Ron white

You can't fix stupid.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.

There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.

I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.

I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.