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[MAN SPEAKING GERMAN]
SERGEANT: Permission to enter?
SERGEANT: Where's the
rest of the company, captain?
Where do you think?
Moved out with the battalion.
I've been waiting here for you.
- You took your time getting back.
- I got lost in the smoke.
What happened to your gun?
Have you ever seen
a shell-shocked horse?
He stomped all over me and got my rifle,
knocked it to smithereens.
Well, I suppose horses have as much right
to go crazy in this war as men have.
What do you think?
What the hell is it?
It's a "one." First Infantry Division.
The Red One. You think
General Pershing will like it?
- Oh, sure.
- Got the idea from a cap of a Hun I killed.
- Oh, about an hour ago.
Did he yell out anything?
Well, the same old kaiser stuff, you
know, "The war is over," all that junk.
- Finish it.
The armistice was signed
at 11:00 this morning.
The war's been over for four hours.
Well, you didn't know it was over.
ZAB: A quarter of a century later,
that piece of red cloth...
... from the dead Hun 's hat had
become famous all over the world.
It was the insignia of
the 1st Infantry Division.
The Fighting First, the Big Red One.
Twenty-four years later, the Big Red One
was fighting the Krauts again.
It was World War II this time.
We were invading North Africa.
Great! Thanks, sergeant.
We were his rifle squad.
First Squad, 1st Platoon,
I Company, 16th Infantry.
He called us his wet-noses.
Griff, he was a hell of a sharpshooter.
Johnson was a pig farmer
Vinci was a street kid who played hot jazz
on the saxophone, and that's me, Zab.
I thought I was the Hemingway
of the Bronx.
You really a book writer?
- What book did you write?
The Dark Deadline.
- Never heard of it.
- Never read it.
It's an unpublished mystery novel.
I left it with my mother.
Why's a book writer a rifleman?
To come out with a war novel,
meathead. Why else, huh?
VINCl: What about you, Griff?
You gonna be a cartoonist...
...for a big newspaper or something?
You do everything left-handed?
Everything but shoot.
And play with my ***.
"Watch out, Vichy.
Here comes the Big Red One."
I always thought Vichy
was some kind of soda pop.
No. Vichy's the French,
fighting on Hitler's side.
Yeah, that's why we're wearing these
so they don't shoot Americans, huh?
We dropped leaflets
so they know we're coming.
But if they start a fight,
we'll have to kill them.
ZAB: We were in this war
to fight Germans, not Frenchmen.
We were kind of hoping
they were feeling the same way.
Put your rubbers on
and keep the salt water out.
I'll bet the guy that invented these...
...never figured they'd be used on a rifle.
- I never could screw with them.
How about you, Johnson?
ZAB: Over on the Algerian beach, French
soldiers were reading our leaflets...
... and also wondering
if they were gonna fight.
The colonel is stupid not to believe
We are no good. You, me, all of us here.
Defending this miserable Algerian beach
for Marshal Pétain and Adolf Hitler.
I can't kill an American.
ZAB: There were four things
you could hear on the boat:
The waves, the engines...
... an occasional muffled prayer...
... and the sound of 50 guys
all heaving their guts out.
FRENCH OVER P.A.]
MAN [OVER P.A.]: French troops,
don 't shoot. We are Americans.
Don 't shoot. We come to fight Hitler,
not to fight with you. Don 't shoot.
Hold your fire!
- Yes, colonel.
- Open fire.
Not on Americans.
AMERICAN SOLDIER 1:
Nail him, Griff!
How the hell could you miss him?
Hell, he was close enough
to kiss on both cheeks.
What the hell's the matter with you?
I never saw you miss.
AMERICAN SOLDIER 2:
Medic! Over here.
FRENCH OVER P.A.]
AMERICAN SOLDIER 3:
Sixteenth Infantry, hold your fire!
Americans, this is Captain Chapier.
General Tavernier is dead.
Americans! I surrender my troops
to your hands.
AMERICAN SOLDIER 3: Frenchmen,
we do not accept your surrender.
You surrender only to the enemy.
If you're Vichy, fight us.
If you're Frenchmen, join us!
We were feeling cocky as hell.
In the middle of the battle, he froze.
It got to Griff.
He kept away from the rest of us.
Nobody wanted to use
the word "coward," not yet.
How come we're not pushing inland?
SERGEANT: Red Company's carrying
the ball. Take your malaria pills.
Smoky-smoky for zigzag.
Smoky-smoky for zigzag.
- Not bad.
Hey, how come you never miss?
They always take off backwards.
Smoky-smoky for zig-zig.
Smoky-smoky for girl.
And I'll bet you can get a whole harem
here for a pack of smokes.
Girl. Zig-zig. Girl. Zig-zig.
I wonder what they gave you in
the other war not to get a hard-on?
The same stuff you're wolfing down now.
It has saltpeter.
I can't *** anybody.
We don't ***, we kill.
It's the same thing.
The hell it is, Griff.
You don't *** animals, you kill them.
