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[ FILM PROJECTOR RUNS ]
[ BUZZ, BUZZ ]
[ CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS ]
AH, GENTLEMEN, START YOUR CHAISES.
HI, I'M ED FELDMAN.
AND I'M JOE L'ERARIO.
AND IF I DID THAT ANYMORE, IT WOULD BE A STUBBY CHAISE.
WELCOME TO "FURNITURE TO GO."
REMEMBER OUR LAST CHAISE LONGUE?
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
DON'T CHANGE THE CHANNEL NOW.
THIS ONE IS ONLY GOING TO GO TWO SHOWS, NOT EIGHT.
HOW
OF EXTREME CLOSE-UPS.
WHY WILL THIS ONE BE DIFFERENT?
WELL, NUMBER ONE, IT'S A MODERN CHAISE,
AND MORE EASILY UPHOLSTERED.
NO CURVED BACK. REMEMBER THAT NIGHTMARE?
AND WE'RE NOT DOING ANY PADDING OR SPRINGS.
AND BECAUSE OF THE COMMERCIALS,
THEY CUT OUT HALF THE STEPS ANYWAY.
SO THAT LEAVES US WITH THE BEGINNING
AND THE END OF THE SHOW.
AND IF WE KEEP TALKING, THERE WON'T BE ANY MIDDLE EITHER.
SHOW
WITHOUT FURNITURE.
I'VE SEEN A LOT OF COMEDY SHOWS WITHOUT COMEDY.
AND THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE.
THAT'S FIXED.
I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
THIS IS A MODERN CHAISE,
AND IT'S JUST SOILED AND RIPPED.
AND ALL IT NEEDS IS A NEW FABRIC.
AND WE HAVE SOME FABRIC PANELS AROUND THE SIDE.
POINT TO THEM, SIR.
RIGHT HERE.
WHERE THAT FULL-PIECE SEAT IS TACKED TO THE FRAME.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO INSPECT THINGS CAREFULLY.
AH, SMELLS LIKE A DOG.
LET'S BEGIN STRIPPING THE FABRIC CAREFULLY.
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THIS FRONT PANEL OFF,
IS THAT CORRECT?
YES. WITH OUR LITTLE PRY GUYS.
NOW LOOK. IF YOU LOOK VERY CLOSELY IN HERE,
REMEMBER THE TACK STRIPS THAT I SHOW YOU INTERMINABLY?
THEY'RE STRAIGHT PIECES OF METAL?
THAT IS NOT HAPPENING HERE.
THIS IS A "CURVIE."
AND IF YOU WILL LOOK CLOSELY --
YOU HAVE OLD CHAISE,
YOU WILL REMEMBER THAT THESE CURVIES WERE TWO FLANGES --
I LOVE THAT WORD "***."
***.
MANAGE IS FUNNY ALSO.
THESE WERE USED TO DEFINE THE CURVED SIDES.
RIGHT. YOU HAVE ONE *** HERE
ARP POINTS
AND YOU HOOK THE FABRIC AROUND IT
AND THEN YOU STAPLE THE OTHER END OF THE *** --
I'M GOING TO SAY "***" UNTIL THE CENSORS CALL.
ALL OF THE BOTTOM STAPLES HAVE BEEN REMOVED,
AND WE ALSO REMOVED THE CAMBRIC.
Staff: OR DUST COVER!
NOT EVERYBODY ALL AT ONCE.
NOW WE FLIP THIS UP AND LOOK.
IT'S GOT ONE OF THESE THINGS,
AND UNDER THAT, IT'S GOT A TACK STRIP.
SO GRASP THAT WITH YOUR FREE HAND,
NOT THE TOOTSIE-POP HAND,
COME ON. THERE YOU GO.
NOW I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT STAPLE REMOVAL.
"MARGARET, WHERE'S THE REMOTE CONTROL?"
WE PUSH THE CLAW IN THERE AND JUST PRY IT UP.
