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Hey! This is Todd with Real Social Dynamics here in Austin which has been one of the most
amazing cities for boot camp in a really, really long time.
What I want to talk to you about today is the difference between the boyfriend vibe
and the player vibe in the sense that there are different ways that you can be categorized
as a man and how you approach girls and by girls in general. This goes back to evolution.
Basically, a girl is looking for either the best possible genes she can get or she's looking
for a man who will help her raise the kids; and the two are not necesarrily the same thing
because obviously, the guy who she can find with the best possible genes probably has
a lot of options and probably has very little incentive to stay around whereas the guy who
has a lot of incentives to stay around probably has that incentive 'cause he doesn't have
a lot of *** options; so it's kind of a paradox for girls; and so girls tend to divide
guys into the two sort of categories like the Holy Grail for a woman would be the guy
who has all the characteristics of the player and also is willing to stick around; but it
almost doesn't make sense for that to be the case. There almost will have to be a glitch
in the system for that to happen; and actually, you should almost play game to convince the
girl that you're that guy. At least, that's the way I play game. I try and convince the
girl eventually over time that I'm that guy. I'm the guy that she is out of her league
that she doesn't deserve but that for some reason kind of will stick with her or kind
of she can believe in and can have some comfort with; and then I'm basically like the uncheatable
on guy because she'll never ever, ever do better in any way, shape, or form.
There's such a thing as actual high value which is like the logical decision; and there's
perceived high value which is adding value to a social situation - being amusing, being
high status, not being reactive, feeling entitled, and feeling like you deserve something; and
interestingly enough or ironically enough, oftentimes the two are separate like I've
talked in other videos about how guys can actually be too dumb to fail. Right? Because
they're too dumb to feel unentitled; so that's kind of an interesting little bit of the paradox;
so there're at least two different sort of ways of looking at it. There is the resume
version of getting a girl; and then there's the self-amused way of getting a girl; and
the thing is, if I were to give you a strategy, I'm not going to tell you not to build a resume.
I'm not going to tell you don't get rich, don't get successful, don't have things going
for you 'cause I think you should; but you should do that for yourself. You shouldn't
get rich to impress a girl with how rich you are. You shouldn't get in good shape and eat
healthy to impress a girl with like how good your body is. You should get in shape and
eat healthy so that you don't get injured and so that you stay healthy and fit and live
a long life and stay mentally coherent and can do the things you'd like to out of life,
so do it for you. Don't do it for her because the fact of the matter is, she's not going
to respond to that anyway. A really great example, a really big frustration actually
for me is many, many times throughout my pickup career or just my history with women in general,
I would have a girl who would be willing to go home with me. She'd be willing to sleep
with me. She'd be willing to just go do something crazy with me, but she didn't really know
me that well. It's just on an emotional vibe which is on the fact that we had like physical
chemistry or we had a moment with good eye contact, we'd made out quickly, whatever;
and so there was this heightened emotional state; and she'd be willing to sleep with
me off of that; but she didn't really know me yet; and then she'd get to know me; and
I'd say something cool or impressive or interesting; and you'd just see this light bulb go on in
her head; and she'll be like, "Oh, my God. This guy actually is the prize." Right? I
talked to you just a second ago about how there's the guy who's the player guy, and
then there's the guy who's the boyfriend guy, and then this guy who's possibly both. Right?
And so even though I was more maybe in the both category at that point 'cause she already
did like me sexually, because there was that little bit of boyfriend in there, now all
of a sudden instead of wanting to go home with me then, instead of wanting to have sex
with me, now she'll be like, "Oh, let's get phone numbers and let's go on a date"; and
she'll try and put me in that courting frame. She'll try and make me into that guy that
will commit and invest, and it's really *** up 'cause it's essentially like you're being
punished for good behavior. Right? And that's the thing looking back; and I'm almost like,
"It's going to sound a little bitter 'cause I spent so long in that frame"; but it's almost
like you get punished for being in that frame. You get punished for having achieved something
'cause if you're just some loser with no history and no future and nothing going for you, girls
will *** you and just go have fun, just go put those genes inside of her; but when she
actually thinks you could be the guy that'll stick around, now she'll actually make it
harder for you to sleep with her; and it's pretty *** up; so my strategy, my philosophy
that I'm going to give you guys is stay really, really far away from anything in that boyfriend
category. okay? So that means don't bring up your physical possessions. Don't bring
up logical reasons for her to sleep with you. In fact, don't actually go out of your way
for the girl to get to know you. She's going to get to know you over time. If you're together
with her, she has to get to know you. Right? It used to be that the way I would get girls
to like me is I would logic them into it 'cause I would have the perfect resume, and I just
let them slowly discover the resume 'cause they would ask the get-to-know-you questions
and have really clever interesting answers. My job would sound interesting. I'd sound
successful. I would couch it in a way that it just sounded like I had my life together;
and then they would want to date me; and when that was the case, they would eventually sleep
with me; but it would take three or four dates; and they'd make me go through hurdles and
make me take a long time and put money into it; and they'd make me go through massive,
massive *** test the entire time; and they also would flirt with other guys. They wouldn't
be like as crazy with me sexually. Again, I was being put in that boyfriend frame; so
I was being put kind of into the ***, socially conditioned side of things.
