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Welcome to Nostalgia Komrade.
Today we are going to look at One of the most kranberry-rich movie
- Rollerball.
The original Rollerball was shot in 1975 and, in fact, is an extremely
boring movie. It is very low paced, the plot is weak, the characters are
poorly developed and the acting is just non-existing. The only thing the
actors do is just wander around, making uneasy long faces, intended to
reflect some hard inner thoughts. Even the sport scenes are not entertaining.
However, the first Rollerball has some nostalgia value, as it has all that
70′s tight but loose clothes, hairy man chests on display, natural female
***… Yes, that was the time of long-haired women with no silicone and
naturally plump lips. And it’s worth watching for that alone.
In the new millennium, producers decided to reboot the franchise with a
new installment, named Rollerball. The movie was released in 2002 and the
only idea left from the original, is the Rollerball game itself. All the
rest is brand new. The plot takes place in former Soviet countries, and
that fills it with kranberries.
The first kranberry appears right after the start.
The postcard says “Hello from Kazakhstan” in Russian. And even though
it’s spelled correctly, the official language in Kazakhstan is – surprise –
Kazakh. Well actually, Russian is the second language, almost like English
in Canada. Kazakh is the official, so the postcard would probably be in
Kazakh. That means that the black guy specifically selected a Russian postcard,
but attached an English business card. I’m sure the postcards were available
in English as well.
As for the game name, as you can see it was translated into Russian.
Actually, such translations are direct word-to-word transfer, like a
software translator was used. The word ролик, indeed is a Russian for
roller, but that’s an industry term. The мяч is Russian for ball. The
problem is, Russians do not translate sport game names, they just transliterate them.
They have футбол, воллейбол, баскетбол. And would have rollerball,
if the game actually existed.
This is just. The back translation would be “golden crowd” which means
nothing. What they meant was the Golden Horde, a military organisation of
central asian wanderers, terrorising medieval Russia for over 3 hundred years.
Oh yes, ***. *** is like cola for Americans – everyone drinks it
permanently, including pregnant women and newborns.
The brand translation is “LIKE A CANCER”. Cancer meaning both – cancer and
a crab. Also it says that’s a beer. Looks more like ginger ale to me.
The letter say “take your seats according to your ticket”. Pretty stupid
thing to say in the middle of a match.
The text under the screen means nothing. It’s just a number of symbols.
The interpreter says “yes that’s true, but now she is clean”. First of all,
Russians don’t say like that: there’re a number of terms meaning “not using
drugs now”, but “clean” is not of of them.
But the main problem here is her wild accent. The intonation is also
weird. Russian is obviously not her native tongue. And that is what I cannot
understand at all. Aren’t there hundreds of native Russian speakers in
Hollywood? Why don’t you employ them to do the voiceover? Or their work
as janitors sweeping the floors of Universal Studious is just too important
to be interrupted?
Oh yeah, *** again. It’s like air in Russia…sorry, Kazakhstan.
That is just not true. Kazakhstan has very low fees on import cars,
and a lot of people can afford at least used cars from Germany and Japan,
and of course Russia. So there is a lot of secondhand junk on the
street.
That’s not true again. All the common use areas are owned by the landlord.
The policeman or whoever they are, actually look rather authentic.
Wow. What is that? A three-axle jeep? Why on earth would you want one?
A Cherokee’s engine cannot generate enough power to drive a 6×6, and even
if it could, the vehicle is just too light to gain from an additional set
of wheels. These are obviously free-wheels, so it’s just for looks. For
very brutal looks.
That is the most hilarious part in the whole movie. The inscription says
“In loving memory”, and the only right place for flowers shaped like that
is a funeral. They are never brought to hospitals.
The text on screen is just random symbols again.
The letters at the back say “under hidden camera surveillance”. Why on earth
would you want to say that to sporting fans during a match?
On the whole, the movie is a complete nonsense. Sport fans causing a
revolution? Why would they want to kill the Rollerball management anyway?
According to the movie, the show gives them a lot of entertainment and a
chance to win some money on bets. So it actually makes the fan’s life
more exiting , so why would they want to rebel against rollerball?
I don’t know are these “mistakes” intentional, or they are just from
ignorance, but all these kranberries make it a lot more fun to watch.
This completes this review. So, see you next time!