AND SOMETIMES, THEY POP RIGHT OUT.
BUT SOMETIMES, ONE IS CAUGHT ON ONE SIDE.
SO YOU SEE A LITTLE SLOT THERE,
AND
NO, NO, NO, NO -- AND WE TURN IT AROUND.
ISN'T IT EASIER JUST TO GRAB IT WITH A NEEDLENOSE?
THE OTHER WAY IS, AFTER YOU GET IT HALFWAY OUT,
YOU KE THE NEEDLENOSE.
NOW YOU DON'T PULL IT.
THAT'S "GOOFUS." THIS IS GALLANT.
YOU TURN THAT.
WE TAKE THIS FIRST BOTTOM PANEL.
SEE, THERE'S TWO PANELS --
THE BOTTOM PANEL, THE TOP PANEL.
WE FLIP THIS UP AND WE TAKE THE FOAM AWAY.
AND IT'S REAL THIN, CHEAP FOAM WHICH WE WILL REPLACE,
AND THERE YOU HAVE A TACK STRIPOO
COVERING THE BOTTOM OF THE FABRIC
THAT IS THE NEXT PANEL.
AND AFTER WE GET THIS OFF,
WE'LL TAKE THIS UP AND YOU'LL SEE ANOTHER TACK STRIP.
SO IT'S JUST SERIES OF TACK STRIPS,
INTERMINABLE TACK STRIPS,
AND WE WON'T BURDEN YOU WITH THAT.
OH, LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WHILE I'VE BEEN WORKING?
THIS IS MUSIC FOR PREPARED CHAISE,
LIKE JOHN CAGE DID.
[ As Rod Serling ] YOU'RE TRAVELING
THROUGH ANOTHER DIMENSION.
A DIMENSION NOT ONLY SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND.
SPEAKING OF DIMENSIONS, WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE
D GET SOME FABRIC FOR THIS CHAISE,
BECAUSE NOW THAT WE'VE SCREWED IT UP,
WE'RE REALLY GOING TO HAVE TO DO IT.
AND WE GOT THE F
[ CHANTING MELODIC HYMN ]
L'Erario: LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS TABLE.
Feldman: AH, MUSIC TO PAINT FABRIC BY.
WE WANTED A SPECIAL, ONE-OF-A-KIND FABRIC
FOR OUR CHAISE LONGUE,
SO WE CAME TO...
SMUDGES,
WHERE WE CAN ACTUALLY GET HAND-PAINTED FABRIC.
HI, DAN.
HI, GUYS.
THIS IS LORRAINE.
Together: HI, LADY.
WE'VE BEEN HAND-PAINTING FABRIC AND WALLPAPER
FOR ABOUT 14 YEARS.
WE STARTED IN A BASEMENT
AND WE'VE MOVED UP OVER THE YEARS.
WE DISTRIBUTE OUR PRODUCT NATIONALLY THROUGH SHOWROOMS,
AND THIS IS WHAT WE DO -- HAND-PAINTED FABRIC.
WELL, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT HOW THIS WORKS
AND HOW THIS GETS DONE.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
THERE AIN'T ANY PAINT IN HERE!
HERE'S T OF OUR OPERATION
PATTY, MEET JOE AND ED.
Together: HI, LADY.
SHOW THEM WHAT YOU DO.
, DAN.
INTERESTING MAN.
PATTY, WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE FABRIC
THAT YOU'RE WORKING ON?
ALL RIGHT, THIS DESIGN IS "RIO."
RIO BY THE SEA-O.
AND THAT'S THE END PRODUCT
RKING
WHAT'S THE ACTUAL FABRIC BEHIND IT?
THIS IS BEIGE SATEEN.
I WAS GOING TO ASK
IF THAT WAS A CANVAS OR NOT...
WE CAN PAINT ON CANVAS.
SO TELL US HOW YOU GO ABOUT IT.
WHAT DO YOU PAINT FIRST?
