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>> THEY DON'T WANT THE KIDS TO
SEE HIM ON FIELD TRIPS.
>> THE SADDEST PART IS IT'S
CURLING SEASON.
THIS IS WHAT CANADA SHOULD BE
DEALING WITH, NOT MAYOR FORD.
>> THIS IS A WELCOME RESPITE.
THERE ARE NO SUMMER SPORTS IN
CANADA.
DO IT THEN.
>> IT'S THE DEAD OF WINTER IN
CANADA.
>> THAT'S WHEN ALL THEIR SPORTS
TAKE PLACE.
>> HERE ICE MY QUESTION, MY EXIT
QUESTION, WHICH MEANS NOTHING.
ANTHONY ***, DO YOU THINK
THIS GUY IS GETTING A PASS
BECAUSE HE'S FAT AND JOLLY, THAT
ANTHONY *** WAS UNLIKABLE AND
SKINNY?
>> I ONCE SERVED ANTHONY ***
WHERE I WORKED.
HE WAS REALLY NICE.
I WAS LIKE, HE LOOKS REALLY
FAMILIAR, DOES HE COME HERE A
LOT THI
>> AND YOU WERE STARING AT HIS
CROTCH.
>> I THINK HE HAD A DIET COKE.
>> THAT'S BORING.
>> I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
ABOUT ROB FORD.
YOU KNOW, HE IS JOLLY LOOKING.
HE'S PROBABLY JOLLIER WITH THE
*** AND THE CRACK.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> I THINK HE LOOKS LIKE HE HAS
GOUT.
>> THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL
FOR HIM.
>> HE'S NOT JOLLY.
HE THREATENS TO BEAT UP STAFF
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
HE'S MORE BULLY THAN JOLLY.
YOU ARE BEING REVERSE FATTEST.
>> WE'VE GOT TO TAKE A BREAK.
COMING UP, I WILL TALK WITH BRAD
PIT, NOT BRAD PITT, MY NEIGHBOR
>>> THEY NEED LESSONS IN LUKER.
THIS WEEK, BRITAIN'S PRIME
MINISTER CALLED FOR CAPITALISM
TO BE TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS.
DAVID CAMERON SAID HE WANTED A
FUNDAMENTAL CHANGE IN ATTITUDES
TO MAKING BANK AND DID IT WITH A
DELIGHTFUL ACCEPT.
>> WE NEED TO SUPPORT REWARD AND
TO CELEBRANTERPRISE.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE IT'S TAUGHT
IN COLLEGES, CELEBRATED IN
COMMUNITIES.
>> WHAT DO SCHOOLCHILDREN THINK?
WE ASKED A YOUNG STUDENT TO
COMMENT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, THAT CHILD IS DOING FINE.
WHO IS PICKING THESE VIDEOS?
OH, MY GOODNESS.
MIKE, YOU CLAIM TO BE BRITISH.
WE HAVE NO PROOF OF THAT.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS
FELLOW'S COMMENTS, OLD CHAP?
>> WELL, OLD BOY, BLOODY ***
QUESTION.
I THINK THE FIRST THING THAT
NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS
MAYBE IS DON'T SPEND MORE THAN
YOU EARN.
>> YEAH.
>> PROBABLY A GOOD LESSON FOR
AMERICANS, AS WELL.
>> RIGHT.
>> I THINK THAT'S WHERE IT NEEDS
TO START.
AMERICA, 237, 238 YEARS OLD,
NUMBER ONE POLITICAL POWER IN
THE WORLD, NUMBER ONE ECONOMIC
POWER IN THE WORLD.
WHY?
BECAUSE THERE'S THIS WONDERFUL
ATTITUDE TOWARDS OPPORTUNITY AND
ENTREPRENEURSHIP AND EVERYTHING
ELSE.
SO THAT'S WHAT MAKES COUNTRIES
SUCCESSFUL, AND I THINK HE'S GOT
A POINT IN TERMS OF TEACHING
PEOPLE NOT TO BE AFRAID WHEN IT
COMES TO THE ENTREPRENEURIAL
SAID AND TAKING A BIT OF RISK.
MAYBE PRODUCING A FEW MORE
BILLIONAIRES LIKE RICHARD
BRANSON SUSPECT A BAD THING.
>> IT'S LIKE BATHING IN WARM
MILK.
YOU WERE IN EIGHTH GRADE LIKE A
YEAR AGO.
