Johnny carson
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
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When turkeys mate they think of swans.
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We're more effective than birth control pills.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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