ZAB: The truth is, none of us had
the faintest idea what war was all about.
I'll send your relief up in an hour.
I'm not gonna tell you again,
no lights at night.
Third Squad lost five men.
I heard that they
bury wounded men alive.
- Know what else I heard?
SERGEANT: Tell it to the chaplain.
ZAB: A lot of good he does
if you're buried alive.
Well, maybe it'll do him some good, huh?
Do you think Bedcheck Charlie's
gonna tuck us in again tonight?
Well, he's never on time. But a couple
of bombs and a little strafing...
...good for you. Keep you
on your toes, keep you alert.
AXIS SALLY [OVER RADIO]:
Hello, suckers of the Big Red One.
This is your German lovey-dovey
bringing you the latest war news.
The Germans are in Moscow.
Don 't look for the truck
playing this record.
Seven Gls from the 34th Infantry
tried it last night...
... and they're deader than the
Unknown Soldier in Washington, D. C.
Adolf Hitler has nothing
against you American dogfaces.
I wonder what she looks like.
If she's half as good as she sounds,
I'd eat her on sauerkraut.
You know Hitler's beef is with England.
Hey, how old do you think she is?
I'll bet she's old enough
to shove a swastika up her.
AXIS SALLY: All those limeys hate
your guts for licking them back in 1776.
Why fight for them?
Knock off the bratwurst, Brunhilda.
And sing us a lullaby.
I'll get to the song in a minute, honey.
Now, news from the good old U.S.A.
The workers in the defense plants
are striking for a raise in pay.
While you suckers are getting all of
$ 10 a month extra for combat pay...
... your wives, your sweethearts are
... with draft dodgers and deserters.
You think of your women back home
in the sack with these lucky, lucky 4-F's.
Quit poking me with your rifle.
That's not my rifle, Johnson.
Sounds like we found the lost squad.
Where the hell's that radio?
- Where's the radio?
Pull the squad back to those arches.
I'm gonna see what's on the left.
Chapier, blind that tank.
Get these horses out of here.
This is gonna blow. Move out!
Will you get them out? Get them out,
get them out! This is gonna blow.
I never smoke them.
Lieutenant just got word from Battalion.
No more swapping smokes
with the Goums for *** ears.
The Goums have been
cutting off American ears.
Sergeant, my Goums never kill Americans.
I didn't say killing them.
I said, cutting their ears off.
But these are *** ears.
After a fight, you can't tell the difference
between an American and a *** ear...
...so there will be no more
...for any kind of an ear.
Not in my squad.
PLAYING ON RADIO]
GERD: Communications Center
caught an American bomb.
These wet-noses found the phonograph
and one record undamaged.
Look at the faces
of these puppies, Schroeder.
They think the Horst Wessel song is so...
Horst Wessel was a *** who supplied
Hitler with baby faces like you.
He was killed in a brawl,
over a *** in Berlin.
A poem by a *** became
the hymn of Hitler's party.
Is that right, Schroeder?
Don't want to disillusion
these infants, huh?
You're getting soft.
Schroeder used to be tough. In Libya,
I saw him *** a German officer.
I didn't *** him, Gerd,
I killed him...
...when he ran from a fight
with the British.
***. Killed. It's the same thing.
We don't *** the enemy, we kill.
Everything is on the move.
Battalion is sending us
to the Kasserine Pass.
- We're going to choke on panzer fumes.
- Not me, Schroeder.
Let Rommel's panzer grenadiers
march behind those tanks.
But not me. I want no more.
I'm no damn Nazi fanatic like you.
Germany is through singing
for Adolf Hitler.
Our brilliant generals had figured...
... that Rommel's push would come
at a place called Speava...
... so they massed most
of the Allied forces over there.
But they sent our regiment
around the back way...
... through a ***-hole called
the Kasserine Pass.
Our squad was on point.
We got an eyeful, all right.
The whole damned Afrika Korps was
coming through the Kasserine Pass.
Rommel had caught us
with our pants down.
SERGEANT: We got tanks,
boys, and infantry with them.
They'll be looking behind the rocks
for antitank guns, so let's go!
ZAB: Oh, ***.
SERGEANT: Let's go.
GRIFF: Sergeant, where are we gonna
run to? They'll spot us out in the open.
We're not running, we're digging in.
Digging in? Are you crazy, sergeant?
SERGEANT: All right. Dig in
and let them roll over our heads.
Hey, they're going off to the right!
Guess again, jerk-off. Look over there.
Tanks! They're all over the place!
ORDERLY: You are in a temporary
German hospital in Tunis, sergeant.
The war is over for you.
We won. You lost.
I speak good English.
Our doctors cannot understand
what is keeping you alive.
How could such a decayed country
...produce such a magnificent soldier
You are a very beautiful man, sergeant.
I adore supermen.
I can understand your being ***,
Fritz, but you've got bad breath.
[EXPLOSIONS IN DISTANCE]
[JET ENGINE WHIRRING]
[MAN SPEAKING GERMAN]
We'd better get out of here.
