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See them tumbling down
Pledging their love
to the ground
NARRATOR: Way out West
there was this fella.
Fella I wanna tell you about.
Fella by the name
of Jeff Lebowski.
£east that was the handle
that his loving parents
gave him.
But he never had
much use for it himself.
This Lebowski,
he called himself the Dude.
Now Dude,
that's a name no one would
self-apply where I come from.
But then there was a lot about
the Dude that didn't make
a whole lot of sense to me,
and a lot about
where he lived likewise.
Drifting along with
the tumbling tumbleweeds
NARRATOR: But then again,
maybe that's why
I found the place
so darned interesting.
I know when night has gone
That a new world's
born at dawn
NARRATOR:
They call Los Angeles
the City of Angels.
I didn't find it to be that,
exactly.
But I'll allow there are
some nice folks there.
Course, I can't say
I seen London,
and I never been to France,
and I ain't never seen no
queen in her damned undies,
as the fella says.
But I'll tell you what,
after seeing Los Angeles
and this here story
I'm about to unfold,
well, I guess
I've seen something
every bit as stupefying
as you can see in any of
those other places,
and in English, too.
So I can die with
a smile on my face
without feeling like
the good Lord gypped me.
Now, this here story
I'm about to unfold
took place back
in the early '9·s,
just about the time
of our conflict with
Saddam and the lraqis.
I only mention it 'cause
sometimes there's a man...
I won't say a hero.
'Cause what's a hero?
But sometimes there's a man...
And I'm talking about
the Dude here.
Sometimes there's a man...
Well, he's the man
for his time and place.
He fits right in there.
And that's the Dude
in Los Angeles.
And even if he is a lazy man,
and the Dude was
most certainly that,
quite possibly the laziest
in Los Angeles county,
which would place him
high in the running
for laziest worldwide.
But sometimes there's a man...
Sometimes there's a man...
Well, I lost my train
of thought here.
But...
Hell, I done introduced him
enough.
BUSH ON TV: ...with them all
for a collective action.
This will not stand.
This will not stand,
this aggression
against Kuwait.
Here on the range I belong
Drifting along
With the tumbling
Tumbleweeds
(YELLING)
(DUDE EXCLAIMING)
(SPLUTTERING)
(GASPS)
Where's the money,
Lebowski?
I want that money,
Lebowski.
Bunny says you're
good for it.
Where's the money,
Lebowski?
Where's the money,
Lebowski?
Where's the *** money,
***?
(PANTING)
It's down there somewhere.
Let me take another look.
Don't *** with us.
Your wife owes money
to Jackie Treehorn,
that means you owe money
to Jackie Treehorn.
Ever thus to deadbeats,
Lebowski.
No, don't do...
Not on the rug, man.
MAN: See?
See what happens, Lebowski?
You see what happens?
Nobody calls me Lebowski.
You got the wrong guy.
I'm the Dude, man.
Your name's Lebowski,
Lebowski.
Your wife is Bunny.
(STAMMERS)
My wife? Bunny?
Do you see a wedding ring
on my finger?
Does this place look like
I'm *** married?
The toilet seat's up, man!
What the *** is this?
Obviously you're
not a golfer.
Woo?
Yeah.
Isn't this guy supposed
to be a millionaire?
WOO: ***.
Yeah. What do you think?
He looks like
a *** loser.
Hey, at least I'm housebroken.
*** time-waster.
Thanks a lot,
***.
(DOOR SLAMS)
(THE MAN lN ME PLAYING)
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
La-la-la, la, la, la, la
La-la-la, la, la, la-la la-la
£a, la, la-la
La-la-la
La-la-la, la-la-la
La-la, la-la
The man in me will do
Nearly any task
And as for compensation
There's little he would ask
Take a woman like you
To get through
To the man in me
Storm clouds are raging
All around my door
I think to myself
I might not take it anymore
Take a woman like your kind
To find the man in me
But, oh
What a wonderful feeling
Just to know that you are near
Sets my heart a-reeling
From my toes
Up to my ears
The man in me will
hide sometimes
To keep from being seen
But that's just because
he doesn't want
To turn into some machine
Take a woman like you
To get through
To the man in me
(WHOOPS)
I'm throwing rocks tonight.
Mark it, Dude.
WALTER: I'm telling you,
this was a valued rug.
This was a...
Yeah, man. It really
tied the room together.
This was
a valued...
What tied the room
together, Dude?
My rug.
Were you listening
to the Dude's story,
Donny?
What?
Walter.
Were you listening
to the Dude's story?
I was bowling.
So you have no frame of
reference here, Donny.
You're like a child who
wanders into the middle of
a movie and wants to know...
Walter, what's
the point, man?
There's no reason,
here's my point, Dude.
There's no *** reason
why these two...
Yeah, Walter,
what's your point?
Walter, what is the...
Look, we all know
who is at fault here.
What the *** are
you talking about?
Huh?
No, what the ***
are you... I'm not...
We're talking about
unchecked aggression
here, Dude.
What the *** is
he talking about?
My rug.
Forget it, Donny!
You're out of
your element!
Walter, the Chinaman
who peed on my rug,
I can't go
give him a bill!
So what the ***
are you talking about?
What the *** are
you talking about?
The Chinaman is not
the issue here, Dude!
I'm talking about
drawing a line in
the sand, Dude.
Across this line
you do not...
Also, Dude, "Chinaman"
is not the preferred
nomenclature.
Asian-American,
please.
Walter, this isn't a guy
who built the railroads
here. This is a guy...
What the ***
are you...
Walter, he peed
on my rug!
He peed on
the Dude's rug.
Donny, you're out
of your element.
Dude, the Chinaman
is not the issue here.
So, who...
Jeff Lebowski.
The other Jeffrey Lebowski.
The millionaire.
That's ***
interesting, man.
That's *** interesting.
Plus, he has the
wealth, obviously,
and the resources,
so that there's no reason,
there's no *** reason
why his wife should
go out and owe money
all over town,
and then they come
and they pee on your
*** rug!
Am I wrong?
No.
Am I wrong?
Yeah, but...
WALTER: Okay then.
(WALTER CLEARS THROAT)
That rug really tied
the room together,
did it not?
*** A.
And this guy peed on it.
Donny, please.
You know, this is
the *** guy...
I could find this
*** Lebowski guy.
His name is Lebowski?
That's your name, Dude.
This is the guy who
should compensate me
for the *** rug.
His wife goes out and
owes money all over town,
and they pee on my rug?
They pee on
your *** rug?
Peed on my *** rug.
That's right, Dude.
They peed on
your *** rug.
This is the study.
As you can see, the various
commendations, awards...
"Jeffrey Lebowski."
...citations, honorary
degrees, et cetera.
Very impressive.
Oh, please feel free
to inspect them.
Oh. No, I'm not really...
Oh, please. Please.
That is the key to
the city of Pasadena,
which Mr. Lebowski received
two years ago in recognition
of his various civic...
Oh! That's the Los Angeles
Chamber of Commerce
Business Achiever Award,
which is given...
Oh, not necessarily
given every year.
Hey, is this...
Given only when there's
a worthy somebody...
Is this him with Nancy?
Yes, indeed,
that is Mr. Lebowski
with the first lady, yes.
It was taken
when Mrs. Reagan...
That's Lebowski
on the left there?
Of course. Mr. Lebowski,
on the left...
So he's a...
You know, a handicapped
kind of guy?
Mr. Lebowski is
disabled, yes.
This picture was taken
when Mrs. Reagan was
first lady of the nation.
Yes, yes.
Not of California.
Good shot.
In fact, he met privately
with the President,
though, unfortunately,
there wasn't enough time
for a photo opportunity.
Oh, Nancy's pretty good.
Oh, wonderful woman.
We were very happy to...
These are...
Oh, those are
Mr. Lebowski's
children, so to speak.
Different mothers, huh?
No, they're not...
Racially, he's
pretty cool?
(LAUGHING)
They're not literally
his children.
They're the Little Lebowski
Urban Achievers,
inner city children
of promise, but without
the necessary means for...
Necessary means for
a higher education,
so Mr. Lebowski is
committed to sending
all of them to college.
Excuse me.
Oh, geez.
Thank you. Thank you.
Far out. Think he's got
room for one more?
One... Oh.
You never went to college.
Please, don't touch that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, I did,
but, you know,
I spent most of my time
occupying various
administration buildings,
smoking a lot
of Thai stick,
(LAUGHING)
breaking into the ROTC
and bowling.
Tell you the truth, Brandt,
I don't remember most of it.
(SCOFFS)
(DOOR OPENS)
Okay, sir.
You're a Lebowski,
I'm a Lebowski.
That's terrific.
But I am very busy,
as I imagine you are.
What can I do for you, sir?
Well, sir,
it's this rug I have.
It really tied
the room together.
You told Brandt
on the phone.
He told me.
Where do I fit in?
Well, they were looking
for you, these two guys.
You know, they...
I'll say it again.
You told Brandt on the phone.
He told me.
I know what happened.
Yes, yes.
Oh, so you know that
they were trying to
*** on your rug.
Did I urinate on your rug?
You mean, did you personally
come and pee on my rug?
Hello! Do you speak
English, sir?
%Parla usted ingl·s?
I'll ask you again.
Did I urinate on your rug?
No. Like I said,
Woo peed on my rug.
I just want to
understand this, sir.
Every time a rug
is micturated upon
in this fair city,
I have to compensate
the person?
Come on, man.
I'm not trying to
scam anybody here.
You know, I'm just...
You're just looking for
a handout like every other...
