
When a Van passed right next to me
A Ven with that color when the cars do not have paint
People inside the car are wearing masks and...
they have guns
I knew they were going to attack me.
My first reaction was to get my mobile phone and call the last number
it was my sister.
The truck ... stopped infront of my car
I had to stop so I would crash and my mobile fell on the car´s ground
I never knew whether it had dialed or not.
They came off and pointed me with guns ordering to get off my car
When I got off the car I started screaming and ...
and they covered my face so I could not see a thing.
When they pushed me in the truck I tried to count minutes and seconds to know
how long I had been in there.
One in a while I heard the time on the radio and...
and ... I do not know, its very rare, you get more sensible when you can not see.
Everything smelled stronger, heat felt higher.
We arrived to a bus station, they told me I needed to change clothes
They told me to move to a taxi that was waiting for me, they started threatening me not to do anything cause...
They were pointing me with a gun and they could kill me.
I listened to them. I got in the taxi and the driver was pointing a gun at me
discreetly.
Suddenly ... I could not believe what I was seeing.
The dude I must hatted in the office passed right in front of me.
I could not scream or do anything, but if he saw me maybe he could help or ...
tell people where I was.
I turned and stared at him
I cried and screamed silently, asking him to help me.
The *** did not stop watching his blackberry while walking.
Whe got to a house and although I could not see anything everything around smelled like a car workshop
A dude told me to take off my clothes and I just kept my underwear
They tied me to a chair that creaked.
Figured they were like ten forty-five o'clock.
I heard a lady and a girl cooking and I thought "These gyus are not going to kill me in front
of them. "
I thought " They got the wrong guy, there's a mistake here."
I Listened how they negotiated, do not know, it seemed like they had more people in different rooms
of the house.
They discussed how they could charge for each of us.
"With an ear or a finger they pay higher"
There were three people in charge of my abduction, they had different roles
One of them was the good guy,
I felt regret in his voice and he was ... he was kind to me.
There was anothe guy...the boss, he did not talk to me at all
and ...
the bad guy, who seemed to enjoy everything he did.
The friendly guy once asked if I was thirsty, I said yes.
He got a glass of water and when he got back, I heard the bad guy...
He took the glass and threw the water all over my face.
That was the moment when I lost control,
I began to feel fear, I lost control, I felt attacked.
At that moment I realized that maybe not everything would be fine.
I stopped being calm.
I felt thart the good guy was on my side within the misfortune
He scream, he did´t slap me ,
It was very weird, but I really felt I had a bond, a friendship,
maybe that relationship would make him feel bad at the moment
someone wanted to do something to me.
The lady who cooked the kidnapper spoke to the bad kidnapper and said...
"Oh dear, you have too much blood in here"
I started panicking
At that moment I thought "I do not want my family to suffer, I would rather just die here."
They asked for my home phone number and ...
I had just changed it a week ago, I really didn´t not know it.
I called my best friend, he had the only number I remembered, and listened
His voice was one of the best things that had ever happened in my life.
I asked where I was
and I told him I could not say I just asked him to please give me my house´s phone number.
or my parents number, he said "wait just a second" and began to look for it.
"I don´t have it, forgive me Luis but I don´t have it"
The was the only call they let me do.
That bad guy got angry, pushed me and...
left me lying there tied to the chair for hours.
There is a psychological effect that if you pass sharp ice when
when you can not see through your fingers
I feels as if they were cutting them
and drops feel as blood seeping through your fingers.
They cut off three fingers and two toes.
And though ... none has ever cut anything.
I can tell exactly what it feels like when they cut your finger.
The pain was unbearable.
I could not cry, that was like being even more vulnerable to them.
They left and returned and until the good guy did... not touch my hand
I realized I had all the fingers.
I checked and i still had them.
That was when they played Russian roulette with me.
I listened as they put only one bullet
to the gun and turned the rattle
and ...
they asked where I wanted the bullet,
I answered that in the temple,
I have no idea why, I think I had seen it in movies,
that way you died quickly and didn´t suffer so much.
They gave me five minutes to say goodbye and like in the movies
in the most vivid way I saw my whole life pass in a few seconds.
The time came and I got gunpointed
I got ready ...
Detachment from life in a conscious way.
In one second
you are no longer going to be here.
Knowing that you are going to die is ...
really heavy.
They fired ...
and nothing happened, there was no bullet.
I got gunpoint fifteen or sixteen times
and I died fifteen or sixteen times.
I had no strength to get nervous,
a part of me and wanted to leave.
I heard the boss´s and the bad guy´s laughter
and the last memory was always the same,
my family, everything I would leave, everything I created.
I mean, I do not go to church or believe very much in God, but
at that time entrust to God was all I could think.
After an eternity, they told me
"You are lucky"
They got me back up in the truck
and after a while I was told that they were going to set me free
They told me not to move for ten minutes.
They threw me on the street
and I counted those ten whole minutes.
Maybe at thirty seconds they were already gone, but I had keep counting.
I sprinted ten blocks without rest,
I asked a lady for a few coins and called my best friend
and minutes later they were there to pick me up.
I got in the car and began to cry.
I did not leave my room for a month.
I could not even smell anything that reminded me what had happened,
I was really scared of guns.
I could not even see the police officer´s guns.
I became very depressed and ...
I started seeing everything badly, to take the bad way.
The question is:
Will I ever go back to being who I was before I met you?
And. .. that´s when you realize that it's not true that you are well,
It´s not true that you are strong,
that all safety ideas and feelings you had are now
destroyed.
And again you become that person who thinks that everyone lies and plays with you.
just the way he did a long ago,
the love of your life.
Until you realize that you have yourself
and that you're always going to be faithful yo yourself.
Life ends in the most reckless moment for who remains alive
And the world you are standing in now seems senseless.
The loss of what you thought most important in your life.
You are falling into a very deep hole,
like Alice in Wonderland.
You have absolutely nothing to hold on to.
Your white rabbit no longer exists.
and now you don´t know who to follow.
you do not know which way to go.
Your world becomes a strange place,
that seems to have no sanity or objective.
You stand still for a few seconds,
crying,
not knowing where to keep going.
And you realize that you are alone,
that if there is someone to hold on to...yourself
You smile.
And choose a path,
a path that takes you right where it all begins within you.
But losing your white rabbit
makes you know that life is very fragile.
And that even with fear you have yo keep walking your way.
I was in my car
I got assaulted in a traffic light.
I froze at the sight of the gun because of what had happened to me before,
the kidnapping.
The assailant lost control shot in my stomach.
Nothing serious happened to me, the bullet did not touch any vital organ.
After talking with my psychologist we realized that until I got
that
bullet I could recover.
Because when they played Russian roulette with me
I expected a bullet fifteen times
and though the bullet did not come until two years later,
when I finally got it ...
I reacted to life.