You heard what that orderly said.
This is an unmarked hospital,
and they'd just as soon blast us.
Anybody here from the Big Red One?
Where's that Big Red One man?
What happened at the pass?
You with the 16th?
You one of them goons?
I Company, 3rd Battalion.
What are you doing wrapped up
in that Arab bed sheet?
- What happened at the pass?
- We counterattacked after you jokers ran.
We took Kasserine, Gafsa,
El Guettar, Tunis.
- We ran Rommel right out of Africa.
- You mean the Big Red One took Tunis.
We sure as hell did.
This is Tunis.
We took Tunis.
Where's the 1 st Squad?
Where's the 1 st Squad?
ZAB: Out of the original
12-man rifle squad...
... the four of us were the only ones left.
This invasion wasn 't gonna
be like North Africa.
The beach would be heavily defended.
So now at least, we could all go
to Sicily and get killed together.
I gave the supply officer a Luger for it.
By the way, what were you doing
in that Arab bed sheet?
They were shanghaiing
all the combats...
...and noncoms and training
replacements for those rebel devils.
Where'd you steal it, stupe?
SHEP: My name's Shep, not "stupe." I got
it from the St. George Hotel in Algiers.
I understand you're an Italian, Vinci.
How come they let a ***
in this man's Army?
I don't think a ***'s
gonna fight a ***.
I think all you'll do is drink *** red
and sing "O Sole Mio."
[SINGING "O SOLE MIO"]
I like "O Sole Mio."
ZAB: The creepy thing about battle
is that you always feel alone.
All you can see are the guys
right next to you...
... and the bodies you keep tripping over.
- Throw me a hot one!
- I'm out of them!
- Throw me some live ones.
- I'm out of them.
Throw me live ones.
I'm out! Griff!
Throw me live ones!
I'm all out. Hey, Shep, you got
any grenades on you?
You chicken ***.
Hey, Zab. I got some live ones for you.
Give me another one!
Why are we always sent out?
It's the only damn squad
in the whole U.S. Army?
ZAB: Where's the rest of the Army?
SERGEANT: There are eight patrols...
...checking the villages
for diehard snipers.
Anybody wants to transfer,
just let me know.
I want to transfer.
SERGEANT: Okay, Vinci.
You're transferred to the point.
You know how you smoke out a sniper?
You send a guy out in the open
and you see if he gets shot.
They thought that one up at West Point.
ZAB: Are you okay, sergeant?
- You just let Vinci walk into a sniper.
- That's why he's here.
We got plenty of wet-noses here too.
You really want to finish
that book, don't you?
That's why I'm here.
Vinci made it.
Come on, Carlos, your turn.
Let's go. Come on!
- Hey, Vinci?
You know where he lives!
VINCl: Work to your right,
I'll go left. It's your ball.
- You had him in the sights all the time.
- All the time.
You just wanted to see me sweat.
It's punishment for transferring me to the
point. May I rejoin the rear echelon now?
You are transferred back to the point.
Oh, my aching butt.
ZAB: By now, we'd come to look
at all replacements...
... as dead men who temporarily
had the use of their arms and legs.
They came and went so fast
and so regular...
... that sometimes we didn 't even
get to know their names.
Truth is, after a while we sort of avoided
getting to know them.
L... I brought some water.
Do you know what they call
you four guys down at Battalion?
Sergeant's Four Horsemen.
I don't get it. You guys lived
through North Africa.
You didn't even get a scratch.
That's because replacements
keep getting hit instead of us.
You think...? You think maybe I'll get it?
Why not? You something special?
I'll go get some, all right?
I'II... Excuse me.
You'll live, Smitty.
You did tripwire the mine.
They're not designed to kill you,
just to castrate you.
Oh, my God!
Hey, here it is. I found it.
Hey, that's my ***! Give it back to me!
Give me back my ***!
It's just one of your balls, Smitty.
You can live without it.
That's why they gave you two.
I still got my ***! I still got it!
I got my ***!
SERGEANT: They're supposed to be
coming this way.
Hold it up.
I said, hold it up!
Okay, let's try this.
VINCl: Keep an eye peeled for snakes.
ZAB: Yeah, and bats.
Bats? I love bats.
ZAB: Sergeant, what's the word
Yeah, what did the lieutenant say?
The lieutenant said that Hermann Göring's
panzers overran the 2nd Battalion.
If they break through the division...
...we're in the sea.
ZAB: Where are they headed?
VINCl: Right for us.
Our big guns will clobber them.
- They're still on the water.
- None of them have unloaded yet?
Patton's got tanks.
Still on the water.
Jesus. We're sitting in our own coffin.
We knew he wanted to run for it...
... but we knew he wouldn 't...
... way before he did.
Anyway, the sergeant
would've shot him if he tried it.
He's taking a ***.
ZAB: Those American guns?
I thought they were still on the water.
It beats the hell out of me.
- Relays! Relays!
VINCl: Come on, relays!
Lieutenant. Yeah, 1 st Squad,
1 st Battalion.
