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How to Write a Summer Blockbuster. In a world where audiences need entertainment, where
Hollywood needs box-office receipts, and where you need something to do, there's only one
solution: write a summer blockbuster. You will need Pen Willingness to pander Plot (optional)
Wit (optional) and imagination (optional). Step 1. Create an action-packed thrill ride.
Include a dashing hero who defeats a devious villain, wins a sexy love interest, and goes
from narcissist to selfless savior, all in 90 minutes. Blow things up often to remind
the audience of the movie's high stakes -- and because it's freakin' sick! Step 2. Send a
cute, social-outcast object or animal on an animated adventure. Have them join other misunderstood
creatures to solve a problem and return home, all while making oblique yet *** ***
references. If possible, write a song for the soundtrack about friendship to help you
win awards. Step 3. Script an insane comedy. Include plenty of potty humor and ridiculous
lines that make people laugh too hard to notice that the main character has learned nothing,
and that the world might actually be a better place without them in it. Step 4. Use characters
from old toys, cartoons, or comic books in a live-action film, and give the audience
a chance to reconnect with its past. Take the plot in an implausibly dark direction
so studio execs think you're a psychotic genius rather than a lazy hack with a Peter Pan complex.
If your chosen throwback toy or cartoon doesn't lend itself to a blockbuster film, distract
filmgoers with gratuitous nudity. Step 5. Stuff all the elements into one incredible
hodgepodge. Use old characters in a movie with multiple explosions, animated sequences,
and tons of fart jokes. Just make sure to leave room for your hero to save the day in
future movies -- the only thing more successful than a summer blockbuster is its sequel. Did
you know _Jaws_, released in 1975, is often considered the first summer blockbuster.