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#Hey, hey, hey, hey #
# Ooh #
# Ooh-whoa #
# Won't you
come see about me #
#I'll be alone
dancing, you know it, baby #
# Tell me
your troubles and doubts #
# Givin'me everything
inside and out and #
#Love's strange
So real in the dark #
# Think of the tender things
that we were working on #
#Slow change
may pull us apart #
# When the light gets
into your heart, baby #
#Don't you #
#Forget about me #
#Don't, don't
don't, don't #
#Don't you #
#Forget about me #
# Will you stand above me #
#Look my way
but never love me #
#Rain keeps fallin'
Rain keeps fallin'#
#Down, down, down ##
[Shattering]
[Boy]
Saturday, March 24, 1984.
Shermer High School,
Shermer, Illinois, 60062.
"Dear Mr. Vernon...
"We accept the fact that
we had to sacrifice a whole
Saturday in detention...
"for whatever it was
we did wrong.
"What we did was wrong...
"but we think you're crazy to make us
write an essay telling you who we are.
"What do you care?
"You see us
as you want to see us...
"in the simplest terms, with the most
convenient definitions.
"You see us as a brain...
"an athlete, a basket case...
"a princess...
"and a criminal.
"Correct?
"That's the way we saw each other
at 7:00 this morning.
We were brainwashed. "
I can't believe
you can't get me out of this.
[Sighs]
It's so absurd I have to
be here on a Saturday.
It's not like
I'm a defective or anything.
I'll make it up to you.
Honey, ditching class to go shopping
doesn't make you a defective.
Have a good day.
Is this the first time
or last time we do this?
Last.
Well, get in there and use the time
to your advantage.
Mom, we're not supposed to study.
We have to sit there and do nothing.
Well, mister, you figure out
a way to study.
Yeah.
Well, go.
Hey, I screwed around.
Guys screw around.
There's nothing wrong with that...
except you
got caught, sport.
Yeah, Mom already reamed me.
You want to miss a match?
You want to blow your ride?
Now, no school is gonna give
a scholarship to a discipline case.
[Tires Skid]
[Snickers]
Well, well.
Here we are.
I wanna congratulate you
for being on time.
Excuse me, sir?
I think there's been a mistake.
I know it's detention but, um,
I don't think I belong in here.
It is now 7:06.
You have exactly eight hours
and fifty-four minutes to
think about why you're here.
Ponder the error
of your ways.
[Hawks, Spits]
- [Gasps]
- You may not talk.
You will not move
from these seats.
And you...
will not sleep.
All right, people,
we're going to try something
a little different today.
We are going to write an essay...
of no less than a thousand words...
describing to me
who you think you are.
Is this a test?
And when I say essay,
I mean essay.
I do not mean a single word
repeated a thousand times.
- Is that clear, Mr. Bender?
- Crystal.
Good. Maybe you'll learn
something about yourself.
Maybe you'll even decide
whether or not
you care to return.
Uh, I can answer
that right now, sir.
- That'd be no for me, 'cause...
- Sit down, Johnson.
Thank you, sir.
My office is right across
that hall. Any monkey business
is ill-advised.
Any questions?
Yeah. I got a question.
Does Barry Manilow know
that you raid his wardrobe?
I'll give you the answer to that question,
Mr. Bender, next Saturday.
Don't mess with the bull,
young man, you'll get the horns.
That man is
a brownie hound.
[Clicking Noise]
[Clicking Continues]
[Clicking Continues]
[Clicking Stops]
You keep eating your hand,
you're not going to be hungry for lunch.
[Loud Click]
[Spits]
I've seen you before,
you know.
[Under Breath]
Who I think I am.
Who are you?
Who are you?
I am a walrus.
[Blows]
It's the ***, huh?
- [Nervous Chuckle,
Clears Throat]
- [Paper Rustling]
## [Humming]
I can't believe
this is really happening to me.
Oh, ***!
What are we supposed to
do if we have to ***?
Please.
If you got to go,
you got to go.
[Zipper Unzips]
[Grunts]
Oh, my God.
You're not
urinating in here, man.
Don't talk. Don't talk.
- It makes it crawl back up.
- You whip it out, you're dead
before the first drop hits.
You're pretty sexy
when you get angry.
[Growls]
Hey, homeboy, why don't you
go close that door.
We'll get the prom queen
impregnated.
Hey. Hey.!
- What?
- If I lose my temper,
you're totalled, man.
- Totally?
- Totally.
Why don't you shut up?
Nobody here's interested.
Really. Buttface.
Hey, sporto, what'd you do
to get in here?
Forget to wash your jock?
Uh, excuse me, fellas,
I think we should
just write our papers.
Just because you live in here
doesn't give you the right
to be a pain in the ***.
So knock it off!
It's a free country.
He's just doing it
to get a rise out of you.
Just ignore him.
Sweets.
You couldn't ignore me
if you tried.
So...
so...
are you guys like
boyfriend-girlfriend?
Steady dates?
Lovers?
Come on, sporto.
Level with me.
Do you slip her
the hot-beef injection?
Go to hell!
Enough!
Hey! What's going on
in there?
Spoiled little pricks.
Scumbag.
What do you say
we close that door?
Can't have any kind of party with Vernon
checking us every few seconds.
You know the door's
supposed to stay open.
So what?
So why don't you
just shut up.
- There's four other
people in here, you know?
- God, you can count.
I knew you had to be smart
to be a wrestler.
Who the hell are you
to judge anybody anyway?
Really.
[Boy]
You know, Bender,
you don't even count.
If you disappear forever,
it wouldn't make any difference.
You may as well not even
exist at this school.
Well, I'll run right out
and join the wrestling team.
- [Both Chuckle]
- Maybe the prep club too.
Student council.
Nah.
They wouldn't take you.
- I'm hurt.
- You know why guys like you
knock everything?
This should be stunning.
Because you're afraid.
Oh, God. You richies are
so smart. That's exactly why
I'm not heavy in activities.
- You're a big coward.
- I'm in a Math Club.
You're afraid that they won't
take you, you don't belong,
so you dump all over it.
Well, it wouldn't have anything
to do with you activities
people being ***, would it?
Well, you wouldn't know.
You don't even know any of us.
Well, I don't know
any lepers either...
but I'm not going to run
and join one of their *** clubs.