Are you employed,
Mr. Lebowski?
Wait. Let me explain
something to you.
I am not Mr. Lebowski.
You're Mr. Lebowski.
I'm the Dude.
So that's what you call me.
You know?
That or His Dudeness,
or Duder or, you know,
El Duderino, if you're not
into the whole brevity thing.
Are you employed, sir?
Employed?
(CHUCKLES)
You don't go out looking for
a job dressed like that,
do you? On a weekday?
Is this a...
What day is this?
Well, I do work, sir.
So, if you don't mind...
No, I do mind.
The Dude minds.
This will not stand, you know.
This aggression
will not stand, man.
I mean,
your wife owes money...
My wife is not
the issue here!
I hope that someday
my wife will learn to
live on her allowance,
which is ample.
But if she does not,
that is her problem,
not mine,
just as the rug
is your problem.
Just as every bum's
lot in life is his
own responsibility,
regardless of who
he chooses to blame.
I didn't blame anyone
for the loss of my legs.
Some Chinaman took them
from me in Korea.
But I went out
and achieved anyway.
(CHUCKLES)
I cannot solve
your problems, sir.
Only you can.
Well, *** it.
Oh, *** it.
Yes, that's your answer.
That's your answer
to everything.
Tattoo it on your forehead!
Your revolution is over,
Mr. Lebowski!
Condolences! The bums lost!
My advice to you is to do
what your parents did!
Get a job, sir!
The bums will
always lose!
Do you hear me,
Lebowski?
The bums will
always lose.
How was your meeting,
Mr. Lebowski?
Okay.
The old man told me to take
any rug in the house.
Well, enjoy.
And perhaps we'll see you
again sometime, Dude.
Yeah, sure.
If I'm in the neighborhood,
you know,
(SALSA MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
and I need to use the john.
Blow on them.
Huh?
Go ahead. Blow.
You want me to blow
on your toes?
Uh-huh.
I can't blow that far.
Are you sure he won't mind?
BUNNY: Uli doesn't
care about anything.
He's a nihilist.
Oh, that must be exhausting.
You're not blowing.
Our guest has to
be getting along,
Mrs. Lebowski.
Oh!
You're Bunny.
I'll suck your ***
for $1 ,000.
Wonderful woman.
We're all very fond of her.
Very free-spirited.
Brandt can't watch though,
or he has to pay $100.
That's marvelous.
I'm just gonna go
find a cash machine.
(WHOOPS)
I'm slamming them tonight!
You guys are dead
in the water.
WALTER: All right!
Way to go, Donny!
(DOG WHINING)
"lf you will it,
it is no dream."
*** 20 minutes late, man.
What the *** is that?
Theodore Herzl.
Huh?
State of lsrael.
If you will it, Dude,
it is no dream.
What the *** are you
talking about, man?
The carrier. What's in
the *** carrier?
Huh?
Oh! Cynthia's dog.
Think it's a Pomeranian.
Can't leave him home alone
or he eats the furniture.
I'm watching it
while Cynthia and Marty
Ackerman are in Hawaii.
You brought a ***
Pomeranian bowling?
What do you mean,
brought it bowling?
I didn't rent it shoes.
I'm not buying it
a *** beer.
He's not taking your
*** turn, Dude.
Man, if my *** ex-wife
asked me to take care of
her *** dog
while she and her boyfriend
went to Honolulu,
I'd tell her to
go *** herself.
Why can't she board it?
First of all, Dude,
you don't have an ex.
Secondly, this is
a *** show dog
with *** papers.
You can't board it.
It gets upset.
lts hair falls out.
Walter...
*** dog has
*** papers.
Over the line!
Huh?
I'm sorry, Smokey.
You were over the line.
That's a foul.
***. Mark it eight, Dude.
Excuse me. Mark it zero.
Next frame.
***, Walter.
Mark it eight, Dude.
Smokey, this is not Nam.
This is bowling.
There are rules.
Hey, Walter, come on.
Hey, man, it's Smokey.
So his toe slipped over
a little, you know.
It's just a game, man.
This is a league game.
This determines who enters
the next round robin.
Am I wrong?
SMOKEY: Yeah, but I wasn't...
Am I wrong?
Yeah, but I wasn't over.
Give me the marker, Dude.
I'm marking an eight.
Smokey, my friend,
you're entering
a world of pain.
Walter, man.
You mark that frame an
eight, you're entering
a world of pain.
I'm not...
A world of pain.
Look, Dude,
this is your partner.
Has the whole world
gone crazy?
Am I the only one
around here who gives
a *** about the rules?
Mark it zero!
(DOG BARKING)
They're calling the cops, man.
Put the piece away.
Mark it zero!
DUDE: Walter,
put the piece away.
Walter.
You think I'm ***
around here?
Mark it zero!
All right. It's *** zero.
You happy,
you crazy ***?
It's a league game,
Smokey.
(DOG BARKING)
You can't do that, man.
These guys, you know,
they're like me,
they're pacifists.
Smokey was a
conscientious objector.
You know, Dude,
I myself dabbled in
pacifism at one point.
Not in Nam, of course.
And you know he's got
emotional problems, man.
You mean, beyond pacifism?
He's fragile.
He's very fragile.
I did not know that.
Well, it's all water
under the bridge.
And we do enter
the next round robin.
Am I wrong?
No, you're not wrong.
Am I wrong?
You're not wrong, Walter.
You're just an ***.
(SIREN WAILING)
Okay then.
Play Quintana and
O'Brien next week.
They should be pushovers.
Man, would you just...
Just take it easy, man.
You know, that's your answer
for everything, Dude.
Let me point out something.
Pacifism is not...
Look at our current
situation with that
camel *** in lraq.
Pacifism is not something
to hide behind.
Just take it easy, man.
I'm perfectly calm, Dude.
Yeah, waving the
*** gun around?
Calmer than you are.
Will you just take it easy?
Calmer than you are.
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
SMOKEY ON MACHINE:
Dude, this is Smokey.
Look, I don't wanna be
a hard-on about this,
and I know
it wasn't your fault,
but I just thought
it was fair to tell you
that Gilbert and I will be
submitting this to the league
and asking them
to set aside the round.
I don't know,
maybe forfeit it to us.
So, like I say, just thought,
you know, fair warning.
Tell Walter.
I'm sorry.
(BEEPS)
Mr. Lebowski,
this is Brandt at...
Well, at Mr. Lebowski's
office.
Please call us
as soon as it's convenient.
(BEEPS)
Mr. Lebowski,
this is Mel Zelnicker
of the Southern Cal
Bowling League.
I just got an informal report
that a member of your team,
a Walter Sobchak,
drew a firearm
during league play.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
If this is true, of course,
it contravenes a number of
the league's bylaws
and also article 27
of the league...
Dude.
Hey, Marty.
Dude, I finally got...
I got the venue I wanted.
I'm performing
my dance quintet,
you know, my cycle,
at Crane Jackson's
Fountain Street Theater
on Tuesday night.
And, well, I'd love it if
you came and gave me notes.
I'll be there, man.
Dude, tomorrow's
already the tenth.
Far out.
Oh. Oh, all right. Okay.
Just slip the rent
under my door.
ZELNICKER ON MACHINE:
...serious infraction
and examine your standing.
Thank you.
(BEEPS)
Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again.
Please do call us
as soon as you get in
and I'll send the limo.
I hope you're not avoiding
this call because of the rug,
which I assure you
is not a problem.
We need your help, and...
Well, we would very
much like to see you.
Thank you. It's Brandt.
(BEEPS)
We've had some
terrible news.
Mr. Lebowski's in seclusion
in the west wing.
Mr. Lebowski.
Funny.
I can look back on
a life of achievement,
challenges met,
competitors bested,
obstacles overcome.
I've accomplished
more than most men
and without
the use of my legs.
What makes a man,
Mr. Lebowski?
Dude.
Huh?
Oh, I don't know, sir.
Is it being prepared
to do the right thing,
whatever the cost?
Isn't that what
makes a man?
Sure, that and
a pair of testicles.
You're joking,
but perhaps you're right.
You mind if I do a Jay?
Bunny.
Excuse me?
Bunny Lebowski.
She is the light of my life.
Are you surprised
at my tears, sir?
Oh, *** A.
Strong men also cry.
Strong men also cry.
(CLEARS THROAT)
LEBOWSKl: I received
this fax this morning.
As you can see,
it is a ransom note.
DUDE: "We have Bunny."
Written by men who were
unable to achieve on a
level field of play.
"Gather $1 million..."
Cowards!
"...in unmarked,
nonconsecutive 2·s."
Weaklings!
"Await instructions."
Bums!
"No funny stuff."
Bummer.
Huh?
This is a bummer, man.
That's... That's a bummer.
Brandt will fill you in
on the details.
Mr. Lebowski is prepared
to make a generous offer
to you to act as courier
once we get instructions
for the money.
Why me, man?
He believes the culprits
might be the very people
who soiled your rug
and you are in a unique
position to confirm or
disconfirm that suspicion.
He thinks the carpet ***
did this?
Well, Dude,
we just don't know.
(LATINO MUSIC PLAYING)
Welcome to the
Hotel California
Such a lovely place
*** Quintana.
That creep can roll, man.
Yeah, but he's
a pervert, Dude.
Yeah.
No, he's a sex offender
with a record.
He did six months in Chino
for exposing himself
to an eight-year-old.
(PINS FALLING)
WALTER: When he moved
to Hollywood, he had
to go door-to-door
to tell everyone
he was a pederast.