DO YOU WISH THEY HAD TAUGHT
CAPITALISM INSTEAD OF FINGER
PAINTING?
>> I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO
TEACH THE CHILDREN LIKE
EVOLUTION, YOU KNOW?
>> SOMEWHAT IS THAT?
>> TEACH THESE THEORIES.
I UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S TRYING TO
SA
IT'S ABOUT CREATING SMART
BUSINESS-MINDED ADULTS PRAK
LICKETY.
-- PRACTICALLY.
THEN THEIR STATUS AND THE MONEY
IS THE MEANS AND END OF WHAT
THEY'RE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH.
THAT'S NOT SOCIETY.
THAT'S NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO
BE INVOLVED IN.
THAT'S NOT THE PLACE I WANT TO
LIVE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> I WANT TO BE FILTHY WEALTHY,
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
>> WHAT IS THE ALTERNATIVE?
SOMEWHAT DO YOU TEACH THEM?
YOU TEAM THEY HAVE THESE
HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT FAIRNESS,
TUCKER.
>> BRITAIN WAS AT ONE POINT A
CAPITALIST COUNTRY.
THAT'S WHERE ALL THE PRETTY
BUILDINGS CAME FROM.
IT MIGHT BE WORTH REMINDING THE
BRITS THEY LIVED THE LAST 60
YEARS OFF THE RESIDUE OF
CAPITALISM.
THE UNITED STATES, THE MAJORITY
OF YOUNG PEOPLE, VOTERS UNDER 30
MORE IDENTIFY WITH SOCIALISM
THAN CAPITALISM.
THAT'S THE PRODUCT OF PROPAGANDA
IN SCHOOLS AND PROBABLY WORTH
UNDOING THAT.
>> WE ARE COMPLETELY DOOMED AND
I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.
BEFORE WE GET TOO EXCITED ANT
THIS, MR. CAMERON SAID BRITAIN
NEEDS TO CELEBRATE ENTERPRISE TO
PAY FOR PUBLIC SERVICES.
THAT'S NOT CAPITALISM.
>> SO WORK HARDER SO YOU CAN PAY
MORE TO THE STATE.
>> EXACTLY.
IN THE SAME SPEECH HE TALKED
ABOUT HOW THE AUSTERITY MEASURES
NEED TO BE PERMANENT IN BRITAIN.
I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE AN
OCCUPY WALL STREET TYPE, OR DO
I?
CAN WE PUT UP THAT PHOTO?
MAYBE DON'T GIVE THAT SPEECH AT
THE LORD MAYOR'S NQUET.
NOT THE BEST OPTICS IN THE
WORLD.
>> I LIKE IT.
>> IT'S LIKE A BATMAN MOVIE.
>> BUT THE KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND
MONEY.
THEY THINK THAT IT ALL COMES
FROM DAD'S WALLET, RIGHT?
AND IF THEY NEED MORE, JUST
PRINT MORE OF IT.
WHEN I WAS A KID, I THOUGHT WHY
CONTINUE YOU JUST PRINT MORE OF
THAT.
>> I STILL THINK THAT.
GIVE ME MORE PLASTIC CARDS.
JUST SWIPE.
>> THAT'S THE LESSON THEY'RE
GETTING.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACTUALLY EARN
SOMETHING.
THERE'S NO CONNECTION BETWEEN
COST AND CONSEQUENCE IN TODAY'S
CULTURE, I BELIEVE.
>> CAN YOU IMAGINE RUNNING YOUR
OWN PERSONAL BANK ACCOUNT THE
WAY THAT THE GOVERNMENT RUNS
THINGS?
>> YES, I CAN.
>> IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WELL.
THEY SHOULD TEACH CAPITALISM,
BUT ALSO TEACH SOCIALISM.
BUT HAVE A DAY OF SOCIALISM,
WHERE YOU PUT A CEILING ON
ACHIEVEMENT AND EVERYBODY GETS
THE SAME GRADE, NO MATTER HOW
WELL YOU DO.
AND STARVE HALF THE PEOPLE TO
DEATH.
>> THE FACT THAT WE'RE HAVING
THIS SUGGEST PROVES THAT NO ONE
LEARNS ANYTHING.
NO LESSONS EVER PENETRATE.
IF SOMETHING HAS BEEN DONE IN
THE PAST, IT WILL BE DONE AGAIN,
NO MATTER HOW STUPID IT IS.