You know who fired that artillery?
The United States Navy.
That was the crews of Savannah
miles offshore, all right?
Right. Can you believe that?
The U.S. Navy saved our ***.
Hey, where's our planes?
Why can't they spot that gun?
I don't know, but Battalion's got 20
patrols out looking for it in this quadrant.
- They think it's an SP.
ZAB: So why send us?
That's right. We got a break coming.
ZAB: The Army's made of the 1 st Division
and 10 million replacements.
- Where the hell are they?
- Being stuffed with mattress covers.
Five to 10, when we get off this island,
we'll get our feet wet invading Italy.
You don't know geography well
for a writer. We're in Italy.
VINCl: No, this is Sicily. Here they say,
"I'm a Sicilian," not an Italian.
My old man was bo...
[SCREAMS WITH JO Y]
I figure close to 2500 bucks!
I'm sending every lira home.
Mussolini money's good for one thing.
It's Victor Emanuel loot. It's kosher.
- Who told you that?
- The captain.
Enlisted man can't send home
more than his pay.
- That's to discourage black marketing.
- But the lieutenant can.
It's for my old man.
his own bagel shop.
- I didn't know bagels were Italian.
- Sure they are.
The pope eats gefilte fish on Friday,
VINCl: It's his mother.
He's hauling her to the beach.
SERGEANT: Tell him we'll bury her.
VINCl: I did.
He'll put her next to his father.
She's decomposing already.
The sun's blowing her up.
We've gotta find that SP.
Ask if he knows where the gun is.
- Hell, he doesn't know what an SP is.
- You knucklehead.
Tell him it's a self-propelled gun
He knows where it is.
The smart aleck wants to make
a business deal.
Shell out some bagel money.
He'll take us to the gun...
...we get an ambulance to take her
to the cemetery in Gela.
He wants a casket
for his mother to sleep in.
And it's gotta have four handles.
All right, he'll get it.
Tell him we'll leave her in the wagon
in the shade if he leads us to that gun.
Either we take her with us
or we find that gun on our own.
JOHNSON: Boy! I don't know how long
I'm gonna be able to take this stink.
VINCl: Can it, Johnson, will you?
Talking about it only makes it worse.
[GUNS FIRING IN DISTANCE]
Think this kid is leading us
into a bushwhack?
SERGEANT: Well, we're getting
closer to some kind of gun.
Can you see what it is, sergeant?
Yeah, it's an 88 all right.
On a Tiger tank, in a house.
They got women working
in front of her...
...under a Schmeisser.
Yeah, makes a nice, peaceful picture
from the air.
What's-your-name, you stay behind.
When you hear us fire,
you take out the Schmeisser.
[MAN SPEAKING GERMAN]
ZAB: Those Sicilian women
cooked us a terrific meal.
Too bad they were all over 50.
We were more ***
than we were hungry.
A little mothering is good in any war,
but this beats them all.
There's not a man in the whole village.
- Hey, Vinci.
Tell Matteo the meat wagon
is on its way for his mother.
Oh, and that the general is sending up
a casket, silk-lined, with six handles on it.
All right, Matteo, it's okay. Thank you.
I told you, kid, a deal's a deal, right?
That's all right. That's okay.
No, no, no.
I'm mucho gordo, huh? That's okay.
Thanks a lot.
You're okay, Matteo, any time.
ZAB: It was the first time in ages
that we had all felt really good.
It lasted about an hour.
Then we got our orders to move out.
Where's my helmet?
The Krauts are gonna spot that garden
a mile away.
I like the smell.
[GIRL SHOUTING IN ITALIAN]
What's she want?
You didn't kiss her goodbye.
The American idiot's wearing flowers
on his helmet.
Hey, Wilhelm, give me back
my rubber doughnut.
How about it, Johnson?
- Who are you?
- I'm Lemchek.
Lemchek, remember? We been
on dry runs for this invasion...
...for seven months in England.
How about what?
Will you swap with me?
Nope. Eleven is my lucky number.
Try Vinci, he might do it.
VINCl: Do what?
- Hey, listen.
in the Bangalore Relay with me.
My number two for your number 10.
- How much?
- Ten thousand dollars.
Ten thousand dollars! Where the hell
are you gonna get $ 10,000?
It's from my GI insurance.
I'll make you my beneficiary.
- Can you do that?
- Hey, I could put Eisenhower down...
...for my beneficiary.
I can put down anybody I want.
Oh, Lumnuts, I am really shocked.
You know, you told me
your mother was your beneficiary.
What's the matter?
Don't you love your mother?
- I love my mother.
- Sure. I love my mother.
Sure, sure, I love my mother.
But she ain't number 10 on the relay.
Swap with him.
He gets hit, you get 10 grand.
- What if I get hit using number two?
- Ten thousand will buy a lot of bagels.
No, I like my number 10,
like Griff likes number eight.
Zab, nine. Johnson, 11.
The sergeant, 12.
It's bad luck to change numbers.
Don't worry, Lemchek, you'll make it.