Now, since one of the biggest developments in my game ever since summer in Vegas, I've
been working really, really, really hard of being self-amusing at all cost even to the
point where I ran boot camp this weekend, I did a whole bunch of boot camp in an Australia
accent. Thank you, Alex, for giving me some reference words that I can actually use to
sound Australian and running it like in mute game, like not even talking to girls and forcing
myself to do things that make it actually harder for me to game but make it more fun
and more interesting and more of a challenge for me to game.
Another thing I've started doing is when I get these typical like *** questions like
where're you from and what do you do, I don't even answer them, like I just laugh at girls
for them now. If a girl says to me like, "Where are you from?" I'm just going to be like,
"All the questions in the world you could've asked me and that's what you chose? Really,
that's very creative"; or she's like, "Where are you from?" - this is also from Alex - I'll
say "heaven". Right? Or just some other *** answer. The point is I'm not even letting
the girls get to know me logically, but I am letting them get to know me. I'm letting
them see what I find funny, let them see my personality - those sorts of things; and funny
enough, when that's the case, I get girls who are much, much more ready to just go with
me instantly, just go home and have sex with me; and oftentimes, they don't even like try
and contact me afterwards; or they don't even have it in their head to try and get a phone
number; so it's just a completely different vibe; and the funny thing is especially for
me because I was the guy with like that great resume to begin with but for anybody, if they
get to know you, they're going to find these things out. It's a very rewarding experience
or very rewarding moment when you're with a girl who you've already slept with just
on like personality and being fun and just like a great experience; and then you say
something; and she looks at you. She's like, "You're smart." You're like, "Yeah, of course
I'm smart. What? You didn't realize that" whatever; and she's like, "No, no, no. You're
really smart"; and just suddenly, the light bulb goes on in her head that you are that
guy that is the best of both possible worlds; but now it's happened after sex rather than
before; so rather than making you go through a bunch of hoops in order to get sex, now
she's already like that's already happened; so now that's off the table, there's no point
in doing that. That would be really weird; and now, she can just be normal and just actually
appreciate you; so all those virtues and values that you've worked so, so hard for actually
become rewarded rather than punished; and so what I encourage you guys to do is stay
really, really far away from that - the logical, boyfriend-y, jumping-through-the-hoops, courting-the-girl
vibe. Stay away from supplicating. Stay away from buying the girl things early in the relationship.
Also, even stay away from showing the girl overtly things that try to impress her. Work
it on your personality. Work it on fun. Try and be an experience first because that will
actually, ironically, help you. It'll make it easier if she doesn't find that stuff out;
so you'll avoid hitting that switch in her head where she's like, "Oh, I should make
him wait 'cause this guy is worth earning. This guy is actually quality"; and so let
her think you're a player, let her think those things; and then she'll get to know you over
time. If she really, really does need those things, if those are the things that will
turn her on, you'll get that vibe from talking to her; and you'll be able to figure it out.
It's always easier to go from illogic and value, and then you can add logic and comfort
later because there is a set formula for that. There's a direct linear way to do that, and
you can always do it because it actually exists in the real world. The logical part of you
exists in the real world; so you can always convey that; but the illogical crazy part
of you, that's hard to come to from logic. It's hard to be logical and persuasive in
that sense and then go to illogical and value; so start with the value first, start with
that player vibe; and then use the boyfriend vibe as necesarry and down the road. I think
you'll find much better results with it; and I think you'll think find also much, much,
much more enjoyment and less frustration in your game; so that's my advise to you and
my personal experience. I hope you found it useful, and I'll talk to you next time.