Karl pilkington

That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.

Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'

And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.

I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time;...

The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone...

I've done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you're...

Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.

I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.