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Previously on In Treatment...
He threatened to kill me.
- You're smiling.
- I've had patients over the years
whose lives were threatened.
You brought this up like it was nothing.
- Did you mean that literally?
- Of course not!
I'm not gonna *** kill her.
I want a divorce.
I haven't slept in like a week.
I can't sleep, I can't eat.
I don't know what to do.
I really...
I don't want you to leave me.
Got it.
Great.
Great.
Right. Got it, thanks.
- I'm a little early. I hope it's okay.
- That's okay.
Can you just give me a few minutes?
- Sure.
- Thanks.
In Treatment 129 - Week 6
Transcript: FRM.
Synchro VO: michvanilly, Anyone.
I'm just gonna close the curtains.
How are you, Amy?
Good.
You seem a little...
restless.
I wanted to get here early.
I just... I rushed a little.
Why would you rush
to be here early?
Well, one of us
is often late, so...
I don't know.
Jake's not coming.
Don't worry, we're together.
Everything's fine.
We're seemingly in love,
and he knows that I'm here
and it's fine for him to know
everything that we talk about.
I have to tell you,
I was offended...
Outside, just now.
I know I'm an adult and you have things
that I don't need to see or hear
but I felt like a scolded child.
It... never mind. It's crazy.
It's not you, it's me.
I don't know what's gotten into me,
but I felt a little embarrassed
because I'd already stood up
and you suddenly stopped me.
- I certainly apologize...
- I wondered if there are patients
that you would've let in
even if they arrived early.
Patients you have
a different relationship with.
I know Jake and I aren't easy,
and I just think you must have...
Easier patients,
more interesting patients,
patients that are more fun,
that you like more.
Is my enjoyment of our sessions
important to you?
Maybe.
And so it would bother you
if I didn't enjoy them?
Maybe not.
Forget it.
You said that Jake and you...
Weren't easy as patients.
How would you define
yourself as a patient?
Bad.
Just kidding.
I wouldn't trade places
with anyone. It just...
I don't know.
Have you ever thought about
changing places with anybody?
- Perhaps.
- Who would you like to trade with?
What kind of a patient
would you like to be?
Maybe I want you to be different.
Me? Different how?
I don't know.
Harrison Ford.
That's a bit of a stretch for me,
but...
So how would Dr. Harrison Ford behave
if you were early for a session?
Who says I'd be seeing him
for therapy?
He certainly wouldn't make me wait
outside like a naughty schoolgirl.
So you felt that was like
some kind of rejection?
OK. So...
Why don't you tell me
what's been happening
since I saw you last week.
Everything's fine, like I told you.
You said that you and Jake
were "seemingly in love."
What does that mean?
"Seemingly in love"...
I said that, didn't I?
Typical. Everything's fine.
Why is that typical?
Today, he's meeting a guy
that might commission
some music from him.
You make it sound like you don't think
that's going to happen.
And he said to me
that I should come here on my own,
that talking does me good. It's not like
Jake to send me here alone, is it?
You've turned him into
the new and improved Jake,
the new sensitive Jake.
You could cut the mutual support
this week with a knife.
"You look great.
Your makeup looks good."
"You'll be working late?
That's fine. Good luck."
The other day,
before a meeting,
he actually said to me: "Go get 'em!"
isn't that funny?
Why is it funny?
It is so...
sweet.
And sweet isn't good?
Sweet's fattening.
And then two days ago he said to me:
"Would you like to have sex with me?"
Would I like to have sex with him?
Can you believe it?
It's like he was offering
me a canapé.
And then he kept wanting
to kiss me and touch me
and be all loving and affectionate.
He kept saying,
"do you like this? Does this feel good?"
It actually got very tiresome.
And at the end, when he was through,
I found myself patting him on the back
like I was burping a baby,
and kept whispering my name, "Amy, Amy."
It was such a turnoff.
And why was that such a turnoff?
It was just so...
So...
So what, Amy?
Is it worse than whispering "I'm gonna
kill you" in your ear?
Much worse.
God, all that tenderness.
Not your cup of tea.
Why not?
You know what?
Sex like that is terrible.
What we need is angry sex.
That's what we had,
it held us together.
Even when we wanted to kill
each other, we had that,
maybe because
we wanted to kill each other.