YOU WOULDN'T THINK 20 YEARS
AFTER THE FALL OF THE SOVIET
UNION THAT SOCIALISM DOESN'T
WORK.
>> IT'S THE SAME THING WITH SEX
ED.
I LEARNED NOTHING FROM SEX ED.
I WAS IN THE FIRST SEX ED
CLASSES LIKE IN THE '70s.
I LEARNED NOTHING FROM THAT.
>> OURS WERE ALL TECHNIQUE.
>> WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX ED IN
BRITAIN.
IT'S TOO PRIM AND PROPER TO TALK
ABOUT IT.
THE BIRDS AND BEES WE CALL IT.
>> I LEARNED FROM "WE" MAGAZINE.
YOU WOULD READ THE MAGAZINE
AND --
>> READ THE MAGAZINE?
>> YOU WERE ON THE COVER OF
"WEE" MAGAZINE.
BUT IT WAS W-E-E.
>> WE HAD A BIG SIGN, NO GIRLS
ALLOWED, THEN THEY TORE IT DOWN
AND I WAS PUT IN A HOME FOR A
WHILE.
RUSSIANS IN THE UNITED STATES
ARE CAPITALISTS.
DO YOU KNOW WHY? HAVE FIRST HAN
EXPERIENCE OF SOCIALISM.
IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE.
>> I WAS JUST THINKING THE
RUSSIANS THAT WE KNOW.
>> YOU CAN'T FIND A RUSSIAN
SOCIALIST IN THE UNITED STATES.
THAT'S THE POINT.
>> OR RUSSIAN CRIMINALS IN THE
UNITED STATES.
>> NOT AT ALL.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW THAT I'VE BLOWN YOUR MINDS,
COMING UP, THE C-BLOCK SPONSORED
BY DUMPSTERS.
THANKS, DUMPSTERS.
YOU'RE WELCOME, GREG.
>> IS LOVE ACTUALLY FULL OF
LIES?
THE STORY HANNITY REFUSES TO
COVER.
>>> AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR --
>> RED EYE DEBATE 2013, LIVE
FROM THE RED EYE DEBATE CENTER.
>> WHICH IS BASICALLY WHERE WE
ARE NOW.
ANY WAY --
>> IS THAT YOUR VOICE?
>> NO, THAT'S NOT MY VOICE.
THAT'S AN IMMIGRANT WE FOUND ON
THE STREET.
ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS A BIG, BIG STORY.
LOVE ACTUALLY?
MORE LIKE LIES ACTUALLY.
BUZZ FEED HAS COME FILED A LIST
OF 14 TIMES THE FILM "LOVE
ACTUALLY" LIED TO US ABOUT LOVE.
NUMBER ONE, NO ONE SHOWS UP AT
YOUR HOUSE ON A FREEZING COLD
NIGHT WITH CARDS PROFESSING
THEIR LOVE TO YOU.
OTHER LIES INCLUDE, NO ONE GETS
CHASED THROUGH AN AIRPORT.
YOU GOT SHOT.
THE GIRL NEVER FOLLOWS YOU BACK
OUT OF SECURITY FOR A KISS.
A WHOLE TOWN DOESN'T FOLLOW YOU
TO WATCH YOU PROPOSE.
AND THE PRIME MINISTER WOULDN'T
KISS YOU IN THE BACKSTAGE OF A
CHILDREN'S PAGEANT.
NOW, LONG-TIME VIEWERS KNOW THAT
I HATE THIS INSIPID GARBAGE.
ANDY, HOW DO YOU LIKE SOMEBODY
THAT LIES TO YOU?
>> IT DOESN'T LIE.
LET ME TELL YOU WHY THIS ARTICLE
IS DONE, AND SO ARE YOU, GREG.
ALL THOSE 14 THINGS THEY SAY ARE
LIES HAVE HAPPENED TO ME.
I'VE HAD MANY WOMEN WHO DON'T
SPEAK ENGLISH FALL IN LOVE WITH
ME.
YOU KNOW, THIS ONE, GREG, NO ONE
WOULD JUMP INTO FREEZING DIRTY
WATER TO SAVE YOUR TYPEWRITTEN
MANUSCRIPT?
I DID THAT FOR YOU, GREG.
DON'T PRETEND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
I GOT CHOLERA.
>> IT WAS A CESS POOL.
>> THAT WAS THE NAME OF THE BOOK
BY THE WAY.