OKAY, WE DO THE SQUARES FIRST,
AND THEN, THIS IS THE NEXT ELEMENT.
ARE THE SQUARES DONE FREEHAND?
NO, WE HAVE A STENCIL,
AND THEN WE MASK IT OUT WITH TAPE, AND PAINT IT IN.
WITH A BRUSH OR WITH A ROLLER?
WITH A BRUSH.
THESE ARE FREEHAND, THOUGH.
WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM?
THEY'RE THE HOT DOG BUNS.
OH, THAT'S LIKE THIS HERE.
RIGHT.
AND THEN WHAT'S THE GREEN?
THAT'S THE MUSTARD.
OH, OF COURSE.
YOU CAN'T HAVE A HOT DOG
WITHOUT MUSTARD.
SO WHAT COMES NEXT?
NEXT WOULD BE THE SPIRAL.
THE UNIVERSE.
WE DO THIS, AND THEN THE DOTS FOLLOW.
AND I'M GOING TO DO
SOME CIRCLES.
AND YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE
THE MARK OF THE FELDMAN, OR THE ZIGZAG,
BECAUSE I WORK WITH SPRINGS.
WE'RE GOING TO PUT ON THE SPIRAL NOW.
OOOOH. AND THAT'S A LITTLE SQUEEZE BOTTLE.
AROUND AND AROUND AND -- OH, LOOK.
BEAUTIFUL.
JUST LIKE MY BRAIN.
SO THAT HAS A LITTLE TIP.
A LITTLE TIP WE PUT ON.
YOURS HAS A WIDER ONE.
I'M GOING TO DO A CIRCLE.
I'LL DO A CIRCLE RIGHT HERE. IS THAT GOOD?
CIRCLE NEAR THE SQUARE.
PAUL LYNDE TO BLOCK.
OH, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL CIRCLE.
I GRADUATED FROM THE ACADEMY OF CIRCLES.
IS THAT AN ACCREDITED UNIVERSITY?
NO.
LOOK, I MADE THIS ONE BIG.
I GOT TO MAKE THIS ONE A LITTLE BIGGER.
NO, THEY DON'T, BECAUSE IT'S ART, MAN.
LOOK, I'M GOING TO DO A ZIGZAG.
LET'S WATCH.
HOW'S THAT?
PERFECT.
HEY, SERGEANT GARCIA.
THAT'S A "W" OR AN "M" DEPENDING.
SO PATTY, HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE YOU
TO DO THE 10 YARDS THAT YOU'RE DOING TODAY?
APPROXIMATELY A DAY.
WHAT IF WE HELPED YOU?
TWO DAYS.
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
IF YOU'LL RECALL BACK
TO WHEN WE TOOK THE PERIMETER STRIPS OFF,
THERE WERE TWO.
WE'RE NOT DOING TWO, WE'RE DOING ONE.
WHY, YOU MAY ASK.
"BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO CUT THE JOB IN HALF."
NO, IT'S NOT IT.
IT'S BECAUSE OF THE --
"IT'S EASIER."
NO, THAT'S NOT IT, EITHER.
IT'S BECAUSE THIS PATTERN IS SO ELABORATE,
IF YOU PUT IT IN TWO SMALL STRIPS,
IT WOULD BE CACOPHONOUS, AND WE WANT --
YEAH, IT'S BECAUSE IT'S EASIER.
YEAH. NOW HE ADMITTED IT.
SO, WE HAVE THE TAPE MEASURE
WHICH WE SET AT 8 INCHES.
BUT IT WILL LOOK JUST AS NICE.
AND THAT'S HOW MUCH WE WANT TO COME UP,
BECAUSE WE SEE THAT THE OLD TACK STRIP WAS ATTACHED HERE,
WE CAN SEE BY THE LITTLE HOLES IN THE WOOD.
HOW DO WE DO THIS?
JUST LIKE WE DO OUTSIDE ARMS,
OUTSIDE BACKS, OUTSIDE EVERYTHING.