This touchy-feely sex
wasn't the deal.
You know, the kind of sex
we used to have,
I couldn't even tell my girlfriends.
They wouldn't have believed me,
or else they'd call social services
and have Jake arrested.
Now it's like he's had a lobotomy
or like he's brain-dead.
Only he's not brain-dead,
he's just a terrible ***.
It's your fault.
- It's my fault?
- The man in touch with himself.
God, might be better
if he knocked me around a bit.
You really think that'd be better?
I don't know.
Maybe I deserve it.
How do you like my necklace, by the way?
I think it's...
It's very nice.
It's a gift.
- From Jake?
- A Bulgari from Jake?
It's from Ben.
Do you remember Ben, my boss?
I told Jake that I'd be going back
to the office tonight
because I have a conference call
with some clients in Bali.
I also told him that Ben was traveling,
but the truth is
Ben is picking me up from here and we're
not going back to the office.
Where are you going?
Wherever the evening takes us.
What do you think of that?
- What, dinner with your boss?
- It won't be dinner.
It might include dinner,
but there's no stopping the rest of it.
Why can't it be stopped?
Do you want me to stop it?
It won't do any good.
I know it'll happen.
Ben and I are inevitable. The minute
that the thought entered my head,
it was as if somebody had triggered
a ticking time-bomb.
Nothing will stop it, no matter how many
bomb experts I bring in.
You can't stop it, no one can.
So, who triggered the time bomb?
The lousy sex.
I was in the shower...
By the way, it's the first time
I've been in a hurry to get
in the shower after *** Jake.
And it dawned on me
that no matter what I do...
- Something'll happen with him.
- So are you punishing Jake
for the bad sex
or because of this new...
This new tenderness, this new...
Attentiveness that he's shown?
Why am I doing this?
Why can't I stop?
- You haven't done anything yet.
- But he'll be here in a minute.
Do you like this guy?
He's a prick, but it's...
It's like I need...
You need what?
The Employee-Of-the-Month award.
The Office-*** award.
I'd like to go back to something that
we touched on last week.
You... You said that you were...
That you were overweight
when you were a child.
That really captured
your imagination, didn't it?
I think it's something
that we should talk about.
I know you said
it didn't bother you,
but you did say something
about children being cruel.
Well, I was fat.
Not overweight, fat.
My sister was the overweight one.
I'm kidding. My sister's gorgeous.
It's really hard for me to believe
that you actually ever were...
This overweight kid.
It's like you've erased that girl.
Right after my father died,
I decided to stop eating.
It's like I woke up 45 pounds thinner.
- How do you wake up 45 pounds thinner?
- I just didn't eat.
And I felt like it was the one thing
that I could control in that house.
Some days I'd just have
one cracker all day long
and I'd feel my stomach get flatter
and I'd have this wonderful sense
of light-headedness,
this wonderful high.
What?
Doesn't matter.
No, go on, finish the thought.
My father was a lovely man.
Sweet, charming. I loved him very much.
And your mother?
My mother's dead.
You know the joke about the farmer
with the two cows?
The one cow gives milk
and the other one doesn't?
Never mind.
Anyway, my dad died when I was 13.
My mother's rather
like Cinderella's stepmother,
and my sister
is like the evil stepsister.
Once, when I was 13...
My parents came back from Milan
with two identical dresses,
very very beautiful ones.
A red one for Maria, my sister,
and a blue one for me.
Mine, of course, didn't fit me.
So, my mother told her
to switch with me
because she was older
and hers was slightly bigger.
She, of course, didn't want to,
so she started screaming
and said she wanted the red dress,
it's not her fault that I'm so fat.
And finally, she threw the dress at me
and said: "Then take it, fatso."
So I started crying.
And my mother said:
"What are you crying for now?
"You should be glad
your sister's dress fits you
"and that she agreed to trade dresses.
You should thank her."
Later, I heard my parents arguing
and my dad said to my mom:
"Why didn't you just get them
the same color dress?"
And my mother started whispering,
she said: "I can't buy her red, she..."
I couldn't hear her properly then.
She seemed like she said: "She looks...
"like a watermelon in it.", or:
"She'd look like a fire truck in it.",
or: "She'd look like a beach ball.",
or...