DONNY: What's a
pederast, Walter?
Shut the *** up, Donny.
So, how much
did he give you?
20 grand, man.
And, of course,
I still get to keep the rug.
Just for making
a hand-off?
Yeah.
(BEEPS)
They gave Dude a beeper.
So whenever
these guys call...
What if it's
during a game?
Oh, I told them
if it was during
league play...
What's during
league play?
Life does not
stop and start
at your convenience,
you miserable
piece of ***.
I figure...
What's wrong with
Walter, Dude?
I figure
it's easy money, you know.
It's all pretty harmless.
She probably
kidnapped herself.
What do you mean, Dude?
Rug-peers did not do this.
Look at it. A young
trophy wife marries
this guy for his money.
She figures he isn't
giving her enough,
you know.
She owes money
all over town.
That *** ***!
It's all a ***
fake, man.
It's like Lenin said,
you look for the person
who will benefit
and, you know...
I Am the Walrus?
You know, you'll...
You know what
I'm trying to say.
I Am the Walrus.
That *** ***!
Oh, yeah!
I Am the Walrus.
That's...
Shut the *** up,
Donny!
V.l. Lenin, Vladimir
llyich Ulyanov!
What the *** is
he talking about?
*** exactly what
happened to those...
WALTER: That makes me
*** sick!
DUDE: Well, what do
you care, Walter?
Those rich ***.
This whole *** thing.
I did not watch my buddies
die face down in the muck
so that this
*** strumpet,
this *** ***,
could waltz around...
I don't see any connection
with Vietnam, man.
Well, there isn't a
literal connection,
Dude.
No, Walter, face it,
there isn't any connection.
Your roll.
Have it your way.
Your roll.
But my point is...
My point is...
QUINTANA: Are you ready
to be ***, man?
I see you rolled your way
into the semis.
Dios mfo, man.
Liam and me,
we're gonna *** you up.
Yeah? Well, you know,
that's just like
your opinion, man.
Let me tell you
something, pendejo.
You pull any of your
crazy *** with us,
you flash a piece out
on the lanes,
I'll take it away from you
and stick it up your ***
and pull the *** trigger
till it goes click.
Jesus.
You said it, man.
Nobody *** with the Jesus.
Eight-year-olds, Dude.
(PINS FALLING)
(MEN EYCLAIMING)
(THE MAN lN ME PLAYING)
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
La-la-la, la, la, la, la
La-la-la, la, la, la, la
La-la-la, la, la, la, la
La-la, la-la
La-la-la
La-la-la, la-la-la
La-la, la-la
The man in me will do
Nearly any task
And as for compensation
There's little he would ask
(SCREAMING)
Take a woman like you
To get through
To the man in me
Storm clouds are raging
All around my door
I think to myself
I might not take it anymore
Take a woman like your kind
To find the man in me
But, oh
(BEEPER BEEPING)
What a wonderful feeling
Just to know
That you are near
(GROANS)
Sets my heart a-reeling
(MUTTERING)
From my toes
Up to my ears
The man in me
will hide sometimes
BRANDT: They called
about ·0 minutes ago.
They want you
to take the money,
drive north on the 405.
They will call you
on the portable phone
with instructions
in about 40 minutes.
One person only.
They were very clear on that,
or I'd go with you.
One person only.
What happened
to yourjaw?
Oh, nothing, man.
Here's the money.
And the phone.
Please, Dude, follow
whatever instructions
they give.
All right.
Her life is in your hands.
Man, don't say that.
Mr. Lebowski
asked me to repeat that,
her life is in your hands.
Oh, ***, man.
Her life is in
your hands, Dude.
Report back to us
as soon as it's done.
Where the ***
are you going, man?
Take the ringer,
I'll drive.
The what?
The ringer.
The ringer, Dude.
DUDE: What the...
Have they called yet?
What the hell is this?
My dirty undies, Dude.
The laundry. The whites.
Walter, I'm sure there's
a reason you brought
your dirty undies, man.
That's right, Dude.
The weight.
The ringer cannot look empty.
Walter, what the ***
are you thinking, man?
You're right, Dude.
I got to thinking.
I got to thinking,
why should we settle for
a measly *** 20 grand...
We? What the ***, "we"?
You said you just wanted
to come along.
My point, Dude,
is why should we
settle for 20 grand
when we can keep
the entire million?
Am I wrong?
Yes, you're wrong. This
isn't a *** game, man.
Oh, but it is a game.
You said so yourself.
She kidnapped herself.
I said I thought...
(PHONE RINGING)
Dude, here.
MAN: (WITH GERMAN ACCENT)
Who is this?
Dude. The bagman, man.
Where do you want us to go?
Us?
***!
Yeah, you know,
me and the driver.
I'm not handling the money,
driving the car and talking
on the phone all by my...
Shut the *** up!
Dude, are you
*** this up?
Who is that?
That is the driver.
I told you...
(DIAL TONE HUMS)
Oh, ***!
What the ***'s going on?
Walter...
What the *** is going on?
He hung up, man.
You *** it up.
You *** it up!
Her life was in
our hands, man.
Easy, Dude.
We're screwed now.
We don't get ***.
They're gonna kill her.
We're ***, Walter.
Nothing is ***, Dude.
Come on.
You're being very un-Dude.
They'll call back.
Look, she kidnapped...
(PHONE RINGING)
You see? Nothing's
*** here, Dude.
Nothing is ***.
They're a bunch of
*** amateurs.
Walter, will you just
shut the *** up?
Don't say peep while
I'm doing business here, man.
Okay, Dude.
Have it your way.
But they're amateurs.
***.
Dude.
MAN: Okay, we proceed
but only if there
is no funny stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
So no funny sturt Okay?
Just tell me where the ***
you want us to go.
That was the sign, man.
So, all we gotta do
is get her back.
No one's in a position
to complain.
We keep the baksheesh.
Yeah, terrific, Walter.
But you haven't told me
how we're gonna get her
back. Where is she?
That's the simple part, Dude.
We make the hand-off,
I grab one of them and
beat it out of him. Huh?
That's a great plan, Walter.
That's *** ingenious,
if I understand it correctly.
It's a Swiss *** watch.
That's right, Dude.
The beauty of this
is its simplicity.
Once a plan gets too complex,
everything can go wrong.
If there's one thing
I learned in Nam...
(PHONE RINGING)
Dude.
MAN: You are coming
to wooden bridge.
When you cross the bridge,
you throw the bag
from the left window
of the moving car.
You're being watched.
(DIAL TONE HUMS)
***.
What'd he say?
Where's the hand-off?
There is no ***
hand-off, man.
At the wooden bridge
we throw the money
out of the car.
We throw the money
out of the moving car.
We can't do that, Dude.
That *** up our plan.
Well, call them up
and explain it
to them, Walter.
Your plan is so
*** simple,
I'm sure they'll
*** understand it.
That's the beauty of it.
WALTER: Wooden
bridge, huh?
Throw them the money, Walter.
We're not *** around, man.
Okay, Dude, the bridge
is coming up. Give me
the ringer, chop-chop.
*** that.
Walter, I love you,
but sooner or later you're
gonna have to face the fact
you're a *** moron.
Okay, Dude. No time to argue.
Hey, man!
Here's the bridge.
Hey, Walter! Hey, Walter!
Hey, Walter!
Here goes the ringer!
What the ***?
Okay, Dude, you're wheel.
Hey, man, what the ***?
At 15 mph, I roll out.
I double back,
grab one of them
and beat it out of him.
The ***.
***.
You didn't think I was
rolling out of here
naked, did you?
Walter, please!
Fifteen, Dude! This is it!
Let's take that hill!
Walter!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(BIKE ENGINES REVVING)
(MOANING)
We have it!
We have it!
We have it!
(PANTING)
*** it, Dude.
Let's go bowling.
(PHONE RINGING)
(PINS FALLING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Aitz chaim he, Dude,
as the ex used to say.
What the *** is that
supposed to mean?
What the *** are we
gonna tell Lebowski?
Oh, him.
I don't know.
What exactly
is the problem?
The problem is...
What do you mean,
what's the...
There was no...
We didn't...
They're gonna kill
that poor woman, man!
What the ***
are you talking about?
The poor woman,
that poor ***
kidnapped herself.
Come on, Dude.
You said so yourself.
Man, I said I thought
she kidnapped herself.
You're the one who's
so *** certain.
That's right, Dude.
100% certain.
They posted the next round
for the tournament.
Donny, shut the ***...
When do we play?
This Saturday. Quintana and...
Saturday? Well, they'll
have to reschedule.
Walter, what am l
gonna tell Lebowski?
I told that ***
down at the league office.
Who's in charge of scheduling?
Walter!
Burkhalter.
I told that ***
a *** thousand times,
I don't roll on shabbos!
Walter!
They already posted it.
Well, they can
*** un-post it!
Who gives a ***?
They're gonna kill
that poor woman, man!
What am I gonna
tell Lebowski?
Come on, Dude.
Eventually she'll get tired
of her little game and,
you know, wander on back.
How come you don't roll
on Saturday, Walter?
I'm shomer shabbos.
What's that, Walter?
Yeah, and in
the meantime,
what do I tell Lebowski?
Saturday, Donny, is shabbos,
the Jewish day of rest.
That means I don't work,
I don't drive a car,
I don't ***
ride in a car,
I don't handle money,
I don't turn on the oven
and I sure as ***
don't *** roll!
Sheesh.
Shomer shabbos!
Walter, how am I gonna...
Shomer·u··· shabbos!
Oh, ***! That's it.