Hey, let's watch
the mouth, huh?
I'm in Physics Club too.
Excuse me a sec.
What are you babbling about?
What I said was that
I'm in the Math Club...
uh, the Latin Club
and the Physics Club... Physics Club.
Hey. Cherry.
Do you belong to
the Physics Club?
That's an academic club.
So?
Academic clubs aren't the same
as other kinds of clubs.
Ah, but to dorks
like him, they are.
What do you guys
do in your club?
In physics, well, we talk about physics.
Properties of physics.
So it's sort of social.
Demented and sad, but social, right?
[Johnson] I guess
you could consider it
a social situation.
Um, I mean, there are
other children in my club. And, uh...
at the end of the year, we have, um,
we have a big banquet at the Hilton.
You load up. You party.
No. We get dressed up,
but we don't get high.
- Only burners like you get high.
- And I didn't have any shoes,
so I had to borrow my dad's.
It's weird 'cause my mom doesn't like me
to wear other people's shoes.
My counsel kent...
My cousin Kendall from Indiana,
he got high once.
And, you know, he started eating,
like, really weird foods.
Then he felt like he didn't
belong anywhere, kind of
like Twilight Zone, kinda?
- [Laughs] Sounds like you.
- You guys keep up your talking
and Vernon's gonna come in.
I got a meet this Saturday,
and I'm not gonna miss it
on account of you boneheads.
Oh, and wouldn't that
be a bite?
[Grunts]
Missing a whole
wrestling meet?
You wouldn't know
anything about it, ***.
You never competed
in your whole life.
[Mock Crying]
Oh, I know. I feel
all empty inside because of it.
I have such a deep admiration
for guys who roll around
on the floor with other guys.
You'd never miss it.
You don't have any goals.
Oh, but I do.
I want to be just like you.
I figure all I need's
a lobotomy and some tights.
You wear tights?
No, I don't wear tights.
- I wear the required uniform.
- Tights.
Shut up.
[Snorts]
Woo!
[Johnson]
There's not supposed to
be any monkey business.
Young man, have you
finished your paper?
[Boy]
Come on, Bender.
Don't screw around.
What are you
going to do?
Drop dead, I hope.
[Water Running]
[Shouts, Indistinct]
All right!
Bender, that's-that's
school property there,
and it doesn't belong to us.
- It's something not to be
toyed with.
- That's very funny. Fix it.
You should really fix that.
Am I a genius?
No, you're an ***.
Fix the door, Bender.
What a funny guy.
Everyone, just shh.
I've been here before.
I know what I'm doing.
[Boy]
No. Fix the door.!
[Bender] Shut up.!
*** it.!
Why is that door closed?
Why is that door closed?
How are we supposed to know?
We're not supposed to move.
- Why?
- We're just sitting here
like we're supposed to.
Who closed that door?
- I think a screw fell out of it.
- It just closed, sir.
Who?
[Squeaks]
- She doesn't talk, sir.
- [Girl Squeaks]
- [Vernon]
Give me that screw.
- I don't have it.
You want me to yank you
out of that seat?
I don't have it.
Screws fall out all the time.
The world's an imperfect place.
Give it to me, Bender.
Excuse me, sir.
Why would anybody
want to steal a screw?
Watch it, young lady.
[Door Opens]
The door's
way too heavy, sir.
[Vernon]
Damn it.!
[Clattering]
Andrew Clark,
get up here.
[Snaps Fingers]
Come on. Front and center.
Let's go.
- Hey, how come Andrew
gets to get up?
- That's right.
Lfhe gets up, we'll all get up.
It'll be anarchy.!
Watch-Watch
the magazines.
It's out of my hands.
That's very clever, sir,
but what if there's a fire?
I think violating fire codes
and endangering the lives of children...
would be unwise at this juncture
in your career, sir.
All right. What are you doing
with this? Get this out of here,
for God's sake.
What's the matter with you?
Come on.
You know, the school
comes equipped with fire exits
at either end of the library.
- Show *** some respect.
- Let's go.
Go. Get back in your seat.
I expected a little more
from a varsity letterman.
You're not fooling
anybody, Bender.
The next screw that
falls out is gonna be you.
- Eat my shorts.
- What was that?
Eat... my... shorts.
You just bought yourself
another Saturday, mister.
- Oh, I'm crushed.
- You just bought
one more right there.
Well, I'm free the Saturday
after that. Beyond that,
I'll have to check my calendar.
Good! Because it's gonna be filled.
We'll keep going.
You want another one?
Say the word. Just say the word.
Instead of going to prison,
you'll come here.
- Are you through?
- No.
I'm doing society a favor.
That's another right now.
So?
I've got you for the rest
of your life if you don't
watch your step.
You want another one?
Yes.
You got it.! You got
another one right there.
That's another one, pal.
Cut it out!
- [Mouthing]
Stop.
- You through?
Not even close, bud.
- You got one more right there.
- You really think I give a ***?
Another.
- You through?
- How many is that?
That's seven, including
the one when you asked
Mr. Vernon here...
whether Barry Manilow knew
he raided his closet.
- Now it's eight. Stay out of it.
- Excuse me, sir. It's seven.
Shut up, peewee.
You're mine, Bender.
For two months, I got ya.
I got ya.
What can I say?
I'm thrilled.
Oh, I sure that's exactly
what you want these people
to believe. You know something?
You ought to spend
a little more time trying to
do something with yourself.'...
and a little less time
trying to impress people.
You might be better off.
All right. That's it!
I'm gonna be
right outside those doors.
The next time
I have to come in here,
I'm cracking skulls.
*** you!
[Sighs]
***.
Wake up!
Who has to go
to the lavatory?
- That's real intelligent.
- You're right.
It's wrong
to destroy literature.
It's such fun to read.
And...
"Molay" really pumps my ***.
Molière.
I love his work.
Big deal. Nothing to do
when you're locked in a vacancy.
Speak for yourself.
Do you think I'd speak for you?
I don't even know your language.
Hey, you grounded tonight?
I don't know. My mom said I was.
My dad told me just to blow her off.
There's a big party at Stubby's.
His parents are in Europe.
It should be pretty wild.
Are you going to go?
Yeah?
- I doubt it.
- How come?
'Cause if I do what my mother
tells me not to do, it's because
my father says it's okay.
