Karl pilkington

You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.

Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.

With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads?

I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised.

Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do.

It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.

I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should...

I don't know what the future is, but you just do it whilst it's there, don't you?

If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.

Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.