I'm out of here.
Oh, come on, Dude.
(lNAUDIBLE)
Dude! Dude!
You just tell him...
Tell him we made the drop
and everything went,
you know...
Oh, yeah.
How'd it go?
Went all right.
Dude's car got
a little dinged up.
Walter, we didn't make
the *** hand-off, man!
They didn't get
the *** money!
And they're gonna...
They're gonna...
They're gonna kill
that poor woman.
They're gonna kill
that poor woman!
Walter, if you can't
ride in a car,
then how do you get
around on shabbos?
Really, Dude,
you surprise me.
They're not gonna
kill ***.
They're not gonna do ***.
What can they do to her?
Bunch of *** amateurs.
And meanwhile,
look at the bottom line.
Who's sitting on a million
*** dollars?
Am I wrong?
Walter.
Who's got a ***
million *** dollars
sitting in the trunk of our car?
Our car, Walter?
And what do they got?
My dirty undies.
My *** whites!
(PHONE RINGING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Say, Dude?
Where is your car?
Who's got your
undies, Walter?
Where's your car, Dude?
You don't know,
Walter?
WALTER: It was parked
in a handicap zone.
Perhaps they towed it.
(PHONE RINGING)
You *** know
it's been stolen.
Well, certainly that's
a possibility, Dude.
Oh, *** it.
Where you going, Dude?
I'm going home, Donny.
Phone's ringing, Dude.
Thank you, Donny!
(PHONE RINGING)
(PHONE STOPS RINGING)
Yeah.
Green with some brown,
rust coloration.
And was there anything
of value in the car?
Oh, yeah.
A tape deck, some Creedence
tapes, and there was a...
My briefcase.
In the briefcase?
Papers.
Just papers.
You know, my papers,
business papers.
And what do you do, sir?
I'm unemployed.
(PHONE RINGING)
My rug was also stolen.
Your rug was in the car?
No. Here.
Separate incidents.
(ANSWERING MACHINE CLICKS)
DUDE ON MACHINE:
The Dude is not in.
Do you find them much,
these stolen cars?
Sometimes.
Wouldn't hold out much hope
for the tape deck though.
Or the Creedence.
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
What about the briefcase?
WOMAN: Mr. Lebowski,
I'd like to see you.
Call when you get home
and I'll send a car for you.
My name is Maude Lebowski.
I'm the one who took your rug.
Well, guess we can
close the file
on that one.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(WOMAN CHANTING)
(THUDDING)
(SQUEAKING)
(YELLS)
(WOMAN SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
I'll be with you in
a moment, Mr. Lebowski.
(WOMAN CHANTING)
(lNDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Does the female form
make you uncomfortable,
Mr. Lebowski?
Is that what this
is a picture of?
In a sense, yes.
My art has been commended
as being strongly vaginal,
which bothers some men.
The word itself makes
some men uncomfortable.
***.
Oh, yeah?
Yes, they don't like
hearing it and find it
difficult to say,
whereas without
batting an eye,
a man will refer to his ***,
or his rod or his johnson.
"Johnson"?
All right, Mr. Lebowski,
let's get down to cases.
My father told me he agreed
to let you have the rug,
but as it was a gift
from me to my late mother,
it was not his to give.
Now, your face.
As for this kidnapping.
Huh?
Yes, I know all about it,
and I know that you acted
as courier.
Let me tell you something.
The whole thing stinks to
high heaven.
Yeah, right, but let me
explain something about
the rug.
Do you like sex,
Mr. Lebowski?
Excuse me?
Sex, the physical act
of love. Coitus.
Do you like it?
I was talking
about my rug.
You're not interested in sex?
You mean coitus?
I like it, too.
It's a male myth about
feminists that we hate sex.
It can be a natural,
zesty enterprise.
However, there are
some people,
it is called
satyriasis in men,
nymphomania in women,
who engage in it compulsively
and without joy.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes, Mr. Lebowski.
These unfortunate souls
cannot love, in the true
sense of the word.
Our mutual acquaintance,
Bunny, is one of these.
Listen, Maude,
I'm sorry if your stepmother
is a ***,
but, you know, I don't see
what this has to do with...
You have any Kahlua?
Take a look at this, sir.
DUDE: Oh, I know that guy.
He's a nihilist.
"Karl Hungus."
(lCE CUBES CLINKING)
Hi.
Hello.
Mein dispatcher says
there is something
wrong with dein Kabel.
Yeah. Come on in.
I'm not really sure
exactly what's really
wrong with the cable.
That's why they sent me.
I am an expert.
The TV's in here.
You recognize her,
of course.
Helga, bring my tools.
That's my friend Sherry.
She just came over
to use the shower.
The story is ludicrous.
My name is Karl.
lch bin expert.
You must be here
to fix the cable.
Lord, you can imagine
where it goes from here.
He fixes the cable?
Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
Little matter to me that
this woman chose to pursue
a career in ***,
nor that she has been
banging Jackie Treehorn,
to use the parlance
of our times.
However,
I am one of the two trustees
of the Lebowski Foundation,
the other being my father.
The foundation takes
youngsters from Watts and...
***, yeah. The achievers.
Little Lebowski Urban
Achievers, yes, and proud
we are of all of them.
I asked my father about
his withdrawal of $1 million
from the foundation account,
and he told me
about this abduction,
but I tell you
it is preposterous.
This compulsive fornicator
is taking my father for
the proverbial ride.
Yeah, but my...
I'm getting to your rug.
My father and l
don't get along.
He doesn't approve
of my lifestyle and,
needless to say,
I don't approve of his.
However, I hardly
wish to make my father's
embezzlement a police matter.
So I'm proposing that you
try to recover the money
from the people
you delivered it to.
Well, I could do that.
If you successfully do so,
I will compensate you
to the tune of 10% of
the recovered sum.
A hundred...
Thousand. Yes.
Bones or clams or
whatever you call them.
Yeah, but what about my...
Your rug, yes.
Well, with that money
you can buy any
number of rugs
that don't have sentimental
value for me.
And I am sorry about
that crack on the jaw.
Oh, that's fine.
That doesn't even...
Here's the name and
number of a doctor who
will look at it for you.
You will receive no bill.
He's a good man
and thorough.
(STUTTERS)
That's thoughtful but...
Please see him, Jeffrey.
He's a good man and thorough.
Oh, well, all right.
So he says, "My wife's
a pain in the ***.
"She's always busting
my frigging agates.
"My daughter's married
to a loser ***.
"l got a rash
so bad on my ***
I can't even sit down.
"But you know me,
I can't complain."
(LAUGHING)
Oh, *** A, man.
I got a rash, man. *** A.
I gotta tell you, Tone, man,
earlier today I was really
feeling ***, man.
Really down in the dumps.
Lost a little money...
Hey, you know what?
Forget about it, huh?
Forget about it.
Yeah, *** it, man.
You can't be worried
about that ***.
Life goes on, man.
Well, home, sweet home,
Mr. L.
TONY: Hey, yo. Come here.
Who's your friend
in the Volkswagen?
Huh?
TONY: Yeah.
He followed us here.
When did he start...
Whoa! What the ***?
Get in the limo,
you son of a ***!
No arguments!
Hey! Hey! Careful, man!
There's a beverage here!
Start talking,
and talk fast,
you lousy bum.
We've been frantically
trying to reach you, Dude.
Where is my *** money,
you bum?
Well, we... I don't...
They did not receive
the money, you nitwit!
They did not
receive the money!
Her life was
in your hands!
This is our concern, Dude.
No, man.
Nothing is *** here.
Nothing is ***?
No, man.
The *** plane
has crashed into
the mountain!
Man, come on.
Who are you gonna
believe, those guys or...
We dropped off the damn money.
We?
l, the royal we.
You know. The editorial...
I dropped off the money
exactly as per...
Look, man, I've got
certain information.
All right?
Certain things have
come to light and...
You know, has it ever
occurred to you
that instead of, you know,
running around, blaming me...
You know, given the nature
of all this new ***,
you know, this could be
a lot more complex...
I mean, it's not just...
It might not be just such
a simple... You know?
What in God's holy name
are you blathering about?
Well, I'll tell you what
I'm blathering about.
I've got information, man.
New *** has come to light.
And, ***, man,
she kidnapped herself.
Well, sure, man.
Look at it. You know?
A young trophy wife,
in the parlance of
our times, you know.
She owes money
all over town, including
to known pornographers.
And that's cool.
That's cool.
I'm saying she
needs money, man.
And, you know,
of course they're gonna
say they didn't get it
because she wants more, man.
She's gotta feed the monkey.
I mean...
Hasn't that ever
occurred to you, man?
Sir?
No, Mr. Lebowski,
it had not occurred
to me.
That had not
occurred to us, Dude.
Well, okay, you know?
You guys aren't privy
to all the new ***,
so, you know...
But, hey, that's what you...
That's what you pay me for.
(CHUCKLES)
Speaking of which,
do you think that you could
give me my $20,000 in cash?
My concern is, and
I've gotta check it
with my accountant,
that this might bump me up
into a higher tax...
Brandt, give him
the envelope.
Oh, well, if you've
already got the check
made out, that's cool.
BRANDT: We received this
this morning.
Since you have
failed to achieve,
even in the modest task
which was your charge,
since you have
stolen my money,
since you have
unrepentantly
betrayed my trust,
I have no choice
but to tell these bums
to do whatever is necessary
to recover their money
from you, Jeffrey Lebowski.
And with Brandt as my witness,
I will tell you this,
any further harm
visited upon Bunny
will be visited tenfold
upon your head.