It's like this whole, big monster deal.
It's endless. It's a total drag.
It's like,
any minute, divorce.
- Who do you like better?
- What?
- You like your old man
better than your mom?
- They're both screwed.
No, I mean, if you had
to choose between 'em.
I don't know. Probably go live
with my brother.
I mean, I don't think either one
of them gives a *** about me.
- It's like they use me
to get back at each other.
- Ha!
- Shut up!
- You're just feeling
sorry for yourself.
Yeah, if I didn't,
nobody else would.
Oh, you're breaking
my heart. What?
Sporto?
You get along
with your parents?
Well, If I say yes,
I'm an idiot, right?
You're an idiot anyway.
But if you say you get along with
your parents, well, you're a liar too.
You know something, man?
If we weren't in school, I'd waste you.
Can you hear this?
You want me
to turn it up?
Hey, fellas, I mean...
I don't like my parents, either.
I mean, I don't...
I don't get along
with them when their idea
of parental compassion...
is just, you know,
wacko, you know.
Dork.
Yeah?
You are a parent's
wet dream, okay?
That's the problem.
Look, I can see you
getting all bunged up...
for them making you wear
these kind of clothes...
but, face it, you're
a neo-***-zoon-dweebie.
What would you be doing if
you weren't out making
yourself a better citizen?
Why do you have to
insult everybody?
I'm being honest,
***.
I would expect you
to know the difference.
Well, he's got a name.
Yeah.
Yeah?
What's your name?
Brian.
See?
My condolences.
What's your name?
What's yours?
- Claire.
- Claire?
Claire.
It's a family name.
- Oh. It's a fat girl's name.
- Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm not fat.
Not at present, but I can see you
really pushing maximum density.
You see, I'm not sure if you
know this, but there are
two kinds of fat people...
there's fat people
that were born to be fat...
and there's fat people
that were once thin,
but they became fat.
So when you look at them,
you can sort of see
that thin person inside.
You see,
you're gonna get married.
You're gonna squeeze out
a few puppies, and then...
[Grunting]
Oh. Obscene finger gestures
from such a pristine girl.
I'm not that pristine.
Are you a ***?
I'll bet you
a million dollars that you are.
Let's end the suspense.
Is it going to
be a white wedding?
Why don't you just shut up.
Have you ever kissed
a boy on the mouth?
Have you ever
been felt up...
over the bra,
under the blouse...
your shoes off.'...
hoping to God your
parents don't walk in?
Do you want me to puke?
Over the ***...
no bra...
blouse unbuttoned,
Calvin's in a ball on the front seat...
past 11:00 on a school night?
[Andrew]
Leave her alone.
I said leave her alone.
- You gonna make me?
- Yeah.
You and how many
of your friends?
Just me.
Just you and me.
Two hits.
Me hitting you.
You hitting the floor.
Anytime you're ready, pal.
I don't want
to get into this, man.
Why not?
Because I'd kill you.
It's real simple.
I'd kill you...
and your *** parents
would sue me,
and it'd be a big mess.
I don't care enough
about you to bother.
Chickenshit.
[Switchblade Clicks]
Let's end this
right now.
You don't talk to her.
You don't look at her.
And you don't even
think about her!
You understand me?
I'm trying to help her.
##[Radio]
Brian, how you doing?
Your dad work here?
Uh, Carl?
What?
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
- How does one become a janitor?
- You want to be a janitor?
No. I just want to know
how one becomes a janitor,
because Andrew here...
is very interested
in pursuing a career
in the custodial arts.
Oh, really?
You guys think
I'm some untouchable peasant,
serf, peon, you know?
Maybe so.
But following a broom around
after shitheads like you...
for the last eight years,
I've learned a couple of things.
I look through your letters.
I look through your lockers.
I listen to your conversations.
You don't know that, but I do.
I am the eyes and ears of
this institution, my friends.
By the way, that clock's
20 minutes fast.
[Andrew Chuckles]
***.
## [Whistling]
## [Whistling]
## [All Whistling]
[Whistling "Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony"]
All right, girls.
That's 30 minutes for lunch.
Here?
Here.
I think the cafeteria would be
a more suitable place for
us to eat lunch in.
I don't care what
you think, Andrew.
Uh, ***?
Excuse me, Rich. Will milk
be made available to us?
- We're extremely thirsty. Sir.
- I have a really low
tolerance for dehydration.
I've seen her dehydrated, sir.
It's pretty gross.
Relax. I'll get it.
Ah-ah-ah.
Grab some wood there, bub.
What do you think,
I was born yesterday?
You think I'm going to
have you roaming these halls?
- You.
- [Sighs]
And you. Hey!
[Snaps Fingers]
What's her name?
Wake her up.
Hey, come on.
On your feet, missy,
Let's go! This is no rest home.
There's a soft drink machine
in the teachers' lounge.
Let's go.
So...
what's your poison?
What do you drink?
Okay. Forget I asked.
***.
***?
When do you drink ***?
Whenever.
A lot?
Tons.
Is that why
you're here today?
Why are you here?
Why are you here?
Um...
I'm here today
because, uh...
because my coach
and my father don't want me
to blow my ride.
I get treated differently because,
uh, coach thinks I'm a winner.
So does my old man.
I'm not a winner because
I want to be one.
I'm a winner because
I got strength and speed,
kind of like a racehorse.
That's about how involved
I am in what's happening to me.
Yeah?
That's very interesting.
Now why don't you tell me why
you're really in here.
[Scoffs]
Forget it.
Claire? Want to see a picture
of a guy with elephantiasis
of the nuts?
It's pretty tasty.
No, thank you.
How do you think
he rides a bike?
Claire?
Would you consider
dating a guy like this?
- Can't you just leave me alone?
- I mean, if he had
a great personality...
was a good dancer
and had a cool car?
You'd probably have to
ride in the backseat because
his nuts would ride shotgun.
[Sighs]
You know what I wish
I was doing?
Watch what you say.
Brian here is a cherry.
- A cherry?
- I wish I was in a plane...
- to France.
- I'm not a cherry.
- When have you ever gotten laid?
- I've laid lots of times.
- Name one.
- She lives in Canada.
I met her at Niagara Falls.
You wouldn't know her.
Ever laid anyone around here?
Oh.
You and Claire did it?