YOU'RE A STRANGE, SAD MAN.
MIKEY, YOU ARE BRITISH.
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS
FILTH IN A WAY.
>> YEAH, I STILL DON'T HAVE
PROOF THAT I'M BRITISH.
BUT HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THIS
OSCAR WINNING GENIUS.
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN OSCAR
WINNING.
I JUST LOVE THE WAY HUGH GRANT
TALKING TO JULIA ROBERTS.
LOOK, ON A SERIOUS NOTE, AND
HE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, THIS IS
ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GENIUS
FILMS OF CONTEMPORARY HISTORY.
AND I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
YOU'RE QUESTIONING THE ROMANCE
THAT EXUDES FROM LONDON.
>> MOVIES LIKE THIS DAMAGE
RELATIONSHIPS, BECAUSE THEY
ENTER AT THE INFATUATION PHASE,
AND THEY LEAVE BEFORE THE
FAMILIARITY SETS IN.
SO THEY SELL A FALSE PACKAGE SO
THE AMERICAN PUBLIC.
JOANNE, DID YOU WATCH THIS
MOVIE?
>> I WATCH THIS EVERY YEAR.
WE WOULD ALL GET TOGETHER FIVE
WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND WATCH
IT.
I LOVE THIS MOVIE.
IT'S A HOLIDAY MOVIE.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FEEL
GOOD.
STUFF NEVER HAPPENS LIKE THAT IN
REAL LIFE.
YOU KNOW THAT.
BUT IT IS ARGUABLY LIKE TWO OF
THE BEST PERFORMANCES FROM EMMA
THOMPSON AND LORA LENNY.
>> SHE'S ALWAYS IN A CRYING
FACE.
>> SHE'S SITTING IN HER OFFICE
AND HOPING HER CRUSH IS GOING TO
WALK BY AND TALK TO HER.
THAT'S SO GOOD.
>> I HAVE TO TAKE A KNEE EVERY
TIME I WATCH THAT BIT AND GET
THE KLEENEX OUT.
>> YOU ***?
>> THAT IS DISGUSTING.
>> WHO ARE WE HERE WITH?
>> I DIDN'T THINK WE WERE GOING
TO HAVE TO SAY THAT.
>> WE'LL EDIT IT OUT.
BUT YOU DISGUST ME.
TUCKER, LIKE I SAID, TO ME, THIS
IS *** FOR WOMEN.
IT BUILDS UNREALISTIC
EXPECTATIONS THAT WILL NEVER BE
FULFILLED.
>> I FOUND IT HILARIOUS.
IT WAS VULGAR, BUT --
>> THAT WAS "ANIMAL HOUSE,"
TUCKER.
>> I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY MOVIES,
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
BUT THE IDEA OF GOLDA MIRE
CHASING ANDY DOWN THE ROAD.
>> CAN I JUST SAY, MY WHOLE
MARRIAGE IS BASED OFF THIS FILM.
THE GINGER GUY THAT CAME ACROSS
TO THE U.S. AND PULLED THE
REALLY HOT CHICKS, THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.
MY WIFE IS AMERICAN.
SHE'S AN EX-MODEL.
SHE'S TEN YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.
I'M BATTING SO FAR --
>> YOU'RE MAKING ME AGAINST
IMMIGRATION.
YOU COME TO OUR COUNTRY, YOU
FLEE YOUR ISLAND NATION AND YOUR
SNAG OUR MODELS.
>> I DID.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> HE CAME, HE MET A BEAUTIFUL
GIRL IN THE MIDWEST.
NOW HE'S MARRIED IN ENGLAND WITH
A BROOD OF CHILDREN.
>> AND A LABRADOR.
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY THE NAME --
>> HE TOOK HER FROM HERE BACK TO
ENGLAND?
>> YES, HE KIDNAPPED HER.
>> DID HE BURN THE VILLAGE ON
HIS WAY OUT?
>> I SAW THIS MOVIE IN THE
THEATERS, IT WAS ON A DATE, LIKE
2001, 2002.
I WAS IN L.A. -- NO, 2004.
THIS FACT IS UNIMPORTANT TO YOU
PEOPLE.
2003, I WAS WATCHING IT IN A
THEATER.
WHEN THE ORCHESTRA STARTS
PLAYING IN THE CHURCH, THAT IS
THE WORST SCENE OF ANY MOVIE.