You know why?
Only be dead Germans on that beach.
- That's right.
- You sure? I mean, are you really sure?
- Sure, I'm sure.
You don't think I wanna blow $ 10,000,
He don't wanna blow 10,000.
You heard what the captain said.
It's a couple of schnell battalions,
combat rejects defending the beach...
First Squad, over here.
Son of a ***.
This beach hasn't been touched.
Either our shells and bombs fell too
far inland or in the English Channel.
You just blew 10,000 bucks.
Hey, throw me his helmet.
Those combat rejects sure know
how to lay down fire.
Those aren't rejects up there.
ZAB: We couldn 't move forward,
we couldn 't move back.
Exit E- 1 was blocked
by a huge barbed-wire tank trap.
Our Navy was supposed to shell it,
our planes were supposed to bomb it...
... our bazooka teams
were supposed to blow it up.
If all else failed, we were the last resort:
The Bangalore Relay.
First Squad! First Squad!
Bangalore teams two and three
- What about our bazooka team?
- Bazooka team?!
- Break them out!
ZAB: Naturally, all else failed.
The Bangalore torpedo was 50 feet long
and packed with 85 pounds of TNT...
... and you assembled it along the way,
I'd love to meet the ***
who invented it.
- Number two.
- Number seven.
ZAB: You'd better make it, Griff, you son
of a ***, because my number's up next!
Zab, tell the colonel.
Tell the colonel his Exit E-1 is open.
...I Company, 3rd Battalion.
Blew the breach.
E-1 's open, sir!
There are two kinds of men
on this beach:
Those that are dead
and those that are about to die.
So let's get off this *** beach
and die inland.
Come on. Get up. Go.
Move, move, move.
Get up. Go, go, go!
Come on, men, let's go. Move.
Hey! Layton, 2nd Division, right?
Get some coffees, boys, doughnuts.
We'll chew the fat later.
Hey, come on. Throw the ball.
[JET ENGINE WHIRRING]
Just another buzz bomb
headed for London.
- Buzz bomb?
- Yeah, V-1 rocket.
How do you like the book?
- Damn good.
My mother sent it to me for my birthday.
- Welcome to the 1 st Squad.
- I'm Kaiser.
Nice to meet you, Kaiser.
That's my book.
- Your book?
What do you mean, your book? I got
this from the Repple-Depple in St-Lo.
I wrote it, baby face.
And I printed it.
You speak good German.
Since 1940, everybody in Paris
speaks good German.
Where did you get wounded?
A stupid German machine-gunner
shot me from his tank.
A German shot you?
Everybody shoots everybody in the fight.
And that wound?
Sicily. The American idiot
wore flowers on his helmet.
- Your husband?
He would not surrender,
so you, German, shoot him.
He was stupid.
A good soldier surrenders
when he's defeated...
...so he can live to kill his enemy
SCHROEDER: You, I don't want
any infantry around the panzer.
Put that dead panzer gunner
hanging halfway out the hatch.
Second radio man, here, behind that man.
Put yourself in a good position.
ZAB: As we slogged through
the hedgerows and across France...
... the sergeant began keeping to himself.
It was a little spooky.
He told Vinci he fought around here
in the first war.
He kept ahead as if looking for
some old ghost...
... to rise up out of the mist.
Kaiser, your turn at bat.
JOHNSON: Would you look how
fast they put up the names...
...of all our guys who got killed.
That's a World War I memorial.
But the names are the same.
They always are.
Enemy scout advancing.
SCHROEDER [OVER RADIO]:
Give him a round-trip ticket.
I don't want any of you to be
where I didn't plant you.
No fingers on triggers.
One shot in panic
and we've lost what I want:
A platoon of dead Americans.
Don 't twitch any muscle.
Look dead or you will be dead.
Give him a round-trip ticket.
Nothing but a bunch of dead Germans.
SERGEANT: No dead dogfaces?
Enemy scout returning with patrol.
These dead guys give me the creeps.
ZAB: ***, Kaiser, something's
always giving you the creeps.
How come there aren't any dead Gls?
Shut up. Keep your eyes open.
Just like I said, sergeant,
just three dead Germans.
SERGEANT: What color is that piping?
Get me the lieutenant.
- Lieutenant? Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: Yeah, go ahead.
- Yeah, this is Sergeant Possum.
- Possum, right. Where are you?
We're at point 33, Christ on the Cross.
You're in an ambush, huh?
Nothing here. Just a bunch of dead
Krauts and a knocked-out tank.
All right, sir, we'll wait for you.
Wish we could help, sergeant,
but you're on your own.
- What's that?
- Good luck. Over and out.
Well, I'll be damned.
To hell with all officers.
He's afraid the platoon's gonna
get lost coming up here...
...so we gotta go back and handhold
them all the way right here.
Well, I'll be a son of a gun.
Live people are watching us.
It's a bushwhack.
Check for wounded Krauts.
You're pretty good at that, Johnson,
you should have been in the Medics.
Yeah, I was one...