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing. Nothing.
Let's just drop it, okay?
We'll talk about it later.
- What are you talking about?
- Brian's trying to tell me...
that in addition to the number of girls
in the Niagara Falls area...
that presently you and he
are riding the hobby horse.
- Little pig.
- No, I'm not.
John said I was a cherry,
and I said I wasn't.
That's all that was said.
Then what were you
motioning to Claire for?
- I don't appreciate this
very much, Brian.
- He is lying.
You weren't motioning
to Claire?
You know he's lying, right?
Were you or were you not
motioning to Claire?
Yeah, but it was only...
It was only because
I didn't want her
to know I was a ***.
Excuse me for
being a ***. I'm sorry.
[Scoffs]
Why didn't you want me
to know you were a ***?
Because it's personal business.
It's my personal, private
business.
Well, Brian, it doesn't sound
like you're doing any business.
I think it's okay
for a guy to be a ***.
You do?
What's in there?
Guess.
Where's your lunch?
You're wearing it.
You're nauseating.
What's that?
- Sushi.
- Sushi?
[Laughs]
Rice, raw fish
and seaweed.
You won't accept
a guy's tongue in your mouth,
and you're gonna eat that?
Can I eat?
I don't know.
Give it a try.
[Clears Throat]
[Loud Slurping]
[Andrew]
What's your problem?
What are we having?
Uh, it's your standard,
regular lunch, I guess.
Milk?
Soup.
Uh, that's apple juice.
I can read.
PB&J with the crusts cut off.
Well, Brian, this is
a very nutritious lunch.
All the food groups
are represented.
Did your mom
marry Mr. Rogers?
No, Mr. Johnson.
Hah.
Here's my impression of
the life at big Bri's house.
[Deep Voice] Son?
[Normal Voice]
Yeah, Dad?
How's your day, pal?
Great, Dad.
How's yours?
Super.
Say, son, how'd you like
to go fishing this weekend?
Great, Dad.
But I've got homework to do.
That's all right, son.
You can do it on the boat.
Gee.!
Dear, isn't our son swell?
Yes, dear.
Isn't life swell?
Oh.
[Loud Kiss]
Oh.
[Loud Kiss]
[Grunts]
All right.
What about your family?
Who, mine?
It's real easy.
Yeah.
[Deep Voice]
Stupid, worthless,
no-good...
*** freeloading
son of a ***.
Retarded, big mouth,
know-it-all, ***, jerk.
[High Voice]
You forgot ugly,
lazy and disrespectful.
Shut up, ***!
Go fix me a turkey potpie.
What about you, Dad?
[Deep Voice]
*** you.
No, Dad.
What about you?
*** you!
No, Dad. What about you?
*** you!
Bam!
- Is that for real?
- You want to come over sometime?
That's ***.
It's all part of your image.
- I don't believe a word of it.
- You don't believe me?
No.
No?
Did I stutter?
Do you
believe this? Huh?
It's about
the size of a cigar.
Do I stutter?
See, this is what you get
in my house when you spill
paint in the garage.
I don't think that
I need to sit with you
*** *** anymore.
[Yelling]
***!
- You shouldn't have said that.
- How did I know?
I mean he lies about
everything anyway.
Oh, ***.
Coffee. Looks like it's
been scraped off the bottom
of the Mississippi River.
Everything's polluted.
Everything's polluted.
The coffee's polluted.
The kids are polluted.
How do you know
where Vernon went?
I don't.
Then how do you know
when he'll be back?
I don't.
Being bad feels
pretty good. Huh?
What's the point
of going to Bender's locker?
Beats me.
This is so stupid.
Why are we risking
getting caught?
I don't know.
So then what are we doing?
You ask me
one more question...
and I'm beating
the *** out of you.
Sorry.
You're such a slob.
My maid's
on vacation.
[Sniffing]
It's drugs.
Screw that, Bender.
Put it back.
Drugs.
The boy has marijuana.
That was marijuana.
Shut up, ***.
Do you approve
of this?
[Bender]
We'll cross through the lab,
and then we'll double back.
[Andrew] You better be right.
If Vernon cuts us off,
it's your fault, ***.
[Brian]
What did he say?
Where are we going?
#Hot on the run from
the grip of the power game #
# The man who leads the way
The man who leads the way #
#Shell in its box from his
home that they'll never tame #
# The man who leads the way
The man who leads the way #
Wait. Wait.
Hold it. Hold it.
We have to go through
the cafeteria.
No, the activities hall.
Hey, man, you don't know
what you're talking about.
You don't know.
We're through
listening to you.
We're going this way.
You go where you want,
mother hen. Come on!
#He is burning #
#Burning in the twilight #
#He is turning
Turning to face us #
#He is burning #
#Fire in the twilight ##
***!
*** you.
Great idea, jag-off.
*** you. Why didn't you
listen toJohn?
We're dead.
No. Just me.
What do you mean?
Get back to the library.
Keep your unit out of it.
# I wanna be
an airborne ranger #
#I wanna be
an airborne ranger #
- That son of a ***.
- # Before the day I die #
#There's five things
I want to ride #
# Bicycle, tricycle
automobile #
# ***'s mother
and a Ferris wheel #
# I wanna be
an airborne ranger #
##[Continues, Indistinct]
[Panting]
[Ball Bouncing]
[Yelling]
Three...
two, one.!
[Yells]
Bender! Bender!
What is this?
What are you doing here?
What is this?
Hi.
Out. That's it, Bender.
Out. It's over.
Don't you want
to hear my excuse?
Out.
I'm thinking of
trying out for a scholarship.
Give me the ball, Bender.
Give me that ball.
Get your stuff.
Let's go.
Mr. Wise Guy here's
taken upon himself
to go to the gymnasium.
I'm sorry to inform you,
you're going to be without his
services the rest of the day.
B-O-O H-O-O.
Everything's a big joke, huh, Bender?
The false alarm you pulled Friday...
False alarms are really funny,
aren't they?
What if your home...
What if your family...
What if your dope was on fire?
Impossible, sir.
It's in Johnson's underwear.
[Chuckles]
You think he's funny?
You think this is cute?
You think he's ***'? Is that it?
Let me tell you something.
Look at him.
He's a bum.
You want to see something funny?
You go visitJohn Bender in five years.