>> IT'S BRILLIANT.
>> WHY?
>> HOW DO YOU HIDE THE TUBA AND
TROMBONE?
>> LOVE.
THE SAME WAY YOU DO EVERYTHING,
GREG.
HOW SAD FOR YOU THAT YOU ARE
DEAD INSIDE, YOU DESPICABLE
LITTLE FREAK OF A MAN.
>> I LIKE LOVE STORIES.
EVER SEE "A BOY AND HIS DOG?
"
>> HOMAPHOBE!
>> EVER SEEN "A BOY AND HIS
DOG?"
HE HAS TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HIS DOG
AND THIS WOMAN, WHO WANTS HIM TO
GET RID OF THE DOG.
SHE WANTS TO EAT THE DOG, RIGHT?
AND I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU
THE ENDING, BUT YOU SHOULD SEE
IT.
THAT WAS LOVE.
>> THAT SOUNDS REALISTIC.
>> WHAT HAPPENS IS THE DOG EAT
THE BOY AND THE WOMAN.
>> WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
>> IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED?
>> YES.
BUT IT'S MORE REALISTIC THAN
"LOVE ACTUALLY."
COLIN FIRTH IS THE MOST
OVERRATED BRITISH ACTOR IN THE
WORLD.
>> YOU CAN'T SAY THAT.
>> I JUST DID.
>> YOU DON'T MEAN IT.
>> I DO!
>> NO, YOU DON'T.
>> HE ALMOST DESTROYED "MOMMA
MIA."
TERRIBLE IN "KING'S SPEECH."
>> HIS STUTTER WAS GREAT.
IT WAS VERY BELIEVABLE.
>> THAT STUTTER RUINED THE
MOVIE.
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A SHORT
FILM.
>> EXACTLY.
>> IT WAS ANNOYING.
>> YOU TOLD THAT STORY IN 15
MINUTES.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
"MOMMA MIA," ONE OF THE GREATEST
FILMS EVER THANKS TO PIERCE
BROSNAN'S SINGING.
BUT COLIN FIRTH WAS TERRIBLE.
YOU COME HERE AND EVERYBODY IS
OH, LISTEN TO THAT ACCENT.
BUT THERE ARE KILLERS IN ENGLAND
TOO, YOU KNOW.
>> EVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOSTING A
LATE NIGHT TV SHOW?
I THINK YOU WOULD BE REALLY
GOOD.
>> I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE
PEOPLE.
I'M EDITING HIM OUT OF THE
SHOW.
>> YOU SAID I COULD BE A REGULAR
ON THE SHOW.
YOU'RE SO FICKLE.
>> FICKLE?
>> I SAID FICKLE, NOT PICKLE.
>> WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
PEOPLE?
HOW COME NO ONE EVER SHARES
THESE PILLS WITH ME?
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THIS
WEEK THEY HAVE PILLS AND DON'T
GIVE THEM TO ME.
MORE STUFF WHEN WE COME BACK.
"THE JOY AND
>>> SCIENTISTS IN BELGIUM
DISCOVERED TRACES OF THE ***
VIRUS ON COPIES OF "50 SHADES OF
GREY."
JOE, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M TERRIFIED, TERRIFIED,
GREG.
>> YOUHOULD BE.
JOE, THEY SAY THE VIRUS CANNOT
BE CONTRACTED BY TOUCHING THE
BOOK.
ARE THEY LYING TO US?
>> FIRST OFF, GREG, I'VE BEEN
RESEARCHING *** ALL DAY.
IT IS A TERRIFYING DISEASE.
70% OF THE PEOPLE THAT CONTRACT
*** GET IT WHEN THEIR PARTNER
HAS NO VISIBLE OUTBREAK, WHICH
IS TERRIFYING.
AND 30% OF PEOPLE WHO CONTRACT
HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE WITH A
VISIBLE OUTBREAK.
AS FOR THE BOOKS, SURE,
SCIENTISTS WILL SAY YOU CAN'T
GET IT FROM BOOKS.
THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO PROTECT
BOOKS.
>> IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD GET IT
FROM A BOOK, YOU WOULD BURN THE
BOOK.
>> NO MORE SCIENTISTS WITHOUT
BOOKS.
>> IT'S SO GREEDY.
DO YOU THINK MOST COPIES MIGHT
HAVE THE VIRUS?
