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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

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When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

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In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

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The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

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