You'll see how
*** funny he is.
What's the matter, John?
You going to cry?
Let's go.
Keep your
***' hands off me!
I expect better
manners from you, ***.
For better hallway vision.
That's the last time, Bender.
That's the last time you ever
make me look bad in front of
those kids. You hear me?
I make $31,000 a year,
and I've got a home.
And I'm not about to
throw it away on some punk
like you.
But someday, man, someday...
when you're outta here
and you've forgotten
all about this place...
and they've forgotten about you,
and you're wrapped up
in your own pathetic life...
I'm gonna be there.
That's right. And I'm gonna kick
the livin' *** out of you.
I'm gonna knock
your *** in the dirt.
- You threatening me?
- What are you
going to do about it?
You think anybody's
gonna believe you?
You think anybody is gonna
take your word over mine?
I'm a man of respect around here.
They love me around here.
I'm a swell guy.
You're a lying sack of ***,
and everybody knows it.
You're a real tough guy.
Hey, hey. Come on.
Get on your feet, pal!
Let's find out how tough you are.
I wanna know, right now,
how tough you are. Come on.
I'll give you
the first punch. Let's go.
Come on. Right here.
Just take the first shot.
Please. I'm begging you.
Take a shot. Right here.
Just take one shot.
That's all I need.
Just one swing.
That's what I thought.
You're a gutless ***.
[Door Closes]
A naked blond
walks into a bar...
with a poodle
under one arm...
and a two-foot salami
under the other.
She lays the poodle
on the table.
Bartender says, "I suppose
you won't be needing a drink."
Naked lady says...
Oh, ***!
[Vernon]
Jesus Christ Almighty.!
Forgot my pencil.
[Vernon]
*** it.!
What in God's name
is going on in here?
- What was that ruckus?
- What ruckus?
I was in my office,
and I heard a ruckus.
Could you describe
the ruckus, sir.
- Watch your tongue, young man.
Watch it.
- [Groans]
- [Mr. Vernon]
What is this?
- [Zipping Sound]
- What is that? What-What...
What is that noise?
- [Andrew] What noise?
[Claire]
Really sir, there wasn't
any noise.
- [Gasping]
- Ow!
[Exaggerated Sneeze]
- [All Coughing]
- [Cries Out]
- [Coughing]
- [Coughing]
That noise?
Was that the noise
you were talking about?
No, it wasn't.
That was not the noise
I was talking about.
Now, I may not have caught you
in the act this time,
but you can bet I will.
[Laughs]
You make book
on that, missy.
And you!
I will not be made a fool of.
[Laughing]
It was an accident.
You're an ***.
Sue me.
So, Ahab, can I have
all my doobage?
[Zipping Sound]
Yo, wastoid. You're not gonna
blaze up in here.
[Clearing Throat]
- [Mouthing Words]
- [Mouthing Words]
[Zips Up Zipper]
[Sighs]
***!
[Sniffles]
[Chortles]
[Coughs]
[Claire Giggling]
Chicks cannot
hold their smoke.
That's what it is.
Do you know
how popular I am?
I am so popular.
Everybody loves me so much
at this school.
[Brian]
Poor baby.
[Laughs]
[Brian Coughs, Laughs]
Five.
[Claire Laughs]
Whoo!
[Yells]
[Laughing]
[Whistles]
[Grunts, Yells]
Whoo!
[Brian Whistles]
[Brian And Claire Laughing]
Ow!
[Yells]
[Brian Whistles]
[Yells]
[Claire, Indistinct]
Mr... Oh, Mr. Tierney.
A history
of slight mental illness.
[Chuckles]
No wonder he's so *** up.
Afternoon, ***.
[Chuckles] Good.
Hey, Carl. How you doing?
Good. What's up?
Not much. What's happening?
What are you doing
in the basement files?
Oh, nothing. Nothing here.
Just doing a little homework.
Homework, huh?
Yeah.
Confidential files, huh?
Look, Carl. This is
a highly sensitive area,
and I tell you something.
Certain people would be
very, very embarrassed.
I would really appreciate it
if-if this would be something...
that you and I could...
could keep between us.
What are you gonna
do for me, man?
What would you like?
Got 50 bucks?
What?
Fifty bucks.
[Both Laughing]
No, no, no, man.
No, you got a middle name?
[Coughs]
Yeah, I guess.
Your middle name
is Ralph, as in puke.
Your birthday,
it's March 12.
You're 5'91/2".
You weigh 130 pounds.
And your
social security number is...
049-38-0913.
[Snickers]
Wow.
Are you a psychic?
No.
Would you mind telling me
how you know all this about me?
I stole your wallet.
Give it to me.
No.
Give it.!
[Scoffs]
This is great.
You're a thief too, huh?
I'm not a thief.
Multitalented.
What's there to steal?
Two bucks and a beaver shot.
A what?
He's got a nudie picture in there.
I saw it. It's perverted.
All right.
Let's see it.
- Are all these your girlfriends?
- Some of'em.
What about the others?
Well, some I consider my girlfriends,
and some I just consider.
Consider what?
Whether or not I wanna
hang out with them.
You don't believe
in just one guy, one girl?
- Do you?
- Yeah.
- It's the way it should be.
- Well, not for me.
Why not?
How come you got
so much *** in your purse?
- How come you have
so many girlfriends?
- I asked you first.
I don't know. I guess I never
threw anything away.
- Neither do I.
- Oh.
This is the worst fake I.D.
I've ever seen.
[Chuckles]
Do you realize
you made yourself 68?
[Brian]
I know. I know.
I goofed it.
What do you need
a fake I.D. For?
So I can vote.
You wanna see
what's in my bag?
[Both]
No.
Holy ***!
What is all that stuff?
Do you always carry
this much *** in your bag?
Yeah.
I always carry
this much *** in my bag.
You never know when
you may have to jam.
Are you gonna be,
like, a shopping bag lady?
You know, like,
sit in alley ways...
and talk to buildings
and wear men's shoes
and that kind of thing?
I'll do what
I have to do.
Why do you have to
do anything?
My home life...
is unsatisfying.
So you're saying you'd subject yourself
to the violent dangers...
of these Chicago streets
because your home life is unsatisfying?
I don't have to run away
and live in the street.
I can run away
and go to the ocean.
I can go to the country,
to the mountains.