>> THE STUDY SAID MOST DO HAVE
THE VIRUS, AND MOST ALSO HAVE
***.
SITTING AROUND GETTING ***,
DOING *** AND READING ***.
>> HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU THINK
HAVE GOTTEN THE DISEASE FROM
READING THE BOOK?
>> I THINK WE GOT LUCKY, PUN
INTENDED, THAT MOST PEOPLE WHO
READ IT PROBABLY ALREADY HAD
***.
>> NOW, WILL YOU AVOID DATING A
WOMAN IF SHE'S READ A BOOK?
>> I'M TERRIFIED OF WOMEN THAT
READ THIS BOOK, BUT I AM NOT IN
A POSITION TO TURN DOWN DATES.
>> ALL RIGHT.
NEXT STORY.
THIS WEEK, THIS IS A HORRIBLE
STORY.
A CLEANING ROBOT MAY HAVE
COMMITTED SUICIDE.
ACCORDING TO REPORTS FROM
AUSTRIA, THE GADGET WAS LEFT ON
A KITCHEN COUNTER AFTER TAKING
CARE OF SPILLED CEREAL.
IT SWITCHED ITSELF ON AND MOVED
ON TO A KITCHEN HOT PLATE,
BURNING ITSELF TO DEATH.
JOE, I'M GOING TO COME RIGHT OUT
WITH IT.
IF THEY CAN KILL THEMSELVES,
THEY CAN KILL US, RIGHT?
>> IF THAT'S WHAT ONE ROBOT
WITHOUT ANY ARMS CAN DESTROY A
HOUSE, THINK ABOUT A ROBOT THAT
CAN WIN "JEOPARDY."
>> ARE YOU TERIED AN
APPLIANCE CAN *** YOU IN YOUR
SLEEP?
>> I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP
TONIGHT, I CAN TELL YOU THAT
MUCH.
>> I DON'T THINK YOU EVER SLEEP.
>> THANK GOD FOR COFFEE.
>> YES.
YOU PROBABLY STAND WATCH, DON'T
YOU?
>> OH, YEAH.
I AM ALERT.
ONE EYE OPEN.
BASEBALL BAT.
IT'S NOT EASY.
>> DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE THIS
ISN'T A SUICIDE, THAT IT COULD
HAVE BEEN ROBOT ON ROBOT ***?
>> I HOPE IT IS ROBOT ON ROBOT
***.
END RESULT, LESS ROBOTS, MORE
JOBS FOR US.
>> SO TRUE.
SHOULD WE AS CONCERNED CITIZENS
AND CONSUMERS CHAIN OUR
APPLIANCES DOWN AT NIGHT?
>> I DON'T LIKE HAVE THAT MANY
CHAINS AROUND EITHER.
SO AFTER THAT "50 SHADES OF
GRAY" STUFF.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
YOU COULD HAVE A ROBOT THAT'S IN
TO SOMETHING.
>> I HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK YET.
>> TIME FOR ONE MORE STORY.
THIS IS ABOUT A BUNCH OF CLIMATE
CHANGE EXPERTS.
THEY SAY THEY FOUND THE WORLD'S
OLDEST CREATURE.
BY OPENING THE CLAM TO CHECK ITS
AGE THEY KILLED IT.
IF A 500-YEAR-OLD CLAM ISN'T
SAFE, HOW ARE WE GOING TO BE
SAFE?
>> WE'RE NOT SAFE.
HECK, YOU HAVE A BUNCH OF
SCIENTISTS OUT THERE.
WHAT IF ONE ASKS YOU HOW OLD YOU
ARE AND THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT
IS TO KILL YOU.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
LET THE THING NOT DIE AND WAIT.
>> THAT WAS THE THING, THEY
DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT, BECAUSE
THEY SAID IT COULD BE 500 YEARS
FROM NOW.
THEY WERE IMPATIENT SCIENTISTS.
>> WE SHOULD JUST KILL
EVERYTHING TO LEARN ABOUT THEM.
SCIENTISTS!
THE *** BOOKS.
>> I JUST DON'T KNOW -- YOU KNOW
WHAT?
MAYBE YOU'RE NORMAL FOR BEING
FRIGHTENED ALL THE TIME.
>> MAYBE I AM.
I THINK MAYBE SOME PEOPLE ON THE
PANEL OWE ME AN APOLOGY.
I'M WAITING.
>> JOE, ALWAYS A PLEASURE HAVING
YOU HERE, ALERTING AND SCARING
THE CRAP OUT OF OUR AUDIENCE.