By God, sir,
I will not abide another toe.
I hear the cottonwoods
whispering above
That wasn't her toe, Dude.
Whose toe was it, Walter?
How the *** should I know?
I do know that nothing
about it indicates...
The nail polish, Walter.
Fine, Dude.
As if it's impossible to get
some nail polish, apply it
to someone else's toe...
Someone else...
Pinking shears.
Where the *** are
they gonna get...
You want a toe?
I can get you a toe.
Believe me,
there are ways, Dude.
You don't wanna know
about it, believe me.
Yeah, but, Walter...
Hell, I could get you a toe
by 3:00 this afternoon
with nail polish.
These *** amateurs.
Walter...
They send us a toe,
we're supposed to ***
ourselves with fear.
Jesus Christ!
Walter...
The point is...
They're gonna
kill her, Walter,
and then they're
gonna kill me.
Dude, that's...
That's just the
stress talking, man.
Now, so far we have
what appears to me to be
a series of victimless crimes.
What about the toe?
Forget about the *** toe!
Excuse me, sir.
Could you please
keep your voices down?
This is a family restaurant.
Oh, please! Dear,
for your information,
the Supreme Court
has roundly rejected
prior restraint.
Come on. Walter,
this is not a First
Amendment thing, man.
Sir, if you don't calm down,
I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.
Lady, I got buddies
who died face down
in the muck
so that you and I can enjoy
this family restaurant!
All right,
I'm out of here.
Hey, Dude, don't go away, man.
Come on. This affects
all of us, man! lt's
our basic freedoms!
I'm staying.
I'm finishing my coffee.
Enjoying my coffee.
(WHALE SONG PLAYING ON TAPE)
(PHONE RINGING)
(STIFLED COUGHING)
(ANSWERING MACHINE CLICKS)
DUDE ON MACHINE:
The Dude is not in.
£eave a message
after the beep.
It takes a minute.
(BEEPS)
Mr. Lebowski,
this is Duty O·ce·
Rolvaag of the LAPD.
We've recovered
your automobile.
It can be claimed
at the North Hollywood
Auto Circus there on Victory.
Their hours there are...
Far out, man. Far *** out!
(BANGING)
Hey! This is a private
residence, man.
(CHATTERING)
Oh, nice marmot.
(SNARLING)
(SHRIEKING)
(SQUEALING)
(WITH GERMAN ACCENT)
Where is the money, Lebowski?
We wants the money, Lebowski!
(SHRIEKING)
(PANICKED STAMMERING)
You think we are kidding or
making with the funny stuff?
We could do things
you haven't dreamed of,
Lebowski.
Ja, we believes in nothing.
We believes in nothing,
Lebowski. Nothing!
And tomorrow we come back
and we cut off yourjohnson.
Excuse me?
I said, we cut off
yourjohnson!
Just think about that,
Lebowski.
Your wiggly ***, Lebowski.
Ja. Maybe we stomp on it
and squish it.
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(SIGHS)
MAN: It was discovered
last night in Van Nuys
lodged against an abutment.
DUDE: Oh, man. Lodged where?
You're lucky she didn't
get chopped, Mr. Lebowski.
Oh, man!
Must've been
a joyride situation.
They abandoned the vehicle
once they hit the retaining
wall.
Oh, my ***
briefcase, man!
It's not here! ***!
Yeah, I saw that
on the report. Sorry.
You gotta get in
on the other side.
The side view was found
on the road by the car.
You're lucky they left
the tape deck though,
and the Creedence.
Oh, Jesus!
What's that smell, man?
Yeah. It's probably
a vagrant slept in the car.
Or maybe just used it
as a toilet and moved on.
Hey, man,
are you gonna find these guys?
Or, you know, I mean...
You got any promising
leads or...
Leads?
Yeah. Sure.
I'll just check with the boys
down at the crime lab.
They got four more detectives
working on the case.
They got us working in shifts!
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
Leads!
DUDE: My only hope is that
the big Lebowski kills me
before the Germans
can cut my *** off.
Leads!
Now, that is just
ridiculous, Dude.
No one's going to
cut your *** off.
Thank you, Walter.
Not if I have anything
to say about it.
Thank you, Walter.
That makes me
feel very secure.
Dude?
That makes me feel
very warm inside, man.
Dude?
This whole *** thing.
I could be sitting here
with just pee stains on
my rug.
But no, man,
I got a, you know...
Yeah. *** Germans.
Nothing changes.
*** Nazis.
They were Nazis, Dude?
Oh, come on, Donny.
They were threatening
castration!
Uh-huh.
Are we gonna
split hairs here?
No.
Am I wrong?
Well, he didn't...
Man, they were
nihilists, man.
They kept saying they
believed in nothing.
Nihilists.
*** me.
I mean, say what you
want about the tenets of
national socialism, Dude.
At least it's an ethos.
Yeah.
And, also,
let's not forget...
Let's not forget, Dude,
that keeping wildlife,
an amphibious rodent,
for, you know,
domestic...
Within the city...
That ain't legal,
either.
What are you,
a *** park ranger now?
No! I'm just
trying to...
Who gives a ***
about the *** marmot?
We are sympathizing
here, Dude.
*** sympathy.
I don't need your
*** sympathy, man.
I need my *** johnson.
What do you need
that for, Dude?
You have got to
buck up, man!
You cannot drag this
negative energy into
the tournament.
*** the tournament.
*** you, Walter.
*** the tournament?
Okay, Dude. I can see
you don't want to be
cheered up here.
Come on, Donny.
Let's go get us a lane.
Another Caucasian, Gary.
Right, Dude.
Friends like these,
huh, Gary?
That's right, Dude.
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)
See them tumbling down
Pledging their love
to the ground
Lonely, but free,
I'll be found
You got a good
sarsaparilla?
Sioux City Sarsaparilla?
Yeah. That's a good one.
How're you doing there,
Dude?
Not too good, man.
One of those days, huh?
Yeah.
Well, a wiser fellow
than myself once said,
"Sometimes you eat
the bear and..."
(GLASS SETTLING)
Much obliged.
"Sometimes the bear,
well, he eats you."
That some kind of
Eastern thing?
Far from it.
I like your style, Dude.
Oh, well, I dig
your style, too, man.
Got a whole cowboy thing
going.
Thank you.
There's just one thing, Dude.
What's that?
Do you have to use
so many cuss words?
What the *** are
you talking about?
Okay, Dude. Have it your way.
Take her easy, Dude.
Yeah. Thanks, man.
(MAN WHISTLING ON STEREO)
Call for you, Dude.
Hello?
MAUDE: Jeffrey, you have
not gone to the doctor.
Oh, yeah, no.
No, I haven't yet.
I'd like to see you
immediately.
Oh?
So, you're Lebowski.
Yeah.
Maude has told me
all about you.
She'll be back in a minute.
Sit down.
Do you want a drink?
Yeah, sure. White Russian.
The bar's over there.
So, what do you do,
Lebowski?
Who the *** are you, man?
(GIGGLING)
Just a friend of Maudie's.
Yeah? The friend with
the cleft ***?
(GIGGLING)
What do you do?
Oh, nothing much.
(GIGGLING)
Hello, Jeffrey.
Hello.
Yeah. How are you?
Listen, Maude.
I got to
tender my resignation
or whatever
because looks like
your mother really
was kidnapped after all.
She most certainly was not.
Hey, man, why don't you
*** listen
occasionally?
You might learn something.
Now, I got...
(KNOX GIGGLING)
Please don't call her
my mother.
She's most definitely
the perpetrator and
not the victim.
I'm telling you, I've got
pretty definitive evidence.
From who?
From the main guy, Uli.
Uli Kunkel? Her costar
in the beaver picture?
You mean ***?
I mean, you know the guy?
I might have introduced them,
for all I know.
Do you remember Uli?
He's a musician.
Used to have a group,
Autobahn.
Look in my LP's.
They released one
album in the late '70s.
MAUDE: Their music is
sort of a techno pop.
So he's pretending
to be the abductor?
Well, yeah.
Look, Jeffrey, you don't
really kidnap someone
you're acquainted with.
The whole idea is that the
hostage can't identify you
after you've let them go.
Well, I know that.
(GIGGLES)
What the *** is
with this guy?
Who is he?
Knox Harrington,
the video artist.
So, Uli has the money.
Well, no, not exactly.
This is a very complicated
case, Maude.
(PHONE RINGING)
You know, a lot of ins,
a lot of outs,
a lot of what-have-yous
and a lot of strands
to keep in my head, man.
You know, a lot of strands
in the old Duder's head.
Hello?
If Uli doesn't have it,
then who does?
It's Sandra
about the Biennale.
Look. I have to take this.
Do you still have that
doctor's number?
No, really, it's not even
bruised anymore.
Oh, please, Jeffrey.
I don't want to be responsible
for any delayed aftereffects.
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Aftereffects?
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Could you slide your shorts
down, Mr. Lebowski, please?
Mmm?
No, no, man.
She hit me right here.
I understand.
Could you slide your
shorts down, please?
(LOOKIN' OUT MY BACK DOOR
PLAYING ON STEREO)
Just got home from lllinois
Locked the front door, oh, boy
Got to sit down,
take a rest on the porch
Imagination sets in
Pretty soon I'm singin'
Doo, doo, doo
Looking out my back door
Keeping mighty cool.
