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Y: I'm honored to have Abacus Watchtower with us today, who will be bringing us a first
on Heartwood Tower Voice - an actual program beyond my humble, semi-regular announcements
that I make here. Welcome to your show, Mr. Watchtower.
A: Thank you, Mr. Fildibeck. I wanted to apologize for my tardiness.
Y: Let me guess... you fell through a platform. A: Of course not! Falling through platforms
is for laggards! Apparently, some salmon-colored equines were vandalizing the henges while
I was in transit. Y: Ah, the fabled Pink Ponies. And I thought
we'd seen the last of them. Well, it's good to have you here now. Should we get on with
the program? A: Who are you calling a program?
Y: I mean we're broadcasting now. See? The crystal's glowing.
A: Ooh, a glowing thing. You don't see too many of those nowadays. Or at least I don't,
since my work usually involved digging up rusted old relics of the past Age.
Y: You don't say! That's what I was doing before I got this job.
A: So I've heard. Actually, that's what I wanted to talk about. I still remember that
fateful day I woke up to the Amanita-shaped cloud on the horizon, then the next thing
I knew everyone was being herded back to the Groves except for us Clockworks. Being Europe's
foremost authority on Man, I was able to put two and two together, and now after hearing
your broadcasts, I know who to take to task for it.
Y: [some simple nervous response like:] Really? A: You really don't know what you're dealing
with, do you? "Happy Winter Dawning?" More like NUCLEAR Winter Dawning! How about you
make a New Year's resolution to cut the BLUE wire next time you see a giant metal spheroid
with Clockwork parts inside of it! How did you even survive that, by the way? Your squishy
amphibious body should have been vaporized by that blast!
Y: [timidly] Frost shield? A: [suddenly calm] Ah, yes; I should have
thought. Useful power, that. Never leave home without it myself. [ranting again] I hope
you enjoy casting it every ten minutes from now until the fallout blows away, and I'm
not talking about how we already "fall out" of this tower all the time, what! My people
restored the land once already, and we don't need any more messes to clean up, thank you
very much! Y: Well, how was I supposed to know what it
was? A: What did you think it was? A Garden of
Eden Creation Kit? Even the Warpigs had sense enough to not mess with it. [slowly for emphasis]
The War-Pigs. Who couldn't brew a decent beer in the best brewery in the very homeland of
beer, with 11 recipes to choose from!And now with the breweries all evacuated, I haven't
had a good warm stout in months! You know, it really grinds my gears when they're not
properly lubricated, eh what. [voice starts to get strained] Clockwork's got to have his
hops and barley oil! All they've got around here is... wine. It just gets sticky inside
and gums up the inner workings, if you know what I mean... you know, I think I need to
go lie down. Y: Well, we'll be back with more of that,
provided Mr. Watchtower IS properly lubricated next time. If not, we'll see what Grinds His
Gears.