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After months and months of hard work, determination and simply funny writing.
We were all told this series would never go ahead, well, the writer lied.
Here on Christmas Day, is an exclusive Christmas Special of Scott: The Sitcom
(CARTWRIGHT SHORT FILM PRODUCTIONS)
Well, hello to you all and a Merry Scottmas all round! Oh, like what I did there?
Oh I love Christmas me, and all the festivities you get from it.
My favourite part about Christmas every year is mine and Judy's annual mince pie stuff!
Oh I so looking forward to this Judy! Aren't you?
Oh me too, I love this!
Freshly Baked!
These don't say Christmas Cook for nothing! Do they Judy?
Nope!
Right!
Are you ready to declare the rules?
I am ready to declare the rules! Whoever can eat the most Mince Pies in a minute, is the
winner!
On your marks-
Get set-
GO!
Two at once? That's cheating!
Well- Let's not hang about!
(SINGING) So here it is! A Merry Scottmas! Hope you're all having fun!
(CLAPS)
(SINGING) Come editor, roll the titles now! Let's get this show begun!
(SCOTT: THE SITCOM THEME TUNE)
(SINGING) So here it is, Merry Christmas! Everybody's having fun!
(SHUTS DOOR)
(SINGING) Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer! Had a very shiny nose!
SCOTT: Like a lightbulb!
Oh I love Christmas, don't you Judy?
Oh yeah, I love the idea of Christmas Spirits!
Oh yes, we all love a good Tia Maria or Baileys every now and again!
What?
Baileys! Tia Maria, they're spirits aren't they?
No you idiot!
Yes! They are!
No, I'm talking about the Ghostly spirits! The festivity! You know, making sense of something's
a festivity in itself!
What was that?
Nothing!
Do you know! I love Christmas, for the food! And the prezzies, and the ***! And the food-
(SIGHING) And the food!
(BIGGER SIGH) I appear to be obsessed with food!
Yeah, you can definitely tell!
(COUGHS) ***! (COUGHS)
Well! Make yourself comfortable like at home Judy!
Thankyou, I'll take me Coat off!
SCOTT: (UNDER HIS BREATH) You usually do!
Oh, now were talking!
So you brought all your Christmas Presents yet?
Just about yeah!
I went to town the other day and well it was busier than Meadowhall when the Christmas
sales are on!
I brought me mum a bottle of perfume!
JUDY: Oh right!
Yeah, but there was a bit of a problem with it actually! Bit of a funny smell coming from
it! Well that was until I realised what the problem was!
JUDY: Why? What did you do?
Me? Nothing! Turns out, well I saw label on the bottle that said 'Perfect for Mums' so
I thought I'd have a quick whiff as you do! And! Well-
The problem was that an old lady next to me, and she'd passed on the wind!
And the dirty cows odour had mixed with the perfume!
My poor nostrils!
JUDY: What was the perfume called?
Funny you say that actually, because on the bottom of the bottle, it said- 'Eau De Parfum'
On the top of the bottle it said 'Channel Number Five'!
JUDY: Channel Number Five?
Yeah!
JUDY: Scott, you are aware of the Channel Number Five on the Television aren't you?
Oh yeah! Yeah, 'cause it's got all them nice programmes like- What is it now? Neighbours!
Oh-
(SINGING) Neighbours, everybody has good Neighbours!
And all that! And what what else is there? Oh Home and Away!
(SINGING) Hold me in your arms, Home and Away!
Oh, and the fantastic-
BOTH: Big Brother!
Oh yeah!
JUDY: But Scott, I think you'll find that the perfume you brought your Mum was actually
Chanel Number Five!
(AWKWARD SILENCE)
Judy! Well, I tell you now! I hope what's in that bottle is Chanel Number Five! 'Cause
what I smelt in that shop was Chanel Number Two!
(LAUGHTER)
Oh I'll never understand your day to day life even after knowing since Nursery!
Chocolate?
Oh go on then! We all have to be Naughty every now and again!
Oh! Do you know? We sound like them women from them Malteasers adverts!
Oh yeah, but we've never flashed anyone have we?
Of course we haven't!
(MUCH LAUGHTER)
Oh!
What is it?
Oh it's a card!
(KNOCK AT THE DOOR, DOORS OPENS)
Hello! Oh thankyou!
SCOTT: Just take them around the back!
(DOOR SHUTS)
Oh I've got flowers
Are they for your Mum?
Oh no! No, they're not her type!
What about your Dad?
Judy!
It's a bouquet, not a *** reef!
Oh right!
I've got a card! Never had a good before!
Course you've had a card before!
Alright Miss Smart ***!
It's from Charlie!
Oh what does it say?
It's times like this when I love Christmas, everyone coming together, me family and friends!
The festivity of it all! Come on Judy! Best get off to Mum's, especially if she's got
the schedule on!
No it's worser than it sounds!
Well I hope you're all enjoying the festivity! I love Christmas, specially since it only
comes once a year! Well personally, I like the food but that story too has a good purpose!
Well goodnight!
Or good morning
Or Merry Christmas day!
I sounded like Santa!
Goodbye!
Talking to yourself again Scott?
Might need to see a Doctor about that!
Oh I will do!
25th December, at 7:30pm on BBC One!
Come on Judy!
(SOLOIST SINGING) We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you
a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
(SUBTITLES BY SCOTT CARTWRIGHT)