There's a giant
doing cartwheels
A statue wearing high heels
Look at all the
happy creatures
Dancing on the lawn
A dinosaur Victrola
listening to Buck Owens
(SQUEALING)
Doo, doo, doo
Looking out my back door
(HORN HONKING)
Tambourines and elephants
are playing in the band
Doo, doo, doo
Wondrous apparition
provided by magician
Doo, doo, doo
Looking out my back door
Tambourines and elephants
are playing in the band
Won't you take a ride
on the flying spoon?
Doo, doo, doo
Bother me tomorrow
Today I'll buy no sorrows
Doo, doo, doo
Looking out my back door
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
He lives in
North Hollywood on Radford,
near the ln-N-Out Burger.
No, the ln-N-Out
Burger's on Camrose.
Near the ln-N-Out Burger.
Those are good burgers,
Walter.
Shut the *** up, Donny.
The kid is in the ninth
grade, Dude.
And his father is...
Are you ready for this?
His father is
Arthur Digby Sellers.
Who the *** is that?
Who the *** is
Arthur Digby Sellers?
Who the...
Have you ever
heard of a little show
called Branded, Dude?
Yes, yes, l...
"All but one man
died there at
Bitter Creek."
I know the *** show,
Walter. So what?
*** Arthur Digby Sellers
wrote 156 episodes, Dude.
The bulk of the series.
Oh.
Not exactly
a lightweight.
No.
And yet his son
is a *** dunce.
Anyway, we'll go there
after the what-have-you.
We'll brace the kid.
Should be a pushover.
We'll be near
the ln-N-Out Burger.
Shut the *** up, Donny!
(MAN SHUSHING)
We'll go out there,
we'll brace the kid.
He should be a pushover.
We'll get that ***
million dollars back,
if he hasn't
spent it already.
A million *** clams.
And, yes,
we'll be near the...
ln-N-Out.
Shh! Shh!
Some burgers, some beers.
A few laughs.
Our *** troubles
are over, Dude.
Oh, *** me, man.
That kid's already spent
all the money, man.
New Vette? Hardly, Dude.
I'd say he still has
$060,000, $070,000 left,
depending on the options.
Wait in the car, Donny.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
WOMAN: Yes?
Pilar?
My name is Walter Sobchak.
This is my associate,
Jeffrey Lebowski.
We came to talk
about little Larry.
May we come in?
Yes, yes.
Thank you.
That's him, Dude.
(MACHINERY HUMMING)
And a good day
to you, sir!
Sit down, please.
Larry, sweetie,
the man is here!
Is he...
Does he still write?
Oh, no, no.
He has health problems.
Uh-huh.
Sir, I just want to say
that we're both,
on a personal level,
really enormous fans.
Branded, especially
the early episodes,
was truly a source
of inspiration.
PILAR: Sweetie, sit down.
This man is the police.
Oh, no, ma'am. We didn't want
to give the impression that
we were police, exactly.
We're hoping it
won't be necessary
to call the police.
But that's up to
little Larry here.
Isn't it, Larry?
Is this your homework,
Larry?
Is this your homework,
Larry?
Look, man, it...
Dude. Please?
Is this your
homework, Larry?
Just ask him about
the car, man.
Is this yours, Larry?
Is this your homework,
Larry?
Is that your car out front?
Is this your homework, Larry?
We know it's his
*** homework!
Where's the *** money,
you little brat?
Look, Larry, have you
ever heard of Vietnam?
For Christ's sake, Walter.
You are entering
a world of pain, son.
We know that this is
your homework. We know
that you stole the car.
And the *** money.
And the *** money!
And we know that
this is your homework!
We're gonna cut
your *** off, Larry.
You're killing
your father, Larry.
All right.
This is pointless.
Okay, time for Plan B.
You might want to watch out
that front window, Larry.
Son, this is what happens
when you *** a stranger
in the ***!
A little language
problem here.
Little prick's
stonewalling me.
Walter.
What are you doing, man?
What are you doing?
Here you go, Larry.
You see what happens?
You see what happens, Larry?
You see what happens?
Oh, great.
This is what happens
when you *** a stranger
in the ***, Larry.
This is what happens, Larry.
You see what happens, Larry?
You see what happens
when you *** a stranger
in the ***?
This is what happens!
(GLASS SHATTERING)
You see what happens, Larry?
You see what happens, Larry?
Do you see what happens,
Larry, when you ***
a stranger in the ***?
This is what happens, Larry!
This is what happens, Larry!
MAN: My car! My baby!
This is what happens, Larry!
This is what happens
when you *** a stranger...
What the *** are you
doing, man? Stop it!
Hey, man.
I just bought that
*** car last week!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm sorry!
I'm gonna *** kill you!
I just bought the
*** car last week!
Come on, man.
I'll kill your
*** car, man!
No, no. Hey, hey,
that's not his! Hey!
God damn it!
Whoa! Oh, no!
MAN: *** you!
Man. No.
You like that? *** you!
I'll kill your *** car!
DUDE: No. No, no. No.
I'll kill your *** car!
(SPANISH MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO)
I accept your apology.
No, I just want to handle it
by myself from now on.
No. No. No!
That has nothing
to do with it.
Yes, the car made it home.
You're calling me at home.
No, Walter, it did not look
like Larry was about to crack!
Well, that's your perception.
You know, Walter,
you're right.
There is an unspoken
message here.
lt's, "*** you!
Leave me the *** alone!"
Yeah, I'll be at practice.
Pin your diapers on,
Lebowski.
Jackie Treehorn
wants to see you.
Jackie Treehorn knows
which Lebowski you are,
Lebowski.
Jackie Treehorn
wants to see the
deadbeat Lebowski.
You're not dealing
with morons here.
(MAN CHANTING)
Hello, Dude.
Thanks for coming.
I'm Jackie Treehorn.
This is quite a pad
you got here, man.
Completely unspoiled.
What's your drink, Dude?
A White Russian. Thanks.
White Russian.
How's the *** business,
Jackie?
I wouldn't know, Dude.
I deal in publishing,
entertainment,
political advocacy.
Which one's Logjammin'?
Yes, regrettably, it's true.
Standards have fallen
in adult entertainment.
It's video, Dude.
Now that we're competing
with those amateurs,
we can't afford to invest
in little extras like story,
production value, feelings.
You know,
people forget that the brain
is the biggest erogenous zone.
On you maybe.
Of course, you have to take
the good with the bad.
New technology permits us
to do very exciting things
in interactive
*** software.
Wave of the future, Dude.
100% electronic.
Well, I still jerk off
manually.
(CHUCKLES)
Of course you do.
I can see you're anxious
for me to get to the point.
Well, here it is, Dude.
Where's Bunny?
Well, I thought you
might know that, man.
Why would l?
She only ran off
to get away from that
rather sizable debt to me.
No, she didn't run off.
She's been...
I heard that kidnapping story,
so save it.
I know you're mixed up
in all this, Dude.
And I don't care
what you're trying
to get from the husband.
That's your business.
All I'm saying is I want mine.
Yeah, right, man.
I mean, there are a lot of
facets to this,
(PHONE RINGING)
a lot of interested parties.
Excuse me.
Yeah?
Oh, yeah?
Where is that?
All right. Yeah.
Excuse me.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Forgive me.
No problemo, man.
So, if I can find your money,
what's in it for the Dude?
Well, of course,
there's that to discuss.
You want a refill?
Yeah, does the pope
*** in the woods?
10% finder's fee.
That all right?
Okay. Done, Jackie.
I dig the way
you do business, man.
Your money is being
held by a kid named
Larry Sellers.
He lives in North Hollywood
on Radford,
by the ln-N-Out Burger.
*** brat.
But I'm sure your goons
can get it off him.
I mean, he's 15.
Flunking social studies.
So, if you could just
write me a check for
my 10% of half a million,
5 grand,
I'll go out and mingle.
(CHUCKLES)
You mix a hell of
a Caucasian, Jackie.
(ECHOING)
Fifteen-year-old kid.
Is this some sort of a joke?
No. No joke.
No funny stuff, Jackie.
The kid's got it.
Hi, fellas.
Kid just wanted a car.
All the Dude ever wanted
was his rug back.
Not greedy.
It really
tied the room together.
MAN: Darkness washed
over the Dude.
Darker than
a black steer's tokus on
a moonless prairie night.
There was no bottom.
Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah
What condition
my condition was in
I woke up this morning
with the sundown shining in
I found my mind in
a brown paper bag within
I tripped on a cloud
and fell-a eight miles high
I tore my mind on a jagged sky
I just dropped in
To see what condition
my condition was in
Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah
What condition
my condition was in
I pushed my soul
in a deep, dark hole
And then I followed it in
I watched myself crawlin' out
As I was a-crawlin' in
I got up so tight
I couldn't unwind
I saw so much I broke my mind
I just dropped in
To see what condition
my condition was in
Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah
What condition
my condition was in
Someone painted "April Fool"
In big, black letters
on a "Dead End" sign
I had my foot on the gas
as I left the road
And blew out my mind
Eight miles out of Memphis
and I got no spare
Eight miles straight up
downtown somewhere
I just dropped in
To see what condition
my condition was in
I said I just dropped in
To see what condition
my condition was in
Yeah, yeah
O£, yeah
(WHIMPERING)
(SIREN WAILING)
(SINGING)
He was innocent
Not a charge was true
And they say
he ran away branded
(GRUNTING)
Is this your only lD?
I know my rights, man.
You don't know ***, Lebowski.
I want a *** lawyer,
man.
I want Bill Kunstler, man,
or Ron Kuby.
Mr. Treehorn tells us
that he had to eject you
from his garden party,
that you were drunk
and abusive.
Mr. Treehorn treats objects
like women, man.