I could go to Israel,
Africa... Afghanistan.
Andy, wanna get in
on this?
Allison here says
she wants to run away...
because her home life
is unsatisfying.
Well, everyone's home life
is unsatisfying.
And if it wasn't,
people would live
with their parents forever.
Yeah, yeah, I understand,
but I think hers goes beyond...
what, you know,
guys like you and me
consider normal unsatisfying.
Never mind. Forget it.
Everything's cool.
- What's the deal?
- No.
There's no deal, sporto.
Forget it.
Leave me alone.
Wait a minute.
You're carrying all that crap
around in your purse.
Either you really wanna
run away, or you want people
to think you wanna run away.
Eat ***!
The girl is an island
unto herself, okay?
Hi.
You wanna talk?
No.
Why not?
Go away.
Where do you
want me to go?
Go away!
- You have problems.
- Oh, I have problems.
You do everything
everybody tells you to do.
That is a problem.
Okay, fine.
But I didn't dump my purse
out on the couch...
and invite people
into my problems, did I?
So what's wrong?
What is it?
[Sighs]
Is it bad?
Real bad?
Parents?
Yeah.
What did they do to you?
They ignore me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What did you wanna be
when you were young?
When I was a kid,
I wanted to beJohn Lennon.
Carl, don't be a goof.
I'm trying to make
a serious point here.
Carl, I've been teaching
for 22 years.
And each year, these kids
get more and more arrogant.
Oh, ***, man.
Come on, Vern.
- The kids haven't changed,
you have.
- [Sighs]
You took a teaching position
'cause you thought
it'd be fun, right?
Thought you could have
summer vacations off.
And then you found out
it was actually work.
That really bummed you out.
These kids turned on me.
They think
I'm a big *** joke.
Come on.
Listen, Vern. If you were 16,
what would you think of you?
Hey, Carl, you think
I give one rat's ***
what these kids think of me?
Yes, I do.
You think about this.
When you get old, these kids...
when I get old... they're gonna be
running the country.
[Chuckles]
Yeah.
Now this is the thought
that wakes me up
in the middle of the night.
When I get older,
these kids are gonna
take care of me.
I wouldn't count on it.
What would I do
for a million bucks?
I guess I'd do
as little as I had to.
That's boring.
Well, how am I
supposed to answer?
The idea is to, like, search your mind
for the absolute limit.
Like, um... would you
drive to school naked?
[Chuckles]
Um... would I have to
get out of the car?
- Of course.
- In the spring or winter?
[Claire]
Doesn't matter. Spring.
[Andy]
In front of the school
or in back of the school?
- Either one.
- Yes.
I'd do that.
I'll do anything ***.
I don't need a million dollars
to do it either.
- You're lying.
- I already have.
I've done just about
everything there is, except
a few things that are illegal.
- I'm a nymphomaniac.
- Lie.
Are your parents
aware of this?
The only person I told
was my shrink.
What did he do
when you told him?
He nailed me.
Very nice.
I don't think that
from a legal standpoint...
what he did can be construed as ***
since I paid him.
- He's an adult.
- Yeah. He's married too.
Oh! Do you have any idea
how completely gross that is?
Well, the first
few times...
The first few times?
You mean, he did it
more than once?
Sure.
Are you crazy?
Obviously she's crazy
if she's screwing her shrink.
Have you ever done it?
[Scoffs]
I don't even have a psychiatrist.
Have you ever done it
with a normal person?
- Didn't we already cover this?
- You never answered the question.
Look. I'm not going to discuss
my private life with total strangers.
It's kind of a
double-edged sword, isn't it?
A what?
If you say you haven't,
you're a prude.
If you say you have,
you're a ***. It's a trap.
You want to,
but you can't.
And when you do, you wish
you didn't, right?
Wrong.
Or are you a tease?
She's a tease.
I'm sure.
Why don't you forget it?
You're a tease
and you know it.
All girls are teases.
- She's only a tease if what
she does gets you hot.
- I don't do anything!
- That's why you're a tease.
- Okay, let me ask you
a few questions.
I already
told you everything.
No.
Doesn't it bother you to sleep
around without being in love?
Don't you want respect?
I don't screw
to get respect.
That's the difference
between you and me.
[Scoffs]
It's not the only difference
I hope.
[Bender]
Face it, you're a tease.
I'm not a tease.
Sure you are.
Sex is your weapon.
You said it yourself.
You use it to get respect.
No, I never said that.
She twisted my words around.
- What do you use it for then?
- I don't use it, period!
Are you medically frigid
or is it psychological?
I didn't mean it that way.
You guys are putting words
into my mouth.
- Just answer the question.
- [Brian] Why don't you
just answer the question?
Be honest.
No big deal.
Yeah, answer it.
- Just answer the question.
- Talk to us.
- Answer the question.!
Don't be a jerk.!
It's easy.
It's only one question.
No, I never did it!
I never did it either.
I'm not a nymphomaniac.
I'm a compulsive liar.
You are such a ***!
You did that on purpose
just to *** me over.!
I would do it though.
If you love someone, it's okay.
[Claire]
I can't believe you.
You're so weird.
You don't say anything all day,
and then when
you open your mouth...
you unload all these
tremendous lies all over me.
You're just pissed off because
she got you to admit something
you didn't want to admit to.
Okay, fine.
But that doesn't make it
any less bizarre.
What's bizarre?
I mean, we're all
pretty bizarre.
Some of us are just
better at hiding it, that's all.
How are you bizarre?
He can't think for himself.
She's right.
Do you guys know what, uh,
what I did to get in here?
I taped Larry Lester's
buns together.
- [Laughs]
- That was you?
- Yeah. You know him?
- Yeah, I know him.
Then you know how hairy
he is, right?
When they pulled
the tape off...
most of his hair came off
and some skin too.
Oh, my God.
The bizarre thing is...
is that I did it
for my old man.
I tortured this poor kid...
because I wanted him
to think that I was cool.
He's always going off about,
you know, when he was in school.
All the wild things
he used to do.
And I got the feeling that
he was disappointed that I never
cut loose on anyone, right?
So, I'm sittin'
in the locker room...
and I'm taping up my knee.
And Larry's undressing
a couple lockers down from me.
And... he's kind of...
he's kind of skinny.
He's weak.
