Lewis black

Anybody who likes writing a book is an idiot. Because it's impossible; it's like having a homework assignment every stinking day until it's done. And by the time you get it in, it's done and you're...

When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.

My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines. My mother was a substitute teacher. Together, they worked really only until they were sixty.

As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic.

When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.

And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can...

This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.

You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.

Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not Steve.

I like my friends because they make me feel normal, even though I'm not.