Mr. Treehorn draws
a lot of water in this town.
You don't draw ***, Lebowski.
Now, we got a nice quiet
little beach community here,
and I aim to keep it
nice and quiet.
So let me make
something plain.
I don't like you sucking
around bothering our
citizens, Lebowski.
I don't like your
jerk-off name.
I don't like your
jerk-off face.
I don't like your
jerk-off behavior.
And I don't like you,
jerk-off.
Do I make myself clear?
I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
Ow!
*** fascist!
(YELLING)
Stay out of Malibu,
Lebowski.
Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat!
Keep your ugly, ***,
gold-bricking *** out of
my beach community.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
I want to sleep with you
In the desert tonight
With a billion stars
all around
Jesus, man. Could you
change the channel?
*** you, man!
If you don't like
my *** music,
get your own *** cab!
I had a really rough...
I'll pull off to the side
and kick your *** out.
Man, come on. I had
a rough night, and I hate
the *** Eagles, man.
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(HORN HONKING)
Out of my *** cab! Out!
Man!
Man! Man! Hey!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
(SINGING)
There's a thousand pretty
women waiting out there
And they're all livin'
devil may care
And I'm just the devil
with love to spare
So viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
Oh, Jesus!
(GRUNTS)
Jeffrey.
Maude?
Love me.
That's my robe.
MAUDE: Tell me about
yourself, Jeffrey.
Well, not much to tell.
I was one of the authors
of the Port Huron Statement.
The original
Port Huron Statement.
Uh-huh.
Not the compromised
second draft.
Then l...
You ever hear of
the Seattle Seven?
That was me.
And there were
six other guys.
And then the music business,
briefly.
Oh?
Yeah.
Roadie for Metallica.
Oh.
Speed of Sound tour.
Mmm-hmm.
Bunch of ***.
And then, you know,
little of this,
little of that.
My career's slowed down
a little lately.
What do you do
for recreation?
Well, the usual.
Bowl, drive around,
the occasional
acid flashback.
(COUGHING)
MAUDE: What happened
to your house?
Oh, Jackie Treehorn
trashed the place.
He thought I had
your father's money.
He got me out of the way
while he looked for it.
Cocktail?
No, thanks.
It's not my father's money.
It's the foundation's.
Why did he think you have it?
Who does?
Oh, Larry Sellers,
this high school kid.
Real *** brat.
You know, this is a very
complicated case, Maude.
A lot of ins, a lot of outs.
You know, fortunately,
I'm adhering to a pretty
strict, drug regimen
to keep my mind,
you know, limber,
and I'm very *** close
to your father's money.
I keep telling you,
it's the foundation's
money.
Father doesn't have any.
What are you talking about?
He's *** loaded.
No, no. The wealth
is all Mother's.
No, he runs stuff.
We did let him run one
of the companies briefly,
but he didn't do
very well at it.
Oh, he's, you know...
No, he helps administer
the charities now,
and I give him
a reasonable allowance.
He has no money of his own.
I know how he likes
to present himself.
Father's weakness is vanity,
hence the ***.
Do you think he...
What is that, yoga?
It increases the chances
of conception.
(COUGHS)
lncreases...
Well, yes.
What did you think
this was all about?
Fun and games?
I want a child.
Okay, yeah, okay.
But let me... Let me explain
something about the Dude.
Look, Jeffrey,
I don't want a partner.
In fact, I don't want
the father to be someone
I have to see socially
or who will have any interest
in raising the child himself.
Oh. So, that doctor...
Exactly.
Now, what happened
to your face?
Did Jackie Treehorn
do that as well?
No, it was the chief
of police of Malibu,
a real reactionary.
So, your father...
Oh, yeah, I get it.
Yeah. Yeah.
What?
Oh, man.
My thinking about this case
has become very uptight.
Yeah.
Your father.
Jeffrey, what are
you talking about?
Jeffrey!
Walter, if you're there,
pick up the *** phone,
man.
Come on, Walter.
Pick it up, man.
This is an emergency.
Dude? Dude?
Yeah. Listen, Walter.
I'm at my place. I need
you to come pick me up.
I can't drive, Dude.
It's Erev shabbos.
What?
Erev shabbos.
What?
Erev shabbos. I can't drive.
Man!
I'm not even supposed
to pick up the phone
unless it's an emergency.
This is a *** emergency!
I understand.
That's why I picked up
the phone.
Walter, you ***.
We gotta go to Pasadena, man.
Come pick me up or I'm off
the *** bowling team.
Get out of that
*** car, man!
Get out of that *** car!
Get the ***
out of the car, man.
Get out of the ***...
Who the ***
are you, man?
Easy, man!
Relax, man.
No physical harm intended.
Who the *** are you?
Why you following me
around?
Come on, ***!
Relax, man.
I'm a brother shamus.
Brother Shamus?
Like an Irish monk?
What the *** are
you talking about?
My name is Da Fino.
I'm a private snoop,
like you, man.
What?
A ***, man.
And let me tell you something,
I dig your work.
Playing one side
against the other,
in bed with everybody.
Fabulous stuff, man.
I'm not...
*** it, man.
Just stay away from
my *** lady friend.
Hey, I'm not messing
with your special lady.
She's not my special lady.
She's my *** lady friend.
I'm just helping her
conceive, man!
Hey, man. I'm not...
Who are you working for?
Lebowski?
Jackie Treehorn?
The Kneutsons.
Who the *** are
the Kneutsons?
The Kneutsons,
it's a wandering
daughterjob.
Bunny Lebowski, man.
Her real name
is Fawn Kneutson.
Her parents
want her back, see?
Jesus *** Christ.
Crazy, huh?
Ran away about a year ago.
The Kneutsons told me
I should show her this
when I found her.
It's the family farm.
It's outside Moorhead,
Minnesota.
They think it'll
make her homesick.
Oh, boy.
How are you gonna keep them
down on the farm
once they've seen
Karl Hungus?
She's been kidnapped,
Da Fino.
Oh, man.
Or I don't know.
Maybe not.
But she's definitely
not around.
Hey, maybe you and me
could pool our resources,
trade information.
(DOG BARKING)
Professional courtesy?
Compeers.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
*** off, Da Fino.
And stay away
from my special...
From my ***
lady friend, man!
The lingonberry pancake.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
Lingonberry pancakes.
Three pigs in blanket.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
DIETER: She has
lingonberry pancakes.
(MEN SPEAKING GERMAN)
I mean, we totally
*** it up, man.
We *** up his payoff.
We got the kidnappers
all pissed off.
And Lebowski, you know,
he yelled at me a lot,
but he didn't do
anything, huh?
Well, sometimes
it's a cathartic...
No, no.
I'm saying that
if he knows I'm a ***,
why does he leave me
in charge of getting
his wife back?
DUDE: Because he doesn't
*** want her back, man.
He's had enough.
He no longer digs her.
It's all a show.
Okay, but then
why doesn't he give a ***
about his million bucks?
I mean, he knows we never
handed off his briefcase,
(THUNDER CRASHING)
but he never asked
for it back.
The million bucks
was never in the briefcase.
The briefcase was
*** empty, man.
The *** was hoping
that they would kill her.
You threw out a ringer
for a ringer.
Okay, but how does
all this add up to
an emergency?
I'm saying, I see what
you're getting at, Dude.
He kept the money.
My point is...
Here we are, it's shabbos,
the Sabbath,
which I'm allowed to break
only if it's a matter of
life or death.
Will you come off it,
Walter? You're not even
*** Jewish, man.
What the *** are
you talking about?
Man, you're ***
Polish Catholic!
What the ***
are you talking about?
I converted when
I married Cynthia.
Come on, Dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know this.
And five *** years ago,
you were divorced.
So what are you saying?
When you get divorced,
you turn in your library card?
You get a new license?
You stop being Jewish?
This is the driveway.
Jewish as *** Tevye.
Man.
You know, it's all a part
of your sick Cynthia thing.
Man, taking care of her
*** dog, going to her
*** synagogue.
You're living in
the *** past.
Three thousand years
of beautiful tradition,
from Moses to Sandy Koufax.
You're *** right I'm
living in the *** past!
l've... Jesus.
WALTER:
What the hell happened?
So viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
(DOG WHINING)
Let's go. *** it.
(EXCLAIMS)
DUDE: Where was she, man?
Visiting friends of hers
in Palm Springs.
She just picked up and left,
never bothered to tell us.
Well, I guess
the *** nihilists
knew where she was.
Jesus, Dude. She never
even kidnapped herself.
Who is this gentleman, Dude?
Who am l?
I'm a *** veteran.
Come on!
That's who I am.
You shouldn't go
in there, Dude.
He's very angry.
(WHINING)
So, man.
So? She's back,
no thanks to you.
Where's the *** money,
Lebowski?
A million bucks
from ***, needy,
little Urban Achievers!
You are ***, man!
Who the hell is he?
Who am l? Who am l?
Walter.
I'm the guy that's gonna
kick your phony,
gold-bricking ***,
that's who I am.
Man.
We know the briefcase
was *** empty.
We know you kept
the million bucks
for yourself.
You have your story,
I have mine.
I say I entrusted the money
to you and you stole it.
As if we would
ever dream of taking
your *** money!
You thought that Bunny
had been kidnapped,
and you were
*** glad, man.
You could use it as an excuse
to make some money disappear.
All you needed was
a sap to pin it on.
You just met me.
You... You human paraquat.
You figured,
"Oh, here's a loser,
you know, a deadbeat.
"Somebody this square
community won't give
a *** about."