E GUN
OOOH, I HAD IT SET ON JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT.
OH, GEE, I DIDN'T KNOW. I'M SORRY, MOE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WHY, YOU.
REMIND ME TO KILL YOU LATER.
PUT THE TACK RIGHT THROUGH THE TAPE MEASURE.
AND THEN I'LL PUT THE TACK STRIP RIGHT THERE.
OH, I'M RUINED!
"RUNED." HE'S RUNED. JUMP OUT THE
TACK STRIP WITH THE STAPLE RIGHT ON THE TOP.
WELL, LET'S GO.
JUST WAITING FOR THE CALL FROM TED MACK.
WE START GOING DOWN HERE, 8 INCHES, SET IT THERE.
"LOOK, THEY ACTUALLY MEASURE."
FIRST TIME FOR ME.
FIRST TIME A MEASURING TAPE
HAS EVER BEEN SHOWN ON THIS SHOW.
NOW, WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO PULL THE FABRIC TOO.
UH-H
VERY GOOD.
THAT'S ENOUGH. BRING IT OVER.
OH, IF IT LOOKED ANY BETTER, I WOULD SURELY WEEP.
NOW I'M GOING TO GO ALL THE WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE.
I THINK WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH OF THIS, THOUGH.
OH, WHAT HE REALLY WANTS TO DO IS DIRECT.
WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS BRUSH SOME VARNISH.
WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS
ALL THE WAY AROUND THE OTHER SIDE.
YEAH, BUT LUCKY YOU CAN HAVE A SANDWICH.
OH, BIG "SCONGILI" SALE DOWNTOWN AND JOE HAD TO GO GET SOME.
SO WHAT I'M GOING TO DO
IS I'M NOW GOING TO PUT THE PADDING
UNDERNEATH THIS SIDE STRIP.
I'M NOT GOING TO USE FOAM LIKE WE DID BEFORE.
WE'RE GOING TO USE DACRON.
AND THIS IS A SHEET OF DACRON THAT I'VE HALVED,
I'VE CUT IT APART.
SEE, YOU CAN CUT THIS APART.
AND NOW I'M NOT GOING TO PUT IN MANY STAPLES
BECAUSE I JUST WANT IT TO SORT OF SIT IN THERE.
I'LL PULL THE TOP OVER LIKE THIS,
AND AS I PULL IT TIGHT,
LOOK AT THAT NICE BEVEL IT GETS.
AND I'LL JUST PUT A STAPLE DOWN THERE,
AND THEN I'LL WORK OUT TO THE EDGE.
AND AS I PULL IT, IT'S GETTING A BEAUTIFUL BEVEL.
ISN'T THAT BEAUTIFUL?!
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
AH, AH, AH, SOMEBODY IS AT THE DOOR.
AH, YES?
[ In gravelly voice ] L'Erario: SAY, LISTEN,
IS THIS THE PLACE WITH THE TWO GUYS
THAT DO THE FURNITURE SHOW?
AH, AH, AH, YEAH.
WELL, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU, MAC.
WH...WH...WH... WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A FAN LETTER!
EP ]
PLEASE, SEND US LOTS OF LETTERS,
RES.
"DEAR JERKS WITH TOOLS,
"ENCLOSED ARE SOME PHOTOS OF A UNIQUE CHAIR.
EVERYTHING IS UNIQUE.
PEOPLE WRITE -- THEY THINK IT'S ALL UNIQUE.
OH, YEAH. IT'S SEARS.
"PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR ADVICE.
NOT THAT WE DON'T LIKE SEARS,
AND WE WOULD CERTAINLY ENTER INTO ANY KIND OF AN AGREEMENT
WITH THEM.
"I DON'T ANTICIPATE PROBLEMS WITH THE STRIPPING,
"BUT I'M WORRIED ABOUT OBTAINING A PROPER FINISH.
"WILL YOU SUGGEST A FORMULA?