...in Indiantown Gap.
- Back in Indiantown Gap, Pennsylvania.
Never heard of it.
[MAN YELLING IN FRENCH]
Is he dead?
[MUTTERS IN FRENCH]
ZAB: Johnson, you ever notice how no
one talks about home anymore, or women?
Yeah, I noticed.
SERGEANT: On the double, boys.
There's a woman in there.
GRIFF: Is she wounded?
Wounded, hell, she's pregnant.
Christ, she looks like she's about to pop.
That's what the man said.
Jesus, sergeant, what are we gonna do?
SERGEANT: Get the dead Krauts
out of the tank and get her in it.
Johnson, you're gonna deliver a baby.
- What baby?
- Her baby.
Her husband said she's got
labor pains five minutes apart.
- Why me?
- You're qualified. Let's go.
[SCREAMING IN FRENCH]
Her legs gotta be higher.
- Yeah, and spread them apart.
Face the bullets the other way,
away from her.
It's okay, lady.
Relax, would you?
Okay. Go to work.
- We need some hot water.
- What are you talking about?
- No time for hot water.
- Some rubber gloves.
Hey, Griff, break out the condoms.
I need a mask.
I can't get germs on the baby.
- There's more germs in this tank than...
- No mask, no baby.
That's fine. That's fine.
Give me a diaper pin.
Oh, the rubbers, the rubbers.
That's the United States Army for you.
JOHNSON: Take it easy, would you?
SERGEANT: Put them together.
...I'm getting ***.
- Just go to work.
Hey, look. Lady...
...I'm a hell of a lot more scared
than you are, okay?
Just take it easy.
Get her hands away.
Hey, Johnson, your dog tags.
I don't see the head yet.
You're never gonna see it
if she don't push.
- She gotta push, I think.
- What do you mean?
- I think she's gotta push.
- You don't know?
- I know. She's gotta push.
- You're sure?
- I'm sure.
- You're sure?
- Then do it.
Come on, damn it, push.
It's no use. She ain't gonna push.
We might as well write this kid off.
- Can't you push for her?
- No, she's gotta...
Look, how do you say "push" in French?
No, you knot-head, not "***."
- That's what I'm saying.
- No, you said, "***." I said, poussez.
Hey, Johnson, look. You get the head,
I'll do the poussez-ing.
Easy, lady. Hey, we all love you.
Hey, hey. I can see it.
I can see his head.
That's it. That's it. Push. Push.
Don't stop, lady. Come on.
Keep it up.
You're doing great. Push.
He's coming out. Great.
He's out! He's out!
It's a boy. A boy!
Look at that.
We got a bunch of medals...
... not for delivering the kid,
just for killing Krauts.
In September, we slipped across
the Meuse River into Belgium...
... ahead of the main American push.
The regiment figures there's
a railway gun chopping them up.
Forward observers in
a monastery right here.
- Why don't we shell it?
- Throw a couple of bombs on it.
SERGEANT: There's an
underground fighter living in there.
It's a woman, she's a killer.
Her name is Walloon.
She has a squad plan...
...to wipe out the Krauts without
firing a shot or killing one civilian.
A woman in a monastery?
It's really not a monastery. It's an asylum
for retards and insane people.
I say division should bomb it.
SERGEANT: Killing insane people
is not good for public relations.
Killing sane people is okay?
The Americans are coming
The Americans are coming
Two men in the tower.
Squad. Come on.
I am one of you.
I am sane. I am sane!
We hole up here for the night.
Did you ever figure out what those
palm trees are doing here in Belgium?
Yeah, that monk had a yen for them.
Speaking of yens...
Did you score with Walloon?
...she's too old for me.
Good thing Ben Franklin
didn't hear you say that.
Ben Franklin? That 2nd Squad meatball?
- No. Benjamin Franklin.
- Benjamin Franklin.
The guy with the kite
and the key and...
- Bifocals, potbellied stove.
- Declaration of Independence.
What's he got to do with it?
- Well, he wrote this letter.
- Yeah? What was in the letter?
- He wrote this famous letter.
- Well, tell me about it.
He wrote it to a young punk
with your problem...
...and he went on to tell this guy...
...he said there's many reasons
for hitting the sack with an older woman.
An important reason was she wouldn't
saddle him with a kid...
...or give him a disease.
That might be more important.
She also would give it
everything as if it was her last lay.
He wound up advising
this young Romeo...
...if you can't stomach old Juliet's
face, stick a flag over it...
...and shoot for Old Glory.
You're so full of ***.
No, I'm serious.
...do you like her?
- She's beautiful.
- Now, don't be a schmuck.
I'll be tender.
Benjamin Franklin was never
in a rifle squad.
He didn't know the score.
I'm giving it everything I've got.
Because it might be my last lay.
I'll be tender.
Hey, you fellas.
Wave to your folks back home.
Okay, little girl. There, smile at me
and wave. At me, at me.
Look right in here, look right in here.
Very good. Give me a little smile.
Give me a little wave. That's good.