I couldn't hear what she said.
So did you ever talk to your dad
about what you might have heard?
No, I never got a chance.
So could you have talked
to your mom about it?
Why not?
She'd say that I was making things up.
That's what she said
to most of my complaints.
She used to call me "the fabricator".
I had a very vivid imagination.
I used to make things up.
Once, I told her
that I saw my sister kissing
the gardener behind the house.
She went ballistic.
She nearly had a coronary.
You know, once,
Maria had a blind date,
and before he got there, she said:
"Let's play a trick on him."
And she told me to open the door
and pretend that I was her.
And she'd watch
from the room next door,
and if she didn't like him,
she wouldn't come out
and I could pretend
that I was sick and cancel the date.
So when I opened the door,
he was really cute.
And I thought
she'd be interested in him.
So I kept talking to him,
and pretending to be her
and chatting away.
She finally came out from the other room
and said: "Hi, I'm Maria."
And he was completely confused,
and I was...
utterly humiliated.
I went so red. Actually,
I still get embarrassed
when I think about it today, and...
And she told him I was just
checking out her dates for her
and that at it was all just a joke.
The thing is, I didn't get the joke.
I mean, not till years later.
I didn't realize till then,
that all she really wanted was to see
the look of relief on his face
when he realized that she was his date,
not me, the fatso.
Hilarious, right?
Don't worry,
I got back at her years later.
I met him at college
and I *** his brains out.
I told her that he didn't remember her
and I'd had to remind him.
And she said: "Whatever, I dumped him
after two dates anyway."
And I said: "He told me he dumped you
because you smelled like tuna."
And is that true?
So really,
you settled that account in bed.
I did indeed.
And now you're settling another account
in bed, with Jake this time.
What, because he's become
too sensitive for you?
So let me make sure I have this right.
Your father died when you were 13.
You must have been pretty devastated.
I was.
He was a lovely man.
He was affectionate and great.
Physically affectionate?
He'd come into our room at night,
when we were sleeping and...
kiss us on the eyes.
And then I'd half wake up,
I'd smell his aftershave
and know that he was there.
And then he'd whisper in my ear
that he loved me and...
He'd hold my face in his hands.
He had these huge hands,
like a construction worker.
And he was just...
So...
Tender and lovely.
And yet, when Jake is tender
and he expresses his love through
tenderness, it makes you angry.
You said it was "disgusting".
Do you think that might be
because it scares you?
You've learned you can't trust people
who express themselves
tenderly, that they seem weak?
That they're going to abandon you,
die and leave you behind?
And so in order to avoid that,
you provoke Jake. You make him angry.
You create these situations
that bring out the worst in him
and he treats you badly.
Ben'll be here any minute.
What should I do?
Do you really want me to give you
permission to have sex with your boss?
Once. Just once.
Just tell me it's not that bad.
I think it might be that bad.
But you'll explain him if he finds out.
Can you make sense of it for him?
And what exactly
do you want me to tell him?
That I'm *** up!
That I can't help myself.
That it's bigger than me.
- Tell him that I'm *** up!
- So even if he forgives you,
do you think
that you can forgive yourself?
I always forgive myself.
That's my problem.
I... I just close my eyes
before I go to sleep at night
and I ask God for forgiveness
and I forgive myself for everything.
Even the unforgivable things.
I never get punished.
You think that sex with Reeves
will go unpunished?
Who's gonna punish me?
Maybe you've already started
to punish yourself.
Do you really think that sleeping
with Reeves is gonna bring back
the good old reliable angry,
controlling Jake?
The one who fights you
and threatens you?
I don't know.
And now that he's expressing his love
through tenderness,
- do you feel that you deserve his love?
- It's not love!
It's neediness. It's weakness.
It's unbearable.
So it's only love if he chases you,
stalks you,
tapes you, is jealous of you,
is that it?
I think you need to look at this
a little more carefully, Amy.
- It's like it's happened already.
- But it hasn't.
You still have a choice.
Nothing happens without you.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Hi, it's Jake. Leave a message.
Hey, Jake, it's me.
It's nothing important.
I just thought
I might catch you.
I just wanted to hear your voice.
Okay, talk to you later.