And I started thinking
about my father...
and his attitude about...
about weakness.
And the next thing I knew...
I jumped on top of him
and started wailing on him.
And my friends, they just laughed
and cheered me on.
And afterwards...
when I was sitting
in Vernon's office...
all I could think about...
was Larry's father...
and Larry
having to go home...
and... and explain
what happened to him.
And... the humiliation...
*** humiliation
he must have felt.
It must have been unreal.
I mean, how do you apologize
for something like that?
There's no way.
It's all because of me
and my old man.
God, I *** hate him.
He's like this...
He's like this mindless machine
that I can't relate to anymore.
Andrew.!
You've got to be number one.!
I won't tolerate any losers
in this family.
Your intensity is for ***!
Win! Win! Win!
You son of a ***.
You know sometimes
I wish my knee would give...
then I wouldn't be able
to wrestle anymore.
Then he could forget
all about me.
I think your old man
and my old man should get
together and go bowling.
[Chuckles]
It's like me, you know,
with my grades.
Like when l... when l...
when I step outside myself.'...
and like when I look in
at myself, you know.
And l... And I see me.
I don't like what I see.
I really don't.
What's wrong with you?
Why don't you like yourself?
Sounds stupid, but...
because I'm failing shop.
We had this assignment,
you know, to make this,
like, ceramic elephant...
and we had eight weeks
to do it.
And then, you know,
we're supposed to... It was like a lamp.
And when, you know,
when you pull it, the trunk,
the light was supposed to go on.
But my light didn't go on.
I got an "F" on it.
I've never got an "F" in my life.
When I signed up, you know,
for the course, I mean...
I thought I was playing it
real smart, you know...
'cause I thought, you know,
I'll take shop.
It'll be such
an easy way to maintain
my grade point average.
Why'd you think
it'd be easy?
Have you seen some of the dopes
that take shop?
I take shop.
You must be a ***'idiot.
I'm a ***' idiot
'cause I can't make a lamp?
No, you're a genius 'cause
you can't make a lamp.
What do you know
about trigonometry?
I could care less
about trigonometry.
Bender, did you know
without trigonometry,
there'd be no engineering?
Without lamps,
there'd be no light.
Okay, so neither one of you
is any better than the other one.
I can write with my toes.
I can also eat,
brush my teeth...
With your feet?
- Play "Heart And Soul" on the piano.
- I can make spaghetti.
What can you do?
I can, uh, tape
all of your buns together.
I wanna see
what Claire can do.
- I can't do anything.
- Everybody can do something.
There's one thing I can do.
- No, forget it.
It's way too embarrassing.
- You ever seen Wild Kingdom?
That guy's been doing
that show for 30 years.
Okay. But you have to swear
to God you won't laugh.
[Scoffs]
Okay.
I can't believe
I'm actually doing this.
[Applause]
Yea.!
All right. That's great!
Where'd you learn to do that?
Camp.
Seventh grade.
[Slow Clapping]
That was great, Claire.
My image of you
is totally blown.
You're a ***.
Don't do that to her. You swore
to God you wouldn't laugh.
- Am I laughing?
- You ***' prick!
What do you care
what I think anyway?
I don't even count,
right?
I could disappear forever
and it wouldn't make any difference.
I may as well not even exist
at this school, remember?
And you...
don't like me anyway.
You know, I have
just as many feelings
as you do...
and it hurts just as much
when somebody steps
all over them.
[Bender]
God, you're so pathetic.
Don't you ever,
ever compare yourself to me, okay?
You got everything,
and I got ***.
***'Rapunzel, right?
School would probably shut down
if you didn't show up.
Queenie isn't here.
I like those earrings,
Claire.
Shut up.
Are those real diamonds,
Claire?
Shut up!
I bet they are.
Did you work for the money...
Shut your mouth!
For those earrings?
Or did your daddy
buy those for you?
Shut up!
I bet he bought those
for you.
I bet those were
a Christmas gift, right?
You know what I got
for Christmas this year?
It was a banner *** year
at the old Bender family.
I got a carton of cigarettes.
The old man grabbed me and said,
"Hey, smoke up, Johnny."
Okay, so go home
and cry to your daddy.
Don't cry here, okay?
[Claire Sniffling]
My God, are we gonna
be like our parents?
Not me.
Ever.
It's unavoidable.
It just happens.
[Claire]
What happens?
When you grow up,
your heart dies.
- Who cares?
- I care.
[Brian]
Um, I was just thinking,
I mean...
I know it's kind of a weird time,
but I was just wondering, um...
what is going to happen
to us on Monday...
when we're all
together again?
I mean, I consider
you guys my friends.
- I'm not wrong, am I?
- No.
So... So on Monday,
what happens?
Are we still friends,
you mean?
- If we're friends now, that is.
- Yeah.
- Do you want the truth?
- Yeah, I want the truth.
[Sighs]
I don't think so.
- With all of us or justJohn?
- With all of you.
That's a real nice
attitude, Claire.
Oh, be honest, Andy.
If Brian came walking up to you
in the hall on Monday,
what would you do?
I mean, picture this.
You're there with all the sports.
You know exactly what you'd do.
You'd say hi to him,
and when he left...
you'd cut him all up
so your friends wouldn't think
you really liked him.
- No way.
- [Allison] Okay.
- What if I came up to you?
- Same exact thing.
You are a ***!
Why, 'cause I'm telling the truth?
That makes me a ***?
No, you know how ***
that is to do to someone.
And you don't got the balls
to stand up to your friends...
and tell them you're gonna like
who you wanna like.
Okay, what about you,
you hypocrite?
Why don't you take Allison
to one of your heavy metal
vomit parties?
Or take Brian out
to the parking lot
at lunch to get high?
Or what about Andy
for that matter?
What about me?
What would your friends say
if we were walking
down the hall together?
They'd laugh their *** off,
and you'd tell them
you were doing it with me...
so they'd forgive you
for being seen with me.
Don't you ever
talk about my friends!
You don't know any of my friends
you don't look at any of my friends...
and you certainly
wouldn't condescend
to speak to any of my friends...
so you just stick
to the things you know...
shopping, nail polish,
your father's BMW...
and your poor, rich,
drunk mother in the Caribbean.
Shut up!