Now I come back here.
Give me a little smile.
That's good. Smile at me, at me.
- Give me a wave, now. Keep waving.
- Hello, Mom.
Keep waving at me. That's good.
Now I'm gonna go this way. All right.
"In spite of devils and death...
...and the cries of our enemies...
...we will swing together...
...and Germany will be free. Adolf Hitler."
Where's the 1 st Division now, general?
Resting in Germany's romantic hunting
grounds, the Hurtgen Forest.
I'll be a son of a ***.
My mother sold my novel to Hollywood.
For Humphrey Bogart
and Edward G. Robinson.
Hey, hey. For how much?
For 15,000 bucks.
We got another Rockefeller
in the company here.
So, what you gonna do
with all the moola?
Well, first, I think I'm gonna blow
1000 bucks on a squad party.
Only you guys gotta think of the damned
things you wanted to do to a girl.
I'm working on it.
- I'll tell you in a minute.
ZAB: Hey, Johnson.
I think I'd like the most beautiful...
I know what I want.
Who the hell are you?
Kaiser. You patched me up
behind that tank in France.
- What tank?
- I was the one that liked your book, Zab.
Yeah, baby face. Yeah, so, what
do you want? What do you wanna do?
I want a big, zaftig girl...
...stick her plump butt
against an ice-cold window...
And just hold it there.
What are you gonna do
with a frozen butt?
Thaw it out.
It may take a while.
Three bursts. Making millions
of splinters, lieutenant.
LIEUTENANT: They spot your position?
- They're not aiming at us.
They're just hitting the trees.
LIEUTENANT: They've got us
pinned down. Take them out for us.
- But watch out, they've got snipers too.
I can't see a *** thing.
[GUNSHOTS IN DISTANCE]
Where are you?
Did I kill that guy...
...that killed me?
Egg on a steak.
I like the way these Belgians eat.
I like anyplace in the rear,
if it's a permanent rear.
Pulled out for good.
You know, none of you guys showed up
to the doctor for frostbite.
My toes are okay.
- So's mine.
- Mine too.
You know, eight guys in the 2nd Platoon
got trench foot.
Fifty thousand Belgian francs.
That's pour vous. Yeah, it's for you.
That's 1000 bucks for one night
in your hotel...
...for la squad party.
I had to get rides all the way back to
division rear to come up with that cash.
Et maintenant, beautiful,
les femmes pour mon party.
Yes, beaucoup femmes.
Ecoutez. Listen to what I want.
Like yours, but I mean bigger. But I want
her to plant her *** against la fenêtre.
Let me show you.
I just want you to put your derrière
right against the fenêtre.
Okay, I'll show you with my ***,
What she's gotta do is, she's gotta be
bare-assed when she does this.
It's very important.
[WHISTLES CAT CALL]
La femme keeps her *** against the
window until her *** is beaucoup froid.
Because it's très important
that she gets her *** frozen.
Fou. What's fou?
She thinks you're nuts.
I'm not nuts. No fou.
No fou. It's not for me.
No. It's for my friend.
The frozen *** is for my dead,
mort friend, Kaiser.
She's right, Zab, you're off your rocker.
You want a girl for a dead man?
Well, one of you guys gotta
pinch-hit for Kaiser.
- Why don't you?
- I don't particularly go for frozen ***.
Besides, I'm a big-*** man.
- What about you, Griff?
- You okayed what I want.
- What about you, Vinci?
- You promised me a girl with a flat belly.
Five dead guys aren't gonna show
up, so forget them.
Okay, no replacements, no party.
The hell with you guys.
Pass on the party, eh?
Hey, wait a minute.
I'll pinch-hit for Kaiser.
Well, okay, that's more like it.
JOHNSON: Kaiser, I'm beginning
to see what you like about big butts.
Hey, Vinci, come on. That is my girl.
That one, right there, she's mine.
It's my party.
Sergeant, can you come here
so we can talk about it, you know?
I'm gonna like winning this Purple Heart.
He was that close, that's where he was.
Easy target. Easy target.
So he asked me why I didn't get him.
I guarantee it.
Okay, Zab, you know it's time
to take the hill.
- Take the hill.
- Wait a second. Excuse me, my dear.
Would you help the young lady
down, please, sergeant?
Okay, now let's see.
I paid for this party...
...so the hill will be took
when I say it's to be took.
- I beg your pardon.
- Well, okay, sir.
- Now, move.
- Yes, sir.
Come on, let's get on with it.
Don't forget your pieces. Let's go.
Keep your front sight covers on,
or else you'll get a rusty bore.
Let's go. Move it.
Come on. Come on.
Can't you read?
That sign says "private party."
Lieutenant Stockwell wants your squad
on the double. Krauts busted through.
They're in Belgium.
ZAB: We thought we'd push through...
... but the Krauts regrouped
... and bumped us back into France.
Lieutenant, we got tanks
and infantry coming at us...
...at point 33. Three-three.
SOLDIER: What do you mean, dead?
He wasn't hit or anything.