WELL, ANY FORMULA IS NICE.
FORMULA VICKS.
IF YOU'V
A NICE FORMULA FOR THIS KIND OF A CHAIR
WOULD BE A LOVELY VARNISH, I THINK.
JUST MAKE SURE IT'S CLEANED.
"ALSO, THE CHAIR IS STUFFED WITH...
Staff: HORSEHAIR!
"WHICH CAN BE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
"SHOULD THE...
Staff: HORSEHAIR!
"BE DISCARDED,
"AND IS THERE SOME TYPE OF BARRIER
"THAT CAN BE PLACED BETWEEN IT...
IT BEING...
Staff: HORSEHAIR!
AND THE NEW UPHOLSTERY?"
BILL WENDEL DOWN FRONT LEADING THE GREEK CHORUS.
NEED MITCH MILLER HERE.
YES, YOU CAN.
OH, WHAT WOULD THE
THE BARRIER REEF.
YOU KNOW, I DIVED OFF OF THE GREAT BARRIER REEF.
YOU WOULD PUT MUSLIN ON IT, MUSLIN IN BETWEEN THE...
Staff: HORSEHAIR.
AND THE FABRIC.
THANK YOU, JEAN MATHES.
THIS IS FROM...
FROM BROWNSVILLE, WISCONSIN.
THIS IS FROM JOHNNY THE STRIPPER,
JOHN P. BOGOLIN.
HE SAYS, "THANKS FOR YOUR SHOW.
"I FIND IT VERY HELPFUL AND ENTERTAINING.
"I'M A BIG FAN OF YOURS.
ABOUT 300 POUNDS.
"I NEED SOME ADVICE
"BOTH ARE MADE OF OAK
"AND I WOULD LIKE TO REFINISH AND RESTORE THEM
"TO THEIR ORIGINAL SPLENDOR
"FOR RESALE AS COLLECTIBLE PIECES OR ANTIQUES.
SO HE WANTS US TO GIVE HIM INFORMATION,
HE WANTS TO RESELL, AND WE GET NO CUT.
NOT AT ALL, BUT HE SENT US A PICTURE.
WHAT KIND OF STAIN AND/OR FINISH SHOULD I APPLY TO THEM?"
WELL, THE MISSION-STYLE DESK IS REALLY A NICE PIECE.
IT LOOKS SIMILAR TO THE ONE THAT WE DID ON OUR "MISSION" SHOW.
AND THAT LOOKS LIKE A REAL MISSION PIECE,
SO YOU MIGHT CHECK IT FOR A TAG UNDERNEATH.
IT MIGHT SAY "GUSTAV STICKLEY" OR "J.G." OR WHATEVER.
"LIMBERT" OR...
CHEESE. G CHEESE.
KERS,
AND GET IT APPRAISED BECAUSE IT MAY BE A REAL STICKLEY.
ALSO, THE LITTLE TABLE THAT'S KIND OF LIKE A HALL TABLE,
"VICTORIANAS" KIND OF STUFF.
AND IF IT'S OAK,
JUST STRIP IT DOWN WITH A PASTE REMOVER.
AND YOU CAN EITHER DO A NATURAL FINISH
WITH SOME SHELLAC AND A VARNISH, OR YOU CAN STAIN AND VARNISH IT.
SO SEND US PLENTY OF LETTERS BECAUSE WE LIKE TO READ THEM...
SOMETIMES WE CAN'T ANSWER ALL YOUR LETTERS,
BUT WE WILL READ THE BETTER ONES,
AND EVERYBODY WILL GET A NICE, SHINY GLOSSY.
YEAH, YEAH, ANYWAY, I'M WHAT'S-HIS-NAME, ED FELDMAN.
AND I'M JOE L'ERARIO.
Together: BE NICE TO YOUR FURNITURE.
-- CAPTIONS BY VITAC -- BURBANK, PITTSBURGH, WASHINGTON
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND THE LEARNING CHANNEL