As far as being concerned about
what's gonna happen when you
and I walk down the hallways...
you can forget it,
'cause it's never gonna happen.
Just bury your head in the sand
and wait for your ***' prom!
I hate you!
Yeah? Good.!
Okay, then I assume
Allison and I are better people
than you guys, huh?
Us weirdos.
Would you...
Would you do that to me?
I don't have any friends.
- Well, if you did.
- No.
I don't think the kind of friends
I'd have would mind.
Well, I just wanna tell...
each of you
that I wouldn't do that.
I wouldn't and I will not.
'Cause I think
that's real ***.
Your friends wouldn't mind
because they look up to us.
You're so conceited, Claire.
You're so conceited.
You're so, like, full of yourself.
Why are you like that?
I'm not saying that
to be conceited.
I hate it.
I hate having to go along
with everything my friends say.
[Brian]
Well, then why do you do it?
I don't know.
I don't...
You don't understand.
You don't...
You're not friends
with the same kinds of people
Andy and I are friends with.
You know, you just
don't understand the pressure
they can put on you.
I don't understand what?
You think I don't understand
pressure, Claire?
Well, *** you!
*** you!
You know why I'm here today?
Do you?
[Sniffles]
I'm here...
because Mr. Ryan...
found a gun in my locker.
Why'd you have
a gun in your locker?
I tried.
When you pull
the ***'... trunk on it,
the light's supposed to go on.
[Sniffles]
It didn't go on.
- [Andy]
What's the gun for, Brian?
- Just forget it.
You brought it up, man.
I can't have an "F."
I can't have it,
and I know my parents can't have it.
Even if I ace the rest of the semester,
I'm still only a "B."
Everything's ruined for me.
Brian...
What?
Considering
my options, you know.
No, killing yourself
is not an option.
Well, I didn't do it, did I?
No, I don't think so.
It was a handgun?
[Exhales]
No, it was a flare gun.
It went off in my locker.
Really?
[Laughs]
- It's not funny.
- [Clears Throat, Chuckles]
[Chuckles]
Yes, it is.
[Brian]
***'elephant was destroyed.
You wanna know what I did
to get in here?
Nothing.
I didn't have
anything better to do.
[All Chuckling]
You're laughing at me.
No!
Yeah, you are.
##[Rock]
## [Record Scratches,
Rock Continues]
[Volume Increases]
# It seems so clear
in black and white #
# The living color tends
to dull our sight #
#Like dynamite #
#Just imagine my surprise
when I looked into your eyes #
#And saw
through your disguise #
#If we dare expose
our hearts andjust reveal
the purest thoughts #
# That's when strange sensations
start to grow #
# Oh, we are not alone #
# You find out where
you're coming from #
# There'll be somebody there
to break your fall #
# We are not alone #
# 'Cause when you come down
through the fold #
# We're really not
so different after all ##
##[New Song]
Brian?
Hmm.
Are you gonna
write your paper?
Yeah. Why?
Well, it's kind of a waste
for all of us to write
our paper, don't you think?
Well, that's what Vernon
wants us to do.
[Claire] True.
But I think we'd all
kind of say the same thing.
You just don't wanna
write your paper, right?
True, but you're
the smartest, right?
Well. Um...
We trust you.
Yeah.
All right.
I'll do it.
Great.
Come on.
Where we going?
Come on.
[Claire]
Don't be afraid.
Don't stick that
in my eye.
I'm not sticking...
Just close it. Wait a minute.
Just go like... go like that.
Good.
[Whimpers]
You know, you really do
look better without all
that black *** on your eyes.
Hey, I like
that black ***.
[Claire]
This looks a lot better.
Look up.
[Sighs]
Please. Why are you
being so nice to me?
'Cause you're letting me.
[Door Opens]
You lost?
Thank you.
Why'd you do that?
'Cause I knew
you wouldn't.
You know how you said before
how your parents use you
to get back at each other?
Wouldn't I be outstanding
in that capacity?
Were you really disgusted
about what I did
with my lipstick?
Truth?
Truth.
No.
What happened to you?
Why?
Claire did it.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.
It's just... you're just
so different, you know.
I can see your face.
Is that good or bad?
That's good.
See ya, Brian.
Hey, Carl.
See ya next Saturday.
You bet.
# Won't you
come see about me #
#I'll be alone, dancing
you know it, baby
# Tell me
your troubles and doubts #
# Giving me everything
inside and out and #
#Love's strange
so real in the dark #
# Think of the tender things
that we were working on #
#Slow change
may pull us apart #
# When the light
gets into your heart, baby #
#Don't you #
#Forget about me #
#Don't, don't, don't, don't #
#Don't you #
#Forget about me #
# Will you stand above me #
#Look my way
but never love me #
#Rain keeps falling
Rain keeps falling #
#Down, down, down #
# Will you recognize me #
# Call my name
or walk on by #
#As the rain keeps falling
Rain keeps falling #
#Down, down, down #
#Hey, hey, hey, hey #
# Ooh ##
[Brian's Voice]
"Dear Mr. Vernon...
"We accept the fact that
we had to sacrifice a whole
Saturday in detention...
"for whatever it was
we did wrong...
"but we think you're crazy to
make us write an essay telling
you who we think we are.
"You see us
as you wanna see us...
"in the simplest terms
with the most convenient
definitions.
"But what we found out
is that each one of us is a brain...
[Andy's Voice]
"And an athlete...
[Allison's Voice]
"And a basket case...
[Claire's Voice] "princess...
[Bender's Voice]
And a criminal.
[Brian's Voice]
"Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours,
The Breakfast Club. "
#Don't, don't, don't, don't #
#Don't you #
#Forget about me #
#As you walk on by #
# Will you call my name #
#As you walk on by #
# Will you call my name #
# When you walk away #
##[New Song]
# When you walked
into the room #
#I could see
you were no fool #
#Is that smile
a sign for me #
# Only if my heart could see #
# Will I make your body cry #
# Cry so loud
you'd never hear #
#In the shadows
of my life #
# Can I take you home tonight #
#Is your heart
too hot to hold #
#Just a flame
that burns my soul #
#Heart too hot to hold #
# Too hot, too hot
too hot to hold #
#Heart too hot to hold #
#Just a flame
that burns my soul #
#Heart too hot to hold #
# Too hot, too hot
too hot to hold ##
##[Fades]