He's not the first dogface to die
from a heart attack. Now, let's go.
Tonight's the last time
we'll be sleeping in beds.
We're being moved to Monschau.
She spotted him by the way he
was eating. Get that *** out of here.
Get him out!
ZAB: We spent the whole winter freezing
our *** off just to take back Belgium.
[SHOUTING IN GERMAN]
- You speak German, don't you?
- Well, Polish with a Jersey accent.
My aunt was German.
I know a few words.
That's all it takes is a few words.
SWITOLSKl: He says that they're
the Volkssturm, the People's Army.
He says that Hitler himself
told him not to let...
...one American Schweinehund get past.
SERGEANT: Okay, you tell him
that I'm gonna count to three...
...and if they don't let us pass, Herr
Green Shirt's gonna get the first bullet.
[SWITOLSKI SPEAKING GERMAN]
Get on your feet!
Get back, all of you.
Come on, let's go.
ZAB: The whole German army was on the
run now. We were right on their heels.
[JET ENGINE WHIRRING]
There they go.
Switolski, you're a good man.
Griff, I'll tell you how it was.
The shop was burning. I couldn't let all
this beautiful schnapps go to waste.
Okay, boys. A little toast.
To the late FDR.
- To FDR!
SOLDIER: To FDR!
I always liked him.
The 2nd Platoon is carrying the ball.
We're getting away with ***!
- Oh, no.
We don't ***, we kill.
Isn't that what you told us
in North Africa, sarge?
Well, that all depends...
...on a watch...
...a pen and a piece of paper.
When the second hand
of that watch calls the shot...
...and the kaiser picks up that pen...
...and scratches his name on that paper...
...then you gotta call it quits.
Kill all the Huns you can
before then, but never after.
Keep your eye on that Thompson
because that fräulein has her eye on it.
She's just a German, sergeant.
She's not a Nazi.
Has the major left?
He has other places to protect.
But not a castle like this one.
He said as soon as you finish with the
fuses, you are to rejoin your company.
Thank you, contessa.
That was good.
How fast do the safety fuses burn?
Ten feet per minute.
And how much time will I have to get
away from here after I light them?
You look exhausted.
You were exhausted.
You were not?
With a good night's rest...
...I think l...
- Oh, not you.
It is far from hopeless.
When a woman of your rank will
blow up her castle for the Reich.
Even if an American general and his
staff make their headquarters here...
...and I do blow them up,
we have gained nothing.
We will still lose the war.
You are wrong.
"Hitler will live for a thousand years."
Oh, no. Not that quote, please.
They were your husband's last words.
I see nothing to laugh at, contessa.
- He died a hero.
- He died a ***.
He told me about his plot to kill Hitler.
We were winning then
and I was a Nazi, so I shot him.
Hitler gave him a state funeral...
...and personally eulogized him
as a hero killed in battle.
What is your name?
You can come out of this war alive.
If I shoot you.
Not a serious wound, of course.
I'll tell the Americans I shot you to
save their general from being blown up.
I will show them all the
hidden explosives, the fuses.
They will take you prisoner.
They will not confiscate my castle
or my money.
You will be alive, Schroeder, and rich.
When did you begin to hate Hitler?
From the first time he was my guest here.
But like so many others, I had to
go along with that fanatic...
...to keep my castle and my money.
I couldn't tolerate that impotent,
perverted Austrian peasant.
SOLDIER: Hot soup?
- That's right.
You twist something on the can,
and the soup turns hot.
I had some myself down at Battalion CP.
[CHILD SPEAKING GERMAN]
We got orders to kill anyone that kills us.
I say we shoot him.
He killed Switolski.
We'll use his body as an example
for Hitler kids.
VINCl: Makes sense.
GRIFF: Shoot him.
JOHNSON: Shoot him.
VINCl: Shoot him.
All agreed? Shoot him?
Yeah, what the hell are we waiting for?
He's all yours, Zab.
- Well, why me?
No volunteers, huh?
Hail Hitler! Hail Hitler!
Hail Hitler! Hail Hitler!
Poppy! Poppy! Poppy! Poppy!
I think you got him.
[MUSIC BOX PLAYING]
He walked around for half an hour...
... before he could bring himself
to put the kid down.
Where the hell have you been?
I'm not gonna tell you again.
- No lights at night.
JOHNSON: Sergeant, the war's over.
Look, nobody's firing at us.
One minute after midnight, official.
The war's been over for four hours.
ZAB: Hey, sarge, the dead ***,
he's still warm.
- You didn't know it was over.
SERGEANT: He did.
He's still alive!
ZAB: Right here.
Live, you son of a ***.
You're gonna live
if I have to blow your brains out.
ZAB: Saving that *** was the final joke
of the whole *** war.
We had more in common with him...
... than with all our replacements who got
killed whose names we never knew.
We'd all made it through.
We were alive.
I'm gonna dedicate my book to those
who shot but didn 't get shot...
... because it's about survivors.
And surviving is the only glory
in war, if you know what I mean.