Well, aren't you?
Well, yeah, but...
Get out, both of you.
Look at that *** phony,
Dude, pretending to be
a *** millionaire.
Out of this house now,
you bums!
Let me tell you
something else.
I've seen a lot of spinals,
Dude, and this guy's a fake.
A *** gold-bricker.
Stay away from me, mister!
This guy *** walks.
I've never been more certain
of anything in my life.
You stay away from me!
Walter, for Christ's sake,
man! He's a cripple.
I said! Get away from me!
Come on. Come on.
(SCREAMING)
Walter, put him down, man!
Yeah, I'll put him down, Dude.
Walk! Achtung, baby!
(GROANS)
(DOG BARKING)
(SOBBING)
(PANTING)
Come on, man. Help me
put him back in his chair.
WALTER: At least
they had the ***
decency to tell us
that we were fighting
the communists.
Whereas this
whole *** thing,
this whole *** thing
is nothing about nothing,
about oil,
which is what I personally
hear, Dude.
Sure you'll see
some tank battles,
but fighting in desert
is very different from
fighting in canopy jungle.
I mean, Nam was
a foot soldier's war,
whereas this thing should...
You know, should be
a piece of cake.
I mean, I had an M16, Jacko,
not an Abrams *** tank.
Me and Charlie,
eyeball to eyeball.
Yeah.
That's *** combat.
The man in the black
pajamas, Dude.
Worthy *** adversary.
Who's in pajamas, Walter?
Shut the *** up, Donny.
Whereas what we have here,
a bunch of fig eaters
wearing towels
on their head,
trying to find reverse
on a Soviet tank.
This is not a worthy
*** adversary.
QUINTANA: Hey!
What's this
day-of-rest ***?
What's this ***?
I don't *** care!
It don't matter to Jesus.
But you not fooling me,
man.
You might fool the ***
in the league office
but you don't fool Jesus.
It's Bush league
psych-out stuff.
Laughable, man!
I would've *** you
in the *** Saturday.
I'll *** you in the ***
next Wednesday instead.
(WHOOPS)
You got a date
Wednesday, baby!
He's cracking.
...the whole concept of age.
I mean, many learned men
have disputed this
but in the 14th century,
the Rambam...
Well, they finally
did it.
They killed
my *** car.
We want the money,
Lebowski.
Ja. Otherwise,
we kill the girl.
Ja. It seems you have
forgotten our little deal,
Lebowski.
You don't have the
*** girl, dipshit.
We know you never did.
Are these the Nazis,
Walter?
No, Donny.
These men are nihilists.
There's nothing
to be afraid of.
We don't care.
We still want the money,
Lebowski, or we *** you up.
*** you.
*** the three of you.
Cool it, Walter.
No. Without a hostage,
there is no ransom.
That's what ransom is.
Those are the *** rules.
His girlfriend
gave up her toe.
She thought we could
get $1 million.
It's not fair.
Fair?
Who's the *** nihilists
around here, you bunch
of *** crybabies?
Cool it, Walter.
Hey, look, pal.
DUDE: There never
was any money.
The big Lebowski gave me
an empty briefcase,
so take it up with him, man.
And I would like
my undies back.
Are these guys gonna
hurt us, Walter?
No, Donny.
These men are cowards.
Okay!
So we takes the money
you have on you, and
we calls it even.
*** you.
Hey, no. Come on, Walter.
Come on, we're ending
this thing cheap, man.
No. What's mine is mine.
No, come on, Walter.
No funny stuff.
All right. All right.
No funny stuff.
I got 4 bucks, almost 5.
I got $1·.
WALTER: What's mine is mine.
We *** you up, man!
We takes the money!
Come and get it.
We *** you up!
Show me what you got,
nihilists.
I *** you!
Walter, come on.
He's got a sword.
*** dipshit with
a nine-toed woman!
I *** you! *** you!
I *** you!
(EXCLAIMING)
(GRUNTING)
Take it easy, man.
I *** you!
Take the $4.
I *** you!
(GRUNTING)
I *** you!
I'm gonna hit you with
the *** ball, man.
(SCREAMING)
(SPITS)
MAN: Hey, ***!
Anti-Semite.
I *** you in the ***!
I *** you in the ***!
I *** you! I *** you!
I *** you! I *** you!
We got a man down, Dude!
(GROANING)
Oh, God. They shot him, man.
He's not shot. No, Dude.
Are you shot, Donny?
There weren't
any shots fired.
Huh?
It's a heart attack.
Call the medics, Dude.
I'd go myself,
but I'm pumping blood,
might pass out.
Rest easy, good buddy.
You're doing fine.
We got help choppering in.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Hello, gentlemen.
You are the bereaved?
Yeah, man.
Francis Donnelly,
pleased to meet you.
Jeff Lebowski.
Walter Sobchak.
The Dude actually is...
Excuse me?
Oh, nothing.
Yes. I understand
you're taking away
the remains?
Yeah.
We have the urn.
I assume this is credit card?
Yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What's this?
Now, that's for the urn.
Don't need it.
We're scattering the ashes.
Yes. So we were informed.
However, we must, of course,
transmit the remains to you
in a receptacle.
That's $1·0.
It is our most modestly
priced receptacle.
Well, can't we just...
$1·0?
They range up to $3,000.
We're...
Can't we just rent it
from you, you know?
Sir, this is a mortuary
not a rental house.
We're scattering
the *** ashes!
Walter, Walter.
Just because we're bereaved
doesn't make us saps.
Sir, please lower
your voices.
Man, don't you have,
you know, something else
we can put him in?
You know?
That is our most modestly
priced receptacle.
God damn it!
Is there a Ralph's
around here?
(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)
Donny was a good bowler
and a good man.
He was one of us.
He was a man who loved
the outdoors and bowling.
And as a surfer
he explored the beaches
of Southern California
from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo
and up to Pismo.
He died...
He died as so many young men
of his generation,
before his time.
In your wisdom, Lord,
you took him,
as you took so many bright,
flowering young men
at Khe Sanh, at Lan Doc,
at Hill 364.
These young men
gave their lives,
and so did Donny.
Donny, who loved bowling.
And so,
Theodore Donald Kerabatsos,
in accordance with
what we think your dying
wishes might well have been,
we commit your final
mortal remains
to the *** of
the Pacific Ocean
which you loved so well.
Good night, sweet prince.
(lNHALES)
***.
Oh, ***, Dude. I'm sorry.
*** wind.
***, god damn it, Walter!
You *** ***!
***, Dude. I'm sorry.
Everything's a ***
travesty with you, man!
I'm sorry.
It was an accident.
What was that ***
about Vietnam?
Dude, I'm sorry.
What the *** does anything
have to do with Vietnam?
Dude, I'm sorry.
What the *** are
you talking about?
Dude, I'm sorry.
***...
***, Walter.
Come on, Dude.
Hey, *** it, man.
Let's go bowling.
And when you're sittin' there
In your silk upholstered chair
Talkin' to some rich folks
that you know
Well, I hope you don't see me
In my ragged company
O£, but you know
I could never be alone
Two oat sodas, Gary.
Right. Good luck tomorrow.
Yeah, thanks, man.
I was sorry
to hear about Donny.
Oh, yeah. Well, you know,
sometimes you eat the bear,
and sometimes, you know...
Hey, man.
How do you do, Dude?
I wondered if
I'd see you again.
I wouldn't miss
the semis.
Oh, yeah?
How's things been going?
Well, you know,
strikes and gutters,
ups and downs.
Sure. I got you.
Yeah.
Thanks, Gary.
Well, take care, man.
Gotta get back.
Sure. Take it easy, Dude.
Oh, yeah.
I know that you will.
Yeah. Well,
the Dude abides.
Walter.
The Dude abides.
I don't know about you,
but I take comfort in that.
It's good knowing
he's out there,
the Dude, taking her easy
for all us sinners.
I sure hope
he makes the finals.
Well, that about does her.
Wraps her all up.
Things seem to have
worked out pretty good
for the Dude and Walter.
And it was
a pretty good story,
don't you think?
Made me laugh
to beat the band.
Parts anyway.
I didn't like seeing Donny go.
But then I happen to know
that there's a little
Lebowski on the way.
I guess that's the way
the whole darned
human comedy keeps
perpetuating itself
down through the generations.
Westward the wagons,
across the sands of time
until we...
Oh, look at me.
I'm rambling again.
Well, I hope you folks
enjoyed yourselves.
Catch you later on
down the trail.
Say, friend, you got any more
of that good sarsaparilla?
Take me down, little Susie
Take me down
I know you think
you're the queen
Of the underground
Send me dead flowers
every morning
Send me dead flowers
by the mail
Send me dead flowers
to my wedding
And I won't forget to put
roses on your grave
No, I won't forget
to put roses
On your grave
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
Bright light city
gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on fire
Got a whole lot of money
that's ready to burn
So get those stakes up higher
There's a thousand pretty
women livin' out there
They're all livin'
devil may care
And I'm just a devil
with love to spare
So viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
with your neon flashing
And your one-arm
bandits crashing
All those hopes down the drain
Viva Las Vegas turnin'
day into nighttime
Night into daytime
If you see it once
You'll never be the same again
I'm gonna keep on
keep on runnin'
If it costs me
my very last dime
If I wind up broke
Well, I'll always remember
That I had a swingin' time
I'm gonna give it
everything I've got
Lady Luck, please
let the dice stay hot
£et me shoot a seven
on every shot
So viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
Viva
Viva
Viva
Viva
£as Vegas
Viva