I HOPE YOU GET HOME SAFETY.
>> ONE EYE OPEN, SLEEP WITH ONE
EYE OPEN TONIGHT.
>> THANK YOU, JOE.
>>> COMING UP, MORE STORIES,
>>> BRAND-NEW "RED EYE" RETURNS
MONDAY.
NEXT WEEK, WE'VE GOT PATTY ANN
BROWN, DEAN CAIN AND JIM NORTON.
IN ORDER TO BE VIABLE, LEST YOU
BE CERTIFIABLE, ACCORDING TO AN
OXFORD PSYCHOLOGIST, TELEVISION
AND MEDIA RANKS AMONG THE TOP
PROMOTIONS WITH THE TOP
PSYCHOPATHIC PERSONALITIES.
WHAT MAKES A PSYCHOPATH?
PSYCHOPATHY IS A SOCIAL DISORDER
KASHG RISED BY COLDHEARTEDNESS,
SUPERFICIAL CHARACTER,
ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR, SUCH AS
CRIMINALITY, LIKE THE DALAI
LAMA.
TUCKER, YOU'RE IN THE MEDIA,
YOU'RE ALSO A CEO.
SO BASICALLY YOU'RE SOMETHING
HORRIBLE.
>> EVERYBODY IN THE MEDIA IS A
PSYCHCO PATH AND ANNOYING, BUT
IN IS TOTALLY FAKE.
BY FAR, THE CRAZIEST PEOPLE IN
AMERICA ARE SHRINKS.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.
SOME OF THEM ARE CHARMING, BUT
THEY ARE BONKERS, FLAT-OUT NUTS.
MOST CEOs ARE JUST NOT THAT
INTERESTING.
>> BASICALLY A LOT OF THE THINGS
THEY SAID WERE PSYCHOPATHIC WAS
SUCCESSFUL.
>> THIS IS REVENGE OF THE DORKS.
>> MIKE, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF
THIS?
>> I LOVE THE WAY THIS COMES ON
THE HEELS OF --
>> IT'S EGO, NOT PSYCHOPATH,
RIGHT?
>> I THINK IT'S A COMBINATION OF
EVERYTHING.
I THINK YOU'VE GOT TO BE A
CERTAIN SOMEONE TO PUT YOURSELF
OUT THERE.
>> YEAH.
>> FOR CRITICISM, FOR PRAISE OR
WHATEVER.
AND I THINK YOU HAVE TO HAVE A
THICK SKIN, KNOW YOUR OWN MIND.
AS A CEO, YOU HAVE TO MAKE
DECISIONS AND NOT CARE WHAT
PEOPLE THINK.
SO I CAN SEE THAT.
THE FACT IS, IN THE TOP THREE
MEANS IT'S NOT NUMBER ONE.
>> RIGHT.
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M SURPRISED
ABOUT.
>> JOANNE, HOW PSYCHOPATHIC ARE
BEAUTY CONTESTANTS?
>> I WAS ONCE AWARDED BY MY
FRIENDS MOST LIKELY TO FALL IN
LOVE WITH A PSYCHOPATH, AND THEY
SAID THIS HONESTLY.
WAS IT PSYCHOPATH OR SOCIOPATH.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE, RIGHT?
>> I THINK SO.
>> I WOULD PROBABLY FALL IN LOVE
WITH EITHER OF THOSE.
SO I THINK THAT'S THE ISSUE AT
HAND.
>> I FEEL VERY BAD FOR YOU.
>> HOW DO WE PREVENT THAT,
THOUGH?
I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN.
>> LAST WORD TO YOU, ANDY, WE
HAVE 30 SECONDS.
>> I NEVER THINK ABOUT THE
PEOPLE I WORK WITH.
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, WHAT
THEY DO DOESN'T MATTER.
>> THEY'RE NOT EVEN REAL.
>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT THEY
EXIST UNLESS I NEED SOMETHING
FROM THEM.
I'M MORE WORRIED ABOUT THE FACT
THAT POLICE ARE IN THE TOP TEN
IN THIS LIST.
THAT SCARES ME A LITTLE BIT.
>> IT'S REVENGE OF THE NERDS
AGAINST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE.
>> TOTALLY.
>> AND I'M ODDLY ATTRACTED TO
ANDY RIGHT NOW.
>> THERE YOU GO.